Adam's Apple (Touch of Tantra #1) (19 page)

“I can see that,” she says looking down at my crouch with a knowing smile. “But please try to rein yourself in as much as possible. Our time is about receiving not about achieving, and you’re used to achieving when you’re in this kind of state, that’s for sure.”

Kathryn climbs onto my lap, her pussy comes dangerously close to my aching cock, but to my disappointment doesn’t directly touch me. It appears there will be no bump and grind for now. But I swear I can feel the heat of her sex now that she’s opened to me. I can’t help but wonder if she’s wet, and turned on like I am. Never have I been this close to a woman with her legs spread without removing her clothes and thrusting balls deep into her. Control might be more than I can handle, as my body wants to react on memory due to the countless times I’ve been in this position before.

“I’ll try to calm myself down, but I don’t think there is much hope with you sitting this close and practically dry-humping me. Truthfully, I want to rip your damn clothes off. So yes, I’m having a hard time right now, pun intended.”

“I don’t mean to make this difficult for you, and I appreciate you being honest with me as well. We need honesty for this session to work, so please tell me how you’re feeling even if you don’t think I want to hear it. I’ll try not to torture you, and remember it’s best not to focus on sex, instead focus on trying to open up a memory locked inside you. I’m going to teach you a Tantric breathing technique that will help you concentrate on something else besides sex. Hopefully it will help.”

“I sure as hell hope it does, too.” My remarks are a sarcastic plea.

She places her hands on my bare shoulders and spreads her fingers out over my skin, making small circles. I react with a little shiver, although I’m sure it didn’t escape her trained eye.

Kathryn has to know what she’s doing to me. It’s crazy. A few simple touches on my skin and I feel like it’s the most intimate contact I’ve ever experienced with a woman in my life. I wonder if it’s not so much the contact that makes it different, but whose hands are driving me wild. Either way, I pray she continues.

“Follow my lead here. I want you to breathe the opposite of my breaths. When I inhale you exhale. Let’s try it, and remember complete eye contact, at all times.”

Kathryn breathes in deeply, then exhales slowly with a full blow. She bobs her head for me to follow. I breathe in and out to mirror hers, while our eyes remain focused on each other. The only movement is a slight rise from our chests as we breathe, and her hands as they continue to touch me.

Our transposed breathing is sensuous; it feels like a sexual rhythm of in and out. A push and pull. The technique’s erotic feeling further stimulates me, which is the exact opposite of what Kathryn hoped for. But it’s arousing in a different way. Sure, I want to pound into her right now, but there is also an unusual feeling over my whole body. A relaxing sensation, one I’ve never experience before having sex or in any other situation for that matter.

“You’re doing well. Keep it up.” Her hands continue to rub over my chest. Splayed out and lightly massaging me.

“I’m feeling strange, good, but strange.” She smiles knowingly back at me, and to my surprise kisses my cheek.

“That’s good. It means you’re finally starting to relax and let go. When you become more relaxed you will be sensitive to the erotic side of our intimacy.” Her lips tickle my ears as she speaks, and her full breasts press against my bare skin. It’s almost too much for me to take at this point. “Now try to focus on the breathing. It will be just enough to distract you. At least I hope.”

“I’ll try, but having your beautiful breasts in my face is killing me.” She pushes back, and her perfect tits are no longer touching me. Why did I have to open my big mouth? I want to tell her they were fine pressing against me and please bring them back, but I keep my thoughts to myself.

“Back to our breathing, okay? And quiet. Listen to the music playing. Do you feel the beat?”

“Yes,” I say. I almost don’t recognize my voice; it’s weak but so relaxed as her hands continue their sweet torment against my skin.

“Breathe and exhale on the beats. Get in sync with the music. Let your senses become involved, come alive.”

A little too much of me has come alive right now, and there doesn’t seem to be a thing I can do about it. I’m powerless with her this close to me, rubbing her hands all over me. And, holy fuck, I can feel her hips starting to move on my legs. They’re circling to the beat of the music. I want to press up into her, relieve my ache. It would just take one swift move of my hips for my cock to get some relief and touch her.

I hold back but it becomes worse. Focusing on the breathing and following her lead will hopefully help, but it’s likely impossible at this point.

Minutes seem to float by as we continue breathing. Kathryn keeps massaging me. Our gazes stay intensely fixed, neither one of us looking away. All of these sensations combine together and make me feel something I can’t quite name. I’ve never meditated before, but my centered concentration makes me wonder if this is what it feels like. All my energy seems gathered and focused as if the world around us has faded away.

Maybe that’s the point, bringing all my conscious thoughts to a place where I’m in a trance-like state. A lover’s high only reached by Kathryn’s hands sliding over me, her hips undulating with the music as she straddles my legs, and her eyes leaving me weakened and defenseless to stop what I’m feeling.

“Kingsley,” she whispers. “The touch from earlier. Think about it now.”

