Adopted Parents (8 page)

She’d yawned as soon as he finished feeding her, her dark eyes heavy as she tried to fight off sleep. And when Hallie had fretted because nothing had happened on schedule that morning, including Ahn’s outside morning playtime, Nate had assured Hallie he would supervise outside playtime after Ahn slept.

Hallie had looked relieved enough to kiss him. Thank God, she hadn’t. Instead she’d taken Ahn upstairs for her nap.

Nate lingered in the kitchen, cleaning up, while he waited for Hallie’s return so they could finally eat their own meal. While they ate, he intended to clear up something for his own peace of mind.

“Well, that was easy,” Hallie said as she walked into the room. “Ahn was asleep as soon as I laid her down. Probably worn-out from all of the crying.”

She placed the baby monitor on the bar and took a seat on the stool across from him. It crossed Nate’s mind that Hallie was looking more like her old self every day. She’d gotten a little sun this week being outside with Ahn—she’d always tanned easily and it looked good on her.

Her appearance today reminded him of last summer when he’d been home for a brief stay between assignments. He’d walked up on Hallie and some muscle-bound narcissist sunbathing on the deck. The guy had come with her to visit David and Janet for the weekend. Hallie had been lying on her stomach, the top of her bikini unfastened, the guy rubbing lotion on her sleek, bronze back. His physical reaction, then and now, pushed him to address the issue that had been plaguing him since his discussion with Roberta this morning.

“Are you in love with me, Hallie?”

“You wish,” she said and took a bite of her sandwich.

“I’m serious,” Nate said.

She looked up at him and swallowed, twice. “Oh. My. God. You are serious.”

“Same here,” he said with a grin.

Hallie grabbed her paper napkin and threw it at him.

Nate was quick enough to dodge it.

“Did you really think I was in love with you?”

“No,” he said. “And I told Roberta that. But I needed to check with you face-to-face so I wouldn’t have any doubts.”

“And?”

“You passed with flying colors.”

“I suppose I should ask the same. Are you in love with me?”

“No.”

“Hmm. I’m sorry, but that didn’t sound so convincing to me.” Hallie had rattled him and she liked it.

“Hell no, then?”

“Better,” Hallie teased. “But with more feeling next time.”

His expression changed like flipping a light switch. Nate’s voice turned husky when he said, “More feeling is what I’m trying to avoid, Hallie.”

Hallie held his gaze. “And how’s that going for you?”

He didn’t look away. “Hard and slow.”

“I bet it would be.”

They kept staring at each other. Too long—and they both knew it.

“Okay, you win,” he said, pushing back from the bar. “I can’t take it.”

“You started it,” Hallie reminded him.

“And now I’m stopping it.”

He took his plate and sandwich with him as he headed for the door.

“I’ll call you on the intercom when Ahn wakes up.”

He threw his hand up, but didn’t look back.

The second the door closed, Hallie picked up another napkin and fanned herself. Nate had made her so hot just looking at her that there was no doubt in her mind the sex would be mind-blowing—something she’d briefly experienced in the back of that taxi.

But passion was fleeting.

Nate was gorgeous. He was brilliant. And he was sexy as hell. But you could stare at a handsome face, listen to an intelligent conversation and screw yourself into oblivion—only so long without eventually wanting something more.

Death had a way of pushing you to examine what you wanted out of life, reminding you of the urgency before it was too late. Hallie had done that this past week. Some things held true. Some things surprised her.

She still didn’t see herself married with children or living in the suburbs. Though she realized her career wasn’t the be-all and end-all she thought it was—otherwise she wouldn’t have put it on hold to take care of Ahn—she knew having a career would always be important to her.

The surprise came when she realized that she could see herself sharing her life with the right man. She’d never admitted that to herself before. For her the right man would love her unconditionally, allow her to be who she was and not try to change her.

Maybe she’d find a guy like that someday. Maybe she wouldn’t. Maybe she’d go back to being a producer at the station. Maybe she’d branch out and start a new career.

At this point, there was simply no way to know. There were too many variables and too much that had yet to be decided for her to start planning the next phase of her life.

But she had made one decision as a result of her decision to stay and take care of Ahn. As much as she loved her apartment, it made no sense to keep it. She’d been back to her apartment only once after the funeral to get her clothes, clean out her refrigerator, make sure everything was turned off and unplugged. She would make a trip into Boston soon to make arrangements for her things to move into storage so she could sublet her apartment.

