Authors: Monica Alexander
Aftershocks (23 page)
I felt so alive, but most of al I just felt free. No one knew me there. Cheerleaders did not rule the world, cliques didn’t seem to exist, and there didn’t seemed to be a homogenous model that you had to fit in order to be cool. It was like everyone was one big happy family cheering on their team, and the love was pouring out of the fans.
“I cannot wait until next year,” I shouted to Wyatt as we left the stadium.
“Me neither,” he said. “Dorm bathrooms are so not for me. I’m afraid I’m going to get Chlamydia every time I shower.”
“Eww, gross,” I said, making a face. “Wel, our apartment wil be fabulous.”
“Hel yeah, it wil be,” he said, smiling as he slung his arm around me.
Later that night we were introduced to Jeremy who was hosting a party at his apartment. I could tel Wyatt was nervous about us meeting his boyfriend – the first one he’d ever had. His voice was shaking just a little, and he was laughing in a jumpy, giddy way as we walked from the car. Jeremy was a junior and lived off-campus.
I took his hand in mine and squeezed it, and he smiled down at me. I could see him relax just a little, but it wasn’t until we met Jeremy that Wyatt returned to normal. With Jeremy’s arm around him, he seemed to light up, and I could see why he liked the blond surfer from California so much. Jeremy had a laid back presence that instantly calmed anyone around him, and he seemed to adore Wyatt.
As the hour crept past one, I stepped outside with Wyatt to get some fresh air. We sat on the front steps of Jeremy’s apartment, Wyatt’s arm around me to keep me warm in the frigid night air. It was colder in Ann Arbor than it had been at home.
“You seem realy happy,” I said, looking out at the street instead of at him. I think I might have been afraid his happiness was a façade, and if I saw his face falter now that we were alone, I would start to worry that he wasn’t as okay as he seemed.
“I am,” he said, and I felt myself relax.
“Are you realy?” I finaly looked up at him.
His cheeks were flushed, and I don’t think it was just the cold that was doing it. He nodded and smiled a smal smile at me before he reached over and tucked back a piece of my hair that had falen into my eyes. When his hand moved back I caught a glimpse of the three inch scar that ran down his left wrist.
I reached for his hand, taking it in mind and turning it over so his palm was facing up. I fingered the line, feeling the texture of it before I pressed my thumb over his wrist as if to seal it from ever opening up again. The scar would always be there, a symbol of the past that served as a constant reminder of how bad things were at one point, when Wyatt hit rock bottom, when he thought there was no way out.
I knew then that no matter how frustrated I was with Connor, my feelings were trivial. So what if he didn’t like me? Big deal. I needed to grow up and realize that my happiness did not revolve around whether or not I dated Connor Richmond. My self-worth was so much more than that, and I needed to keep things in perspective.
A year ago, just a year ago, Wyatt had almost lost everything. Now he was sitting next to me, happier than I’d ever seen him. The person he used to be served as a sick memory of a time when he couldn’t figure out how to accept that he was great just the way he was. I thought back to Connor’s girlfriend Calie who had never known she only had a short time left to live when she’d stepped onto the track that day. How precious our lives are when we don’t even know if we have a tomorrow.
Wyatt looked down at me. “What are you thinking?” he asked, as my thumb smoothed over his scar one last time.
“Same thing as always,” I said and didn’t have to say anymore.
“I’m glad I’m here too,” he said and kissed me on the cheek.
We sat in companionable silence for few minutes. The wind was picking up around us blowing dried leaves across the yard. It smeled like fal. Somewhere nearby someone had a fire going in their fireplace. When I breathed in the air was crisp and cold, and it burned my lungs just enough to make me feel alive.
“Jeremy’s realy great,” I said, knowing Wyatt was waiting to hear my opinion.
He sighed, as if he’d been holding his breath al night just waiting for me to tel him Jeremy wasn’t as amazing as he’d made him out to be during the countless times he’d shared stories about the guy he was faling for.
