After Sundown: Redemption (15 page)

“Is that where you get it?”

Alyssa was confused.

“Get what?”

“Being a fighter. Is that where you get it, from you aunt? Or from your parents?”

Alyssa tensed. Mention of her parents always did that to her. Even as a grown woman, her parents still affected her. Christian’s voice sounded casual, but she detected something. He was asking about more than her aunt. He wanted to know about her parents.

“I never really thought about it. I am who I am.”

“What was your father like?”

How had this conversation gone from impersonal and light to personal so quickly? Alyssa was uncomfortable, until she remembered that it was too late to go back to polite conversation. The man had drunk her blood! You can’t get much more personal than that. Well, maybe you can, but Alyssa
so
didn’t want to go there right now. She quelled the image of them in a hot embrace.

The drive to The Plaza would take about twenty more minutes. Plenty of time to get down and dirty personal. She made her decision. She would answer his questions, then he better answer some of hers.

“My father was a drill sergeant in the marines. He’s a pretty tough nut. You know the type. Doesn’t show much emotion, very strong-willed and controlling. Was he a fighter? I’d have to say yes and no.”

“What do you mean?”

Alyssa took a deep breath. Ready—set—go.

“As I said, my father was a tough nut. And he liked to control everything in his life. That included my mother and me. My mother was not a fighter. She was a codependent. Everything my father told her to do, be, wear, think, she did without an argument. Her life revolved completely around him and his needs. Even after I was born, every decision was based on what Daddy wanted, what Daddy told us we should do, what Daddy liked. As a child, I would wonder why my mother never did what she wanted to do. And as I got older I couldn’t imagine her existing without my father. He was her world. He made her who she was. And she gladly accepted that. “

Alyssa took another deep breath and released it before continuing.

“When my mother died, I realized that everything was not what it seemed. Yes, my mother depended on my father, but my father also depended on my mother. He needed that worship, that compliance, that complete devotion to be happy. Without it he was lost. He didn’t know what to do with himself, or me. Though I was devastated by my mother’s death, my father couldn’t break out of his own shell of shock and grief to comfort me. I guess he didn’t know what to do with a daughter who refused to revolve her existence around him. Who wanted to live her life in her own way and be an independent person. So my father did nothing. He chose not to fight for me, his own daughter. He chose not to fight for our relationship. So in that sense, I’d have to say he was not a fighter.”

“How did your mother die?”

Alyssa knew Christian was going to ask that. Nevertheless it still shocked her. She wanted to clam up, not say another word. But she had gone this far. It was pointless now to stop.

Maybe he needed to hear it. Maybe then he would understand why she couldn’t be with someone like him. Not just because of the vampire issue, although that was a biggie, but because of his need to control her. She could never and would never allow that to happen.

“My mother committed suicide. She couldn’t deal with the fact that she wasn’t able to make my father completely and utterly happy. Or so she thought. She lived her life for him, yet he always managed to criticize her. He complained about everything. Her hair, her body, her clothes, her friends, her cooking, her cleaning. He even criticized her for having a daughter, instead of a son, after the doctors told her she couldn’t have any more children. It didn’t matter that she almost died having me. It wasn’t what my father wanted.”

Alyssa fought against the tears welling up in her eyes. She should be over this by now. Why did it still hurt so much? Swallowing hard, she stared out the car window, avoiding Christian’s knowing gaze. She jumped when he placed his hand over hers where it rested on the car seat. She swung around to look at him. He kept his eyes on the road as he drove, but also gave her hand a reassuring squeeze. The comfort from that small contact helped her continue talking.

“What my mother never realized and what I figured out as I got older, was that my father
was
happy. He was happy with my mother, just the way she was, needing and depending on him. Letting him control everything in her life, including her emotions. That power over another human being was an addiction to my father. And he knew that as long as my mother thought he wasn’t completely satisfied with her, she would continue to make him the center of her universe. In the end, I think my mother just lost it. She couldn’t take it anymore.”

“I’m sorry,
palomita
.”

Christian’s words were filled with regret.

He released her hand. Alyssa wanted his touch back. She felt desolate without it. He gently wiped a tear from her cheek with his fingers. Surprised she lifted her own hand to her face. Her cheeks were wet with tears. How long had she been crying? She had been so lost in her memories, that she didn’t even realize it.

Alyssa swiped the tears off her cheeks and tried to get back under control. Christian said nothing else as she got herself together. He moved his hand back to the steering wheel and away from her. She wanted it back, wanted his touch. But she wouldn’t ask him. She couldn’t let him see any more of her vulnerability. He would only use that to control her, just like her father had always tried to do.

Raising her chin proudly, she continued.

“So, to answer your original question, was my mother a fighter? No. She gave up on her own life and she gave up on her only child. Obviously she loved neither enough to fight for them. I think you were right the first time around. If anyone taught me to fight, it was my Aunt Joyce. She’s taught me a lot. I’ll always be grateful for that and for her.”

Alyssa clamped her mouth tightly closed. That’s it. She was done. True confessions from the therapist who was supposed to have everything together were now over. Time to turn things around. It was Christian’s turn. She had some questions for him.

“Enough about me. Tell me about you.”

She saw Christian stiffen.

“What would you like to know?” he asked warily.

“Tell me about Bazhena. Tell me how you became a vampire. And tell me about Elena.”

Christian swung his shocked gaze around to look at Alyssa. She was staring calmly out the front window. How could she possibly know about Elena?

