A Woman Lost (7 page)

“Your transgression? You and Peter are the only two people I know who talk like that.”

I felt slightly uncomfortable about the mention of my brother’s name, and about yet another comparison to Peter.

“Well, Mom beat us if we didn’t ace our vocabulary tests. By the way, how is the old biddy?” I sat down on a chair, heavily.

“She seems like her old self.” She looked out the patio door.

“So, still demanding, demeaning, and full of debauchery, but not the fun kind?”

“I guess you could say that. How is it that I know how your mother is and you don’t?” She turned to me, staring hard.

“I haven’t spoken to her since we all had dinner together. We aren’t, shall I say, a close-knit family.” I intertwined my fingers and then pulled them apart to enhance my point.

“I’m not so sure about that.” Maddie sighed. I could only guess that Peter and Mom were pushing family and duty crap on her. I had no idea why Peter agreed with such antiquated notions of what the wife of a well-to-do businessman should be like.

“Anyway, I have something for you.” She jumped up and went to the counter, where she had set her purse.

I was extremely curious about what that “something” was.

She pulled out a small box and handed it to me.

“What on earth are you up to, Miss Maddie?” I opened the box. A bracelet. It was silver, and it reminded me of those chain-links we used to make in school to decorate the Christmas tree, except the links were much smaller and were not made of colored construction paper.

“When I saw this, I immediately thought of you. In your office, I noticed you had a copy of
Atlas Shrugged
on your desk. The bracelet isn’t a blue-green, but it symbolized something else for me.”

I gazed into her eyes and replied, “This I am dying to know. Do tell.”

“Seeing you in your domain, aka your office, I saw how you’re chained, in a way, to your studies. I’ve never seen so many books and articles piled on top of each other in such a tiny office. Really, Lizzie, you need a designer.” She laughed and added, “And a candle, or some incense or something. It’s very stale in there. Maybe your fave: clean cotton.”

I started to laugh.

She looked at me, unsure whether she had offended me.

“Bravo! Bravo. No one has pegged me so quickly. Not only that, but no one has realized I don’t mind being chained to my studies. I love that I am. Would you help me put it on my wrist, please?”

She smiled and looked relieved.

“But shouldn’t I be the one getting you gifts … to help you celebrate your upcoming nuptials?”

“Oh, you aren’t getting out of buying me a gift or two. Trust me. I’m a girl who likes gifts.”

“I don’t doubt it. Well, since you drove all the way up here to give me this.” I rattled the silver chain. “Can I take you to lunch, madame?”

“Why, yes, of course you can.”

We both laughed together. It was so easy to be around her. I couldn’t explain it, except that it was easy. Usually, I didn’t get along with people all that well. I preferred books. Give me Dickens any day. But maybe not today.

* * *

Sitting at Coopersmith’s, both bundled up in sweaters this time, we chatted.

“Does your dad ever talk?” Maddie asked.

I wiped a smudge off my water glass. “No. Not much. And when he does, it’s more like barking orders. He usually starts every sentence with a verb. Not a statement‌—‌a command.”

“I feel like I can’t make a connection with the man‌—‌see, I just called him ‘the man,’ not my future father-in-law, or by his name, Charles.”

“Don’t take it too personally. ‘The man,’ as you say, doesn’t communicate all that well. He doesn’t communicate with anyone, unless it’s a computer.

“I remember a time when my father tried to throw away a trash can. It was an old one, so it was pretty beat up, with holes and a stench that would kill a rat‌—‌maybe a rat had died in it‌—‌anyhoos, he placed it in a much larger trash can. When the trash guys came, they carefully pulled the beat-up can out of the other trash can and set it on the curb with the remaining cans. ‘The man’ was furious. His face was beet-red and a vein in his forehead was popping out. I could tell he was having a temper tantrum, even if he didn’t say anything. The next trash day, he hid it inside one of the larger trash cans under a lot of wet, stinky garbage. But when he came home from work, there it was again, sitting on the curb with the other trash cans.

“The following week, he set it next to all of the others with a note that read: ‘This is trash, please take it.’ When he came home, he saw they’d removed the note, and presumably threw it away, but left the can. It outraged Dad beyond belief. He doesn’t speak much, but when he does, and when he’s angry, it is a sight to behold. The next week, he was determined to be rid of the can.

