After (The After Series) (40 page)

“No, he won’t be coming,” I tell her and look down.

She stops what she’s doing. “Are you guys okay? I don’t mean to be nosy.”

“That’s all right.” I might as well tell her. “I don’t think we’re okay.”

“Oh, honey, I’m sorry to hear that. You two really had something, I thought. But I know it’s really hard to be with someone who is afraid to show their feelings.”

This line of conversation makes me feel a little weird. I can’t even talk to my own mother about stuff like this, but something about Karen’s openness makes me more able to discuss this sort of thing. “What do you mean?”

“Well, I don’t know Hardin as well as I wish I did, but I know he is very closed off emotionally. Ken used to stay awake nights worrying about him. He has always been an unhappy child.” Her eyes go glossy. “He wouldn’t even tell his mom he loved her.”

“What?” I say again.

“He just won’t say it. I am not sure why. Ken can’t recall a single time when Hardin said he loved either of them. It’s truly sad, not only for Ken, but for Hardin as well.” She blots her eyes.

For someone who refuses to tell anyone, even his own parents, that he loves them, he sure was quick to use the words against me in a hateful way. “He is . . . He’s very difficult to understand,” is all I can think to say.

“Yes, yes, he is. But, Tessa, I hope you’ll still come around even if you two don’t work things out.”

“Of course,” I tell her.

PERHAPS SENSING MY MOOD,
Karen switches to talk of the greenhouse while we wait for the food to finish cooking and then put everything out on the table. Midway through a sentence, Karen stops and puts on a wide smile. I turn to find Landon walking into the kitchen followed by a beautiful girl with curly hair. I knew she would be gorgeous, but she is even more so than I could have imagined.

“Hi, you must be Tessa,” she says even as Landon opens his mouth to introduce us. She immediately comes over and hugs me, and I immediately like her.

“Dakota, I have heard so much about you—it’s nice to finally meet you!” I say, and she smiles. Landon’s eyes follow her as she walks past and hugs Karen, then takes a seat at the counter.

“We passed Ken on our way here. He was getting gas, so he should be here any minute,” Landon tells his mom.

“Great, Tessa and I have already set the table.”

Landon goes over to where Dakota sits, puts his arm around her waist, and leads her to the table. I take my seat across from them and glance over at the empty place setting next to me, which Karen had set up for “purposes of symmetry,” but it just
makes me a little sad. In another life Hardin would be sitting next to me, holding my hand the way Landon is Dakota’s, and I could lean into him without fear of being rejected. I’m beginning to wish I had invited Zed even though it would have been extremely awkward; having dinner with two deeply in-love couples may prove worse.

Ken enters, saving me from my thoughts. He walks over and kisses Karen on her cheek before sitting down.

“Dinner looks great, honey,” he says and playfully places a napkin on his lap. “Dakota, you get more beautiful each time I see you.” He smiles at her, then turns to me. “And Tessa, congratulations on your internship at Vance. Christian called me and told me. You made a wonderful first impression on him.”

“Thank you again for calling him; it’s such an amazing opportunity.” I smile and the table’s silent for a moment while we all try Karen’s chicken, which is
delicious
.

“Sorry I’m late,” I hear from behind me and my fork falls out of my hand onto my plate.

“Hardin! I didn’t know you were coming!” Karen says nicely, then looks at me. I look away. My pulse is already quickening.

“Yeah, remember we discussed it last week, Tessa?” He smiles his menacing smile and takes the seat next to me.

What is wrong with him? Why can’t he just leave me alone?
I know it is partly my fault for letting him get to me, but he really enjoys playing cat-and-mouse. Everyone’s eyes are on me, so I nod and pick up my fork. Dakota looks confused and Landon looks worried.

“You must be Delilah?” Hardin says to her.

“Oh, Dakota, actually,” she corrects him sweetly.

“Yeah, Dakota. Same thing,” he mutters and I kick him under the table.

Landon glares at him, but Hardin doesn’t seem to notice. Ken
and Karen go into conversation between themselves, as do Dakota and Landon. I stay focused on my food and think of an exit strategy.

“So, how’s your evening so far?” Hardin asks in a casual tone. He knows that I won’t cause a scene, so he is trying to annoy me.

