Acceptable Risk (13 page)
Authors: Robin Cook
Tags: #Mystery, #Horror, #Crime, #Suspense, #Thriller, #Contemporary
“I just wish there were some chronological order to these papers,” Kim said.
“What about the old house?” Edward asked. “Did you make any decisions about fixing it up?”
“I did,” Kim said. “Come on, I’ll explain it to you.”
Leaving Edward’s car parked at the castle, they drove over to the old house in Kim’s. With great enthusiasm Kim took Edward on a tour and explained that she was going to follow his original suggestion of putting the modern conveniences in the lean-to portion. The most important bit of new information was the placement of a half-bath between the bedrooms.
“I think it will be marvelous house,” Edward said as they exited the building. “I’m jealous.”
“I’m excited about it,” Kim said. “What I’m really looking forward to is the decorating. I think I’ll arrange to take some vacation time and even personal time off in September to devote full time to it.”
“You’ll do it all by yourself?” Edward asked.
“Absolutely,” Kim said.
“Admirable,” Edward said. “I know I couldn’t do it.”
They climbed into Kim’s car. Kim hesitated starting the engine. They could see the house through the front windshield.
“Actually I’ve always wanted to be an interior decorator,” Kim said wistfully.
“No kidding?” Edward said.
“It was a missed opportunity,” Kim said. “My main interest when I was growing up was always art in some form or fashion, especially in high school. Back then, I’d have to say, I was a whimsical artist type and hardly a member of the in-group.”
“I certainly wasn’t part of the in-group either,” Edward said.
Kim started the car and turned it around. They headed for the castle.
“Why didn’t you become an interior decorator?” Edward asked.
“My parents talked me out of it,” Kim said. “Particularly my father.”
“I’m confused,” Edward said. “Friday at dinner you said you and your father were never close.”
“We weren’t close, but he still had a big effect on me,” Kim said. “I thought it was my fault we weren’t close. So I spent a lot of effort trying to please him, even to the point of going into nursing. He wanted me to go into nursing or teaching because he felt they were ‘appropriate.’ He certainly didn’t think interior design was appropriate.”
“Fathers can have a big effect on kids,” Edward said. “I had a similar compulsion to please my father. When I think about it, it was kind of crazy. I should have just ignored him. The problem was that he made fun of me because of my stutter and lack of ability in competitive sports. I suppose I was a disappointment to him.”
They arrived at the castle, and Kim pulled up next to Edward’s car. Edward started to get out, but then he sat back in the seat.
“Have you eaten?” he asked.
Kim shook her head.
“Me neither,” he said. “Why don’t we drive into Salem and see if we can find a decent restaurant?”
“You’re on,” Kim said.
They drove out of the compound and headed toward town. Kim was the first to speak. “I attribute my lack of social confidence in college directly to my relationship with my parents,” she said. “Could it have been the same for you?”
“I wouldn’t doubt it,” Edward said.
“It’s amazing how important self-esteem is,” Kim said, “and it’s a little scary how easily it can be undermined with children.”
“Even with adults,” Edward said. “And once it is undermined it affects behavior, which in turn affects self-esteem. The problem is that it can become functionally autonomous and biochemically determined. That’s the argument for drugs: to break the vicious cycle.”
“Are we talking about Prozac again?” Kim asked.
“Indirectly,” Edward said. “Prozac can positively affect self-esteem in some patients.”
“Would you have taken Prozac in college if it had been available?” Kim asked.
“I might have,” Edward admitted. “It would have made a difference in my experience.”
Kim glanced briefly across at Edward. She had the feeling he’d just told her something personal. “You don’t have to answer this,” she said, “and maybe I shouldn’t ask, but have you ever tried Prozac yourself?”
“I don’t mind answering,” Edward said. “I did use it for a time a couple of years ago. My father died, and I became moderately depressed. It was a reaction I didn’t expect considering our history. A colleague suggested I try Prozac, and I did.”
“Did it help the depression?” Kim asked.
“Most definitely,” Edward said. “Not immediately but eventually. But most interestingly it also gave me an unexpected dose of assertiveness. I’d not anticipated it, so it couldn’t have been a placebo effect. I also liked it.”
“Any side effects?” Kim asked.
