A Starlet in Venice (4 page)

Tatiana:

I woke up at three in the morning in a strange bed. For a moment, I was startled and scared, until the memory of the previous evening came rushing back. I bit my lip.  

For many months now, I had wanted Liam. But Liam gave me something I couldn’t easily get from anyone else. He gave me friendship and easy, untroubled companionship. Sure, I had Antonio and Enzo, who were like brothers to me, but they were both in relationships. Liam was the person I called when I landed in Venice, or when I wanted to go see a movie. He was the person who made sure I didn’t eat alone.

I didn’t want to fuck that up, but I was afraid I might already have crossed that line.

Here was the thing I knew about myself. I couldn’t share Liam. Watching him with Simona had nearly ripped a hole in my heart. I couldn’t be the good little submissive who sat by and watched her Dom sleep with countless other women. And Liam was the manager at Casanova, and other women were plentiful. On some level, I’d always known that if I had a little taste of Liam, I’ll want all of him, and all of him wasn’t on offer.

I lay awake with him sleeping peacefully next to me, and everything ached because the gap between what I wanted and what I could have was painfully large and completely insurmountable. Finally, I inched away and tiptoed my way downstairs, leaving in the middle of the night.

I needed to gather myself and strive for some composure before I faced him again.

***

At seven in the morning, my phone rang. I groaned in pain and raised my head, groping around for it. After I came back from Liam’s place, I’d poured myself a glass of wine and stared into nothing for hours, and I hadn’t fallen asleep until five. Two hours of sleep was not nearly enough.

I glanced at the screen. It was my agent, Giorgio. Not a call I was allowed to ignore, so I picked up the phone. “Tatiana,” he said. “I have good news.”

I could hear the smile in his voice, and could picture him, beaming, with a cigarette in his hands, leaning back in his tall leather chair. Giorgio was a great agent, patient with me, fierce on my behalf with everyone else. “Umm,” I mumbled, sitting up in bed and trying to clear the sleep from my brain. “Tell me.”

“You know the TV show you did in Ireland last year?
The Killers of County Kerry
?”

“Yeah,” I muttered. I was so exhausted that I couldn’t really even form coherent sentences. The TV show that Giorgio was talking about was a taut, fast-paced detective show set in rural Ireland. I’d done a two-episode turn as a visiting
femme fatale
from Russia, whose true intentions were suspect, and no one knew whether she was good or evil.

“Well, they want you back. One full season, as a series regular.”

“That’s great,” I choked out. Giorgio had every right to sound delighted; that was fantastic news. The show had been getting great critical buzz world over, and the first season had just gone live on Netflix.

“Right. Slight wrinkle, of course. They need you today in Ireland. Well, they needed you yesterday, but that’s how these things roll, isn’t it? They said something about how every tourist attraction was closed the last three weeks in December, and how it was a perfect time for filming. I accepted on your behalf.”

“Of course,” I said automatically. Even though it was just eight days to go until Christmas, my agent would have been crazy not to accept the role.  

“I’ve checked online; there’s a flight in about four hours that flies into Shannon. I took the liberty of booking you on it. You’ll need to hustle to catch it.”

Giorgio was really going above and beyond the call of duty for me. “I’m hustling,” I promised him. “And Giorgio? Thanks a billion.”

I could hear the smile in his voice. “That’s what I do, Tatiana,” he said. “That’s why you are paying me the big bucks.” He even sounded smug.

***

There was a part of me that was relieved, and a part that was disappointed. But the truth was, I needed space. When I got back from filming, I could pretend that last night with Liam was a one-time thing. I was an actress. I would act my guts out, and I’d tell Liam our night together was a mistake. Then, things could return to normal.

And you’ll never have sex like that again,
my inner voice reminded me.
You’ll never feel Liam’s body on top of yours, his hands holding you, a sense of togetherness permeating the two of you. Perhaps he felt that same connection, perhaps things can work out.

I shut down that hopeful voice ruthlessly. Hope wasn’t an emotion I could allow myself to feel, not since that fateful day, twelve years ago.