Her voice draws me out of my altered state of mind. I know she’s asking me to think back to the touch from a woman whose memory haunts me, but I feel completely powerless to resist Kathryn’s demand. She’s mesmerized me with some kind of Tantric magic. I’m bewitched without an ounce of fight left within me. She knows my dilemma, my hesitancy to surrender and loosen the grip I have on my past, and she’s won.

My resistance vanishes as a memory starts to surface. A time when I was sick as a child
. It’s bubbling up inside of me. Deep within my gut, I feel my muscles constrict. The tightening makes me hold my breath as I struggle with the discomfort. I fight to keep my eyes focused on Kathryn, but my eyelids are starting to flutter.

Just when I’m unsure if I can continue with whatever the fuck I’m experiencing, Kathryn rescues me. She grips my jaw, holding my head in place.

“Let go, Kingsley,” she whispers to me, calling the memory out. I obey and release the first knot in my stomach. The ache spirals to my chest, tightening and intensifying. I feel as if a weight has been dropped on me. The feelings I’m experiencing are so intense, no matter how hard I try, my eyes won’t stay open. When I give in and close them, the memories come flooding back.

My mother sat next to me on my small twin bed. I was about ten and very sick, a rare occurrence for me. My beloved Batman sheets were tucked snuggly around me. She took my hand and told me I was going to be all right. I felt her fingers run through my hair and gently caressing my scalp. Calming me, loving me. I was weak from fever but her touch gave me strength. The smell of her perfume drifted all around me. She smiled warmly down at me, her beautiful face reflecting a mother’s love.

Then she began singing to me, a song from my childhood. Her voice was angelic as she sang the familiar words I remembered so well.

My mother’s melodic voice turns into a sound of pain, a beseeching cry from deep down inside her soul. The gut-wrenching sound, more like a howl, jolts me from wherever my mind has traveled to, and it’s then I realize the sound I heard was my own.

My eyes fly open in disbelief, my screaming fading away as my senses return. It was the desperate cry I wanted to voice at my mother’s grave, but it remained buried until now.

Kathryn is still in front of me, her eyes swimming with tears. They’re streaming down her beautiful face, but her expression doesn’t contain any sadness; a genuine happiness radiates from her instead. Her encouraging smile intersects with tears as they trail down her face. It’s then I realize the tears she’s shedding are for me.

“Oh, Kingsley. You sweet, sweet man.” Her words are so tender and loving.

Her arms encircle me as her soft body folds and melts into mine. The legs, once loosely lying by my side, now hug me tightly around my hips; her heels dig almost painfully into my backside. But I welcome the feeling because it affirms her feelings for me.

Desperate to hold her, I greedily wrap my arms around her waist. Nothing stops me now, including her. My hands meet as they encompass her tiny frame, one drifting lower as I grasp the sweet ass I’ve dreamed of holding. I move the other hand higher and cup it behind of neck. I entwine and weave my fingers through her soft hair. Drawing her tightly to me, her body feels so fragile and delicate next to my hard chest.

We cling to each other while she continues to soothingly caress my skin, nothing holding her back now. Murmurs escape from her sweet lips as they move gently across my throat, kissing a path to my ear. She speaks so quietly, I can’t fully hear what she’s saying, but I know the meaning regardless. She wants me,
finally
.

I bring my head down to hers and bury myself in her hair. Her smell. Her scent. Like an aphrodisiac, overloading my senses, making me feel high, almost drugged when I inhale. I can’t seem to get enough of her so I push myself deeper into her raven-colored silk, needing more, feeling as though I’ll never get enough.

“You were wonderful.” Her voice floats around me in a haze of sensations. “And I don’t what this to stop.”

I want to tell her the same thing, but I’m unable to speak. My voice is lost because I’m still too overcome from what I just experienced with her. Kathryn runs her hands all over me. Pulling them through my hair. Fingernails grazing my back. She moves her lips across my jaw, down my neck, and stopping at my chest. The very place I felt something inside me break loose as I cried out. The cry lifted the weight of suppressing ten years of guilt. How this could even be possible is beyond me, but it’s truly gone.

I have no time to process the difference I feel as her lips find mine. Passionately we connect, our tongues tangling. Our kiss is so different than the others we shared tonight. It’s free and uninhibited. No guessing if I’m doing the right thing, or if she’ll allow me to ravish her, because she’s in the lead. Where she’s taking me, I don’t know, but I’ll gladly follow.

Now, I have her body in my hands, the one that has tortured and teased me since I met her last night. Finally, she relinquishes to me and every intimate part of us connects. The ache I felt for her vanished the second her hot sex made contact with mine. Normally contact like this would make me want to push my cock roughly into her pussy, but I don’t care about myself right now. Instead I want to soak this moment in, capture it in time.

She pulls away, and I moan at the loss of her touch. “Look at me, Kingsley.” I obey instantly; I would do anything for this woman.

“Breathe with me again.”

The cycle from earlier begins again. Breathe in, and exhale out. But this time when her hips circle, her sex strokes against mine in an up and down motion. I give into the feeling, following her. Our moans mix; the heat between us building.