She’d already called her assistant at the station, and Phyllis Ellis had jumped at the chance to assume the lease. The building was located in a choice section of downtown Boston within easy walking distance of the station. And like Hallie, Phyllis didn’t own a car.

When you lived in the city, an automobile was more of a liability than it was an asset. Hallie hadn’t owned one in years—she hadn’t needed to. When she’d wanted to come out to Wedge Pond, she’d either taken the train or caught a ride home with David.

But she did have a car now—Janet’s Mercedes. Once Ahn was settled and Hallie signed the house over to Nate, maybe she’d take the Mercedes and keep driving west until she couldn’t drive any farther.

Start over?

Or disappear completely?

Maybe, Hallie decided, she would do both.

And one tiny fraction of Nate’s frozen heart melted.

What in the hell am I doing?

This seemingly simple activity threatened the one thing he valued most—his ability not to involve himself with anyone personally.

For the past fifteen years he’d been one selfish son of a bitch, and he didn’t regret a minute of it. He’d paid his dues. He’d gotten David out of high school, into college and on his own.

The year after David started college, Nate had reluctantly taken the doctor’s advice and stopped trying to care for their mother at home. By then, she’d reached the point where she couldn’t be left alone. Although Nate had hired a nurse to stay with her during the day, she’d also needed supervision at night because she’d become so confused she’d often try to leave the house. He couldn’t give her that supervision and still hold down a full-time job.

He’d been twenty-five when he’d given up and finally admitted his mother to the nursing facility. And as guilty as he’d felt for doing that, he had found his new liberation exhilarating. For the first time since he was twelve, Nate had enjoyed the pleasure of answering to no one and the freedom to do exactly as he pleased. He’d intended to live that way for the rest of his life.

Until the accident.

The baby pointed to her shovel, snapping Nate from his thoughts. He started to reach for it, but stopped, and regarded her.

“Why you little sneak. I just figured out why you don’t talk. You don’t need to. All you have to do is point, and adults fall all over themselves to hand you what you want.”

Ahn looked at him defiantly. She pointed to the shovel again.

“Say shovel,” Nate said. “Say shovel, and I’ll hand it to you.”

Her answer was to grab the shovel for herself.

“So that’s how it’s going to be, is it?”

She ignored him completely. Instead, she concentrated on pouring sand carefully into her bright pink bucket.

“Don’t worry,” Nate said. “I’m not going to tell anyone your secret. A silent woman is a big plus in my book.”

“What’s a big plus in your book?”

Nate looked over his shoulder to find Hallie walking in their direction. He wisely didn’t repeat his words.

“Enjoying the company of beautiful women is a big plus in my book.”

Hallie stopped beside him, arms crossed, looking down at the baby. “Well, she’s definitely the most beautiful female I’ve ever seen you with.”

“Hey,” Nate complained, getting up. “I’ve dated my share of good-looking women.”

Hallie raised an eyebrow. “Like Sherry, Sherry, quite contrary?”

“Well, she
was
a swimsuit model.”

“With a brain as tiny as her bikini bottom in that airbrushed photo you proudly passed around the station.”

Nate had forgotten all about the woman he’d dated briefly the year Hallie started working at the station. Obviously Hallie hadn’t forgotten about Sherry. Just as he hadn’t forgotten about the one guy Hallie had dated who had truly gotten under his skin.

“Ah, yes,” Nate said. “I’d forgotten you value intelligence above everything else. Like that Harvard professor you brought to Christmas dinner a few years back. He dominated the conversation and impressed us so much with his brilliance we all fell asleep at the table.”

“Touché. I admit Michael was a horrible bore. But we were just friends. We never slept together.”

“Shocker,” Nate said. “The guy was so in love with himself he didn’t have time for anyone else.”

“True,” she said. “But at least Michael wasn’t a psychopath like…” She paused. “What was her name? The one who took a baseball bat to that little red MG convertible you loved because you wouldn’t return her calls?”

Nate grimaced. “I’d rather not relive the Gloria situation, if that’s okay.”

“Shocker.” She smiled at him.

Nate swallowed. She’d caught him off guard with that smile. The way she was looking at him with those big brown eyes instantly turned him inside out. That was his cue to leave—now.

