Abandoned Angel (31 page)

Angelina listened quietly while he explained why she should stay in the apartment. She would have been thrilled, except that not once during their conversation had Blaze mention that he would be living in the apartment with her. She had misunderstood his intentions the previous night, which disappointed her. He did not feel the same way she did about him.

“You’re leaving aren’t you Blaze?” she asked, trying not to allow him to see how much it upset her. She realized it was ridiculous to be sad over his leaving, they didn’t really even know each other. She was sad though, just the same.

“Yes, I’m leaving,” replied Blaze.

He was attracted to the woman, and did not want to hurt her, but he had to leave. He tried to explain why.

“I have to go Angel,” he stated. “This isn’t the life for me anymore.” Blaze looked around at his large, professionally decorated apartment, hating what he saw. “I got this apartment after my family was murdered,” he explained. “Everyone thought it would be the best way to move on, but I can’t seem to do that.” He had tried to start over in the apartment. He had a new location, a new home, and a new life. The same old memories hung around though. “I can’t be a part of this life.”

Blaze was never able to let the loss of his family go. His solemn expression touched Angelina’s heart.

“I won’t get caught up in living like this again,” he stated. “It cost me too much last time.” Blaze took a deep breath as he remembered what his life used to be. He thought about how he took the most important part of his life for granted so that he could have nice things.

“Besides, I have some things I have to do, some business I have to finish,” he stated, thinking about Doc and the way he died. He intended on making it to the funeral, for the sake of Marge and Tiffany, and intended on settling the score with Spike.

“You stay here for as long as you need to. Charlie, a friend of mine, will take care of you and Justin.”

Angelina was teetering on being ok with the situation until he said that.

“He’ll take care of me?” Angelina asked quietly, sadness filled her voice. “I don’t understand Blaze. Why would you have someone else take care of me? You don’t owe me anything.” She was disappointed and hurt by the realization that she was just a project to Blaze - someone to rescue. Now that he had, he intended to hand her off. She had allowed herself to believe that they shared something special. Angelina felt like a fool for wanting a fairytale ending. Blaze was not going to be her prince charming. He was passing her off to another man, and she had not expected that.

“I can take care of myself and Justin, I always have. I don’t need someone to take care of us.” She did her best to hide her disappointment, and to maintain her anger, but it was apparent to Blaze anyway. She appreciated that Blaze had done a great thing for her, but Angelina had allowed herself to believe that Blaze wanted to be with her. She did not need him to feel obligated to have someone look after her. They would be fine without him, or so she tried to convince herself of this.

“I didn’t mean it like that Angel. Charlie is just here to help if you need anything,” he explained. “I know you can take care of yourself. You are a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for.” Blaze smiled. “Look at what you just survived.”

His grin weakened Angelina’s heart. Damn he was sexy. Her emotions blurted,
please stay, please stay
, but Angelina remained quiet and listened to his reasoning. Angelina knew that she survived the ordeal because of him and would forever be grateful for his help. She owed the biker her life.

“I just meant that if there is anything you need to get on your feet, my friend can help you out with it. He can show you around and help you get settled,” Blaze tried to explain. “Des Moines isn’t a huge city, but it will take some adjustment for you and Justin to get used to it here.”

“Des Moines?” Until he said the words, she hadn’t even known what state they were
in
.

“Yes,” Blaze continued, taking in her beauty. “We are in Des Moines. I took a job here after, well, after my family died.” His grin was gone, the same anger and hurt that she had seen a number of times the last few days, flicked in his dark eyes.

“Charlie lives about fifty miles from here. He will help you out for a while.”

Charlie had arranged to have a vehicle available for Blaze, per his request. He also arranged for the police to help them out at Maxine’s house. He is a good man, with a loving wife and children that he adores. Charlie did his best to help Blaze survive the loss of his wife and daughter, but it wasn’t enough. He felt he had failed his friend back then, and was happy to help Blaze out now. Blaze had become a different man after the death of his family, and Charlie waited patiently for him to recover from the loss. He missed his best friend.

“I want you to be able to give Justin the life that you never had. I’m offering you a place to stay so you can start over, fresh, without any worries. You will still have to work, and support yourself, but this,” he motioned to the apartment around them, “and a car, and some cash to get you started is yours until you don’t need it anymore.”

Angelina remained confused by his generosity. She had never known anyone to do things just out of the kindness of their heart. What made him different?

“And what do you get out of it Blaze? Or is it your friend that gets something from me?” she asked. She knew better than that, but, angry and hurt, the words blurted from her mouth.

“Angel, there isn’t a catch.” He caught the frustration forming in his voice and changed his tone. “I don’t want anything from you; you don’t owe me anything at all. I just want you and Justin to be happy and safe, and staying here will help with that.”

He understood her hesitation. She had good reason not to trust people, especially men, but he only wanted to help her and her son out – nothing more.

Angelina sat quietly while she let what he was saying sink in. Deep down she knew that it was an amazing thing that Blaze was offering to do for her and Justin. It’s funny, but she had to hook up with a gang of reckless bikers to find true sacrifice for the sake of nothing other than kind-heartedness. Tiffany had taken a beating for Angelina, in order to keep her safe. Doc had lost his life protecting Blaze, and what Blaze believed in, and Blaze, her sweet, masculine hero, had lost his biker family to give a woman that he barely knew, a second chance with her child. They had all sacrificed so much for her, and although she desperately wanted the man to stay there with her, she could not expect him to sacrifice any more. If not for her son, she would walk away from Blaze, but as it were, she would have to accept his generous offer, at least for now. They had nowhere else to go. Angelina had to keep Justin safe, even if it meant she would have to deal with a broken heart. It was time for the both of them to get on with their lives. A new city, a new environment, and a new home were just what they needed.

