A Wicked Beginning (31 page)

I stood up next to him. “You’re not leaving me are you? You’re not going to leave me again, right?” My eyes were beginning to fill with tears. “We’re not done yet; you know that, Cam, right? I was wrong last year when I said you and I weren’t meant to be together. We just weren’t meant to be together in that moment.” My stomach had bunched into knots. I was feeling desperate and afraid.

He took my face in his hands and kissed both of my eyelids. “I do know that, Chér. I don’t want to ever be done with you. But, here are the facts, ma’am: I have to go on a week-long outing with a bunch of teens in a few days. I have to prepare for that trip. I wanted to come over here and share a big transformation that occurred yesterday. Instead, I get a new head trip to wrap around. I’m so tired of all this change.” He put his arms around me.

“Yeah, it’s a lot, huh?” I said, hugging him tightly. “You must’ve signed up for the fast track to change, though, don’t you think?”

“I was probably drunk when I signed and don’t remember the signing. I don’t think that counts.”

I tipped my face upwards, and he willingly obliged with a loving, lip-smacking kiss.

When he’d released me, he pulled back and said, “So, I guess you’ll be doing all the cooking from now on, huh?”

“No way,” I responded. “It’s exhausting and makes my head hurt. Maybe it will get easier, but for now, how about if I do it once in a while…if we share the food prep responsibility?”

Cam gave me a warm smile. “Deal... And Spader’s deli is still at the top of my list for outings.”

“Yeah, mine, too.” I sat back down on the couch and patted the cushion next to me. “I hope I get more useful skills than cooking and having great sex. I’m starting to feel like I’m being groomed to be a concubine.” I stuck my lip out in a pout.

“Yes, but what a fine concubine you are,” Cam said, sitting beside me. He pushed my hair back with one of his strong hands. “What have you done to me? I love you so much, Chér. You’re in me deep. It’s a good thing, or I would be racing down the road right now, heading for the hills. I still don’t know what to do with all this stuff you just told me, but I am
not,
I repeat
not,
leaving.”

“I love you too,” I replied, lacing my fingers through his blond hair. “You’ll figure it out. I had to. I felt like I was betraying you at first. Now it just sort of makes sense as I remember who I am.” I picked up a strand of his hair and twirled it around my finger. Last year his hair was short; now it fell just below his jaw line. “I like your hair this length.”

“Anything for you, babe,” he replied softly.

Then I sighed. “But really…I want to do more than make meals and have sex. Like when I took down those goons last autumn…and taught Joe Dallas a lesson or two…and finally stood up for myself. That rocked.” I pursed my lips.

“Well, maybe,” Cam began, pulling me into his lap, my legs on either side of his hips. “Maybe your skills come in on an ‘as needed’ basis. And I really need to learn the things you are teaching me. In fact, I believe I need lots more practice.”

I could feel his hardness stirring beneath his jeans. “How much do you think you’ll need?” I murmured, feeling my wet and juicy response.

“Lots,” he said, untying the belt of my robe.

“What about telling me your story?” I said, unbuttoning his shirt.

“It can wait,” he responded, pushing himself up to standing with my legs clasped around his hips. “I think we have more urgent things to attend to right now. Like a shower. And then some more time on the bed, floor, wherever.” He planted his lips on mine.

A wave of sensation poured down my throat. My, my, what was happening to my Cam? He was getting really good at this heart-felt energy stuff. We began floating down a mind-altering stream together. When our lips separated, I asked him: “Ready to ride the rapids, lover?” I could feel the ka’kriyayaga stirring inside. “Then I could toss you around a bit…wrestle you to the floor…show you some of my other abilities. Show you I’m not just a good cook and a great lay.” My eyes were fervent with desire.

“I have a few things to show you, too,” Cam declared, walking up the stairs, holding me tightly against him. “Don’t think for a minute that you’ve seen my entire arsenal of love-making skills. A man of integrity always keeps a few surprises up his sleeve.”

“I can hardly wait, Cam,” I uttered, as he closed the bathroom door behind us. “Bring it on.”

