Addison Addley and the Things That Aren't There (5 page)

Great. Just what I needed. I didn't really want to find out if I had any more cavities. Besides, I had kind of already guessed that I had one today. It must have been that ESP thing. ESP was another thing that either might or might not be there. I knew that ESP meant that you knew something was going to happen before it happened. I remembered once when I had known
what hockey card was on top of the pack before I even opened it. It might have been a good guess. Maybe not though. And today I had known that I was going to have a cavity before I even got to the office. I guess the way my tooth had been aching for a month might have given it away.

I had way too many ideas swirling around my head. It was bad enough being upside down in that chair, let alone having to think about ideas for my speech. Two bad things in one day. The dentist and schoolwork. Two bad things too many. Do bad things come in threes?

Dr. Pain came back into the room. I squinted my eyes to try and see his aura. Sam had said that blue was the color of peace and calm. I could have used some peace and calm right then. Maybe if I concentrated hard enough he'd be blue. I squinted harder. The only good thing about the squinting business was that it made it a lot harder to see the needle.

My mouth was still numb when I got back to school after lunch. My mind pretty much went numb too when I started listening to Tiffany's speech.

“Etiquette describes the way we should interact with each other. It's all about politeness,” Tiffany began. “Did you know that you should wait to start eating until your host unfolds her napkin and puts it on her lap? That you should only blot your mouth gently with your napkin and then put it back immediately? Nobody likes a messy eater,” she said, looking at me.

Blah, blah, blah, I thought as I drew a fish on my hand. The Lamp was the last one to speak today, but definitely the most boring. One guy talked about helicopters and one girl babbled on about her baby sister.
I couldn't wait to get out of there. Luckily I'm good at tuning out annoying noise. I just pretend I'm in my video game battling the dragons in their supersonic jets.

After what seemed to be about a week, she finished. “Sometimes etiquette just can't be learned,” she said, glaring at me. “Sometimes people are just too rude to listen.”

The class clapped politely. I yawned. My hands were sore from all that writing the night before.

“See—everyone liked my speech,” Tiffany said as she pushed past me on the way out of the school. “Please and thank you go a long way. You should learn what they mean.”

“You're right,” I said. “Would you please excuse me while I go and throw up? Thank you.”

It's hard to be nice to Tiffany. My brain tells me to try, but sometimes my mouth just says what it wants to. It's like my mouth is its own boss. I'm kind of proud of that. I mean, when it comes right down to it, sometimes a big mouth comes in more handy than a big brain. You couldn't just use your brain to yell at your teammate to steal second when the catcher suddenly fumbles the ball. And what about if we were attacked
by giant tarantulas? Your mouth would sure come in handy when you were screaming for help.

That night I added two more lines to my speech. It now had four lines.

Miss Steane, honorable judges, and fellow classmates,
Do you ever wonder if something is really there?
Like how a dog can hear a really high whistle?
We don't think that whistle's there, but it really is
.

I was sweating. Writing was such hard work. I had two more lines though. I was really proud of myself now.

I didn't sleep much that night because I kept thinking about black holes and wormholes. Sam had said something about a wormhole being like a secret passageway out there in the universe. Things could sort of move through space and time all at once. Wouldn't that make it quicker for ufos to get to us?

I put my head under the pillow. Some things are just better left unthought.

On Tuesday morning the speeches continued. Most of them were pretty boring—famous authors and not-so-famous explorers—but at least they passed the time so that we didn't have to do real work like math.

Sam gave his speech on medieval times in the afternoon. It was pretty good except for the sentences he repeated three times. I guess he was pretty excited.

He brought in some props, like this catapult that he made. You could launch real stones with it and throw them right across the room. I wished he'd launch one at the fire alarm so that we could get out of school early.

Everybody clapped after Sam's speech. I did too. My hands weren't as sore as they had been the day before after Tiffany's speech. It's funny how they have a mind of their own too.

Becky did her speech next. It was about ventriloquism. She even brought in a real dummy that she had borrowed from her uncle. The only problem was she got so nervous that she forgot to move the dummy's mouth. A talking dummy who doesn't talk kind of misses the point.