From the airport, I sent out an email. With the amount of travelling I did, it was the only way I could stay connected with Antonio and Enzo, Lucia and Alice. I wrote to let them know where I was, and when I’d be back. As I wrote the email, I was perfectly aware that Liam was part of this email group. I’d kept him abreast of my comings and goings for close to nine months now. Would he get the message that I just wanted things to go back to the way they were before I let myself succumb to him? Would he be angry at me, or secretly relieved that I wasn’t in his bed when he woke up?

Subject:
Off to Dingle!

Hey everyone,

Got a call this morning from my agent – the Killers of County Kerry wants me for a full season! I’m at the airport now, catching a last-minute flight to Shannon. Should be back in Venice for Christmas!

Tia

I hit
Send
, then turned off my phone and boarded my flight. For the next week, I was going to need to stay focused on work, and bring my A-game to this role.

***

Liam:

I felt empty when I woke up and she wasn’t next to me, but at the same time, I wasn’t entirely surprised she ran.

In Tia’s world, good guys didn’t exist. Apart from Antonio and Enzo, every guy she met saw her as only a sexual object. She was a pussy and an ass and a mouth to them, nothing else. I’d heard her tell stories about the way she got constantly solicited for sex, the way it was subtly suggested that she’d do a lot better in her career if she were willing to suck dick. She always told the stories as if they were a joke, but her eyes were always bleak when she spoke. In that light, it wasn’t surprising that she had left.

It was six in the morning, and I fell into my usual daily routine. I wrote in the quiet of the morning for two and a half hours. At eight thirty, I fell back into bed. I wanted to call Tia, but my rabbit preferred to wake up late when she didn’t have to be at work. She would still be asleep. I resolved to call her at eleven, when I knew she would be up.

***

That was a mistake. I read at the email she’d sent out. She was out of town and I could tell she wanted to retreat from the situation.

I wasn’t a jerk. I was a grown man, and though I didn’t get rejected very often, I was adult enough to be able to take it with grace. If she genuinely didn’t want to be with me, as much as it would break my heart, I could accept that. But if this retreat was because she was afraid of ruining our friendship, I wasn’t going to sit back and accept it.

Tatiana Cordova belonged to me and I belonged to her. I’d waited a whole year for last night, and I wasn’t about to let her run without fighting for her.

Liam:

She would be filming all day, so I waited until the evening to Skype her. It was late – eleven my time, ten in Dingle, but she was online. I wondered if she was going to hide from me.

She didn’t. “Hey,” she said when she answered, and her face flickered into view on the screen. My rabbit looked tired and sleep-deprived. I repressed a hell-yeah grin at that.

“Hello rabbit,” I replied. “You ran away.”

She made a face. “Before your incredible vanity takes over, Liam,” she said, rolling her eyes, “let me clarify that I was called away for a role in a TV series.”

I laughed. Ah, Tia. She was meeting offence with more offence, and hoping I’d rise to that comment about my vanity. I wasn’t going to be distracted. “Why’d you run last night, Tia?”

“Because I don’t think last night was a very good idea,” she replied. She met my eyes reluctantly. “I’m sorry. It was my fault. I should have never pushed you to punish me, and I should have never asked you to fuck me.”

“I believe your exact words were
Make love to me, Liam
,” I interjected.

She hissed. “Low blow, Callahan,” she snapped. “I’d just been spanked. Undoubtedly, all these endorphins that Lucia and Alice keep talking about played a role in that request.”

I filed away the image of Lucia, Alice and sweet Tatiana discussing sex for later spank-bank material. What could I say? I was a guy. Sue me.

“Did you not want it?” I asked her. “Should I have stopped?”

Some emotion flashed in her eyes for a second, but she blinked, and it was gone. “No,” she said softly. “That wasn’t what I meant to imply at all. I’m sorry.”

“Then tell me what’s wrong?”

“Liam,” she sighed. “You are my friend. This can’t end well.”

I rolled my eyes. My initial hypothesis was correct, this was some kind of fear based crap. “You have some kind of magic power to read into the future, Tia?” I asked her. “That is bollocks.”

She looked wounded for a second, and I drew my breath in sharply. I didn’t want to ever hurt Tia. She was too important to me. “Tia,” I said. “If you really want to walk away, then I’ll respect that. But know that no matter what happens, whether we date or not, whether it ends well or poorly, I will always be here for you. I will always have your back. That’s never subject to change.”