“Well, unless you need me to do anything else, I’ll head over to the cottage and work on my project.”

She smiled knowingly as if she knew exactly how uncomfortable she was making him.

“No, I think we’re good for now,” she said, but the coy smile wasn’t quite gone from her lips when she added, “Dinner will be ready at six as usual.”

Nate hesitated. “Look, Hallie—”

“Ease up, Nate. This arrangement isn’t going to work if we can’t be ourselves and joke around without you worried I’m going to pounce and ravish you at any minute.”

He wished she’d used a different word than
ravish
.

“I didn’t think you were going to pounce on me. If you’d let me finish, I was going to say that on weekends when the housekeeper won’t be cooking our meals, I don’t want you to feel responsible for cooking for me.”

“Roberta’s already solved that problem,” she said. “She left us enough stuff in the freezer to last six months. All I’m contributing tonight is a salad to accompany the casserole I’ll be putting in the oven.”

“Okay, then. I’ll see you at six.”

He turned and headed for the steps. Nate could sense she watched him as he walked away. By the time he reached the cottage, he still hadn’t recovered from that soul-searching look Hallie had given him.

Who the hell was he kidding? Nate still hadn’t recovered from the first time Hallie looked in his direction ten years ago.

The most frustrating part for Hallie was Ahn’s continued indifference toward her. Although Hallie knew it was silly to even think that way, it was almost as if Ahn were punishing her somehow for not being involved in her life from the very beginning.

Ahn allowed Hallie to dress her, to feed her—provided the meal included pasta—bathe her and even read to her without a fight. She also rarely gave Hallie any trouble when it came to the sleep routine, whether in the afternoon or at night. But when it came to everything else, Nate was the only one who could work with Ahn.

Nate had taken over her stretching exercises, and as a result, Ahn was walking more instead of expecting to be carried. Nate also made sure she ate her vegetables. He’d supervised all of Ahn’s outside playtime—always with a camera around his neck, always taking pictures.

Because of her lingering—and ridiculous—jealousy toward Dr. Langston, Hallie had also abdicated that part of Ahn’s care—letting him be the one to take Ahn to her sessions. What did it say about Hallie’s personality? That not only would she hate to see the flirtatious banter between Deb and Nate, but also she would equally loathe to see Deb gloat over Hallie taking her advice. And to have Ahn almost completely disregard her in Deb’s presence would have been icing on a bitter cake Hallie had zero interest in swallowing.

There were days when Hallie was tempted to return to work and let Nate take over Ahn’s care alone, the way he’d suggested in the first place. Yet that was always followed by the desire to prove to Ahn that she was willing to do whatever it took to earn the little girl’s trust.

Today was one of Hallie’s determined days.

They were finally attending the Monday morning play group. As she sat at Liz Foster’s patio table, Hallie didn’t know what bothered her most: Ahn ignoring the three other children or the pity Hallie could see in the eyes of the three women sitting around the table. They all engaged in overly polite conversation, but how could anyone overlook the fact Hallie couldn’t make Ahn play with the other children? Somehow she suspected all the moms were thinking Janet would know how to get Ahn interacting.

Instead of continuing to pretend there wasn’t a proverbial elephant in the room, she decided to address the issue directly.

“I know me being here is awkward for all of you. You don’t know what to say to me. So let me make things easier by telling you how I feel about the situation.”

All eyes turned toward Hallie.

“I loved my sister. Janet was my best friend. She’s always been such a part of my life, it seems ludicrous to me to avoid talking about her.”

Liz—the woman Ahn had been with the morning of the accident—was sitting beside Hallie. She was in her late thirties and blonde, and was the first to respond when she leaned over and gave Hallie a hug.

“We loved Janet, too, Hallie. And you’re right. It’s ridiculous not talking about her.” Liz held up her cup of coffee. “To Janet. A true best friend to each and every one of us.”

Everyone leaned forward and touched cups.

It should have been comforting, but Liz’s comment bothered Hallie. There was no way the relationship Janet had with these women could ever compare with what Hallie had with her sister. Frankly, she didn’t appreciate Liz insinuating otherwise.

Still Hallie did begin to relax a little even though hanging out with three women she had nothing in common with wasn’t exactly her idea of fun. She was here for Ahn.