I felt sorry for Becky. It looked like she was going to start crying. Tiffany rolled her eyes at her and turned the other way. I gave Becky the thumbs-up and clapped really hard. I don't know why some people get so nervous about giving a speech. Then again, I guess having Tiffany rolling her eyes at you from the front row would give anyone the creeps.

“Are you ready for tomorrow?” Sam asked as we headed home after school.

“Sure,” I lied. “The speech will be easy.”

“What about the punch?” Sam was always worrying about me. I guess he needed someone to worry about besides himself. I didn't mind helping him out with that.

“Yeah, yeah,” I said. “I've got everything I need.”

I hoped everything I needed was in the kitchen cupboards, which are full of organic this and organic that. Mom was out at another astronomy meeting. That was good because I wanted to surprise her by making the punch myself. I looked at the recipe.

Organic Smoothie Delight

1 cup organic grape juice

2 cups organic cranberry juice

1 cup organic orange juice

2 cups organic iced tea

3 tsp organic honey

2 tsp organic flaxseed oil

½ cup organic soy milk

I did some quick calculations in my head. Sam had said that I needed to multiply everything by three to make enough for the class. Something didn't seem to add up though. I definitely didn't have all the ingredients.

I decided to go down to the grocery store on the corner and get what I needed. I counted out some of my paper route money that I'd been saving for a new video game. I hated to let it go, but it was worth it. I could just see the look on Mom's face when Mrs. Wilson raved about how good the punch was. She would be so happy. She could thank me later. I had just enough money left over for a gigantic bottle of root beer. Root beer helps me think. I like to see how many thoughts I can think before I burp. I knew I'd need help thinking if I was going to work on my speech that night.

On the way out of the store, I ran into Mrs. Wilson. It must have been ESP again because I had just been thinking about her. When I say “ran into her,” I really mean “ran into her.” She knocked me right over. Her purse fell on the ground and everything spilled out. I scrambled to my feet and began to pick up her things.

“Hmpf,” she snorted, looking down at me like I was a pesky mosquito or an annoying fly. “Watch where you're going next time, Anison.”

I didn't bother correcting her. I figured not getting my name right ran in the family.

“Sorry, Mrs. Wilson.” I handed her purse back to her. “That's a real nice wallet you've got there.”

Mrs. Wilson snorted again.

“It's sort of like my Mom's wallet,” I continued. “She's got an extra-nice one to keep her grocery money in. She needs it with all her fancy recipes and stuff.”

Mrs. Wilson snorted one more time and left. I guess compliments didn't work with her kind. The punch would have to speak for itself.

When I got home I put the punch ingredients out on the table. I measured and I mixed. I mixed and I measured. I must have made extra-strong iced tea, because the punch looked darker than Mom's. It sure looked tasty though. If I hadn't had to finish my root beer so I could burp, I would have had a glass of it. I gave it one final stir. At last my masterpiece was done. Now I had to finish my speech.

I thought and I wrote. I wrote and I thought. Before I went to bed that night I added two more lines to my speech. I now had six lines. That would have to do.

Miss Steane, honorable judges, and fellow classmates, Do you ever wonder if something is really there? Like how a dog can hear a really high whistle? We don't think that whistle's there, but it really is. Black holes, wormholes, atoms and ghosts. With an open mind, you can see the most
.

I especially liked that rhyming bit. That would prove to Miss Steane that I'd been listening to the poetry stuff we'd learned earlier in the year. I'd saved it till now to show her just how good I was. If I didn't win the speech contest, maybe I could enter the poetry contest next year.

Right now my speech was done. Well, the six lines that I needed were written, anyway. I could just fill in the blanks tomorrow. I could make those six sentences turn into sixty or six hundred or even six thousand if I wanted to. As long as I had the bare bones of what I needed I would be fine. Why would anybody waste their energy writing down every word they were going to say? They should learn to trust themselves to come up with the right words at the right time, like I did.

I knew I needed to speak for three minutes. I'd throw in a thing or two about gravity and ESP too.
I would just add things as I went. After all, my nickname wasn't Add for nothing. My brain was good at stuff like that. I was sure of it. The only thing I wasn't one hundred percent sure about was my mouth. Like I said, sometimes my mouth is its own boss.