“A few,” Edward said. “But nothing terrible and certainly acceptable in relation to the depression.”
“Interesting,” Kim said sincerely.
“I hope my admission of psychotropic drug use in the face of your pharmacological Puritanism doesn’t alarm you.”
“Don’t be silly,” Kim said. “Quite the contrary. I respect your forthrightness. Besides, who would I be to judge? I’ve never taken Prozac, but I did have some psychotherapy during college. I’d say that makes us even.”
Edward laughed. “Right!” he said. “We’re both crazy!”
They found a small, popular local restaurant that served fresh fish. It was crowded, and they were forced to sit on stools at the bar. They each had baked scrod and iced mugs of draft beer. For dessert there was old-fashioned Indian pudding with ice cream.
After the boisterous pub-like atmosphere they both enjoyed the silence of the car as they drove back to the compound. However, as they passed through the gate, Kim sensed that Edward had become demonstrably nervous. He fidgeted, brushing his hair off his forehead.
“Is something wrong?” Kim asked.
“No,” Edward said, but his stutter had returned.
Kim pulled up next to his car. She put on the emergency brake but left the engine running. She waited, knowing there was something on Edward’s mind.
Edward finally blurted out: “Would you like to come over to my apartment when we get back to the city?”
The invitation threw Kim into a quandary. She sensed the courage it took for Edward to invite her, and she didn’t want him to feel rejected. At the same time she thought of the needs of the patients she’d be facing in the morning. Ultimately her professionalism won out. “I’m sorry,” she said. “It’s a bit too late tonight. I’m exhausted; I’ve been up since six.” In an attempt to make light of the situation she added: “Besides, it’s a school night and I haven’t finished my homework.”
“We could turn in early,” Edward said. “It is just a little after nine.”
Kim was both surprised and uneasy. “I think maybe things are moving a little too swiftly for me,” she said. “I’ve felt very comfortable with you, but I don’t want to rush things.”
“Of course,” Edward said. “Obviously I’ve also felt comfortable with you.”
“I do enjoy your company,” Kim said. “And I’m off Friday and Saturday this week if that works with your schedule.”
“How about dinner on Thursday night?” Edward said. “It won’t be a school night.”
Kim laughed. “It’ll be a pleasure,” she said. “And I’ll make it a point to have all my homework done.”
Kim’s eyes blinked open. At first, she was disoriented. She didn’t know where she was. There were unfamiliar shutters over the windows dispersing the early morning light. Turning her head to the side, she saw Edward’s sleeping form, and it all came back to her in a flash.
Kim drew the sheet up around her neck. She felt distinctly uneasy and out of place. “You hypocrite,” she silently voiced to herself. She could remember just a few days previously telling Edward she didn’t want to rush things, and here she was waking up in his bed. Kim had never been in a relationship which had proceeded to such intimacy so quickly.
As quietly as possible, Kim tried to slip out of the bed with the intention of dressing before Edward woke up. But it was not to be. Edward’s small, white, and rather nasty Jack Russell terrier growled and bared his teeth. His name was Buffer. He was at the foot of the bed.
Edward sat up and shooed the dog away. With a groan he fell back against the pillow.
“What time is it?” he asked. He’d closed his eyes.
“It’s a little after six,” Kim said.
“Why are you awake so early?” Edward asked.
“I’m used to it,” Kim said. “This is my normal wakeup time.”
“But it was almost one when we came to bed.”
“It doesn’t matter,” Kim said. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have stayed.”
Edward opened his eyes and looked at Kim. “Do you feel uncomfortable?” he asked.
Kim nodded.
“I’m sorry,” Edward said. “I shouldn’t have talked you into it.”
“It’s not your fault,” Kim said.
“But it was your inclination to go,” Edward said. “It was my fault.”
They looked at each other for a beat, then both smiled.
“This is sounding a bit repetitious,” Kim said with a chuckle. “We’re back to competing with each other with apologies.”
“It would be funny if it weren’t so pitiful,” Edward said. “You’d think we would have made some progress by now.”
Kim moved over and they put their arms around each other. They didn’t talk for a moment as they enjoyed the embrace. It was Edward who broke the silence. “Do you still feel uncomfortable?”
“No,” Kim said. “Sometimes merely talking about something really helps.”