It seemed like each new love-making session had its own flavor…its own uniqueness. This one seemed to have been cleansed by honesty. Now there were no more secrets between us. We had each revealed ourselves to one another, and we still responded to each other with want – not distancing. Still holding me, Cam cranked on the shower. Then he set me down and slipped my robe off of my shoulders, his hands caressing my skin. I crouched down and unbuttoned his jeans, pushing them and his underwear over his bare feet. He stepped out of his pants and gestured to the shower door. “After you,” he said with a smile.

“Not yet,” I replied with a wicked gleam in my eye. “It seems like I need more practice too.” I cupped his jewels with one hand and grasped his hardness with the other. I moved my mouth up and down the length of him, sucking him, swirling my tongue around his hard erection.

“Oh, yeah.” Cam groaned. “Oh, yeah, babe. I think you do.” He grasped my hair and let his head fall back against the frosted glass of the shower. “Oh, yeah, Chér. Like that…just like that.”

I tasted the salty liquid leaking from him and lapped it up hungrily. “Essence of Cam,” I purred, glancing up at his erotic form.

“All for you, babe,” he replied, tugging at my hair. Then he moved his hands down to my shoulders. “Come up here…I don’t want to come…yet.” He lifted me up onto his hips and stepped into the shower. He pressed my back onto the cold tiles and looked into my eyes. “Remember how you told me that you and your rapids rider have to be in love?”

“Uh, huh,” I replied, looking into his eyes.

“I want to be very clear about something, babe.”

“What?” I breathed, falling into his lucid gaze.

“That when I put this inside of you…” He slowly lowered me down onto his hardness. “When you feel this inside of you, I want you to know that I’m sharing my heart with you…that my heart pours out of me into you here…” He gently thrust into me. “And here…” Another thrust. “And here…”

I kept my eyes locked with his as pleasure began to build. My mouth parted invitingly.

He looked down at me and a sensuous smile curved his lips. “And when my mouth touches you…” He gave me a kiss with his sumptuous lips that was so stimulating I started to quiver all over. Then he moved his mouth down my neck and throat. “When my mouth touches you, it’s me caressing you with my heart.” Then he swept his hands up and down my back. “In fact, when any part of me touches any part of you, I want you to feel the depth of love and passion I feel for you, babe.” He grabbed a bar of soap with one hand and slicked my body with lather. “Got it? There’s not a part of me that doesn’t love you. And this...” He pushed into me again. “This is one of the ways I get to express it with you.”

“Is this how a man of integrity shares his love?” I asked him sweetly. My heart was just about to burst with joy as a fountain of shuddering bliss was building.

“Why, yes, I believe it is,” he responded, a look of mirth coloring his handsome features.

I turned my eyes, heavy with desire, towards his. I could feel exactly what he was talking about. Every inch of his heart was inside of me. I was filled with his love, embraced by his love, immersed in his love. “I hope you feel the same about me, Cam. I’m wrapped around you, pulling you into the ocean of love I have for you.”

Cam had the most innocent smile on his face as he responded to me. “Yeah, I feel you, babe, loud and clear.” He slowly twirled us both under the shower spray, rinsing the lather on my back down the drain. Then he reached back and turned the water off and eased us both out of the shower. “I need room to move here, babe. I’ve got a whole lot of passion wanting to come out and shower you with more than just water.”

“Yeah, Cam, me, too...”

We took our love-making into the bedroom, pouring ourselves into one another without holding back. It was tender, it was rough, and it was wild. Through every gesture, every pull, every push, every kiss, and every caress, I could feel our hearts entwined. It seemed like the room filled with the energetic love we shared and then burst out into the heavens. And somewhere in the midst of all this passion, I had this awareness that love was not a commodity that we traded with one another, like ‘I’ll give you some of mine if you give me some of yours, but only if you promise to do this and this and this.’ It was more like a gift which we could open to in ourselves and share with the ones we love when we were brave enough to be honest and willing to be vulnerable. The act of loving was the act of opening to something far greater than our personal wants and needs. It was a selfless act of baring our hearts to each other. It felt like shouting “Yes!” to the universe with abandon. It was a communion with the galaxy; an agreement of sorts with the great mystery of existence to allow ourselves to be magnificent for at least a moment or two. I mean, why else come to planet Earth? It could be a hard place, full of suffering, drudgery, and heartache. At least let us tap into mystery and wonder from time to time and keep the beat of love alive.

