Addy And The Smart Guy (Big Girl Panties #3) (20 page)

But it wasn't to be. She taught her class, assigned the final paper for the semester, and made her way back to Grey's office. The door was closed, so she opened it boldly and without hesitation, though her insides were churning with nerves and excitement. Somehow the man had managed to lift her to such heights of ecstasy that she felt she could fly and sing just from pure joy. At the same time, he'd offered nothing but disappointment for her future. The emotions were impossible to manage.
 

Yet she kept them from displaying on her face, even as she walked in the office to find her dearest lover kissing his perfect, blond girlfriend.

Addy stood frozen one step inside the door. Grey stepped back from Caroline who turned to smile over her shoulder. "I'm so sorry," Addy said, her ingrained manners coming to her rescue. "I'll come back later."

"No," Grey said. "We were about to go have brunch. Stay."

Addy bobbed a nod and moved to her little desk as Grey and Caroline exited. As soon as they were gone, she let go. She dropped her head to her desk, fisted her hands in her hair, and choked back tears of pain and screams of rage. This was no place for that kind of breakdown, but the rage and humiliation burned right through her. She gathered her things and went home, knowing she couldn't mask that pain for very long.

She sat on her sofa and turned on the television, hoping to let her mind shut down and just purge herself of the feelings warring inside of her. Her cell phone buzzed in her pocket.

Grey. He'd texted, "She surprised me."

Since the only thing Addy could think to reply was, "Fuck you," she decided to just turn off her phone. She watched television and cried for over an hour. Then she forced herself into the bathroom to cool her face. Grey was so busy with his life, he'd completely forgotten that her car was in St. Claire. She'd bicycled to and from school, since it was a nice day. But now she wanted her car back.

She called a cab company and waited a half hour for the cab to arrive. When it did, she gathered her purse and gave the driver directions to St. Claire, to Maya's house where her car was still parked.

The ride was quiet and uneventful. Addy was too tired to cry anymore. After arriving at Maya's, paying the cab driver, and sending him on his way, Addy stood by her car for a moment. She heard the sounds of children laughing and squealing. With a smile, she walked through Maya's yard, around to the back, chain-link fence, where she leaned and watched Mattie and Sophie playing with a puppy. Jayce and Maya were looking on, their backs to Addy. Maya's arm was around Jayce's waist, his was around her shoulders. Addy's heart warmed at the sight.

Unfortunately, she immediately thought of Grey. Her traitorous heart leapt at the memory of him. But Addy wasn't a person ruled by her heart. She forced the image of Grey away and replaced it with Ben. She didn't know Ben well. Maybe he wasn't the fathering type either…but he represented something to her. He represented possibility, and right now, that's what she was going with. Possibility. Grey didn't offer her that much.
 

Addy decided she'd watched long enough. She cleared her throat, so that Jayce and Maya turned and greeted her with dual smiles.
 

"I told Maya you'd just buy a new car," Jayce said, "and that she should consider herself the proud owner of a Mercedes."

"You know, if I still had access to family money, I'd give her that car," Addy replied.
 

Jayce and Maya had wandered toward her.

"You'll get your family money back," Maya said. "In church yesterday, your mom was crying and went forward after service to ask for prayers for casting out her only daughter. I think she'll come around."

Addy rolled her eyes. "She's just feasting on the drama. We'll see."

Maya glanced back at her kids and lowered her voice. "So? How was your weekend with the professor?"

"What makes you think I spent the weekend with him?"

Maya simply arched her brow.

With a sigh, Addy said, "It was wonderful. That's all I intend to say on the subject. Now tell me where that puppy came from."

Maya shot Jayce a look. Jayce winced. "I got in trouble for that, actually," he said.

Maya said, "He claims that he had no idea it was a big deal. He just saw puppies being given away in a box in the back of some guy's truck. Didn't bother to find out how big these things were going to get. Just took one, brought it here, and then acted stunned when I went through the roof."

"You didn't talk to her first?" Addy asked.

Jayce shrugged. "I didn't think about it. I'm new to the relationship thing. I just thought the kids would love it."

