Act Like a Success, Think Like a Success: Discovering Your Gift and the Way to Life's Riches (2 page)

If you're on Twitter or Instagram, you can send me a tweet or video about your progress to @ActLikeASuccess, using the hashtag #IAmSuccess.

Many self-help and inspirational books tell you that you need to get something that you don't already have in order to achieve greatness. I'm here to tell you that you don't have to take another class, learn another language, get with a new set of people, or spend money you don't have. To become truly successful in your life, you have to start with your
gift
. And you know what's so great about that? You already have it! I know that some of you do not yet know what your gift is. Others of you may have an idea of what your gift is, but you haven't figured out how to appreciate it, perfect it, and attach it to the right vehicle that will lead you to even more success than you can ever imagine. You have all the answers right here in these pages.

In my journey toward success, I came to realize that
staying
successful is as much an art as
becoming
successful. When you really take on acting like a success and thinking like a success, you can have all the riches that life has to offer. This is the kind of blessed life that I want you to start living.

I
speak on being tired of myself rather well because the Steve Harvey that you know was once tired of himself at a particular point in his life. I, Steve Harvey, was tired. I was tired of the way I was living. I was tired of going nowhere. I was sick and tired of being poor. Poverty had exhausted me. It was exhausting for me to constantly have to think up ways to provide and survive. It was difficult to see things that I wanted and not be able to afford them. I was completely worn out by poverty. I was sick of myself for not pursuing my God-given gift. I was tired of myself for not going after my dreams.

At that time, I did not really know how to pursue my dreams, but still, that is not an excuse, because not knowing did not stop the sickening feeling I was having. I was tired of struggling, of doing without. I was tired of me. I was tired of everything. I was tired of feeling disappointment. I was tired of disappointing other people, including my mother and father. I was tired of not being able to see the potential in myself that others clearly saw. I was tired of living in a rut.

I had gotten completely and fully tired of myself. I was exhausted from looking outside myself for the answers. But I came to realize that the solution to my pain and despair were deep inside of me all along. As my mother used to say, paraphrasing Fannie Lou Hamer, “Sometimes, son, nothing is going to change until you get sick and tired of being sick and tired.”

Let's take this journey together, because if you are tired of being sick and tired, know this: so was I.

Are you tired of making the same promises to yourself that you are never motivated enough to see through? Are you tired of making excuses for not making change? Are you tired of measuring yourself against others and falling short? Are you sick of telling yourself, “Tomorrow I will do something different,” but that “tomorrow” never comes? Well, being tired of yourself is a good place to be, because it means that you are ready to make changes in your life that will bring about great reward. I'm glad that you're finally here.

When you are in this position of being tired of yourself, normally you are not alone. Everybody in your life—from your family to your coworkers—has been tired of you and your excuses for some time now. They see your gift and the pain you are causing yourself by not tapping into your God-given purpose and becoming your best. But here's the thing: People can tell you that they are tired of your excuses, but until
you
get tired of you, it won't make any difference. Are you done with blocking yourself from opportunities that could easily have been yours last month, last year, or even a decade ago?

More often than not, our beliefs about ourselves are learned, internalized thoughts that evolve into behaviors that take over how we operate in our day-to-day lives. Somewhere along the way we grow accustomed to our self-perceptions, and we allow them to become oppositions to our gifts and opportunities. We become our own opposition when we accept the following: procrastinating, lying to ourselves, comparing ourselves to others, and having self-doubts—in short, anything that gets in the way of our becoming who we were created to be.

So, what does it take for you to get to the breaking point? What will it take for you to be awakened out of your sleep? What will force you to realize finally that the life you are living is far below your God-given potential? This is your life, and you have to live it TODAY. You cannot afford to waste another minute being unfulfilled, unsatisfied, and underutilized. Right now, and I do mean
right now
, is your moment to take advantage of the dreams, goals, and visions that you have held in your heart for far too long.

Jordan Belfort, the author of the book and inspiration for the movie
The Wolf of Wall Street
, said, “The only thing standing between you and your goal is the bullshit story you keep telling yourself as to why you can't achieve it.” But I want to take it a step further. Excuses are the lies you convince yourself are true to avoid proving you are worthy of the gift you were given. Say this with me—“NO MORE EXCUSES.”

When I was a student at Kent State University, my major was psychology, but I was really majoring in excuses. I had a million excuses for why I couldn't go to class or why I couldn't pay my rent. After college, I had even more excuses for why I was stuck in dead-end jobs and why I wasn't pursuing my dream to be a comedian. The more I told myself these lies, the more I believed that I wasn't worthy of earning my degree or being on a comedy stage.

Then one day I was telling a friend why I had dropped out of school, and when I heard the words coming out of my mouth, I realized that it wasn't the school's fault or my parents' fault. At the end of the day, it was
my
fault. I had everything I needed, but at every turn I found a reason not to start. I came up with roadblocks for myself so that I wouldn't have to be responsible for my gift.

If you are like I was, you need to stop lying to yourself with excuses. Your excuses are as empty now as they were when you first started using them. I need you to realize that your gifts are opportunities, and to embrace a new belief:
You
are a success.

Now, before you skip this section and say, “Steve, I don't make excuses for my life,” hold on. The people who claim that they don't make excuses are usually the biggest offenders. You know who you are. You are a Type A person who goes hard in your career, but you are normally the one making an excuse for missing a family member's birthday or canceling a date for the third time. Success doesn't live in one part of your life and become exempt in another. If you're going to do this, you have to do it all the way. You have to be open to using your gift to embrace your opportunities and change your life.