As Cam and I lay in one another’s arms, full of bliss, these thoughts swirled through my head. I was ecstatic with the love I felt for Cam pulsing though my veins and somewhere, far off in the galaxies, I heard Kayden laugh with delight and joy.

Chapter 31 – Cam

Cam exploded awake like he was shot from a cannon. He was clutching the covers and his jaw ached like he’d been clenching it for hours. Goddamn it, he’d had another one of those dreams…another one of those fucking God awful dreams. They were getting worse. It was like the more deeply he connected with Cheerio, the worse the dreams became. This time the black gooey bat-like things had been attached to his back, and the pink finger-nailed woman had a cat’s head. The bats had red, sinister vacant holes where the eyes should be. As usual, he’d been running like hell, only this time he could leap over boulders and grab branches like he was Tarzan or something. But that fucking woman with the cat face just kept after him. Was she the star dreamling? He didn’t think so, but who knew? He sure didn’t. Goddamn it all, anyway.

He pushed his naked body out of the double bed. He’d decided to stay at his place last night, rather than Chérie’s, since he had a lot of stuff to do in West Seattle to prepare for the Divert program. And really, right now he felt a whole lot of mixed up. Reaching for his pants, he pulled out a stick of gum. What a head case he was becoming.

Taking the gum out of the wrapper, he bit into the wafer-like stick and started chewing. What he really wanted was a cigarette. So much for him and his little breakthrough in the cemetery…he thought he’d made progress, shifting his attention on tobacco from the daily grind to the sacred, but that dream had popped that realization straight out of his head.

He’d gone to bed thinking about the last couple of days. Saying goodbye to his mom; that had felt good. Hearing about Chérie and Fabio; not good…weird, even. Not sure where to put that factoid. But then, he did appreciate that Chér had told him about Fabio. That must’ve been hard to do, like when he’d told her all about Angela. The honesty they’d shared recently had resulted in mind-blowing sex, sex, and more sex, and, well, that was fucking awesome…absolutely fucking awesome. He felt a buzz in his body just thinking about it. But that goddamned dream; that made him want to light up something fierce. He picked up his jeans and pulled them on, then opened the closet and started rummaging around, pushing aside boxes and clothes in desperation. He thought he’d tossed a pack of smokes in here somewhere when he was trying to quit. A few minutes later, frustrated with his search, and pissed off for weakening, he gave up and walked into the kitchen.

Mano was sitting at the table drinking coffee, Severe by his side. “Hey, Cam, help yourself to some java.” Severe lifted her head and wagged her tail in greeting.

“Thanks, man, I could use a cup.” He reached in the cupboard, pulled out one of those over-sized Starbucks mugs, and poured himself a generous dose of joe. Then he grabbed a bowl, poured some cereal into it, doused it with milk, and sat down opposite Mano. “What’s going on, Mano?” he said congenially.

“Not much, just easing into my day. How about you – what’s going on with you?”

“Things are going, that’s for sure. Got a whole lot of mixed up in my head, that’s for certain.”

“Yeah, what about?”

“Oh, you know, all the changes.” Cam chewed a spoonful of Raisin Bran. “Falling in love with the ka’kriyayaga, formerly known as Cheerio, dealing with the star dreamling, this new career program…little things like that.” Cam made a grimace. “Then there are these fucking outlandish dreams I keep having. You know how I feel about dreams and shit like that, right?”

“I do indeed, bro,” Mano said, raising his cup to his lips. “No need to remind me. I’ve known you a long time. Sometimes I think you tell me that so much because you need to keep reminding yourself. You know, to keep your world in order.” He picked up a spoon and added more sugar out of the sugar bowl to the steaming hot liquid.