A View to a Thrill (Masters and Mercenaries Book 7) (42 page)

Chelsea took a step back. “You have to. You have to think about the baby and Ian. They have to be your priority now. You did a good job with me. I promise you I’ll prove it, but I have to take care of me now. No matter what happens, I love you and I won’t let you down.”

Charlotte turned his way. “Simon…”

“And you’re done.” Ian gripped his wife’s hand. “Their fight, Charlie. We have enough of our own, and it seems like baby sister can stand up for herself. Simon, call me later and let me know if I’m going home. I’ll have Damon ready to take my place. I meant it. This is your op, but you should think about what I said.”

And Chelsea was his problem. His. Maybe Chelsea was just fucking his.

The door closed behind them.

“I can’t believe she’s pregnant.”

“I can. Those two have zero discretion and they really should learn to lock doors. I can’t count the times I’ve walked in on them.” Now that he was alone with her, he wasn’t sure what to do. “Perhaps you should get ready for bed.”

She shook her head. “Not until we talk this out.”

“There’s nothing to talk about. I’ll think on it tonight and give you my decision in the morning.”

Tears suddenly glistened in her eyes. “Please don’t do this to me. I know I deserve it, but I’m asking you not to. I’m begging, Simon. I can take it from anyone else. Not from you.”

“I’m not doing anything but my job, Chelsea. I’m not doing this to hurt you.” He was doing it to protect himself. He’d been stupid to try. He had no idea why he had to fall for the hard cases. He would find someone sweet and simple and build a life. He turned away and walked back to the window, needing a moment away from everything.

“He barely talked to me except to tell me I was ugly and fat,” she began in a halting voice.

“Chelsea, you don’t have to do this.” He didn’t need to hear it. It was one thing to read it in the files and hear Ian relate it. It was entirely another to hear it from her trembling voice.

“It’s funny because I went from my mom, who always told me I was smart and pretty and that I could do anything, to a man who spit on me more than once. At least I understand it now. He hated my real dad. At first he let me stay with Charlotte, but then she refused to do something he wanted and I got sent to the servant’s quarters. I actually liked it down there. The housekeeper would sneak me desserts and she was kind to me. The problem was the doors didn’t lock down there.”

He turned, ready to tell her to stop, but she wasn’t looking at him. She’d sat on the couch, her body curling up as though to protect herself. As though she needed to protect herself from her own words, the past rushing in. He stopped. She never spoke of these times in anything but a sarcastic voice or to put a wall between her and the rest of the world. Now she was simply telling him, sharing the pain with him. Like lovers should.

“How old were you, love?” He didn’t even try to stop the endearment. She was his love. It might never work, but she was his love and always would be.

“I was fifteen at the time. I’d already had my legs broken by then, but I could walk. One night one of Vladimir’s men decided that if the boss cared so little about me, he could likely get away with raping me. I still remember waking up to the smell of cigars and then all that weight pressing me down. I couldn’t breathe. It was dark so I couldn’t see. When I tried to scream, he put a hand over my mouth and then I really couldn’t breathe.”

“Come here.” He sat down on the sofa, unable to stay away from her a second more. “Sit in my lap.”

She scrambled to get to him, her very gracelessness utterly endearing. He used to have to trap her into affection and now she ran to him. She settled herself on his lap and her head found the crook of his shoulder. “I killed him, Simon.”

A fierce relief went through him. “I’m glad.”

It saved him the trouble. If she hadn’t, he would be hunting a Russian mobster.

She sat up, wiping away her tears. “You don’t understand. I really killed him. I had a knife under my pillow and I…there was so much blood.”

He eased her back down. “You did what you had to. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. I would have done the same thing. It was brave, love.”

She’d been so young, in a foreign country with no one but her sister and a powerless housekeeper to protect her.

“Charlotte helped me bury the body. Neither of us wanted to know what Vlad the horrible would do to me if he found out I killed one of his men. I wanted to die. I remember sitting there and thinking that I should just get it over with. I didn’t, of course, because I couldn’t leave Charlotte. Why didn’t you?”

