A Stray Drop of Blood (61 page)

“
It is rather simple.” He sounded so calm, so cool. “I undoubtedly should not have done what I did last night. It upset you, and I am sorry that I lacked control. On the other hand, nothing has ever pleased me more than knowing you, and I find that my heart is not truly repentant. That means that even if I never touch you again, I remain guilty of it. And if I am going to be guilty of it, I might as well be enjoying it.”

She blinked with fatigue. “That logic is shockingly perverse.”

“
But accurate.” He reached out and rested his hands on her shoulders, pulling her closer. “Abigail, I love you. It is done now, you are my lover, there is no more reason to fight me.”

He moved one hand to smooth down her hair, then left it at the back of her head, anchoring her as he stepped nearer still. “Do you still love me, Abigail?”

Something in her broke. She felt it, felt it crack, felt it crumble, felt herself sink into the hole it left behind. She did not know what she was doing to herself. But she knew the answer to his question. “Yes. I still love you, Titus.”

“
Good.” He kissed her then, passionately, intimately, but not long. He soon stepped away, moved to sit on the mattress. But he held out a hand. “Come to bed with me, Abigail.”

Feeling as though she were far removed from herself, she obeyed.

~*~

Titus’s satisfied smile turned to a sigh when the door opened. Not so much because they were being interrupted, but because Abigail jumped away from him in guilt at the first noise. He scowled as she tugged nervously on her tunic, though he had smoothed it over her curves just moments ago.

It was Phillip who pushed open the door, pulling a weeping Miriam behind him. Abigail rushed forward. “What is wrong?”

Miriam collapsed against her, unable to speak. Phillip shook his head. “He locked my door. It locks only from the outside. I heard her scream, but by the time I broke through the door, it was too late. The damage had already been done. I pulled him off her and knocked him unconscious.” He sneered. “Seeing the condition he was in, I doubt he will even remember the episode.”

“
Who?” Titus demanded.

“
Your father.”

Abigail smoothed down Miriam’s hair. “What a night.”

Titus sent her a sharp glare, but Phillip apparently read nothing into the statement. “The last guests are just leaving. Caius only came moments ago. I brought her up here immediately.”

“
And she will stay up here.” Abigail looked up at Titus; her eyes snapped with the same anger that pounded through him. “Your father can do what he wishes with his own women and I cannot stop him, but he will
never
touch any member of my household! Miriam and Phillip will move in with me.”

Titus sighed. “Abigail, there are already three of you in a room the size of a closet. It is not possible to add more. They will move into the room next door, and we will not let my father know. We will let him think they are in here, and I will bribe or threaten whatever servants I must in order to convince him of it.”

“
How altruistic of you.”

Her sarcasm bit him, but he could hardly blame her for it. “I am sorry. I admit this is my fault; I saw the way my father looked at her, and I did nothing.”

Abigail sighed. Though he saw the war raging in her eyes, her expression ended up softening. “It is not your fault. I saw your father’s reaction to her as well. It is why I insisted Phillip stay downstairs last night.”

“
And it is I that failed.” Phillip rolled back his shoulders as if preparing them for punishment.

Abigail shook her head. “You cannot be expected to read his mind, Phillip. You did all you could, and I thank you for that.” She stroked Miriam’s hair. Thankfully the girl seemed to be calming down. “The only one to blame for this is Caius. No one else should be held responsible for the lecherous acts of a drunkard. Miriam, I am sorry. I promised you a life better than this, and then this happens in the first day.”

Miriam wiped at her eyes, looking embarrassed at her own reactions. “As you yourself just said, you are not to blame, Mistress.” She attempted a small smile. It was watery, but it got her point across. “It was not as bad as it could have been. If I had not been asleep when he entered, I could have stopped him myself, he was so drunk.”

Abigail wiped away one of the tears Miriam had missed. “It will not happen again. Phillip, go see that Caius is delivered to his own rooms; wake his servants to carry him if you must. Get Titus’s man to help you bring your and Miriam’s belongings upstairs and put them in the next room.” She moved to the eunuch and put a small hand on his large arm. “You have not failed me, Phillip. And worrying that you have in the past will only distract you in the future.”

It was obviously the right thing to say to convince Phillip to dismiss his thoughts. With a nod, he exited the room again.

“
Go wash up,” Abigail bade Miriam gently.

Titus waited until they were alone again before speaking. “I truly am sorry, Abigail. This should not have happened to her.”

“
No, it should not have.” She pressed her fingers to her eyes. “You should not have objected to moving them into my chamber.”

Titus watched her for half a moment in silence. “Must we argue about this right now?”

“
Why not? Why not discuss the actions of the son while we are on the topic of the father?”

Titus felt the old storms gather behind his eyes. He approached her so quickly that she stepped back in fear, but he stopped her retreat with iron hands on her shoulders. “You will not compare me to him. I did not sneak into your chamber while you slept and rape you, Abigail. Every woman who has ever come to my bed has come willingly, and whether or not you regret your decision, it was still your decision.”

“
Barely! You pressured me.” Her cry was quiet.

“
Yes. And you gave in because you wanted it as much as I did.” When tears gathered in her eyes, he cursed, dragging her against his chest and holding her with surprising gentleness, given his temper. “Do not cry, beloved. Please. I am sorry you fell in love with such a weak man, but you destroy me when you cry.” He kissed the top of her head. “I swear, I will not pressure you again. If you come to me, it will be of your own choosing, and otherwise I will not touch you.”

Abigail wept against him, her hands balled into fists around his tunic. “This is not how things are supposed to be.”

