After Tuesday (17 page)

Brent sits up, clearing his throat. “Oh, you remembered?” He pauses for a long time. “I did.”

“Really? You wrote that? Brent, are you a poet?”

“No. I was, um…well, do you remember our first writing assignment from the first day of class? It was the one where you could write whatever you wanted as long as it inspired you. I don’t know why, but I wrote that and some other words. It’s not something I do all the time. I think it was a one-time thing.”

I can tell he feels a little embarrassed as he admits this to me.

“Well, it was amazing. Thank you…” I lean over and kiss him gently on the mouth. “For sharing it with me.”

He moans against my lips. “I was thinking of you.”

My heart soars as I close my eyes and take in his words.
This can’t be happening. No one gets this lucky.
Relationships aren’t really like this. They’re unknown hardships and mistakes, right?

“I love you,” I whisper in his ear before I lean back.

His eyes tell me he loves me, too, as his hand firmly squeezes mine.

“Are you ready for more?” he asks.

“What do you mean more? This isn’t it?”

“It’s part of it. Patience, Ruby.” He reaches into his bag, pulling out a bag of marshmallows, bars of chocolate, and graham crackers.

“Really? Sweet. I love s’mores. I’ll get sticks,” I say, hopping up to retrieve a few from the trees behind us.

We roast marshmallows together and then feed each other the sticky treats in a playful way. After four of them, I can’t handle anymore.

”You have to stop putting those near my mouth unless you want to carry me back to the canoe,” I say before trying to lick off the sticky chocolate-marshmallow gooeyness on my lips.

“Here, let me,” Brent says.

He licks his thumb and then rubs it on my bottom lip. I don’t mean to, but I end up nipping his thumb when I involuntarily bite my lip out of habit.

“Sorry,” I say.

Although the look on his face shows that he’s not bothered by it at all, he rubs his thumb in his fingers to ease the pain. “That’s okay. I was doing it wrong,” he whispers before he leans in to kiss me.

At first, his kiss focuses on my lips as he takes extra care to take each one in his mouth, gently stroking them with his tongue. The sensation of his mouth on mine is making my breath catch. I can’t hold back and lean into him, to feel his tongue on mine. Pushing him back on the blanket while our lips are connected, I lie beside him. His hand runs up the length of my thigh up to my waist and then moves under my shirt, finding bare skin. Remembering how things went the last time we touched intimately, I disconnect to look into his eyes.

“Is everything all right?” he questions, raising his brow.

“Yeah, I, uh…I just don’t want you to think that I’m teasing you or anything.”

“Ruby, I’ll be fine. Trust me. This is fine.”

“But you want more, right?”

He clears his throat, staring at the lake. “Yeah,” he says with a heavy breath. “Of course, I do, but don’t think that we need to—”

“I don’t think that.”

I don’t think I do anyhow.
I lean back and look out to the water, trying to sort through what’s going on with me. Taking a silent breath, I attempt to clear my mind.

I think about Brent and those simple moments in life, like our time in the boat on our way over here to this place. As I think back to the contented place in my mind where all outside factors are taken away, I can see I want to be with Brent—because of
him
. Being with Brent wouldn’t be about sex; it would be about loving him. It wouldn’t be because we are supposed to, but because I want to, because it feels right, and because it’s right for me.
For us.

I think back to when I asked Lexi how she knew when it was time, but now, I know that I don’t need answers from her. I just need them from myself, and now, I think I know.

“You like it here,” Brent asks me, running his fingers along the side of my face.

“I love it here,” I tell him, gazing into his eyes. Breathing deeply, I whisper, “I love you.”

“You know, this place…” He pauses as he runs his fingers up the length of my arm, sending physical chills through my body. “Are you cold?”

“No.”
Keep talking, damn it.

“Here,” he says, sitting up to grab another blanket.

After laying it over me, he lies on his back, putting his hands behind his head. I can’t stay sitting up while he lies down, so I scoot into his side. As I place my hand on his chest, he wraps an arm around me.

Once I’m comfortable, I look up at the stars. “So, what were you saying? Something about this place?”

“Oh, it’s nothing.”

