Read A Very Merry Iona Christmas Online

Authors: M. L. Briers

Tags: #Humor & Entertainment, #Humor, #Satire, #Literature & Fiction, #Genre Fiction, #Horror, #Occult, #Humor & Satire, #Teen & Young Adult

A Very Merry Iona Christmas

BOOK: A Very Merry Iona Christmas
4.26Mb size Format: txt, pdf, ePub







© 2015, M L Briers

All Rights Are Reserved. No part of
this book may be used or reproduced whatsoever without written permission of
the author, except for brief exerts in reviews. Any unauthorised reproduction
or distribution of the material herein is illegal and may result in criminal
proceedings. No part of this book may be scanned, uploaded to the internet or
distributed via electronic or print without prior consent.


Note from the Author;

All names, places, and incidents
contained herein are purely fictional and have no basis in actual events or
linked to actual Humans, Witches, Vampires, Werewolves, Lycans, Werebears or
persons living, dead or undead.

© 2015, Cover Design by Clarissa at
Yocla Designs







Whoa. That was a
little different. Where the hell am I now?’

Iona had felt
something of a head rush. The powers that be had wrenched her out of the last body
that she’d been in and now she was… Where?

Come on, come on.
Give me the damn connection to the witch…’
Iona grumbled. She was far from
being a patient witch and now that she was an entity, she was less so.

Someone up there
wanna give me some damn juice down here and turn the lights on?’

Iona tapped her
imaginary foot and crossed her imaginary arms. She’d kind of wanted to see how
the last life that she’d worked so hard to help had played out. But that was
just because she had a soft spot for the guy that Jenna had fallen for.

She had to wonder if
she’d be slaying dragons… well, vampires at least, or just getting a little old
witch her mojo back. She was eager to get started. She just hoped that this
witch wasn’t prickly and rude…

Oh look! This
witch does Christmas…’
Iona’s connection within the witch grew stronger and
she could finally see something, even if her other senses weren’t really
working well yet.

‘Bah- humbug.
That’s it. I need a holiday- that’s not Christmas. Can’t you send me to a witch
on a Caribbean island for a few… months?’
She grumbled to the powers that be.

Now what am I
supposed to do with a witch that likes Christmas? I mean look at that… stick of
a tree, and those pathetic baubily ball thingy things. Yuck! Looks like an elf
threw up on that one…’
She pointed an imaginary finger at the barely a
tree-tree and the lame, sad little glittery thing that hung from it.

I mean, come on,
that thing looks like it was made by a…’

“Mummy…” The little
girl’s voice tugged at Iona’s heartstrings. She’d had a daughter, and she
missed her dearly. One of these damn days she was gonna get the powers that be
to send her on vacation to visit her great-great-great… She didn’t even want to
consider how many years had passed by since her flesh had touched the earth,
felt the sun…

“Yeah, baby?” When the
witch that she’d been placed in turned around; Iona caught sight of the little
minx in her PJ’s, all snuggled up under blankets on the seen-better-days sofa.

“When Santa comes this
year, do you think he’d bring me a dolly?”

Ten of ‘em kiddo.’
Iona beamed the little one a smile, even if she couldn’t pass it along.

She felt the
connection hit home in that precise moment when every muscle in Carly’s body
tensed. She felt the rush of guilt from the witch. The remorse.

“I don’t know, baby…”
Carly strolled across the room and sat beside her daughter. She reached out a
hand and stroked the silken strands of soft hair. “But I’m sure Santa’s gonna
try his very best.”

Iona felt as if her
own heart was breaking inside of her. The emotion within her ward was at
bursting point and there was no saying that the dam wasn’t going to break there
and then. Iona reached out with her magic and rested an imaginary hand on the
woman’s shoulder for strength.

It’s gonna be ok,
sweet child. Your Aunty Iona’s here now.’