“That next trash day was a little windy. When it was like that, sometimes one of the trash cans would wind up in a ravine in the hogback. One of us would have to traipse down there and retrieve it. When I left for school, I didn’t remember seeing the old trash can. But when my father came home that night, he was ecstatic it had finally gone, but so had another one. My father walked down to the ravine and retrieved one.

“For some reason, I decided to walk down there, too. I just had this feeling. And, of course, I saw the old trash can down there. He must have seen it too, but decided this was his only way of getting rid of the damn thing.”

Maddie laughed while I told the story. I didn’t realize right away, but that was the most I had ever said to her at one time. It was the most I had said to anyone in a long time actually, unless it was a lecture, or to Ethan.

“I can’t believe they threw the note away but left the can. That’s one of the oddest things I’ve heard in a while.”

“Wow, you must be hard-up for stories right now.”

“Well, I hang out with your father. I’m in a drought.”

“
Touché
.”

“Actually, I’m surprised your father sets out his own trash. Peter would never do that.”

“Mom always wanted servants, but my father has always refused. He grew up poor. He’s cognizant of his upbringing. Of course, he did concede to having a nanny, but I always wondered whether he just wanted to ensure we would survive our childhood. Mom wasn’t the nurturing kind, if you know what I mean.”

We sat in silence for some moments. Then Maddie asked, “Is that why you hate your family so much?”

I set down my knife and fork and watched the light drizzle outside slide down the window. “You know, Maddie, at one point I could give you a whole laundry list of why. But all of the memories are fading. To be honest, I can’t pinpoint the reason I decided to go my own way. At one point, I had a reason, or reasons. Now it’s just more of a feeling. Whenever I’m around them, I don’t like them.”

“Is that why you never told them you’re sick?” She took one of the flowers out of the vase on the table and smelled it.

“I never even thought about telling them. No one likes to hear about other people’s troubles. Even Sarah tunes out when I mention feeling ill. I figured that they would care even less. At least Sarah loves me.”

Maddie sipped her wine, her eyes on the busboy who was clearing the table next to us.

We sat in silence again. Maddie seemed to be mulling something over.

“That settles it. Peter is picking up this check.” She pulled out a credit card and set it on the edge of the table.

“What are you talking about?”

“I’m tired of the bastard not caring.”

I could tell the wine was kicking in. Although I wanted to push her on her declaration, I was torn about doing so. Were my intentions to help a friend? Or were they to drive a wedge between my brother and his incredibly gorgeous fiancée? I sat silently while she, or Peter rather, settled the tab.

Before we left, Maddie handed me the flower she had confiscated earlier and patted my cheek tenderly.

* * *

Later that night, I was on the couch with Sarah, watching one of her stupid comedies. I had never been an Adam Sandler fan, or a fan of movies like that, but Sarah loved them, so I agreed to watch one with her. She was stretched out in front of me, my arm wrapped around her stomach. I felt her touch my wrist.

“What’s that?”

I looked down at what she was touching‌—‌the bracelet Maddie had given me.

“Oh, I was cleaning out a box in my closet and I found this bracelet I used to wear during high school.”

She fidgeted with it a little, and then said, “It looks weird. Is it a chain of some sort?”

“I’m not sure, but I’ve always liked it, so I put it on.” I shrugged and turned my attention back to the movie.

That was that. I didn’t know that lying to my girlfriend would come so easily, and without regret. I reached for a handful of popcorn and ate it. Sarah didn’t suspect anything odd. She snuggled even closer. I squeezed her waist and kissed the back of her head.

Chapter Eight

“She gave you what?” Ethan choked on his coffee.

“Ethan, don’t be so dramatic. You can see with your own eyes.”

He reached out and stroked the bracelet, as if he thought it would disappear at his touch. “I can’t believe it. Why would she give you a piece of jewelry? You don’t give jewelry to someone you barely know. What do you think it means?”