So she finally understood. Chelsea was often so wrapped up in her own trouble, she didn’t think about others’. Another way she was changing. She finally understood that they had both been deeply marginalized during childhood. “I don’t know. I guess I always had hope. I hoped that once Clive was well, they would see me again. At the darkest times, I thought if Clive died, then they would finally need me. Not the best of me to think that way, but true. I wouldn’t have wanted it, but it went through my head. Besides, I was always waiting for Aunt Ava to come. I had those summers.”

“And I had years of my mother’s love. I’ve started to wonder why I let the bad stuff wipe out all her love. I listened to him. I don’t eat a lot because I’m worried I’m everything he said I was. I deny myself because I listened to him. Why is it so much easier to hear the bad stuff?”

He needed to inundate her with the “good stuff” as she put it. “You’re beautiful. I think you’re gorgeous.”

“I have no idea why, but I’ll take it.”

“Why do you want to work for Ten?” He needed to know so he could let her go if he had to. He needed to know this was what she wanted, needed.

Her face turned up. “I didn’t at first. I really did take the job to protect you. But I’ve thought about it. There’s no place for me at McKay-Taggart. You don’t need another Adam.”

“I told you what I thought you should do.”

She nodded. “And I’ll do some of that, too, but I’m addicted to the adrenaline of hacking. I know you wish I wasn’t but this is who I am. I’m willing to do it for good reasons, but I need to do it. I need to look at this massive, twisty turny maze and know that I’m the only one who can get through it. I need to know that I can make a difference.”

She was really going to leave him just as she became everything he thought she could be. Giving. Kind. Loving.

She’d made her choice and it wasn’t him.

He let his hands drop. “All right then. Go and get some sleep. You’re going to pick up that package in the morning.”

It might be the only thing he could really offer her. One last mission before she started a new life.

She didn’t move, simply looked at him with wide eyes. “Simon, please don’t push me away.”

She wanted a few more nights? Part of him thrilled at the idea. Maybe just one more night since they would likely get the package in the morning and then be on their way back to Dallas. One more night with her. One night to memorize her so he could remember every inch of her body later when he was all alone. One more night to imprint her on his brain.

And yet it was somewhat cruel of her. She wanted more from him. She couldn’t realize how much she would take.

“Take off your clothes.” Who would watch over her when she was far from him? Who would push her to take care of herself? To be better? To find her place in a world that seemed to have none for her?

He was going to be all over Tennessee Smith. He might not be able to have contact with her, but he would let Ten know that if she was ever hurt, ever neglected, he would answer to Simon Weston.

She stood up, the sweetest smile on her face, and pulled her T-shirt over her head. No more silly sayings on her shirts. Charlotte had packed them for her and she was dressed for maximum impact to her man’s senses. She wore jeans that hugged her every curve and a V-neck that showed off her breasts.

If she’d remained his, he had a plan to fill out those curves. It was as he’d always expected. She stayed thin for reasons that didn’t make sense. He would have fed her chocolate and wine and rich foods until those curves filled out and she couldn’t help but look healthy and happy and full.

He watched as she undid her bra and her breasts bounced free. Lovely. He would love them small or round and full because they were hers. He’d found that his physical type changed when his heart was involved. She was lovely because her soul called to his. If she stayed the way she was, he would love her as long as she was happy. It was happiness that made her glow, and he hoped she found it in her new life.

He couldn’t make her stay. He accepted that one truth of life as she pushed her jeans off her hips and proved that Charlotte knew about the no knickers policy. He had to set her free so she could fly.

“Present yourself to me.” He’d chosen that stupid protocol as much for himself as for her. He needed her affection more than he needed to be in control. She sighed and found her way into his arms, winding her limbs around him.

“Hello, Master.” She cuddled her head on his chest.

Perhaps he wasn’t as masculine as the others. He really did need this. He needed the love and affection from his chosen submissive more than he needed anything else. He needed the right to adore and protect her. The rest of the contract was fluff. He wanted the right to love her and have it returned to him.