For one long moment
Carly had to wonder if she was going insane. The sound of a voice inside of her
head was as clear as day, and yet she knew that nobody had entered the little
one bedroom flat that she shared with her daughter. Carly reached down and
scooped the child up into her arms.

“But someone needs to
go to bed and get their fill of sleep or someone isn’t going to be big and
strong when Christmas morning comes around.”

Carly strolled into
the bedroom and tossed back the covers with one hand as she balanced her
daughter in her other arm. She tucked her under the covers of the bed and
shivered with just how cold the room had become since she’d turned off the
heating. She’d hoped that the heat would last until Hope was fast asleep, but
the winter was cruel this year and the money wouldn’t stretch to extra heating.

“Pick a story, and you
only get one, so make sure it’s the one you really want to hear, ok?” Carly
felt a little warmer when Hope grinned and her eyes sparkled with mischief.


“One. I have stuff to
do while you’re fast asleep.”

“Ok. One…” Hope used
that tone. It was the one that said she wasn’t impressed but she’d go along
with it. Carly chuckled as she snatched up the books from the bedside table and
prepared to give her daughter story time.






The moment that the
bedroom door was closed; Carly whirled around and faced the empty living room.
She took a deep breath in and steadied her nerve for what was ahead. Sometimes
being a witch wasn’t all that it was cracked up to be… This was one of those

“Ok, show yourself!”
Carly bit out. She didn’t have the time or the inclination for games.

Ha! Easier said
than done.’
Iona chuckled, and she chuckled again as Carly flicked her eyes
around the room fast. ‘
Yeah, trying to make me dizzy isn’t going to help
matters, you know?’

“No. I have absolutely
no damn idea what you are talking about. But I want you to show yourself so I
can see what I’m dealing with.”

Carly didn’t like it
when her magic intruded on her family life. Her daughter wasn’t of an age to
understand that they were witches. She’d broach that subject, at some point in
the future, but she didn’t need the child jumping out of the damn window on a
broomstick thinking she could fly.

Hello, I’m in your
Another witch that had summoned her here and yet she didn’t have a
clue what she was doing. Iona sighed.

“What do you mean, in
my head, get out of my damn head and show yourself.” Carly bit out.


“You can and you will
or I’ll vanquish you.” Carly warned.

Oh please, give it
your best shot.’
Iona rolled her imaginary eyes.

She’d hadn’t minded
this part at first. The introduction and explanation to the witches with little
concept of what they had wished for, and gotten for their trouble. It was kind
of funny at times… Now, after quite a few rude witches, not so much.

“What do you want from
me?” Carly hissed. She really didn’t have the time or patience for this. She
had Christmas and her daughter to worry about, not what a witch still clinging
to the remnants of her passed life wanted.

Shouldn’t that be
my question, as you summoned me?’
Iona informed her.

“Huh?” Carly was
confused. She hadn’t summoned anyone, let alone a damn… O.

There you go. Be
careful what you witch for or ye shall surely be screwed.’
Iona chuckled to

“What does that mean?”
Carly hissed.

You don’t know the
basic rule of witch craft?’
Iona’s voice pitched higher.

“First do no harm.”
Carly snapped back.

Ok, I’ll give you
that one. You don’t know the second rule of witch craft?’
Iona bit out. She
hated to be upstaged.

“Yes. But I don’t know
what you meant by screwed.” Carly said.

Screwed, buggered,
out of luck, in a bind, messed up, fuc…’

“What are you a damn


“Whatever.” Carly
groaned. “Look. I don’t need a witch in my head. My life is
enough as is it.”

Yeah. I see that.’
Iona bit out. It was a crying shame that any child should have to live like
this. Iona knew poverty from her days back on the earth, but in today’s world,
it shouldn’t still be happening in her book.

“That sounded like an

Now just you hold
on there, Miss Fancy Pants. It was an observation.’