When I began in comedy, I was protective about letting people into my life. I was trying to write like other people. I didn't really develop the real truth of who I was as a stand-up until I was no longer afraid to open up. Sharing my truth led me to tons more material to joke about, including my past, my relationship with my parents, my failed relationships, and things I was currently going through. For me to grow in my gift, the first thing I had to do was to learn to be honest.

When you open up yourself to being honest, you can just deal with whatever the truth is. All of your truth may be negative, but that can be a positive, too. If you uncover the negatives about yourself, you then have a chance to improve. That's why it's very important that when something goes wrong in your relationship, or when something goes wrong in your business, the first question you ask yourself is “What did I do wrong?” You have an opportunity to change yourself or fix the situation at any given moment. You cannot change another person. If I point the one finger at everyone else and ignore the three pointing back at me, I have relinquished my chance to grow, change, and develop. But the moment that I pay attention to the three fingers that are pointing back at me, then and only then will I grow.

Too often you focus on the cons before you even consider a pro. You can't even think about the benefits of taking on your dream because you're too busy focusing on the “what if,” the “what could be,” and the “why it won't work for me” excuses. You're willing to waste years of your life walking away from your dreams instead of running toward your destiny.

Some of you are afraid to step up into your gifts because you're too busy comparing yourself to someone else. God made you and the way you do what you do
exclusively
for you. The world doesn't have time to interact with your representative—it needs the real,
authentic
you to show up and shine your light.

Don't get stuck thinking, Well, there's already a million and one motivational speakers out there. There's nothing new that I can bring to the table. There might be fifty motivational speakers in your city, but you are the only one who has your unique set of experiences, mistakes, lessons, pitfalls, and triumphs that can make the difference between someone living an ordinary life and that same person stepping into an extraordinary future. You'd be amazed how your personal story about leaving your small town and taking a leap of faith in the big city could speak to someone louder than, say, a story told by Les Brown ever could. Use your energy to perfect your game, not someone else's.

Often, we get these stereotypes stuck in our heads about who can and who can't sit at the Big Table to make decisions. We count ourselves out before the game starts because we think we don't have the right upbringing, education, or experience to take on a new opportunity.

When the day comes for you to be part of a meeting that will change the course of your organization, you can't afford to back away from the table because you think you don't have enough letters behind your name.

I don't care about your race, your gender, where you come from, or your financial status. If God gives you the opportunity to step up to the plate, don't waste your time talking about “I'm not worthy”! Stop limiting your gift because you can't see the big picture. You have the same right to sit at the Big Table as anyone else. For far too long, the Big Tables have been dominated by the same kinds of people and personalities. Sit up, speak with boldness about what you know, and add value that would be absent from the table if you remained silent. Take your opportunity to add your unique talents and skills to the mix.

We have to be aware of the conversation we are having with ourselves about our gifts and talents. What are you saying to yourself when no one else is around? What are the conversations that you are having in the mirror with yourself each morning? Are you speaking life into your dreams, or are you repeating someone else's fears and anxieties? Are you front-loading your day with Scriptures, affirmations, and positive quotations, or are you dumping doubt and anguish into your spirit?

Some of us have been playing the same self-defeating records over and over again in our heads for so long that we don't know how to think any differently about ourselves.

“I'm not smart enough to do that.”

“I'll never be as good as my mother [or father].”

“That's good for you, but I know that won't work for somebody like me.”

“It's too hard to do that.”

“It's too late for me to get out there and do it.”

You may be thinking that you're just having these self-defeating conversations with yourself, but the more you repeat these statements in your head, the more these words become like an invisible coat of misery that you put on every day. You think that you're the only one who can see your words of defeat, but they show up in your demeanor and how you present yourself to the world.

How do you get a new song to sing about for your life and your dreams? You can start out small, by saying short affirmations:

“I was BORN to do this!”

“God has a plan for ME!”

“I am MORE than a conqueror!”

“My dreams CAN become my reality!”

Practice learning how to speak about success with experts who are fluent in the language of success. One of the best ways to learn a foreign language is to fully immerse yourself into the culture of the people who speak the language best. The same principle applies to speaking the language of success. You want to be around people who know how to speak million-dollar deals into existence. You want to be in a conversation when the next great nonprofit is born. You want your ears to be accustomed to listening for the next great idea that is going to revolutionize the world.

Imagine, what could you really accomplish if your speech was filled with more statements that began with “I can” than with “I can't”? How far could your dreams soar if you said, “Why not me?” instead of “Why me?” more often? And just like when you are learning a new language, you're still going to slip up and say, “I could have done . . .” instead of “I will do . . .” Surround yourself with native successful speakers, and before you know it, you'll begin to speak the life of your dreams into existence.

Some parts of your vision are meant to be shared, in confidence, only with a trusted mentor, friend, or family member. And some aspects of your vision honestly don't need to go beyond your prayer time with God.

So many people are missing their way in life because they are afraid to sign the lease on their gift. You can clearly see your dream, but you are wasting time overthinking the unknown or talking to people who don't understand your aspirations. I know far too many people in Hollywood who go around saying, “I'm a waitress for now, but I'm really an actress.” Then why aren't you acting already? If you are committed to making your dream a reality, you gotta put your name on the lease.