"Which they do, of course," Maya said.
 

"Anyway, now I know," Jayce said, pulling Maya close to his side. "Lesson learned. When considering a pet, discuss it with the woman first."

"You two are just too cute," Addy said with a laugh. She did her best to ignore the pain in her chest and the tears threatening to surface.
 

Jayce must have seen it, because his expression darkened. When Maya ran over to save the puppy from being hugged to death, Jayce hopped the fence, put his arm around Addy's shoulders, and led her around front. "What did the bastard do?" he asked, getting straight to the point as usual.

Addy shook her head, a terrible lump forming in her throat. Shit, she should have gone two minutes sooner, she could feel her control slipping.

"Addy, you've got a home here. Anytime, you hear?" Jayce tipped her chin up.

Addy let go of the breath she'd been holding, and with it, her control. She pressed her hand to her eyes and trembled with the effort to hold back her sobs. Tears flowed in silence. Jayce's hand made soothing circles on her back.
 

At last, she managed to regain some control. Dragging her wrist over her eyes to dry the tears, she lifted her chin. "I'm just tired, is all," she said. "I'm terrified about the p-pregnancy. I'm tired of dealing with Grey. I saw him kiss his girlfriend this morning and it just—just sucked, is all. I thought…I stupidly thought we might at least be exclusive to each other in secret until the passion died down. I mean, I'm fully aware he doesn't want to marry me, but I did think he would at least be mine for a little while."

Jayce's expression was inscrutable, but his dark eyes were extremely expressive.

"Not your fight, tough guy," Addy said, giving his cheek a pinch.

This elicited a hint of a smile. "I want it to be. I don't like seeing you hurt."

"It's my own doing." She shrugged and moved to her car, unlocking it with her key and opening the door. "Save your energy. I may have to take you up on your offer of a home in about nine months."

"We've got room, Addy."

"Thanks." She gave him a reassuring wink and got in her car, headed for home.
 

She parked in her slot in the garage beneath the building and trudged up the stairs to her apartment. She stopped dead when she saw the woman standing in front of her door. Caroline.

Really
, Addy wondered,
how much more of this do I have to deal with?
"Something I can do for you?" Addy offered, in her most polite tone.

"I just want you to know that I'm not giving him up. I realize you and he had a little moment last week, but that's over, and if I ever catch you putting your slutty little hands on him again, I'll—"

"What?" Addy interrupted with a laugh. "You'll what? Beat me up? Claw my eyes out? Really, Caroline, have some dignity. This is just completely unladylike." Addy immediately regretted speaking. She should have stood there and taken the verbal lashing so that Caroline would leave, content with having staked her claim. But Addy had never been one to take an undeserved beating.

"You snide little bitch!" Caroline shouted, closing the distance. "You throw yourself at a man who has no interest in you, and you claim that I'm unladylike?"

"Are you absolutely certain he has no interest in me?" Addy said, with a wicked smirk and heavy innuendo in her tone. She could almost see the little shoulder-angel jumping up and down telling her to stop.
 

Caroline's jaw dropped. "What the hell does that mean? I guarantee you he gets everything he wants from me. You've got nothing to offer him."

Addy arched a brow. "Don't I? I'm younger. I'm forbidden. I'm mere inches away from him day after day. You must be very confident, Caroline, to think that you alone have prevented him from resisting temptation all this time."

Caroline's face turned a comical shade of red. "He would never fuck a silly little slut like you! He's interested in sophisticated women."

"How sophisticated will he think you are when I tell him you've come here to piss a circle around him like a bitch marking her territory?"

The slap came out of the blue. Addy truly didn't think the woman had physical violence in her. The second slap was even more of a surprise. Addy shoved Caroline as hard as she could just to get some distance. Caroline charged her, hitting her in the stomach and knocking her to her back.

After that they were rolling, slapping, clawing, in a most humiliating display of female violence. The whole thing was a blur to Addy. Several neighbors were around, cell phones were brought out, and then there were police.
 