“The first time I met Janet was actually online,” said a forty-something brunette named Karen. “I’m the loop mom for a chat group for parents who adopt internationally. Janet and I were so excited when we discovered we both lived in Winchester. Neither of our adoptions was final yet, so we became each other’s whining post. I brought Austin home from Colombia first. Then Janet brought Ahn home from Vietnam two years later. I have never had a better friend than Janet was to me. She was always there when I needed her, ready to encourage me, or cheer me up, or listen when I had to vent. I miss her every day.”

No one had dry eyes after Karen’s tribute.

“To Janet,” Liz said again and lifted her cup.

Hallie lifted her cup with the others, thinking about those painful years Janet had struggled through Ahn’s adoption process. Hallie had tried to be supportive during that time. No. Hallie
knew
she’d been supportive. Yet as petty as she knew it was, she still couldn’t help but feel a little pang of jealousy. She knew Janet belonged to this play group, sure, but Janet had never let on she was so close to these women.

“My Janet story is a little different.”

Hallie glanced over at Bev, who was seated next to Liz. She looked to be more Hallie’s age—pretty, light brown hair, big blue eyes.

“And I hope Hallie can shed some light on the subject. Janet was a serious lingerie freak.”

Hallie and everyone else laughed.

“And by
freak
I mean when we would go shopping Janet would buy all of this fabulous, expensive underwear that she wouldn’t wear because she needed it for what she called her
new
drawer.”

“Janet did that even when we were kids,” Hallie said. “She always kept one drawer in her dresser for her new stuff. I made fun of her, of course, the way sisters do. But Janet didn’t care. She said opening that drawer and seeing all the
new
clothes always gave her a sudden rush of joy.”

“To Janet’s new drawer,” Liz said.

“And to everyone finding something in their lives that gives them a sudden rush of joy,” Bev added.

Everyone lifted their cups again.

Hallie decided, of the three of them, Bev was the one she could probably learn to like. At least Bev had included her by acknowledging that Hallie knew Janet better than anyone else.

“My turn,” Liz said. “Two years ago I talked Janet into helping me spy on George because I thought he was having an affair.”

Karen and Bev died laughing.

“You’d have to know George,” Karen said, looking at Hallie. “He worships the ground Liz walks on.”

“Whatever,” Liz said, rolling her eyes. “Anyway, I got suspicious that morning when George was in the shower and his BlackBerry kept beeping and keeping me awake. I rolled over and grabbed his phone to shut it off and the reminder said meet Carol at two o’clock. Don’t think I wasn’t sitting up in bed wide-awake when George came into the bedroom to dress.”

Bev leaned forward in her chair. “And what did he say when you asked him about it?”

“He said it was to remind him that he had a meeting in accounting that afternoon.”

“So why didn’t you believe him?” Karen asked.

“Simple,” Liz said. “The deer-in-the-headlights look he gave me when I asked him about it. And that’s why I asked Janet to drive me, so George wouldn’t recognize my car.”

Hallie didn’t say anything, but she was having a hard time imagining Janet agreeing to spy on someone. The Janet she knew would have talked Liz out of the insanity, not encouraged Liz. But perhaps Hallie didn’t know Janet as well as she thought she did.

“We arrived at George’s office parking lot by one o’clock,” Liz said, “and to my relief his car was still in his parking space. By one-fifteen, I was feeling foolish and Janet was begging to leave. Then, just as I feared, here came George headed for his car. I freaked out. I kept yelling at Janet not to lose him as he drove off. Poor Janet was a nervous wreck as she wove in and out of traffic trying to keep up. We managed to stay two cars back all the way into downtown Boston. And then George suddenly pulled over into a parking space and stopped. I made Janet stop the car right there in the middle of Park Street. The next thing George knew, I was out of the car and in his face.”

Liz paused and took a long sip from her cup.

“Well?” Bev demanded. “Don’t just leave us hanging.”

Liz smiled. “The good news is that Carol was a travel agent at the agency George had parked in front of. Instead of a divorce, I got a lovely trip to Hawaii for our tenth anniversary. We asked Janet and David to go with us and the four of us spent ten wonderful days in paradise. It was truly the best time of my life.”

Bev and Karen both dabbed at their eyes again.