“Tell me,” I insist.

“Well, it’s this place. It just means something to me.”

“Me, too.”

“I know. I figured. I wanted to come here tonight because it’s going to get cold soon, so we wouldn’t be able to come back again for a while. Well, it wouldn’t be like this. You know what I mean. And coming here with you…” He clears his throat and then kisses me on my forehead. “This is where I fell in love with you. That day we came across the water, you showed no fear. You were just so…like no one I had ever met before. I know we had just started seeing each other, but I knew something then. I just knew.”

I don’t know when I fell in love with him. There wasn’t a moment I could point to, but it was here where I realized we were more than I’d expected.

“I knew, too,” I say. “I knew something then, and I know now, too.”

My mind is made up right here, right now. I want him. I want to be with him. As I grip his shirt in my fist, pressing my body to his, I know I want to be with him now more than ever.
Together.

I prop myself up, adjusting the blanket to cover us both, as I move on top of him with my legs on both sides of his. I lie my body on top of his as I balance my weight on my forearms. Looking at the shock on his face, I kiss him gently on the nose.

“Ruby—” he starts.

I kiss his mouth, halting his words. “Brent,” I whisper, pressing my body against his.

“Just tell me when to stop,” he says, running his firm hands up my back.

I can tell he thinks this is just another moment of messing around.

“I would, but I don’t want to,” I tell him. I reach down and pull up the front of his shirt to find his warm skin hidden beneath. “I’m through with stopping.”

“Are you sure?” he asks, searching my eyes.

“Yeah, I’m sure,” I reply with my mouth against his, running my body against his. “Unbelievably sure.”

“If you want to change your mind at anytime—”

“Shhh, I know. Brent, I know. I want to. I really do.” As I look into his eyes, between kisses, I say, “I don’t want to because you want to or because…well, all those other reasons people think they should. I want to because of us—because of you and me.”

He pulls my shirt over my head and then shrugs out of his own. Removing my bra, I sigh happily, laying my naked chest against his.

I find myself shaking slightly, likely from nerves and anticipation. I’m a little scared to do this, but my want and desire override my anxiety.

“Ruby…” he whispers.

He kisses me passionately while he runs his hands along the length of my exposed back. Then, his hands move to my front, coming between us to undo my pants. I feel his fingers dip under my jeans and panties as they skim around to grab my backside. Grinding my pelvis to his, a breathy moan escapes my lips when I feel his hardness press against me through our clothes.

“I’ll try not to hurt you. I’ll make sure we’re safe.” He suspends all movement, looking into my eyes. “You mean so much to me.”

Despite my nerves, I move a somewhat shaky hand down his chest, stopping at his waistline. My fingers are not agile, seeing how I haven’t done this before, but I manage to undo the button and pull down the zipper to his pants.

“I trust you,” I disclose.

I adjust my lower body as Brent removes my pants from my legs. He takes his off as well, adding them to the pile of clothes to the side.

When I remove my panties, tossing them to the side, Brent’s breath catches, and he swallows audibly. After he removes his last piece of clothing as well, laying half of my body over his, I wrap an arm across his chest and hitch a leg over his legs. I can tell we’re both nervous.

“Brent…” I move over him, my lips meeting his.

“Ruby…” Reaching to the side, his hand finds his jeans, and then he pulls out a condom.

“I want to.”

“I want you.” He tucks a fallen strand of hair behind my ear. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

Those are the last words I say before I surrender myself to us.

I realize that love can never find a hidden heart. I’m so glad I decided to let my heart out of the gate for him to find, capture, and join with his—in every way.

Chapter Sixteen

While paddling in the middle of the lake, Brent thinks he’ll be cute by kissing my neck, but instead he startles me, causing me to drop my paddle. Out of instinct, I reach over the boat to get it, making the canoe rock off balance. I end up plunging half of my body in the chilly water. Soaking wet, I have to take off my jacket and wrap up in a blanket for the remainder of the trip back.

It’s close to midnight when we reach the shore near Brent’s car. The air has cooled off since we first arrived earlier in the evening, leaving me somewhat chilled. It probably doesn’t help that my jacket is drenched.