“He’s probably the best thing that’s ever happened to me – besides you, that is.”
“Obviously,” I said, feigning arrogance, as I nudged him lightly. My suddenly mind flew to Connor who I’d been trying not to think about but who just wouldn’t stay out of my head. “I have to say, I’m a little jealous, Wy.”
He squeezed me tighter. “Connor doesn’t know what he’s missing.”
I leaned my head against Wyatt’s shoulder. “Why wasn’t I good enough for him?”
I felt his arm pul me close. “You’re
too
good for him,” he said, and I knew he truly believed that.
I laughed, a short non-humorous laugh that told Wyatt I didn’t agree with him.
He suddenly puled back, stared at me in disbelief and shook his head a few times. “Abby, you are beautiful and smart and one of the most selfless people I know. If he can’t see how amazing you are, then screw him.”
“If only it were that easy.”
“You’l get there, Abbs. I know it hurts now, but you’l get through this. Then, you’l meet the right guy and fal in love. It’l happen, and when it does, you’l look back on this conversation and realize I was right.”
I sat up straighter and looked at him. The way he talked about being in love made me think he knew a little something about it.
“Wyatt Bailey, are you in love?!” I squealed, not able to contain my excitement.
I watched as a smile crept across his face, widening to the biggest one I’d ever seen on him. “Yeah, I am,” he said sheepishly.
“I think that’s the best news I’ve heard in a long time,” I said, hugging him fiercely around his waist.
***
The weekend had been amazing with just the slightest touch of weird when I thought about the fact that I’d had my second sleepover with a guy in a week. But much to my surprise, and his reputation as of late, Jack was a gentleman. In fact there was such little touching between us over the course of the weekend that I began to wonder if he’d changed his mind.
In addition to the game and Jeremy’s party, Wyatt had taken us on a tour of the campus and his dorm – at which point I knew I’d never, ever want to cal one of those depressing boxes my home, regardless of how important it was to the whole colegiate experience. I’d get over it.
We met Crazy Chris who I noticed wiped the surfaces of everything we touched right after we moved our hands. I think Jack might have had a little too much fun with that as he started picking up and putting down anything that wasn’t nailed in place. At least Wyatt’s dorm room was spotless and disinfected.
We explored the bookstore, and I spent much more than I’d ever thought I would on things that said ‘University of Michigan’. Aaron would be crushed that I’d essentialy shunned his idea of going to South Carolina, but as much as I loved my brother, I knew where I wanted to be.
But what made the weekend was our four in the morning trip to what Wyatt said was just caled The Rock. Apparently it is a tradition at Michigan to paint this rock in the middle of the night, and we were going to do just that. Armed with blue and yelow paint we each left our mark – three pairs of handprints and our initials, symbolizing that we were there. As an afterthought, I drew a heart around our work and Jack painted his jersey number in blue and yelow as a not-to-subtle message to the gods that he wanted to play footbal for the Wolverines. Jeremy took our picture since we knew in a few days our artwork would be gone, but for the time being, it was on display for everyone who drove by, and we couldn’t have been more proud.
As Jack and I waited at the gate for our plane to board, he took my hand. I looked up in surprise at the gesture.
“I figured I’d give you some space this weekend,” he said. “Did you have fun?”
I nodded and smiled. “I had the best time.”
Jack kissed the back of my hand. “Good, then consider my mission accomplished.”
I sucked in a breath, realizing what I needed to do and hating it. Jack had been so great, but I knew I wasn’t ready for anything serious with him. I needed to get over Connor, and until then, I didn’t want to lead Jack on.
“Jack,” I started to say, but he put his hand up to stop me.
“I know,” he said. “It’s not the right time. I understand.”
“Do you?” I asked, not able to tel where his head was at.
He nodded. “I’m not ready for anything serious either. Kerry realy did a number on me, and I’m not quite over her I’m sad to say.”
“So, friends?” I asked.
“With benefits?” he countered.
I just laughed. “Nice try.”