In true contrarian fashion Hallie decided maybe a divorce was what Liz deserved for not having more faith in her husband. She remembered the year Janet and David had gone to Hawaii. Hallie had assumed the trip was David’s way of getting Janet’s mind off the adoption, which was taking so long. Again, Hallie felt slighted that Janet hadn’t confided in her about the escapade with Liz. They probably would have had a good laugh about it.

This was her punishment for showing up with a giant chip on her shoulder. She’d been so sure Janet’s friends wouldn’t like her, she’d ensured they wouldn’t with her damn superior attitude. And what had it gotten her? A harsh reminder that, unlike her, Janet did have other friends. Close friends. Friends she had laughed with and cried with and even helped spy on husbands with.

She should have been happy Janet had close friends.

And Hallie would be—eventually—just not right now.

Bev stood, excusing herself for a bathroom break. Karen went to check on her son, who was running around the yard with Liz’s little boy and Bev’s daughter. And Liz left the table to fill the carafe with more coffee.

Hallie glanced toward Ahn. She’d been checking on Ahn regularly, praying Ahn would at least pay attention to the other children. So far, she hadn’t. She was still sitting in the sandbox beneath the jungle gym. Alone. Entertaining herself by pouring sand into a bucket.

Hallie turned to Liz when she came back with a full pitcher. “Does Ahn ever show any interest in the other children?”

“Not yet,” Liz said. “But Janet hoped her being around other children would help with her speech and her social skills.”

Actually seeing the difference in Ahn and the other children her age disturbed Hallie. Maybe she would take Ahn to her next appointment with Deb Langston, whether she liked the woman or not. Having witnessed Ahn’s behavior firsthand, maybe she’d be better able to discuss it with the doctor. There had to be some way to break through to Ahn, and Hallie intended to find it.

Liz sat beside her again. “Roberta mentioned you had already started the search for new parents when I called to invite you to play group a few weeks ago. Any luck yet?”

“No,” Hallie said. “But after what Janet and David went through, we knew the waiting game would be the same with the readoption process.”

“And how do you feel about the readoption, Hallie?”

“It’s what Janet and David wanted,” Hallie said simply.

Liz looked concerned. “But aren’t you afraid you’re going to get too attached to Ahn to give her up?”

It was the second time the subject had come up, first with Roberta’s warning, now, with Liz.

“I’m sorry, Liz, but I just don’t understand that question. Ahn is my niece. Of course I’m attached to her. But if you mean am I going to get too attached to Ahn to do what’s in her best interest, no. I’d never be that selfish.”

“When you put it that way, it makes me feel stupid for asking such a question.”

“I wasn’t trying to make you feel stupid, Liz. I guess I look at this situation from a different perspective. Janet and David wanted Ahn to have
two
parents. I can’t give her that. And if the past four weeks have taught me anything, it’s what a lousy mother substitute I do make.”

Liz reached over and patted Hallie’s hand. “I disagree. I’ve been watching you. You scarcely take your eyes off Ahn. You’re a better mother substitute than you think.”

Hallie sighed. “You wouldn’t have said that if you’d seen me the first time I was left alone with Ahn. She cried nonstop for three hours. I tried everything. Nothing helped.”

“Janet had those moments, too.”

Hallie was surprised. “Are you serious?”

“She called me in a panic more than once in those early days because Ahn wouldn’t stop crying.”

“And how did Janet finally calm her down?”

“She didn’t,” Liz said. “Ahn wouldn’t stop crying until David came home.”

“Amazing. That’s the same thing that happened to me. Ahn didn’t stop crying until I handed her over to David’s brother.”

“I met him at the funeral,” Liz said. “He looks like David.”

“That was my explanation,” Hallie said.

“Is he good with Ahn?”

Hallie hesitated before she answered that question. “Nate’s complicated. He’s more of a loner than David, who was such a people person. But he has this quiet confidence about him that I think Ahn can sense. She seems to feel safe with him.”

“And how does Nate feel about the readoption?”

“The same way I do. Ahn’s best interest has to come first. We made that promise to Janet and David when we agreed to become guardians. But I am going to remain Ahn’s aunt after the readoption. That’s a condition the new parents have to agree with if they want to adopt her.”

Liz looked over at her. “And Nate?”

Hallie shook her head. “Nate and I don’t agree on that subject. He thinks we should let Ahn bond with her new parents without any interference from us.”