When we get into the car, Brent turns on the heat. He grabs his jacket from the back and hands it to me. I put it on and wrap the blanket over me while Brent rubs my arms.

“Sorry about that, Ruby,” he says. He kisses my cheek. “I shouldn’t have scared you like that.”

“It was worth it,” I tell him through chattering teeth.

After about five minutes, my shivering subsides, and I begin to yawn from fatigue.

“Are you ready to go?” he asks.

“Yeah, I have to get up early, too. I have a shift in the morning. It’s my first day back at the restaurant.”

“That’s right. When are you done?”

“After lunch,” I tell him through another yawn.

“You’re tired. Let’s get you home,” he says. Sitting back in his seat, he puts the car in reverse.

Although I’d rather spend more time with Brent, I can’t deny my exhaustion. As Brent puts the car into drive, I hear my phone ring. I’m tempted to ignore it, but given the hour, I decide to pull it out of my bag.

The caller ID lights up with Ace’s.
No!
My heart starts beating like crazy, and suddenly, sleep is the furthest thing from my mind. The feeling of calm I was experiencing has quickly evaporated with the fierce ringtone wailing from my phone. I take a deep breath before turning to Brent with, hopefully, a face void of emotion.

“I have to take this. Sorry,” I say to him as he’s driving. Accepting the call, I say,  “Hello?”

“Ruby, I’m so sorry. He’s here,” Benji says on the line.

“Okay,” I say, trying to keep control of my face. Everything is hitting me so hard right now.
He was fine. He was just fine just hours ago. What happened?

“Someone needs to come get him. Jas didn’t answer his phone. I left a message with Cody, too, but no one’s called me back. I’ve got him calm now though. He’s resting in a corner.”

“What?” I almost shout, causing Brent to look at me with concern. I offer a look to him that hopefully conveys it’s nothing. I calm down and continue my conversation with Benji. “I understand. No problem. I can be there soon.”

“Thanks, Ruby.”

“Yeah,” I say, letting out a deep breath before ending the call.

“Everything okay?” Brent asks as we pull into my driveway.

“Yeah, it’s fine. My dad just needs me to pick him up.”

“Oh, where is he? I can go with you.”

“Nah, that’s okay. It’s just up the road.”

“Are you sure?” he asks with a bit of skepticism.

I don’t know what he’s thinking. I’m sure I don’t have a face of innocence right now. “Yeah. Thanks for tonight,” I say, reaching for his hand. “It really was special.”

Leaning over, Brent kisses me gently on the mouth, lingering longer than my body is willing. My mind just happens to be elsewhere right now, and I can’t fully be in the moment.

It makes no sense. We just had one of the most memorable evenings of my life, and all I can think about is that somehow between seven and a little after midnight, something caused my dad to lose everything he had been working so hard for during these past few weeks.

In the meetings, they said this sort of thing could happen. Actually, they said it was really likely it
would
happen. I guess I was too hopeful and too naïve. I was an idiot.
Why did I let my guard down?
I thought things were different for my dad, like he was outside of the statistics. Banking on that, I invested time and hope into his recovery—and a part myself I didn’t want to put out there in the first place.

“So, I’ll call you tomorrow,” Brent says.

I reach for the door handle and open the door. I just want to get to the next part of the evening and get it over with.

“Are you okay?” he asks when I stand up outside the car.

“Yeah, I’m fine. I’m just a little tired. Good luck at the game tomorrow,” I tell him. I smile at him as genuinely as I can before shutting the door.

I back away from the car, so he can pull out of the driveway, and then wave good-bye as his car rolls down the street.

I turn and head toward the house. As I reach for the door handle and open the door, I notice something is off.
Fuck!
I forgot my coat in the car, and I’m still wearing Brent’s. My mind is all over the place. I’m losing it.
What is going on with me?

I walk inside and change into a jacket that fits. I grab my camp gear, knowing I won’t be able to calm down in the house after my dad is here, and leave it under the tree out back. Dragon is outside, waiting by our spot under the tree, like he knew this was coming.
Wish he had warned me sooner.
I tell him to stay before I jog down to the bar.