She looked down at her nails. “What if you end up hating me?” she mumbled.

“Never going to happen.”

“I’ve never had good sex,” she said, out of nowhere. “Well, except for last night.”

My face must have shown its shock, because she bit her lower lip in a way that wanted me to catch a flight to Shannon right away, drive the four hours to Dingle and kiss that lip, and then every other part of her body. “What do you mean, you’ve never had good sex?” I asked.

“Apart from last night,” she corrected.

I smirked a little, and she rolled her eyes. “Vain much?” she asked me, and I laughed.

“Thanks for the compliment, rabbit,” I grinned at her. “But you aren’t answering my question. Never had good sex. Explain.”

“My first sexual experience was a little traumatic,” she said, choosing her words carefully. “I guess that I’m affected by it. I can’t orgasm during sex, I can only come when I’m doing it myself.”

Except for last night,
I thought, but I held it back with difficulty. “Wow,” I said.

She smiled a strained smile. “You should see the expression on your face, Liam. You look utterly horrified. Surely, what I said can’t be that rare.”

I shrugged. “Beats me,” I replied. “I am the manager of a BDSM club. Everyone’s very tuned to their sexuality.  Besides, you came last night.” Okay, I
had
to point that out. But I was trying to understand why. I mean, I would have liked to have thought that I had a magic dick, that would make any woman come, but since I lived in the real world, I assumed there was a different reason for her orgasm.

***

Tatiana:

And, he’d stopped the big, gigantic loophole in my story. Of course, it didn’t help that I kept reminding him I’d had good sex last night. I couldn’t stop myself from that. All day, when I hadn’t been kicking myself for crossing a line and sleeping with Liam, I’d been hugging and pinching myself, because the sex had been amazing. Never-happened-to-me-before amazing.

He was waiting for me to explain why I had an orgasm last night. I had a couple of theories, and I went with the one that I thought was less likely. Because the real answer was probably that I was able to come because I trusted Liam with all my heart, and I was crazily in love with him. But I couldn’t tell him that, not if I wanted our friendship to survive.

“It probably has to do with the spanking,” I lied shamelessly. “It was weird the way I felt after. I was both relaxed and yet turned-on and wound-up.”

“Interesting theory,” he said. He didn’t look convinced, but he also let it slide, changing the topic. “You are still coming to my parents for Christmas, right?”

Shit
. I couldn’t believe that I’d forgotten that. Every year, Antonio, Enzo and I hung out together for Christmas, but this year, Enzo and Alice were going to Houston for a couple of weeks, and I had wanted to give Antonio and Lucia their privacy. I had mentioned that to Liam in passing, and he’d promptly invited me to his parents for Christmas, and I’d accepted.

I was hoping I’d have more time to gather myself before I saw him again, but it seemed that the five days of filming this week was all the time I was going to get.

“Of course,” I said. I tried to keep my emotions off my face. Even at the best of times, seeing a happy, loving family was going to be difficult for me. But to see them when I was still rocked by the memory of the amazing night I’d spent with Liam? I was going to have do the best acting job of my life to survive.

“Good,” he said. “When are you guys done filming, do you know? I’ll fly into Shannon and pick you up from Dingle, and we’ll drive together, okay?”

“Liam, that makes no sense,” I protested. “You could just fly into Cork.”

“Rabbit,” he rolled his eyes, “do you want to drive on the other side of the road through the Irish countryside?”

He had me there; I had no desire to drive in Ireland. I’d avoided driving so far because one of the film crew had been arriving in Shannon at the same time, and she had given me a ride. As we’d gotten closer and closer to Dingle, the roads had narrowed almost alarmingly. Add in the complication of driving on the wrong side of the road, and I was quite happy to avoid it.

“No,” I admitted. “I owe you one.”

His eyes gleamed. “Really?” he said smoothly. “I’ll have to figure out a way for you to repay your debt.”

I shivered visibly at his tone, my body reacting to the promise in his words. He noticed, and he smirked. “I’ll see you soon, Tatiana.”