Titus cradled her head. “Very little in life is, dear one.” He tipped her head back so that he could look into her tear-stained face. She had no right to look so beautiful even as she cried. “I love you.”

“
And I love you.” The admission sounded miserable.

He moved to kiss her, but before he could, he spotted Samuel entering the room. Titus straightened, smiled. “Good morning, Samuel.”

The boy rubbed sleep from his eyes. “What is wrong? Everyone is upset.”

Titus scooped the child up when he approached. “It is nothing for you to worry about, small one. My father has not been behaving himself.”

Samuel settled into Titus’s arms, resting his head on his shoulder. “Perhaps someone should scold him.”

Titus chuckled. “If only it were so easy. I am afraid he is not as good as you, Samuel. He does not listen to our reproaches.”

Samuel reached out to Abigail and touched a clinging tear with the tip of his finger. “Do not cry, Mother. Everyone is sad when you cry.”

Abigail smiled at him and tried unsuccessfully to tame his curls with her fingers. “I am finished crying. Is Benjamin stirring yet?”

“
He will be now.”

Titus nodded to her. “Go tend him. I will help Samuel get ready.”

~*~

Abigail shut herself into the small room and lifted Benjamin from his basket. Part of her had wanted to refuse Titus’s command simply because it was a command. But she had obeyed. Just as she had earlier.

“
Father, forgive me, for I am weak,” she murmured in Hebrew, her eyes squeezed shut as she settled onto the bed. But somehow, her brief prayer echoed in her heart as more of an excuse than a plea for help. For though her mind may be repentant, her heart was still guilty. She knew it and wished it otherwise . . . even as she accepted that she would sin again.

~*~

Titus went out alone that day to answer a summons from the steward in charge of their shipping business, knowing his father would not so much as open his eyes until late afternoon after entertaining all night. He had gotten to know the business fairly well since his return to Rome, and he knew he could handle the problem. In fact, he had a better head for it than Caius did, and his father had surprised him by realizing it. Perhaps he could convince him that it would be wiser to put aside political goals for a while and simply let him tend to this. He would rationalize it by pointing out that in another ten years he could double, if not triple the revenues brought in on their ships. With the added prestige of such wealth, it would be far easier to enter the political arena, especially since his father’s peers would no longer think of him as a child. What he would
not
mention to his father was that with ten years and added wealth, he would be independent enough to dismiss Caius and his ambitions if he so chose. Assuming the old man had not drunk himself to death by then anyway.

This plan struck him as ideal, even plausible. Having a course of action eased some of the burden of the future from his shoulders and made his step a little lighter. He knew that when he returned to the house he would have entirely different problems to deal with, but for now he would develop his idea, reasoning through it until there were no holes for Caius to point out.

The first step would be winning the allegiance of the steward and other men in his employ in the shipping end, and he figured he was already well on his way to achieving that. The better the decisions he made, the more they benefitted, and the more they looked on him with respect and loyalty. He took it as a good sign that already the missives they sent were no longer addressed only to Caius, but now to the Asiniuses. In another month, he would see if it was his name alone on the top. And best of all, his father would not wonder if he were trying to usurp him; Caius would like nothing more than to spend his days in the Forum and let the money-making end of things be taken care of by someone else. Logically, this should suit them both. It made so much sense that Titus began to wonder why neither of them had considered it before.

He settled the matter he had been called to deal with in very little time but spent several hours there acquainting himself with the details of the operation, talking to the men who worked for him, anticipating other problems likely to come up. By the time he left, he felt confident that he could indeed increase their income tremendously by working out a few kinks and making a few minor changes. It made his mood light, and he held onto that even as he returned home.

“
Where is my father?” he asked Timothy as soon as he entered the house; servants were still dashing around trying to return order to the place after last night’s feast, though he suspected they were in more need of sleep than the masters.

“
In his chambers, Master. He has just awakened and called for food.”

“
Good.” Titus headed in the appropriate direction with long strides and soon arrived at his father’s rooms. He knocked on the door. It opened before him. “Good afternoon, Father.”

Caius glared at him. “What is good about it?”

His obvious pain brought a smile to Titus’s lips. “Seeing you paying for your revelries, for one thing. For another, I was just down talking with Quintilius, and we took care of the difficulties the Corinthian authorities were giving us. You know, I enjoy such work as much as you loathe it. I would be happy to handle the businesses from now on, so that you are free to concentrate on politics.”

“
Fine. Is that all?”

“
No.” Titus let his face turn hard. “If you touch Miriam again you will find yourself in far more pain than you are in right now. She is not yours. You have no right to her.”

Caius scowled. “Will you keep them both to yourself, Titus?”

“
I will keep Abigail to myself. Miriam is no more mine than she is yours. It was Abigail who bought her, Abigail who owns her, and it is Abigail alone who has the authority to give her to a man. She is a handmaid, not a concubine. To make certain you respect this, we have moved her in with the boys, and Phillip will be guarding them. See that you do not give the slave another reason to crack your skull.”

Before Caius could muster up a reply, Titus strode from the room again.

He found Abigail and the children and the servants outside and spent the rest of the afternoon with them. Well, he spent the afternoon with Samuel. Abigail rarely looked up from the book she had brought out, and even when she did, her eyes were distant. It was only a small relief to see that it was not just him she kept herself aloof from, but everyone. Her answers to Samuel were monosyllabic, she showed no interest in Antonia’s story from the markets that morning, and she did not so much as mutter a complaint when Phillip and Miriam hovered over her. When they ate with his mother, his father still not feeling up to leaving his room, she was silent. He followed when she put the children to bed, hoping she would talk to him once they were alone.