“It’s not my fault
nobody will give me a job without childcare and nobody will accept me for
childcare without a job…” Carly fretted. She’d tried. Lord only knew that she’d

Where’s the
Iona didn’t like men that didn’t live up to their obligations.
She’d zap that man’s butt over and again until he coughed up some money.

“Good question. Next.”

No good damn shame
of a man.’
Iona shook her imaginary head and sighed. ‘
Well, I’m here

“I hate to tell you
this, but you’re in my head. I can’t use you as childcare.” Carly dropped onto
the old sofa as if she were three times her age.

You need a witch
who can, and trust me when I say. I can and I will.’

“I asked for a minor
miracle.” Carly bit out.

And they sent me.
Now doesn’t that tell you something?’
Iona chuckled. She wasn’t feeling
particularly upbeat considering what she’d walked into, but if anyone could put
this witch’s life back on track it was her. She could just feel it in her
non-existent bones.

“Yeah. I’m screwed.”
Carly dropped her head back against the sofa and sighed.

Oh ye of little






Oh look! Help
Iona spat out at the sight of the sign in the window of the large

Carly rolled her eyes
in her head. She was walking down the road with Hope, what was she supposed to
do, drag Hope in there with her for her shift?
I don’t have a sitter, Iona.

‘Have a little
faith. Just go and enquire.’
encouraged her.

And then what? What if
she did get an interview, she still wouldn’t have a damn sitter. No sitter no
interview, no interview, no job. It was hopeless.

‘I have a good
feeling about that place. Give it a go. You need to get your mojo back.’
Iona informed her.

Yeah, like that was
ever going to happen. Maybe when Hope was old enough to go to nursery school…

Girl, get your
backside in there and ask!’
The time for encouragement was over. Now was
the time for affirmative action. She’d take over her body and walk her through
the damn door herself if she had too…

“Fine!” Carly bit out.
Forgetting that she was talking to her imaginary friend again, as Hope had put
it that very morning when she’d caught her talking out loud…

“What is mummy?”
Hope’s little cherub face stared up at her, and for a moment there she could
remember exactly why she’d named her Hope, because that was how it had felt
when she’d looked into her daughter’s eyes. She had hope…

“We’re just going in
there for a moment, baby.” Carly wished that Iona was a real live in the flesh
person so she could give her the stink eye. It would have made babysitting
easier too.

“Ok.” Hope shrugged
her shoulders.

See, Hope is on my
Iona chuckled.

She doesn’t even
know you exit, Iona.
There were a few
other reason’s that Carly wished Iona was flesh and blood, and one of them was
so that she could zap the woman right on her backside and then she’d know what
it was like to put up with a pain in the arse too.

Sure she does. In
her own little way. Kids love me.’
Iona purred.

In your imaginary
little world they do.
Carly half
sighed as she yanked open the door and was blasted by the smells that came out
of the kitchen. The smell of cinnamon in the air made her mouth water, and she
hated to think what it did to Hope.

“Hi, you need a seat?”
The older woman called to her from behind the counter. Carly felt the warning
bells of her magic kick into gear and she frowned… Something was setting them

“No.” Carly shook her
head on a small frown as the woman lifted her chin and seemed to scent the air.
“I was…”

If I didn’t know
better I’d say that was a she-wolf…’

“You looking for a
job?” The women’s eyes dropped towards Hope and then back again to the witch.
It would certainly make life easier to employ a witch and not have to worry
about the odd growl from the kitchen when John was working, Annie thought as
she eyed the child and her mother.

“I…” Carly went to
shake her head, but it was too late, Hope was on the case.

“Mummy’s been looking
at the ads in the newspaper for a job.” Hope announced and Carly groaned

Back pedal, back
pedal the hell out of here…

Go for it. As long
as they’re friendly wolves, where’s the harm?’
Iona liked to live and let
live, so to speak. The supernatural worlds held many different facets, and she
liked to be open to all.

BOOK: A Very Merry Iona Christmas
4.26Mb size Format: txt, pdf, ePub

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