“Come on, Ethan. Focus here. I’m telling you that I lied to my girlfriend. That’s the issue right now. I lied, and I didn’t feel bad about it. Right after I lied, I held her tight and kissed her head, as if I felt closer to her.
That
is the issue; not that Maddie gave me this.” I shook my wrist.

“But what does it mean that you’re wearing it, and
you lied
! You lied to Sarah!” His eyes grew big behind his glasses. He waggled his finger in my face. “You lied to her
and
you are wearing it.”

“Thank you, Captain Obvious.” I saluted him.

He stared at me; I mean he
really stared
at me. Then he looked down at his coffee cup. Speaking more to his cup than me, he said, “She bought you a bracelet. You not only accepted it, but you continue to wear it. And you lied to Sarah about it.” He turned his eyes back to me. “Have you taken the bracelet off since she gave it to you?” He arched one eyebrow.

“Um … no. No, I haven’t. Why?” It had been too much trouble taking it off to shower, so I had showered with it on. Laziness was the reason I hadn’t removed it, I told myself. “I have clumsy fingers that can’t work the tiny clasp, and I don’t want to ask Sarah each day; that would seem wrong.”

“That’s it! You don’t have a crush on her.” He looked back at his cup. “Crushes are innocent. We all know they won’t go anywhere. But you … you actually like her.”

Sunlight streamed in through the window. “What are you talking about, you crazy little man?” I snatched my sunglasses from where they were perched on top of my head and put them on.

“Yep! I’m right. You only call me ‘little man’ when you feel threatened or on guard and you want to knock me down.” He rubbed the whiskers on his chin triumphantly. I could picture him as a child in the playground, outwitting one of his bullies in front of the prettiest girl in school. When did he decide to grow a beard? I had never seen him unshaven.

I sipped my chai. “She’s my brother’s fiancée, Ethan.”

“And you are wearing her bracelet.”

“Do you know her? Do you know her pattern of giving gifts? She’s probably trying to get one of the family members, one who isn’t crazy, on her side. We can’t assume that just because she gave me this”‌—‌I touched the bracelet and tried not to smile‌—‌“she likes me.”

“Interesting. I wasn’t talking about her just now. I said that
you
like
her
. But you just hinted that she likes you as well.”

I shook my head in frustration. “Oh, you are twisting everything so it will turn out like a Jerry Springer show. Why do you like drama so much?”

He smiled and sipped his coffee. For once, he didn’t say anything. He just kept smiling at me. I sat silently and drank my chai. Every once in a while, I caught him glancing at the bracelet. He tapped his fingers on the table, causing me to grimace. His nails were cut too short for my taste.

Finally, I said, “She’s Peter’s fiancée. There is no hidden meaning behind the bracelet.”

“I disagree.”

“And what evidence do you have?”

“The proof is in the bracelet.”

I laughed.

Ethan beamed at his own cleverness, or what he believed was cleverness.

“What’s it like in your little world?” I queried.

“So you are threatened, or is it confusion?” Puzzlement spread across his face.

I shook my head, frustrated.

Ethan said in a grave voice, “Be careful, Lizzie.”

“What do you mean? I’m sure Sarah won’t ask about the bracelet again.”

His face plainly showed that I missed his point. “I’m not talking about that. I’ve seen you sabotage your life on more than one occasion. All I’m going to say is look before you leap.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” I fiddled with a pen that sat on top of my leather-bound journal.

“You run away instead of dealing with your issues.”

“Issues … issues … I don’t have issues!” I bounded out of my chair and hotfooted to the bathroom.

“You see!” he bellowed.

Chapter Nine

I sat in my office, behind my messy desk, grinning woozily at Maddie, who had stopped by to fill me in on her latest misadventure.

“Oh, my God, Lizzie! The most embarrassing thing happened to me the other day. For lunch, I had sushi. And let’s just say it didn’t settle well.” She winked at me. “So there I was, in this meeting with a prospective client in their home. They wanted to redo their bedroom.” Maddie paused and waved her hand in the air. “But that’s beside the point. I was sitting there in their home, discussing their needs, when all of a sudden I felt something. You know when you start to get diarrhea you get a sharp pain in your stomach. Well, I got this cramp. I tried to push it out of my head and focus on the conversation. I started to fidget in my chair.