Our movements are beyond dry-humping. I feel as though I’m buried deep inside of her with each thrust of my cock against her covered sex. The connection between our bodies mimic
s the act I thought I knew so well. I realize now how right she was. I knew nothing.

“God, Kathryn.” I groan, the build-up for my release closing in.

“We’re going to slow it down.” I want to beg her to continue, as I felt my balls starting to tighten. My release was seconds away. Now I fear they’re turning blue. “I know you’re close, that’s why we’re pulling back, slowing down, to only build back up. Trust me.”

“You’re killing me,” I groan, resting my head on her shoulder.

I’m beginning to think Tantra is another word for torture at this point. Emotionally and physically, I’ve never experienced anything like the grueling intensity I’m submitting to with her. But the physical part has changed since I went back to those memories of my mother. I don’t understand it, the change in intimacy, but our contact together is deeper, more intense.

“You’ll thank me.” She winks and slows her gyrating hips. They sweep past me slowly, painfully slow. My orgasm was on the verge, but somehow my desire has picked up, the delay driving me crazy with need.

She kisses me. Our tongues moving in sync with her hips and my thrusts. Pulling away from me, Kathryn takes the barely-there sports bra in her hands and lifts it over her head. Her chest now completely exposed. Beautiful round breasts, full with rose-colored nipples standing before me. Ready and waiting. I nearly come on the spot. It’s as if she’s cast a witch’s spell and given her body unbelievable power over me.

“You’re so beautiful. Perfect.” Her seductive smile lets me know my words are appreciated, and her breasts are mine for the taking. So I take them.

I’m almost shaking as the passion flows through me. Ready to burst when I come into contact with the sides of her breast. One in each hand, I hold them delicately, worshiping them.

Thumbing her aroused nipples, I’m in heaven. Hard and taut without even my touch. They stiffen further as I pull and twist, elongating them. Her hips pick up speed as I continue to tease her. I reach down and pull one nipple into my mouth, sucking and flicking it with my tongue.

I hear her crying out for more as I do. She forces her hips harder against my erection. Her need for more as desperate as mine. Fuck, how I wish I was inside her, feeling her wetness all around me. The thought alone is enough to make me come.

My moans now join her as I shove myself up into her, grinding against her hot pussy.

She cups my jaw and pulls my head away. “Look at me when you come.”

Her eyes are dark and hooded, so full of arousal. Likely no different than my own. Our grinding hasn’t ceased and I’m getting close again. Not far from the end for me, but I’m enjoying this ride with her. I don’t ever want it to stop.

My breath hitches as I feel her fingers undoing the ties of my pants. Loosening them until they’re free and hanging open. She places her hands on the area above my boxers and gives me a devilish look. One which promises to undo me. I keep eye contact with her, though; I’ve learned to follow rules tonight.

She sneaks around the elastic of my briefs, and I hold my breath praying she doesn’t stop. And she doesn’t. I feel her hands exploring further, deeper until she’s taken me fully into them and enclosed her fingers around me. I moan when she begins to move her hands up and down. It’s the sweet friction I’ve been craving.

I’ve wanted this moment with her since I met her last night. Dreamed of it even. But now that’s she’s finally here, in my arms, with my cock in her hands, it’s different than I imagined. Damn, it’s incredibly so much more.

I want to get her there with me, so I place my fingers palm up onto her pussy. She’s practically pulsing with need, and fuck, she’s hot and feeling slick even through her yoga pants.

“I want to touch you, too.” I need to get underneath these damn yoga pants like it’s the last thing I’ll ever do.

“Hell, I’ve already crossed so many lines...” Kathryn says, husky and breathy. It was all she needed to say.

In a frenzy, I flatten my hand and delve inside her yoga pants. They’re tight but no match for me. I push my hand down her toned stomach, my fingers glide over her bare pussy.
Bare.
Damn, my favorite kind. I then slip my fingers down into her heat, cupping and possessing her entirely. I watch her eyes roll backward as I find her clit and feel the wetness.

Right now, possibly for the first time in my entire life, I
want
a woman. I don’t just want a fuck or quick head. Then it suddenly dawns on me and I understand what she’s been trying to tell me about sex versus fucking. I see the difference now. It’s as clear as a sunny day.

She moves against my hand, and I can’t help but smile as we stare into each other eyes. I’ve desired and lusted after this beautiful woman, and for now she’s all mine. I’ve never known a craving like this before.

I need to be inside her somehow and feel that connection. So I enter her with two fingers as I rub my thumb over her clit in circles. Pressing harder, she rocks and finds a rhythm. The whole time I’ve been stimulating her, she’s had her fingers wrapped around me, stroking my cock. My orgasm now only seconds away.

“Come,” I plead as my face shows my desire to bring her with me over the edge.

My one word is followed by more pressure onto her clit, and a slight curl of my fingers inside her. She holds me tighter and moves her hand faster and we both fly off into the beginnings of our release.

Everything connects inside me with the force of my orgasm. My whole body spasms with each beat of my heart. I cry out in an unfathomable ecstasy. The sound echoing around the tapestry-covered walls.