“Fine,” I answer quietly.

“You’re not going to ask me how mine is?” He smirks.

“Nope,” I mumble and take another bite.

“Tessa, was that your car outside?” Ken asks and I nod.

“Oh yeah, I finally got my own car!” I say, with a little extra excitement in the hopes that everyone else will join in so I’m not stuck talking to just Hardin.

Hardin raises his eyebrow at me. “When?”

“The other day,” I answer.
You know, the day that you told me that it’s all about the chase?

“Oh. Where did you get it?”

“A used-car lot,” I answer and watch Dakota and Karen both try to hide their smiles. Sensing an opportunity to direct the attention off me, I say, “So, Dakota, Landon told me you were thinking of going to New York for a ballet school?” She tells us all about her plans to move to New York, and Landon looks genuinely happy for her despite the distance that will stay between them.

When she finishes, Landon looks at his phone and says, “Well, we should get going soon. That bonfire waits for no man.”

“What?” Karen says. “Okay, but at least take some of the dessert with you!”

Landon nods and helps her put some into a Tupperware container.

“Are you going to ride with me?” Hardin says. I look around like I’m confused about whom he’s addressing.

“I’m talking to you,” he states.

“What? No, you’re not going,” I tell him.

“Yes, I am. And you can’t stop me from going, so you might as well ride with me.” He smiles and tries to put his hand on my thigh.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” I say under my breath.

“Can we talk outside?” he asks and looks toward his father.

“No,” I say quietly—every time Hardin and I “talk,” I end up crying.

But Hardin stands up quickly and grabs my hand, pulling me to my feet. “We’ll be outside,” he announces, and pulls me through the living room and out the front door.

Once we’re outside, I yank my arm away and warn him, “Stop touching me!”

He shrugs. “Sorry, but you weren’t going to come with me.”

“Because I didn’t
want
to.”

“I am sorry. For everything, okay?” His fingers play with his lip ring and I avoid focusing on his mouth. I stare at the way his eyes search my face.

“You’re
sorry
? You’re not sorry, Hardin—you just want to mess with me. Just
stop
. I am exhausted and drained from fighting with you all the time. I can’t do it anymore. Isn’t there anyone else that you can mess with? Heck, I’ll even help you find someone, some poor innocent girl for you to torture as long as it isn’t me.”

“That’s not what I am doing. I know I am back and forth a lot with you, and I don’t know why I do it. But if you give me one chance, one more chance, I will stop. I tried to stay away from you but I can’t. I need you . . .” He looks down at the deck, rubbing the tips of his boots together.

The audacity of what he’s saying helps me keep my tears in check this time; his ego has seen quite enough of them. “
Stop!
Just
stop
. Aren’t you tired of this? If you needed me you wouldn’t treat me the way you do. You told me yourself it was
all about the chase,
remember? You can’t just show up here after everything and act like nothing happened.”

“I didn’t mean that. You know I didn’t.”

“So you admit you just said it to hurt me?” I glare at him, trying to keep my guard up.

“Yeah . . .” He looks down.

I’m so confused by him; he says he wants more, then he kisses Molly, then he tells me he loves me and takes it back, and now he is apologizing again? “Why should I forgive you—you just admitted that you did something solely to hurt me.”

“One more chance? Please, Tess. I’ll tell you everything,” he pleads. I almost believe the pain in his eyes as he looks down at me.

“I can’t, I have to go.”

“Why can’t I come with you?” he asks.

“Because . . . because I am meeting Zed there.”

I watch as his expression changes and seems to crumple before me. It takes everything in me not to comfort him. But Hardin did this to himself. Even if he actually does care, it’s too late.

“Zed? So are you guys, what . . . dating now?” His tone is full of disgust.

“No, we haven’t even talked about it. We are just . . . I don’t know, spending time together, I guess.”

“You haven’t talked about it? So if he asked you, you
would
?”

“I don’t know . . .” And I honestly don’t know. “He is nice and polite and he treats me well.”
Why am I even explaining myself to this boy?

“Tessa, you don’t even know him, you don’t know—”

The front door shoots open and an exuberant Landon asks, “Ready?”

His eyes dart to Hardin, who for once looks unguarded and even . . . heartbroken.

