Read A Thursday Next Digital Collection: Novels 1-5 Online
Authors: Jasper Fforde
A Thursday Next Digital Collection: Novels 1-5 (199 page)
“None at all.” Deane sighed. “He was Minotaur shit long before he tried to explain it to any of us.”
I leaned forward for a closer look and smeltâ
cantaloupes
.
“It's UltraWord
TM
,” I breathed.
“It is?” echoed Deane in surprise. “How can you tell?”
“It's an Outlander thing. I have a plan, but to do it I have to be at libertyâand free from the Bellman's suspicions.”
“I can arrange that.” Deane smiled. “Come on, let's do this thing before it gets any worse.”
1
. Mimi was standing outside the footnoterphone tube entrance to Text Grand Central and looking at her watch. The words sped backwards and forwards, darting inside the tunnel, which had a sturdy grate across it streaked with rust. Every now and then messages were deflected off. It was a textual sieveâused here for deleting unwanted junkfootnoterphone messages.
She gestured to the man accompanying her and stepped back.
Quasimodoâwho had found sanctuary, finallyâgrunted in reply and gently placed
Das Kapital
next to
Mein Kampf
, separating them only by a thin metal sheet. The “book sandwich” was held together by rubber bands, and a string was attached to the metal sheet. Quasimodo tied the books to the grate, then retired down the conduit, paying out the string as he went. He joined Mimi at a little-used subgenre pipe entitled Squid Action/Adventure and waited for Thursday's signal.
2
. Mimi nodded to Quasimodo, who pulled the string. The steel plate shot out and
Das Kapital
and
Mein Kampf
came together, their conflicting ideologies starting to generate heat. The books turned brown, smoldered for a moment and then, as Mimi and Quasimodo scurried away up their retreat, the two volumes reached critical mass, turned white-hot and exploded. The detonation echoed down the footnoterphone pipes, followed by a deathly silence. They had done it. The footnoterphone conduit was destroyedâLibris and Tweed were cut off from Text Grand Central.
1
. “Thursday! It's Mimi, are you there?”
2
. “They are rerouting messages through the auxiliary ducts past Spy Thrillers and through Horror. If you haven't got a vote, get one now!”
Footnoterphone Simultaneous Translation sponsored by Jekyll Garden Centres.
1
“Goodness! Already?”
2
“This is really awkward. Jobsworth just calledâhe's overjoyed that you're taking Thursday and said that if we do a
really
good job, he would give Jurisfiction's extra funding his special attention.”
3
“Bundles, old girl. Do this as a favor to old Bradders, eh? Just until the end of the day.”
1
ffffffgghuhfdffffffggggoooonpicUpâ¦passs1cccccwwww.
2
kkkkkcar45kAR45%%%%%bloody hellfire!>>>>>>sodding jjjjjjjjjj Bureaucrats even out here+eeee.
3
jjjjjjjjahagssffffffssss-Is anyone out there? All I ddddddd can see is endless BLEEDING ocean-///////.
4
“Thursday! Great Scott, girl! Where are you?”
5
“Wouldn't it be better to go via
20,000 Leagues Under the Sea
and hang a left at
Robinson Crusoe
?”
6
“Not good. Can you get up to the CofG straightaway?”
7
“Good luck, old girl. You'll need it. Where are you now?”
8
“Not a thing. I'm under house arrest. You're all alone on this one, Thursday. Best of British and all that.”
1
“Prego! Il Gatto del Cheshire.”
2
“Sorryâjust practicing for my holidays in Brindisi this year. What can I do for you?”
3
“Sure. Say, did you order a Textual Sieve Lockdown on
The Eyre Affair
?”
4
“Well, you've got one. Mesh is set to ultrafine and timelockedânot even a period is going to get out of that book for at least twenty minutes.”
5
“
No problems,
Outlander
amiga
. Do you want me to keep you company?”
6
“Prego! Il Gatto del Cheshire.”