A Woman of Courage (21 page)

She
wanted
her husband to be strong, to stand up for them both against his mother's endless nagging. She
wanted
him to tell Mrs Madigan to butt out of their lives – she would never do it voluntarily – but the old hag had done such a good job emasculating her husband and son that Hilary was coming seriously to question whether Sean was up to the job.

‘I love you but you must stand up to her too,' she said. ‘I can't do it alone.'

‘I will.'

But he did not and Hilary's doubts grew stronger by the day.

Sean had no doubts, or so he said. ‘We are one. United. Now and always.'

Hilary did not want that. She was coming to see that Sean wanted her to have no will to be anything but his. ‘I have to be free.'

She implored him to understand. He did not. He wanted his wife to be a prisoner, which meant being a prisoner of her mother-in-law too.

‘I'll drink poison first,' she said.

Increasingly she was having reservations about bringing a child into a marriage where she could not be free but once again Sean had no doubts. He wanted a child and wanted it now. She heard his mother's voice in his constant demands.

‘Not yet,' she told him. ‘Not yet.'

‘Not good enough for you, am I?'

And again she heard his mother's voice.

Dear God, she thought. What am I going to do?

3

Jack Almond was impressed by her performance and said so.

‘You mean it?'

‘Would I say it if I didn't?'

She took a deep breath and grabbed what she hoped was an opportunity. ‘Any chance of a partnership?'

A blank sheet of paper had more expression than Jack Almond then. ‘You're here five minutes and you want to talk partnership?'

‘I'm good. You just said it.'

‘That doesn't mean you're partner material.'

‘Why not?'

‘Because my wife wouldn't like it. And because I said no.'

‘But…'

‘Don't push your luck, Hilary.'

‘But I am good,' she told Sean that night. ‘I'm the best he's got. He told me so himself.'

‘What did you expect?' Sean said.

‘I expected more.'

‘From an old Jew like him? Where you been all your life?'

Things had cooled off between them recently. This had suited Hilary – she had never reached the heights her instinct told her might be scaled if only they got things right – but tonight she needed him, if only to reaffirm her belief in herself and the future.

‘Come here, baby…'

Willing him to get it right, clenching her eyes as she fought for the release that she could sense but never quite reach.

‘Come on, come on!' Panting. ‘Don't stop, Sean! I'll kill you if you stop!'

No good; in her heart she had expected no better. She felt him thrusting more and more frantically, knew he was on the same old surge, unable or unwilling to slow down, to wait for her, but Sean had left her far behind and within no more than two minutes…

‘Ah… Ah… Ah…'

It was over.

Her husband lay inert, log heavy, crushing her. He raised his head to look at her. ‘Was it good for you?'

Her lips formed a smile. ‘Wonderful,' she said.

Later she lay watching the darkness with Sean snoring beside her. ‘I'll give it a month,' she told herself.

And did, with the same dusty answer. Again Jack said it. ‘Don't push your luck, Hilary…'

‘You must have it out with him,' Sean said. ‘He knows what you're worth. What are you after, five per cent? That's peanuts! Tell him if he doesn't give it to you you'll move on.'

She thought about it, decided Sean was right. Partner in a real estate business… It would show Mrs Madigan, if nothing else. She had another good week. The commission was great but the prize was no nearer. She thought the air between her and Jack might be a bit cooler than before but decided to give it one more go.
If you still say no I'll have to consider my future.
She tried out the phrase, decided it felt good.

She knocked on Jack's door, went in before he could respond.

She put it to him, polite but firm. ‘Five per cent,' she said. ‘Just a token.' Now she was the one on the helter-skelter, rushing forward, unable to stop. She brought out her polished phrase. ‘If you can't see your way to agreeing, Jack…' She looked at him but his face was giving nothing away. ‘I'll have to consider my future.'

And waited.

‘Tell you what I'll do,' Jack said.

Her heart leapt, knowing she'd won.

‘No need to consider,' Jack said. ‘I'll save you the trouble. Finish up Friday.'

‘What?'

Best sales person or not, she was out.

Oh my God.

She went home, feeling six inches high.

‘He can't do that!' Sean said.

‘He's done it.'

‘Don't you believe it. It's a try on. Come Friday he'll have you in, tell you he wants you to stay. Why not? You said it yourself: you're the best he's got.'

She worked herself up to believe it. It made sense, didn't it? She knew she was the best; Jack knew it too. Of course he would come round, she was confident of that. Come Friday she went into the office, all smiles.

‘Jack wants to see you,' his secretary said.

‘I thought he might.'

She went into Jack's office. ‘You were looking for me?'

He handed her an envelope. ‘I think you'll find that's everything we owe you.'

Hilary felt her future crumbling beneath her feet. ‘But…'

Jack's face was implacable. ‘I wanted to wish you all the best.'

It was over.

Stunned, she went home through a suddenly hostile world. What would she do now?

4

Mrs Madigan told her soon enough. Triumphant Mrs Madigan thought all her Christmases had come at once. ‘Maybe that'll teach you not to be so cocky in future. Now maybe you'll settle down and be a proper wife to my son.'

‘In your dreams,' said Hilary. Of course words were cheap.

‘We got debts,' Sean said. ‘Mortgage on the house; all that land you're paying off. What we going to do?'

Sean had never been an ideas man. No matter. Getting the push had come as a shock but already she was over the worst of it. Funny thing: she'd thought she'd be terrified but it wasn't like that at all. She felt relief. Now she could rely only on herself. She would show them.

‘I tell you what I'm going to do,' she said. ‘I am going to sleep on it. In the morning I shall start making plans.'

‘You just lost your job,' Sean said. ‘How you going to sleep after that?'