Later while Edward was in the shower, Kim called her roommate, Marsha, whom she knew would be about to leave for work. Marsha was glad to hear from her and voiced a modicum of concern that Kim had failed to come home or call the previous evening.
“I should have called,” Kim admitted.
“I take it the evening was a success,” Marsha said coyly.
“It was fine,” Kim said. “It just got so late, and I didn’t want to take the risk of waking you up.”
“Oh, sure!” Marsha said with exaggerated sarcasm.
“Would you give Sheba some food?” Kim added, changing the subject. Marsha knew her too well.
“Your cat has already dined,” Marsha said. “The only other news is that you got a call last night from your father. He wants you to call him when you have a chance.”
“My father?” Kim questioned. “He never calls.”
“You don’t have to tell me,” Marsha said. “I’ve been your roommate for years, and it was the first time I spoke with him on the phone.”
After Edward got out of the shower and dressed, he surprised Kim by suggesting they go to Harvard Square for breakfast. Kim had imagined he’d want to go directly to his lab.
“I’m up two hours before I expected to be,” Edward said. “The lab can wait. Also, it’s been the most pleasant evening of the year and I don’t want it to be over.”
With a smile on her face, Kim put her arms around Edward’s neck and gave him a forceful hug. She had to stand on her tiptoes in the process. He returned the affection with equal exuberance.
They used Kim’s car since it had to be moved; it was illegally parked outside Edward’s apartment. In the square Edward took her to a student greasy spoon where they indulged themselves with scrambled eggs, bacon, and coffee.
“What are your plans today?” Edward asked. He had to speak loudly over the general din. Summer session at the university was in full swing.
“I’m heading up to Salem,” Kim said. “They’ve started the construction on the cottage. I want to check on the progress.” Kim had decided to call the old house “the cottage” in contrast to the castle.
“When do you plan to get back?”
“Early evening,” Kim said.
“How about meeting at the Harvest Bar around eight?” Edward said.
“It’s a date,” Kim said.
After breakfast Edward asked Kim to drop him off at the Harvard biological labs.
“You don’t want me to take you home to get your car?” she asked.
“No, thanks,” Edward said. “There’d be no place to park it here on the main campus. To get to work I’ll take the shuttle over to the medical area. I do it frequently. It’s part of the benefit of living within walking distance of the square.”
Edward had Kim drop him off at the corner of Kirkland Street and Divinity Avenue. He stood on the sidewalk and waved until she was out of sight. He knew he was in love, and he loved the feeling. Turning around, he started up Divinity Avenue. He felt like singing. What made him feel so good was that he was beginning to think that Kim felt affection for him. All he could do was hope that it would last. He thought about the flowers he was having sent every day and wondered if he were overdoing it. The problem was, he didn’t have a lot of experience with such things.
Arriving at the biological labs, Edward checked the time; it was before eight. As he climbed the stairs he worried he’d have to wait for Kevin Scranton. But his concerns were unfounded. Kevin was there.
“I’m glad you stopped in,” Kevin said. “I was going to call you today.”
“Did you find Claviceps purpurea?” Edward asked hopefully.
“Nope,” Kevin said. “No Claviceps.”
“Damn!” Edward said. He slumped into a chair. There was a disappointed, sinking sensation in his stomach. He’d been banking on a positive result and was counting on it mainly for Kim’s sake. He’d wanted to present it to her as a gift of science to help alleviate Elizabeth’s disgrace.
“Don’t look so glum,” Kevin said. “There wasn’t any Claviceps, but there was plenty of other mold. One of them that grew out morphologically resembles Claviceps purpurea, but it is a heretofore unknown species.”
“No kidding,” Edward commented. He brightened at the thought that at least they’d made a discovery.
“Of course that’s not terribly surprising,” Kevin said, causing Edward’s face to fall again. “Currently there are approximately fifty thousand known species of fungi. At the same time some people believe that one hundred thousand to a quarter of a million species actually exist.”
“So you’re trying to tell me that this isn’t a monumental discovery,” Edward commented wryly.
“I’m not making any value judgment,” Kevin said. “But it’s a mold that you might find interesting. It’s an ascomycete, like Claviceps, and it happens to form sclerotia just like Claviceps.”