That's how Addy wound up standing behind bars in a cell next to Grey's soon-to-be ex-girlfriend, both holding their heads up as high as they could, in an unspoken contest to prove which of them was the most blameless.
 

Grey bailed both of them out, but he asked them to bring Caroline first. It took her an excruciating half hour of crying and begging before she finally gave up. He broke up with her, put her in a cab, and went back in the building to collect Addy.
 

God, what if Caroline had hurt her? What if she'd hurt the baby growing inside of her? He'd never forgive himself.
 

Addy was escorted out by an officer. Her skirt was the only thing in tact. She'd had on stockings, which were torn; a blouse, with several buttons now missing; and a pair of high heels, one of which was broken, so that she walked barefoot carrying the shoes beneath one arm. There was a shallow cut along one of her cheekbones and scratch marks on her neck.

"Christ," he muttered, looking her up and down. Caroline hadn't had a scratch on her. Truth be told, he would have guessed it would have been the other way around.
 

"Will you take me home, please?" she asked, her voice calm and level.

"Addison, I am so sorry. She showed up by surprise. That kiss…it wasn't…it was just…"

Addy cocked her head to the side, waiting patiently.

"She was just kissing me hello, okay? It wasn't anything. Then we went to eat, and I told her the story you and I agreed on—"

"But you didn't break up with her."

He gulped. "No. You and I didn't talk about that. I thought we were going to keep everything as normal as possible."

"Will you please take me home? I need a shower."

"I should take you to the hospital."

"I'm fine. I just wanna go home."

"Addison, I—"

The slap was so swift he wasn't entirely sure where it had come from. When his vision cleared, she was standing there with wide, horror-filled eyes, gaping at her hand. "God, I'm so sorry. I really need you to take me home," she said.

His cheek stung. He caught the eye of the officer who had escorted her out. The guy was on alert. Grey shook his head, and the guy eased back. "Come on," Grey said, taking Addy by the elbow. He led her down to the parking garage and opened the car door for her. He listened to her soft sniffles as she quietly cried all the way back home. He walked her up to her apartment, into her apartment. She went straight back to her bedroom, only emerging to disappear again into the bathroom.

Grey locked the door behind him and sat on her sofa, waiting. The shower lasted nearly twenty minutes. She came out in pajama bottoms and a tank-top. There was a bandage over the small cut on her cheek. She stopped when she saw him. "Please go," she said.

He patted the couch next to him. She ignored his unspoken invitation and sat in a chair. "Addy, I want you to pack some things and come home with me. We'll go to the appointment together in the morning."

"No."

He waited, thinking there would be more. When there wasn't, he leaned forward. "Addy, get your things, and let me take you back to my place."

Her stare was blank. "Your girlfriend just assaulted me."

He swallowed.

"Go home, Grey."

"Not without you."

Suddenly, she threw back her head and laughed. "My God," she said. "What the fuck are we doing?"

There was no answer that he could think of.

"Do you want me, Grey?" she asked.

Relief. He definitely knew the answer to this. Without hesitation, "Yes. You know I do, Addy."

"Then what's the big complication? Let's do it. We'll go to the dean, apprise her of our relationship, take whatever measures we have to to deal with my thesis, and that'll be that."

"I would, gladly, but it seems foolish to risk so much for something so temporary. I'm bound to disappoint you eventually."

"You wouldn't have to. You could choose not to."

"Choose not to disappoint you? Addison, you want impossible things. There's no path for us but one that leads to disappointment."

She shook her head, looking disgusted with him. "What I want is not impossible! I swear to God, Grey, you are the biggest coward!"

"Coward?" He felt his face flush, and before he knew it, he was on his feet. "I'm the bravest one in this room because I'm not afraid to face facts! Men and women do not stay together forever. Marriages…happy ones…do not exist. Love is a made up word used to manipulate, and I would never do that to you, Addison! I would never lie to you to get something I want."

Her eyes were wide and her hands trembling.
 

But something had gotten into Grey, and he couldn't seem to stop. "Why can't we have an honest relationship, Addy? Why do you want me to lie to you and make impossible promises?"