In the end, what he truly wanted was a marriage, but he wouldn’t get that.

“I want to push your boundaries tonight, Chelsea.” He had one more night with her. He would take it. “Can you trust me?”

“I trust you like I’ve never trusted anyone but my sister, Simon. You’re my family, too.”

But not her husband. She would likely look back on her life and see him as a bridge. He’d shown her she could love and she would do so again. She would find the man she couldn’t let go of.

And he would stand in the shadows to make sure if that man ever fucked her over that he paid. He would be her guardian angel from afar.

“Then get on the bed.”

She gave him a wink and then walked to the bedroom, her left leg limping slightly. He would have to take care of that.

While she was walking to the bedroom portion of the suite, he walked to the closet and grabbed his kit, his dick starting to throb. There was no question that part of his anatomy was thrilled with the situation. His bloody cock was ready to play. It didn’t seem to understand that it was the last time it would for a long time.

He was going to take her ass. He was going to take that last piece of her virginity because it was bloody well his and he’d earned it. When she went to her perfect man, she would have to remember him.

He grabbed the kit and stalked to the bathroom, cleaning the never before used plug. He’d bought it for her. He’d also bought the rope he brought along for her and the crop and vampire glove. She liked sensation play. Oh, she would tell whatever Dom she found that she merely wanted a flogging or a spanking, but he’d pushed her further and found how beautifully she responded to having her senses engaged.

He carried the kit and plug with him into the bedroom and found her waiting for him.

She’d opened the window, letting the moonlight in. It caressed her skin, making it beam like a pearl in the night. Her nipples had already tightened into little pink nubbins. “It’s so much bigger here. The moon, I mean. You’re always big, my love.”

He hoped Ten had a teeny tiny cock. “I want to tie you up.”

Her breath caught, but she nodded. “All right. I can handle it. You can get me out fast if I can’t, right?”

He had a knife in his kit for just such an occasion. “Of course. Let me tie you to the bed.”

She took a deep breath and then laid back, her arms spreading out like an angel spreading her wings. She gripped either side of the headboard. “Yes, Master.”

He’d thought she was beautiful before, but her unselfconscious sexuality called to him. The sight of her spread out and waiting for his pleasure burned into his brain.

He gripped the soft jute rope in anticipation. She would be helpless, trusting and needy. He could do anything he liked to her once she was tied up, and he intended to bring her pleasure like nothing she’d ever felt before.

“Up a bit more.” He helped her move a bit and slid a pillow behind her upper back to raise her up. He wanted her to be able to see what he was doing to her.

His hand slid up her arm until he found her wrist and he made his first knot. He took his time, allowing the rope to slide along her skin like a lover lavishing affection. One knot and then two, never so tight she couldn’t move a bit but enough to keep her there.

“Are you afraid?” If she was, he would forego this bit of heaven.

She shook her head. “I love you. I’m not afraid of you.”

Because he was safe. He realized that now. He was a safe way for her to find the real world again, but she would move on after him. His safety couldn’t bind her to him. It could only set her free for the real love that he was sure she would find.

He moved to her wrist, letting the rope lick along her flesh before he knotted the rope, holding her surely. It was the only way he could bind her, hold her tight. It wasn’t forever, but he would have a night of pure bliss.

He stood up, fully dressed to her naked. He rather liked that. She was naked, open and waiting for him. So beautiful in her wantonness.

He stood back and watched her for a moment. “Do you have any idea all the things I want to do to you?”

Her voice went low and there was no way to mistake the way her nipples tightened further. “Everything, I hope.”

“You have no idea.” He wanted to fucking brand her. He wanted his name tattooed on her flesh so every other man who happened to see her beauty would know it belonged to him.

He wanted to have her in every way it was possible for a man to have a woman. He wanted her on her knees with his cock shoving its way to the back of her throat. He wanted to know she walked around with his come in her belly. He wanted her tied up and down and begging him for release.

He would settle for a little torture.