Hilary only smiled; she would sleep all right. And in bed later, when Sean decided to come on to her, she pushed him away. She had needed him the other day but not now. ‘Leave me be, Sean. Like I said, I've got to sleep.'

The next morning she went walkabout. The only business she knew was selling real estate but if she were going to set up her own operation she would need a base. Two days later she found what she was looking for: an empty shop fronting a busy road. She located the agent – luckily not Jack Almond – and found out what the owner wanted for a two-year lease. Based on her sales record with Jack she reckoned she could manage it easily enough. Even so her heart was in her throat when she signed the papers. She'd better not muck up now.

‘Of course I won't muck up,' she told herself and the world.

‘I need you to help me,' she said to Sean that night.

‘How?'

‘A paint job.'

Because the inside of the shop looked more like a rubbish tip than a real estate office.

‘It'll take a week,' Sean said when he'd seen the place.

‘One weekend,' she said. ‘We've got to get moving.'

‘Can't be done.'

‘Get some of your mates to give you a hand.'

He hesitated. ‘They'll want to know what's in it for them.'

‘A free piss up. But only when it's finished. And make sure they do it properly.'

‘You going to help?'

‘I've got better things to do.'

‘Like what?'

‘Like scouring the neighbourhood for deals.'

But to begin with things didn't look too rosy.

Before she'd been working for Jack Almond, a well-regarded local; now she was just a sheila and an easterner at that. She could see blokes asking themselves why they should deal with her.

I should have thought of that, she told herself. She needed a sandgroper on the team.

She'd kept a record of all the sales she'd made, a filing box of cards giving the names, addresses and contact numbers of every person she'd dealt with. She suspected she had no right to the information but now was not the time to be picky about legal niceties. That night she sat up scouring the names and came up with a couple she thought might have potential.

She phoned them in turn to see if either might be interested in coming to work with her but got a dusty answer from both.

‘Give up a paying job to come in with a mob no one's ever heard of?' the first one said. ‘You got to be dreaming.'

The second one agreed.

‘What you gunna do now?' Sean asked.

‘God knows.'

And with the rent to pay every month he'd better let her in on the secret pretty soon or it would be all over before it had started.

2004

BETRAYAL

1

Friendly but firm, Jennifer had told herself. But when she sat down with Anthony Belloc at the corner table in a different café all her good resolutions flew out of the window.
Flustered
was perhaps a better word to describe the way she was feeling.

She put on her brightest voice while her heart went pit-a-pat. ‘I have never been here before.'

‘That's why we're here now.'

This man was trying to make use of her and was therefore dangerous. Her life was in a state of flux. The desire she had felt for Anthony at their first meeting; the moment at the window of the hotel when she had come close to behaving so outrageously; the penthouse lunch with Mother telling her she was thinking of offering Martin Gulliver a job, saying
It's never too late if you want something enough
; Davis's contemptuous indifference on her return home and the violence of her reaction; Tessa telling her so gleefully about Juanita Santos; all these things had come together at this moment and with this man. She was driven by an overwhelming need to break through the walls behind which she had been incarcerated so long; if that meant betraying both Mother and herself then so be it.

She shifted on her chair, feeling the flames of her hidden excitement lick higher. One could be burnt by such flames, Jennifer thought, but did not care. If Anthony Belloc were to offer to take her to a hotel at that moment she would go, and gladly. Even a one-night stand would do, she thought. It would not last – she would not want it to last – but for the moment it would offer at least the pretence of love to freshen the desert of her life.

She had never known herself think in such poetic terms; poetry in any form had never appealed to her whereas Mother, she remembered, was always dipping into books of verse. She felt uneasy at the intrusion of such imagery into her thoughts but smiled at this dangerous man whom her husband had called a crook. He was wearing a beautifully made grey suit, a white shirt and what might be a club tie. He looked like a man who got things done. I would like him to do things to me, she thought as she sipped coffee from the cup the waitress had brought.

‘You spoke to your mother,' he said. As though he knew for certain that she would have obeyed him.

‘At lunch before I left.'

‘Anyone else there?'

‘No.'

‘Good. What did she say?'

The question he had instructed her to ask: What had Hilary been doing going into the Mount Elizabeth Hospital in Singapore less than one week ago?

‘How did you know I had?'

‘Someone mentioned it to me. Are you saying you didn't?'
Only the new Jennifer would have dared ask that.

Hilary's tart response:
‘I am not saying that. I was minding my own business. I recommend you do the same.'

‘She admitted she visited the hospital,' Jennifer said.

‘We knew that already. A journalist friend of mine is working over there. His girlfriend is a staff nurse at the hospital. She spotted your mother, told him and he tipped me off. What I have to know is what she was doing there.'

‘She told me she was visiting the cardiac unit.'

‘Does she have something wrong with her heart?'

‘Not that I know of.'

‘Would she tell you if she had?'

‘Probably not.'

‘Someone I know mentioned they saw you there so naturally I was concerned.'

‘It was a routine check-up. I have one every year. It's a sensible precaution when you reach my age.'

‘But everything was all right?'

‘I'm still here, aren't I?'

‘You are saying it was just a check-up?' Anthony said.

‘That's what she claimed,' Jennifer said.

‘Do you believe her?'

‘No.'

‘Why not?'

‘Why visit a cardiac unit in Singapore just to have a check-up? Why not do it here?'

‘So you think she's hiding something?'

‘I'm sure of it.'

‘Something serious?'

‘Bound to be. Otherwise why Singapore and not here?'

‘But she seemed all right in herself?'

Jennifer thought. ‘She looked tired,' she said.

‘She's just come back from a trip to Asia. You'd expect her to be tired.'

‘I suppose so.' But was doubtful.

‘Was that all the information you have for me?'