A Woman of Independent Means (8 page)

Love and kisses,
The Cloud Fairy

November 10, 1916
Dallas

Mrs. Martin Banks
Secretary
The Shakespeare Club
Dallas, Texas

 

Dear Exa,

It is with great regret that I am requesting an indefinite leave of absence, but since Eleanor's accident my life has been confined to my home and her hospital room. And will be for as far into the future as I dare look.

She is so brave it breaks my heart. Fortunately she is too young to have any real concept of time. Her calendar goes from Christmas to Easter to her birthday. The months between mean nothing to her, so when the doctor tells her she will be home by Easter and able to walk again by her birthday, that forecast does not fill her with the despair it does me.

Sitting here in the hospital room, I have reread all my favorite passages from Shakespeare but have found little to console me. Even Lear in his grief did not begin to express the emotions that have besieged me since the accident. I do not believe Shakespeare ever had the experience of seeing a child of his suffer as I have.

Please convey my appreciation to all those who approved my name for membership and my regret at having to relinquish temporarily one of the highest honors of my life, but my family has always held first claim on my time and now there is time for nothing else.

Sincerely,
Bess Steed

le 20 novembre 1916
Dallas

Mlle. Helene Girard
Paris Millinery
4608 Oak Lawn
Dallas, Texas

 

Ma chère Mademoiselle,

Je regrette beaucoup de ne pas continuer les après-midis français si agréables que nous avons passés les derniers trois ans, mais maintenant il faut que je sois à l'hôpital avec ma petite Eleanor tous les jours.

A ce moment-ci, je ne peux pas dire quand je pourrai les recommencer. Pour la première fois de ma vie, l'avenir m'effraye.

Je vous remercie encore des jolies fleurs que vous avez envoyées à l'hôpital. Depuis le 5 août, cette chambre est devenue le monde pour moi, et les fleurs sont des souvenirs d'un monde plus beau.

Avec mes sentiments les plus affectueux,

December 30, 1916
Dallas

Dear Mr. Fineman,

It was very kind of you to remember us at this holiday season. The smoked turkey was enjoyed by everyone, as were the Corsicana fruitcakes.

Eleanor loved the basket of toy kittens. I hope they will assuage her disappointment when she comes home and finds her own kittens almost grown. Like all of us, she expects nothing to change in her absence.

I appreciate your tact in sending the gift instead of bringing it in person. No human being is associated with the accident in Eleanor's mind. The only culprit is a car, so she does not expect anyone to make amends. She considers the toy kittens simply a gift from a friend. As do I.

I was sorry to hear of your recent illness. Fortunately I have stayed in good health all fall—perhaps because I had no choice.

Eleanor has accepted her long convalescence with amazing cheer-fulness. I read aloud to her for hours at a time, and together we retreat into a myriad of imagined worlds more pleasant than our own. Every morning when she wakes up, there is a letter from the Cloud Fairy on her pillow and a present beside it. I know now, looking back on the first frightening days following the accident, that I created a living kingdom in the clouds so she would know there were other worlds open to her if this one were suddenly closed. Or perhaps I was simply trying to sustain that illusion in my own heart.

Thank you again for your thoughtful gifts—and best wishes for the coming year.

Sincerely,
Bess Steed

February 16, 1917
Dallas

Dear Papa and Mavis,

The children were enchanted with the Valentine gifts you sent them. My Valentine present from Rob was waiting in the driveway when I woke up. An automobile of my own. A year ago I would have been thrilled, but today I was terrified at the prospect of driving such a dangerous machine. Ever since Eleanor's accident I have looked upon the invention with horror. But Rob says that is the proper attitude with which to approach an automobile. A year ago I would have treated it as an exciting toy. Now I know better.

Rob took me for my first driving lesson this afternoon. He says I did very well. However I felt the machine was my master instead of the other way around, a situation I plan to remedy by constant practice.

None of my friends knows how to drive and none of their husbands would allow them to try, much less buy them a car of their own and insist they learn to use it. But Rob is spending more and more of his time traveling, and he does not like to think of my sitting helplessly at home. I am constantly amazed at the independence he not only allows but encourages in me. We grew up as friends and equals and, unlike many other couples I know, marriage has not lessened our mutual respect.

Lovingly,
Bess

March 24, 1917
The Clouds

Darling Eleanor,

We all looked down and waved good-bye as you left the hospital today. What a brave soldier you have been these long months—as brave as the little tin soldier who brings you this note. Were you surprised to find a note from the Clouds waiting for you in your room at home? You will not be hearing from us as often as you did at the hospital. Soon you'll be up and about, running and playing, with no time for lying on your back and looking at the clouds, but we will always be here watching over you. And whenever the days on earth seem long and difficult, look up at the sky and think of the fun we're having here.

Love and kisses,
The Cloud Fairy

March 25, 1917
Dallas

Dear Mr. Fineman,

Eleanor had a joyous homecoming—and her happiness reached a peak when she saw the adorable Siamese kittens you sent to welcome her home. She still moves with great difficulty and pain, requiring several hours of rest for each hour of exertion, but when she lies down the kittens lie beside her and frolic on the bed, a source of endless delight and amusement to her. Anything that amuses her and keeps her still is a gift to me as well; my imagination has been severely depleted by the hours of storytelling at the hospital.

I am sorry your illness made it impossible for you to continue driving your car. But instead of selling it, why not encourage your wife to learn to drive? My husband bought me an automobile of my own last month and though I was terrified the first time I took the wheel, I now find the experience quite exhilarating. I of course proceed with the utmost caution and plan my routes carefully in advance to avoid left-hand turns. But as long as I am not in a hurry, I find I can reach any destination by turning right.

Best wishes to you and your wife for the holiday season ahead. I approach this Easter with a full heart. Having my daughter at home again, seeing her regain the use of her arms and legs, however slowly and painfully, I feel I have experienced the meaning of the Resurrection for the first time in my life. However, if I were of your faith, I would find equal significance in this Passover season, for truly the Angel of Death passed over our house this year. This Sunday I will sing “Hallelujah” with all my heart to the God of us all.

Sincerely,
Bess Steed

April 15, 1917
Dallas

Dear Papa and Mavis,

Today I brought my suitcases down from the attic where they have been stored for the last four years. When I returned from Europe, I thought travel had become part of the pattern of my life, but now I know there is no pattern to any of our lives—or if there is, it is much too terrifying to contemplate.

I am so excited at the prospect of a trip to New York City with Rob—and grateful that the two of you will be able to stay with the children. Of course Mother Steed is here and the children adore her, but the idea of accepting responsibility for any living thing overwhelms her. She even refuses to keep a plant in her room for fear it will die and be her fault.