Afterthoughts: A Charity McAdams Novella (The Charity McAdams Novellas) (14 page)

Brandon’
s been staying with me for the past few weeks and
he
had a few boxes of clothing shipped up from his home in Los Angeles when he decided to ex
tend his stay for three months.

I love having him around
,
but my townhouse was already pretty full when it was just me
,
so adding in all this extra stuff has caused a little bit of an overflow. It’s also
very apparent that he’s become quite used to having a maid
clean up after him for the p
ast few years
.

Fighting the urge to comment on the mess, I shift the topic. “How was your mom doing today?” I ask, as we
make our way to the kitchen and
start unpacking the groceries.

His mom had a double mastectomy a couple weeks ago, to hopefully get rid of her breast cance
r. She is still recovering so Brandon
spends a lot of time at his parents’ house, on the other side of
town, to help take care of her.

“She seems to be getting better
, stronger
. We went on a walk today, just around the neighborhood. I think it took more out of her than she
was letting on though,” he answers
.

He seems distracted for a moment but then brightens and adds, “She wants to know when you’re going to come over for
a
family dinner.” He gives me a smile over his shoulder.

I finish putting away the last of the contents of my reusable shopping bags and go to hang them inside the pantry. I move around Brandon to get to the pantry
door but I don’t meet his gaze.

Back in High School
, when we were dating, we spent
a lot of time at his parents’ house, and then when we were engaged, we would have dinner over there every fe
w weeks.

So,
rationally
, I know that his request is not off the wall, and the fact that his parents want to have me over for dinner is very sweet. I can’t explain it, but there’s something about the whole thing that
makes me anxious and…resistant.

“I didn’t realize you’
d told them we wer
e back together,” I finally say

“My parents?
Yeah.
I told them a couple weeks ago.” He pauses and grabs my arms, turning me to face him. “Cherry, what’
s going on? You don’t even want to talk
about moving to California, you change the topic anytime I bring it up, and now you’re acting like I did something wrong
by telling my parents we’re
back
together again.”

It’s only been a month since he came back into my life and before that, we had spent three years apart. I never imagined I would see him again, let alone the possibility that we would fall in love all over and start a new relationship. The newness makes it all feel very fragile and almost dreamlike.

But I know he’s right, I’ve been acting like a complete nutcase. When we’re alone, just hanging out, everything is so good and it feels comfortable and right. But then I start thinking about everything changing and I overanalyze all the details to de
ath and then I freak out again.

It’s exhausting.

“Brandon, I’m sorry, I really a
m. I know I’m driving you crazy.
I’m driving
me
crazy!
”
I say. “Things with us are so good right now and I guess, in some weird way, I’m afraid that if we change things and start telling everyone we’re back together and go around all happy and smiley all the time, that we’ll jinx it somehow and that it’ll all fall apart again. And that’s the thing I fear the most.
Losing you.
Again.”

Brandon takes my face in his hands and tilts my chin up to look him in
the eyes. “Cherry, you’re not
going to lose me, I’m not going anywhere.”

“How can you know that?
I mean, think of all the possibilities!
Let’s just say I go to California. You’ll be so busy with your movie that you won’t have much time and I won’t have anything to do, so I’ll be home alone, and bored. And then, what if you start to resent having to entertain me? Or if I start resenting you for taking me away
from my hometown and everyone
I know? On the other hand, if I don’t go, we’ll say that we won’t break up and
that
we’ll find a way to make it work long distance, but we both know that eventually we’ll drift apart. It happens all the time, especially in Hollywood! And so, I figure, if we just stay here, and don’t rock the boat, everything will be good and we’ll be ok…” I realize that I’m rambling and let my voice trail off.

He smiles at me before petting my hair like I’m some kind of mental person. “Baby, you’re overthinking this, big time! I had no idea you were this stressed out about everything. Why didn’t you tell me all this sooner? We have to learn to work through all this together, you can’t keep all of this anxiety and doubt pent up, it’s not good for you and it’s certainly not good for us.”

I wrinkle my nose. Why does he have to go and be all
logical
?

He kisses me before continuing, “I want you to come to California because I would miss you too much if you stayed here. We’ve wasted too many years apart already. And I told my parents that we’re back to
gether because I’m so happy now that
I want to tell everyone. None of that is going to change anything between us. And as much as it would kill me if you don’t come with me, we
will
find a way to make it work, I promise.”

I nod. I know he truly believes what he’s saying but I also think that his brain is a little too much in “Hollywood dreamland” sometimes and that he doesn’t always remember that life rarely works out as perfectly as it does in the movies. I’m not saying he’s stupid or simpleminded but, perhaps, a litt
le overly optimistic sometimes.

I start to tell him this, but decide against it and just lean into his embrace instead, pressing my face into his warm chest. He smells amazing and I want to stay like this all day. I can’t know what will happen if I do leave home and go with him to California, but I do know that if I stay here and he goes
,
I’ll be totally miserable.