Accused (Ganzfield) (8 page)

“Maddie, don’t.” Trevor pulled me close.

It’s all my fault.
Angry tears spilled from my eyes.
I did that to you!

Trevor pulled my chin up until our eyes met. “No. You didn’t do that to me.”

I did!
I felt sick-at-heart.

No. Maddie, no. You didn’t. THEY did that to US.

My breath caught. I wiped my face with the back of my hand and sniffed.

“They did that to us,” he repeated aloud. “Maddie, I’ve been having nightmares for the past two months. I’ve been imagining all sorts of terrible things—”

So this is just the latest horror.
I tried to smile… and failed. My lip quivered too much to pull it off. I was suddenly surrounded by Trevor’s invisible embrace. His physical fingertips traced the edges of my face. I put my own hands up to his cheeks, feeling the warmth of his skin and the slight scratch of his stubble.

In a long series of horrors
, he agreed, and I felt the truth in his mind.
The worst was the one in which you… in which you were executed.
He’d watched from behind a thick observation window as I’d been strapped to a gurney and lethal injection chemicals had been pumped into my veins. That one had haunted him over and over.

Oh. Oh, God.
I hadn’t actually made the connection that federal murders were capital offenses. I’d been too busy dealing with the interrogation horrors to realize that execution had been a real, possible outcome. Even though I’d killed four people, I never thought I’d be found guilty of their murders. I knew my actions hadn’t been criminal—and my lawyer had superpowers.

Now who’s polluting whose mind?
Trevor tried to force his thoughts in a different direction, but everything was still too intense.

I could feel the terror that this scenario had instilled in him, but it didn’t hit me as viscerally as it did with him. At least everything was okay now. Coleman had made sure I’d never be charged with those crimes again. It was over.

“It’s over.” He said it with more emphasis than he felt, trying to convince both of us. “The stuff from your nightmares… and the stuff from my nightmares… Over. Done. Not happening anymore.”

Over and done.

My hands still framed Trevor’s face. I leaned in and kissed his lips, lightly and impulsively. I felt a surprised little thrill fly through him and I realized how we’d been avoiding kissing without even realizing it. That intimacy treaded too close to the erotic, and I’d been too shell-shocked for anything like that.

I kissed him again, still lightly, lingering longer this time. A growl from his stomach seemed to interrupt, like a disapproving old man saying “ahem.”

Hungry?
I asked, feeling a genuine smile spread across my face.

Want to go raid the kitchen with me?

I glanced at the clock on my bedside table; it was nearly midnight. Everyone would be asleep or out on patrol. Good, We wouldn’t have to deal with them.

Absolutely.

We tossed jackets over our nightclothes so our flannel PJ pants just looked like a casual fashion choice. We walked hand-in-hand and shielded our minds together in a joyful déjà vu—we were together, and nothing was going to change that.

We treaded quietly on the steps of the main building. It took me several seconds to recall the door code from… before. I tapped the digits into the keypad. Minders had 24-hour access everywhere, of course. I couldn’t feel Williamson’s thoughts from his apartment on the top floor; he must either be gone or asleep. The old wooden building creaked as we threaded our way through the darkened hall back to the kitchen.

My appetite suddenly roared back into place. Everything looked
so
good.

Trevor pulled out two trays and set them on the counter. We stocked up—grapes, apples, bananas. Regular fresh fruit seemed luxurious and decadent to me. I grabbed deli meat, bread, and mustard, and Trevor moved his hand up to rest where my shoulder met my neck. It kept our physical connection for shielding while leaving my hands free. I made a couple of thick sandwiches. He continued to search the kitchen telekinetically—the cabinets opened as though ghosts were looking for snacks, too.

Brownies! Score!
He cut several out of the large pan, wrapping them in napkins with invisible hands. Trevor then rummaged through a high cabinet, pulling out an insulated pitcher with a screw-on lid. He filled it with milk from the fridge.

We cleaned up the evidence of our raid and I grabbed two large, unopened boxes of cereal as we left the dining hall. Trevor floated the overflowing trays in front of us as we returned to the church, both feeling giddy with innocent deviousness.