“If you don’t keep your eyes on the road, I’m going to get nervous.” Alyssa said without looking at him.

Christian’s turned back to the street. He frowned, his eyes narrowed dangerously and his jaw tightened. Alyssa was good at making him lose focus. Too damn good. He needed to concentrate.

“How do you know about Elena?”

Alyssa looked like she was about to speak, then she hesitated.

“I need to know this, Alyssa.”

“I know. I’m just trying to figure out how to say this. Okay. When you, uh, when you were, um, taking care of my foot, blood wasn’t the only thing we shared. I could feel you in my head. Feel what you were experiencing. And I picked up certain images. I saw a woman who looked a lot like me, but wasn’t me. Then the name Elena popped into my head. Who is she, Christian?”

She had picked up his thoughts? That had never happened to him before. Maybe because he had projected pleasure so strongly to her, she had gotten glimpses of other images and feelings as well.

He thought about telling her nothing, just clearing her mind and changing the subject. But he wouldn’t do that. Alyssa had just shared something of herself with him that was so personal, so painful that he could not keep this from her.

“Elena was my betrothed. It was the year, 1785. We were going to be married. I lived in St. Augustine, Florida at the time. I was a Spanish soldier stationed there during Spain’s short second occupation. Then a strange woman came to town. My life changed completely and Elena’s ended.”

Christian tightened his hold on the steering wheel. The memories always came back so strongly, as did the pain.

“Bazhena. She was the mysterious woman who came to our town that summer. And she was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. The minute I laid eyes on her, I could think of no other. I became crazed, obsessed with her. Elena and I had known each other in Spain, before her family immigrated to Florida. We had grown up within the same circle of friends and family. So we knew each other well. She could tell something was wrong. She tried to talk to me about it several times, but I wouldn’t listen to her. I wouldn’t discuss it.”

“In one breath, I told Elena nothing was wrong and in the next I set up a discreet assignation with Bazhena. We met a few times, each more intense than the last. I couldn’t get enough of Bazhena. I felt like I was losing my mind and she was taking it over. Which, looking back now, was exactly what was happening. She was slowly making me hers. I think, with enough time, I would have gone to her willingly. I would have betrayed Elena, a woman I had known all my life and had fallen in love with, just to be with Bazhena. Unfortunately for Elena, it didn’t happen that way.”

Christian got lost in the memory. His mind wandered to those last couple of days before Elena was killed. Just as he had done a thousand times before, he desperately wished he had handled things differently. Maybe it would have made a difference. Maybe Elena would not have been murdered.

“Christian? Are you okay?”

Alyssa’s concerned voice broke through his thoughts.

“Yes, I’m fine. Where was I? I went to see Bazhena one evening. I arrived a little early. I must have entered without her hearing me, because I know she would not have wanted me to see what I saw. At that point, I didn’t realize she was a vampire. I was so lost in her spell that I only thought of her as an incredibly beautiful, desirable woman who made me mad with need.”

“What happened next?”

“I entered her room and saw her with someone else. Another man. The man was on his knees in front of her. Bazhena was bent over him, her hands holding his shoulders, but I couldn’t see her face because it was buried in the crook of the man’s neck. His arms were wrapped tightly around her waist, his head thrown back. The man’s eyes were closed and his face was contorted with a mixture of pain and pleasure. His body was convulsing as if he was having an orgasm and he was gasping Bazhena’s name over and over again. Jealousy and rage overcame me. I strode towards them, intending to break them apart. Bazhena must have heard me because she raised her head and looked at me.”

Fury swept through Christian. He remembered what Bazhena had done to the man embracing her. And how he could do nothing to stop it.

“Her eyes were glowing red and her elongated incisors shined against the blood covering her lips. I stopped at the sight of her. Frozen to the spot in shock. The corner of her lips turned up into a smile. That smile, which I had found so enchanting, now looked grotesque and evil. My eyes traveled back and forth in shock between the two of them as if my mind couldn’t quite process what it was seeing. The man moaned and turned slightly towards me. As he did I saw the side of his neck. It had been torn open. Blood pumped out of the wound and down his body. Yet his eyes remained closed and his moans were ones of pleasure. He even pulled Bazhena’s head back to his neck.”

Christian would never forget how she laughed when her victim had done that. It had been a low, throaty laugh. One filled with intense satisfaction.

“She gladly complied and continued to drink from the man, swallowing his life in great noisy gulps. His movements slowed and the moans coming from him ceased. Replaced by loud, gasping breaths as he struggled for life. I finally broke out of my frozen stupor and tried to move towards them. I knew the man would die if I didn’t reach him. I tried, pushed myself with everything I had, but I couldn’t move. I was paralyzed. Bazhena’s eyes stayed on me, intense and watchful as she fed. I knew she was holding me back somehow. Controlling me. I could only watch as the man’s hold on her went slack. She released his shoulders and he slid slowly down her body to the ground.”

Christian paused to get himself under control. To tamp down the anger and frustration he had felt that night over two hundred years ago. His gaze slid to Alyssa. She still looked straight in front of her, out the window. But he could see by the frown on her face, that she was uncomfortable. His story was affecting her also.

“Alyssa, I don’t have to finish. I can stop n—”

Alyssa turned away from the window and honed in on his face. She searched his eyes. What she was looking for, he wasn’t sure. Then she shuttered her gaze and turned back towards the front window.