Blaze and Angelina sat silently for a moment as Justin watched cartoons in the spacious living room. He had clung to his mother all morning, and was finally ready to give her a little space. Angelina would have allowed the vibrant boy to sit on her lap all day long if that had been what he needed, but he already seemed to be bouncing back from the ordeal. She kept a watchful eye on him from the dining room.

Angelina held Blaze’s hand to her face and then gently kissed his fingertips, grateful that he had come into her life. She ached for him to stay; he was going to leave though, and she would force herself to understand this. She accepted his help graciously, but made it clear that it was just until she was able to figure things out for herself. She did not want to feel kept or controlled by anyone, ever again, and it would break her heart waiting for him to return, wondering if he ever intended to.

“I want you to know that you have saved me and my son, Blaze. You have allowed us to have a life again, and to be able to move on,” Angelina quietly explained
.  
“I just wish you could let yourself do the same thing. You have to quit blaming yourself for what happened to your family,” she said, choking back tears, wondering if he would ever be able to do that.

Blaze did not answer. He was not ready to move on, not yet, but he could not put it into words for her. There was no way she, or anyone else, could know how much he hated himself for not being home with his family that night. He should have been there to protect them. That was his job.

“I don’t want you to go Blaze,” whispered Angelina. “I wish you could stay. I just want you to know that I wish you would stay. Not because I need you here, but because I want you here.”

Blaze could only reply, “I can’t Angel. I just can’t.”

Blaze headed out early the next morning without saying goodbye. It was easier for him that way.

After Blaze left, Angelina felt lost and alone - saddened by the fact that he left so abruptly without saying goodbye to her. She wanted to mean more to him than that. The fact was though, that she did not even know his cell phone number, and had no way to contact him. Although it was ridiculous, deep down, she felt abandoned for a second time. This time, by someone she cared about, which hurt even more.

For the first few days after Blaze left, Angelina spent her time doting on Justin, not wanting him to leave her side. They explored their new home and their new environment a little at a time. The apartment, which was perfect for them, felt like a safe haven. Blaze, in all his kindness and concern, had left an envelope with a stack of one hundred dollar bills on the table the morning he left, and although at first Angelina wanted nothing to do with it, she was grateful to have it when it came time to get groceries. The mother and son walked often, in order to learn their way around. They became accustomed to stopping at the small park down the street from their home. She pushed him on the swings the same way her mother had done for her. She had even made a friend of the young woman that lived next door. Elle, a second year college student, shared the apartment with her parents. Her carefree, friendly attitude was a welcome change of pace for Angelina, and, she was great with Justin. Things were going good, life was much better than she imagined it could be, but she missed Blaze. She missed his humor and the way that he made her feel stronger than she actually was. She missed the way they teased each other, and she missed his touch. She worried about him, so to ease her mind, she developed the habit of watching the news each night before she headed to work,
taking
note of any gang related activity. She was afraid that Blaze intended to retaliate for Doc’s death, and she assumed that if he did it would end up on the news. She prayed that he would not do something that he would regret. He was a better man than that, whether he believed it or not, and had so much going for him. Each night she watched, her breath held, her chest tightened, and when she saw nothing about him or the others on the news, she breathed a sigh of relief. Although Angelina realized that worrying about him day after day did nobody any good, she continued to turn on the television and listen to the stories just the same.

As each week passed, things got a little bit easier. She eventually quit expecting Blaze to walk through the door. By the fourth week, she found a waitressing job nearby that allowed her to work in the evenings. She was grateful that Elle offered to stay with Justin on the nights she worked. The small, home-style restaurant did not bring in large tips, but she liked the people she worked with, and she was able to put a small amount of money away each week. Having the job gave her a sense of pride. For the most part, Angelina grew to love her new life. Justin was safe and happy, and that was all that really mattered. It was like old times between her and her son, as if nothing terrible had happened. Justin bounced right back, as young kids do. Angelina, on the other hand, frequently dreamed about Blaze, and the way his strong body felt against hers. She would never have guessed that she could fall for someone that she had only known for a short while, but she had. She liked the way he had made her feel young, beautiful, carefree, and safe. She wished he could have stayed, but understood why he did not. Blaze had kept his promise to her, and had gotten her son back. He had made it clear before he left that he could not give her any more than he had, and with time, Angelina grew to accept that reality. She did not like it, but she did accept it, and learned to enjoy life without him around.

------

On a quiet evening, a few months after moving into the apartment, Angelina paced herself while she prepared for work. Although she did not love her job, she liked the people and cherished the feeling of independence having the job gave her. Money was sometimes tight, since she had refused to accept any more from Blaze, and life was sometimes difficult, but it was much better than she had ever known.

Absent-mindedly she turned on the news in the bedroom as she got ready, expecting Elle to turn up at any moment. She was always punctual. Because of the respect she had for the intelligent woman, Angelina was considering college for herself.

As Angelina turned to head into the master bathroom, the picture on the flat screen TV positioned in her bedroom caught her attention. Goose bumps prickled the tops of her arms as she realized that there, on her television, was Jose. The police slowly escorted the Hispanic biker, in full shackles, across the screen. Angelina would have recognized his dark, lanky face and squinting eyes anywhere. In the background lay two motionless bodies covered over with black police blankets. A leg, dressed in dark chaps, stuck out from under one of the covers. The TV announcer informed the viewers that two motorcycle riders, presumed to be gang members,
were gunned down
after a fight broke out in front of a small bar. Angelina’s heart stopped as she watched the scene unfold in front of her. Jose
was pushed
into a squad car as a mix of uniformed officers, and leather-sheathed men crowded the dingy parking lot.