Once inside, we sat cross-legged on Trevor’s king-sized bed and had a midnight picnic. The food was simple and wholesome, and I reveled in the gentle explosion of flavor in every grape, every bite of apple. The sandwiches were hearty and filling—the tang of mustard tickled my mouth. But the sensation of drinking a glass of cold milk and eating a freshly-baked brownie sent me over the edge of bliss. I closed my eyes and made little happy noises.

For Trevor, this was dinner and a show. His joy wrapped green tendrils around us as he watched my reactions. If I’d been eating over the last few weeks, I had no memory of it. This was Food, with a capital F. Real Food. I lay back with my eyes still closed—relaxed and stuporously full. I actually had a little round lump of a belly and I loosened the now-tight cinch of my PJ-pants.

Better?
Trevor asked me.

Better.
I smiled.
A loaf of brownies, a jug of milk, and thou.

He grinned at my mangling of whatever quote that was as he took the unopened boxes of cereal out to the little cabinet we had in the annex. When he returned, he lay down sideways next to me and watched my continuing brownie-high while he played with a loose tendril of my hair.

I turned my head and opened my eyes to meet Trevor’s. Silvery waves of love splashed and surged between us, and the world dimmed away from us again. Our souls connected more strongly this time—more deeply—building the white energy between us, pulsing it, growing it, until we felt it overwhelm us and consume us.

We were both trembling when we returned to reality. I felt a tear break loose from my eye and slide down to the end of my nose where my quivering body made it vibrate as it threatened to fall. Instinctively, Trevor knew this wasn’t crying out of sadness or fear, but just out of beauty.

I love you.

I love you, too.

Marry me, Maddie.

Of course.
That was already the plan… someday.

Now.

Now?
It didn’t matter to me if we were married tomorrow or in ten years, so long as we were together.
Why now? Are you pregnant?

“Ha, ha.”
Not funny.
“C’mon. I’m eighteen. You’re emancipated. Let’s do it now.”

But what’s the rush?

Something seemed to rip inside Trevor, shattering our contented glow with a surging river of anguish. “I—I couldn’t get to you!” He quivered with remembered pain and frustration. “I had no legal standing when I tried to get in to see you. No claim. No official connection. You were gone and no one would tell me ANYTHING!” One of the empty plates flew across the room and shattered against the wall.

My jaw dropped. I’d never seen him lose control like that. I pulled him tightly to me, knowing the soul-deep pain I’d felt when I thought I might lose him. His shoulders heaved with sobs that he refused to let out. Looking around the room, I noticed that two of the metalwork covers protecting the lights hung unevenly from their struts and several dents marred the walls.

Finally, his breathing eased. He pulled back and ran his hands across his face. I grabbed one of them and pulled it to my lips.
It’s okay. Everything’s all right now.
I glanced at the shattered plate and a mirthless snort escaped me.
Someday, somebody’s going to get hurt trying to come between us.

Pink stains crept across Trevor’s face and mind.
It’s—it’s like the reasonable part of my mind just… shuts off when you’re in trouble. When someone tries to hurt you… I just… I just can’t deal with it.

It’s amazing any of the buildings at Ganzfield are still standing, then, after the year we’ve had. “Don’t make Trevor angry. You wouldn’t like him when he’s angry.”

He met my eyes with a reluctant smile, but the raw need of his insecurity left a hollow, shaking knot in him. He didn’t just want to marry me—he
needed
to tie us together in as many ways as possible.

Our thoughts intertwined as this understanding flashed between us. Trevor dropped his eyes and the phrase “desperate loser” slapped around his thoughts. I cupped his chin to bring his gaze back to mine. I wanted him to feel secure. Loved. Cherished.

Mine.

If this was the way to do it, count me in.
Any ideas about how I can handle the “I do” part?

He caught his breath. “Is that a yes?”

Of course it’s a yes! You know you’re stuck with me forever
. I started laughing.
Wait, did we just get engaged?

Trevor’s eyes sparkled and his soul seemed to overflow with light. “Yeah, I think we did.”

Going to change your mind?