I force my feet toward my car and follow Landon as he pulls out of the driveway. I can’t help but look back at Hardin, who is still on the porch, still staring back at me as I drive away.

P
ulling into the spot next to Landon, I text Zed to tell him that I have arrived. He writes back immediately with a note to meet him at the far left corner of the field.

I tell Landon where he’ll be as he and Dakota walk up.

“Sounds good,” he says, but he seems less than thrilled.

“Who’s Zed?” Dakota asks.

“He’s my . . . friend.” He is just my friend.

“Hardin’s your boyfriend, right?” she asks.

I look over at her. She doesn’t seem to be implying anything, she just seems confused.
Welcome to the club
.

“No, babe.” Landon laughs. “Neither of them are.”

I laugh, too. “It’s not as bad as it sounds.”

Right as we get to where everyone is, the school band begins to play and the field becomes more and more crowded. I’m relieved when I spot Zed leaning against the fence. I point him out, and we head over there.

“Oh,” Dakota squeals as we get close. I can’t tell if she’s surprised by his tattoos and piercings, or his good looks. Maybe both.

“Hey, beautiful,” Zed says, beaming, and hugs me. I smile at him, returning the hug.

“Hi, I’m Zed. It’s nice to meet you both.” He nods toward Landon and Dakota. I know he’s met Landon before, so maybe he’s just trying to be polite.

“Have you been here long?” I ask.

“Only about ten minutes. A lot more people here than I expected.”

Landon leads the way to a less crowded area near the enormous mound of wood, and we all sit on the grass. Dakota sits between Landon’s legs and leans back against his chest. The sun is going down and the breeze is picking up. I should have worn long sleeves.

“Yeah, have you been to one of these before?” I ask Zed, who shakes his head.

“No, this isn’t my typical scene,” he says with a laugh before adding, “But I’m glad to be here tonight.”

I smile at his compliment and right then someone walks up to the central bandstand and gives us all a warm welcome on behalf of the school and the band. After a couple of minutes of rambling on, they finally count down to the lighting of the fire, and three, two, one . . . the fire ignites and swallows the mound of wood fiercely. It’s actually quite beautiful being this close to the flames, and I can tell I’ll be warm enough after all.

“So how long are you here?” Zed asks Dakota.

She frowns. “Only the weekend. I wish I could come back for the wedding next weekend.”

“What wedding?” Zed asks.

I look at Landon, who answers, “My mother’s.”

“Oh . . .” He pauses and looks down, as if thinking about something.

“What?” I ask him.

“Nothing. I’m just trying to remember who else said something about a wedding next weekend . . . Oh yeah—Hardin, I think. He was asking us what he should wear to a wedding.”

My heart stops. I hope I don’t show it on my face. So Hardin definitely still hasn’t told any of his friends that his father is the chancellor, or that he’s marrying Landon’s mother.

“Bit of a coincidence, right?” he asks.

“No, they are—” Dakota begins, but I interrupt: “Quite a coincidence, but, then, in a town this size, there are probably a few every weekend.”

Zed nods in agreement, and Landon whispers something in Dakota’s ear.

Hardin is actually considering going to the wedding?

Zed chuckles. “I can’t imagine Hardin at a wedding anyway.”

“Why not?” My tone is a little harsher than I meant it to be.

“I don’t know, because he’s Hardin. The only way to get him to go to a wedding would be if he knew he could have sex with the bridesmaids.
All
of them,” he says and rolls his eyes.

“I thought you and Hardin are friends?” I say.

“We are. I’m not saying anything bad about him—that’s just how Hardin is. He has sex with a different girl every weekend, sometimes more than one.”

My ears are buzzing and the fire feels too hot on my skin. I stand up before I realize what I am doing.

“Where are you going? What’s wrong?” Zed asks.

“Nothing, I just . . . I need some air. Some fresh air,” I mumble. I know how stupid that sounds but I don’t care. “Be right back, I just need a second.” I march away quickly before any of them can follow me.

What is wrong with me?
Zed is sweet and he actually likes me, he enjoys my company, and yet all it takes is a mention of Hardin and I can’t stop thinking about him. I take a quick stroll around the stands and few deep breaths before walking back over to them.