“Wel, how about this. How about we show Connor what it’s like to have to fight for your affections, huh?”
I narrowed my eyes at him. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, sometimes you have to know what you’ve lost before you realized you wanted it in the first place.”
I cocked my head to the side, not sure if I understood what he was proposing.
“Let’s make him jealous,” he said. “And in the meantime, we can have some fun.”
“Define fun,” I said, narrowing my eyes.
He just smirked. “Good clean fun – with kissing of course,” he said, before he planted one on me. “Or anything else that might strike your fancy.” He raised his eyebrows a few times suggestively, and I pinched his arm to let him know just how I felt about that idea.
Normaly I never would have gone for a harebrained plot such as that, but he was a realy good kisser, and he was a lot of fun to be around, so I figured, what the hel.
Chapter
20
In physics on Monday, I got an earful from Connor who was tired of me giving him the silent treatment. He’d caled me no less than fifteen times over the weekend, and I’d caled him back exactly zero times. He was pissed.
“So you just don’t cal people back anymore?” he asked, as soon as he sat down next to me.
I already had my pen and notebook out trying to look prepared to take notes as soon as class began. I stared straight ahead, ignoring him as I’d done the week before.
“Fine,” he said, his gaze fixed on me. “Be that way. See if I care, but just know that this is your decision. We’re not friends anymore, because of you.”
His words cut me, but I knew that’s what he was trying to achieve. I knew he was desperate to get through to me, so I continued to ignore him.
Finaly, he let out a huge sigh. “Abby, I don’t know what else I can do,” he insisted. I knew his anger was al for show.
“About what?” I asked, raising my eyebrows, as I finaly looked over at him. I decided I was done freezing him out, but I could stil have a little fun with him.
“Oh, so now you’re talking to me?” he asked, and I could hear the irritation in his voice, but it was also mixed with relief.
“Sure.”
“You’re not mad?”
“Look, you made a mistake. I get it. Whatever.”
He was staring a hole through me, but I’d turned back to the front, my eyes fixated on the blank white board at the front of the room.
“How come you didn’t cal me back this weekend?” he asked, the hurt prevalent in his question.
“I was in Michigan,” I said, puling out my phone to see if I had any text messages. There was one from Jack that just said,
Morning
cutie.
“Michigan? What were you doing in Michigan?”
I looked over at him, the confusion apparent on his face. He’d obviously forgotten my ties to the university.
“Colege visit,” I said, keeping my answers brief. “And visiting Wyatt.”
“Jack went to Michigan this weekend,” Connor said, and I could practicaly see the light bulb going off above his head as if he was in a cartoon.
“Yeah, we went together,” I said, just as Mr. Winters stepped to the front of the room to start class.
“What do you mean you went together,” Connor hissed under his breath.
“It’s pretty simple. We’re both friends with Wyatt, so we went to visit him.”
A part of me was dying to tel him al about the weekend – the game, the school, everything – but another part of me was stil angry at him for not thinking through his decision to hook up with me while on a break from his girlfriend. He had to have known how I felt about him, and yet he stil decided to take advantage of the situation when it was convenient for him. I couldn’t help being pissed – and hurt, if I was being honest.
“Did you have fun?”
“Shh,” I said, as I kept my eyes forward, ignoring his question. “I’m trying to pay attention.”
I knew it was bitchy, but I couldn’t help it. He’d had the nerve to get pissed that Alexis had cheated with someone who had a girlfriend, when he had in turn cheated on her. Sure, they’d been on a break, but what did that mean realy? They hadn’t broken up. Did that give him carte blanche to hook up with whomever he wanted? Somehow I didn’t think Alexis would be psyched to learn how her boyfriend had spent his Saturday night.
Connor finaly gave up trying to talk to me when he saw that I was fixated on what Mr. Winters was saying. He got the hint that he needed to just stop trying. I wasn’t going to talk to him in that moment.
***
As we sat in the backroom and ate, I told Nicky about my airplane date with Jack and our date for the next night which we’d solidified that day after school.