He shook his head. “Not a chance.”

I slid closer to him and kissed him tenderly. I felt good—and clean and safe and whole again. I was with Trevor and Trevor was amazing, and as long as we were together, we could make everything all right.

In the morning, we slept late. The shutters across the windows kept the church blissfully dark.

Ahh.

I shifted slightly, savoring the feel of my comfy bed. I’d never take the simple pleasures of life for granted again. Sleeping late and waking up next to Trevor were definitely up there. Not that we’d slept in each other’s arms—he could still accidentally send me shot-putting across the room if we did that. But I opened my eyes to find him next to me in my little bed in the loft, watching me sleep with adoration and wonder in his eyes and heart.

So
much better than an alarm clock.

My color was a bit better in the bathroom mirror. The dark smudges around my eyes were fading, but I was still pale and too thin. I made a face at the pasty waif-reflection.

Good thing Trevor loves me for my mind.

We shared a quiet breakfast of coffee and handfuls of dry cereal straight from the box as we snuggled in his bed and read a book together. The buzz from my first coffee in months filled me with a strong, humming energy, sharpening the edges of the world to a bright glow.

Shortly before noon, I felt the tentative touch of Ann’s mind against mine.
Maddie?
Ann’s thoughts dripped with trepidation; I guessed the other minders had been talking about me.

I turned to Trevor.
Ann’s back.

Concern pulled at his face. We’d been relaxed and content together, but Ann’s arrival made my anxious memories flare up.

You wanted to see Zack?
she asked.

Is he with you?

Yeah. Do you want us to come to the church?

Um, I guess.

We’ll be there in two minutes.

I didn’t feel the desperate need to get all the crap charmed out of my head anymore. Trevor and I had been wading through the mud together pretty well. Maybe we should just handle it ourselves. If Ann’s emotions were any indication, Seth and my mom had picked up enough for everyone in minder-land to have the worst stuff in their heads already. Was there any point in letting a charm mess with my memories now?

It felt strange, expecting visitors. We didn’t have people here often. I looked around for something to straighten, but the spartan sanctuary was clear. Ann’s approach sent a shiver of trepidation through me. I pulled a mental shield up to cover my naked thoughts.

Trevor sensed it form around us.
Are you okay?

I… uh, yeah. No. I—I don’t want Ann to see my memories, okay? Will you do the talking?

He brought me in closer and kissed the top of my head
. Absolutely.

We opened the door as I felt them approach. Actually, I only felt Ann, who—as a fellow-minder—was louder than other people to me. Ann’s pity dripped like candle wax—viscous and a bit too warm.

In contrast, Zack was mentally invisible, as usual. “You need my help?” Zack looked more mature than the last time I remembered seeing him. How long had I been gone?

I looked to Trevor, clutching more tightly at his hand.

“Maddie has… Maddie was… interrogated. Tortured.” Trevor bit the word.

Zack’s face clouded. Ann’s hazel eyes and mind radiated concern and her bronze complexion seemed to pale. Zack’s piercing blue eyes looked from Trevor’s face to mine, and then to Ann’s. He touched her hand and she became as mentally invisible as Zack—like she’d disappeared into his mind. She met his gaze and, after a few seconds, nodded.

“I’ll see you in a little while, okay?” She ducked out of the church.

“You can stop shielding when she’s out of range,” said Zack.

I felt her mind fade as she moved back to the main building and I dropped the block from Trevor and me. I gave Zack a nervous little smile.
Looks like I missed a few things.

“We can catch up later. Now, tell me what you need me to do.”

I felt my face burn and I dropped my eyes.
I… I was going to ask you to charm out—
I took a shuddering breath
. I’ve got a bunch of pain and sadistic sexual stuff in my brain. It’s secondhand—nothing physically happened to me,
I clarified as he inhaled sharply.
But, if everyone already knows anyway, there isn’t any reason to… I mean, even if you charmed away my memories, I’ll just get them back from Ann or my mom or—
My shoulders sagged—it just seemed pointless now.
So I don’t really know if there’s anything you can do. We’ll just have to deal with it—deal with the nightmares and everything.