Against All Odds (5 page)

I just didn’t think he would treat me like a doormat in the process.

I don’t like him and I sure as hell don’t respect him. I may have to live with him but I don’t have to be happy about it. He’s ruining everything. How could anyone possibly lie low when he’s acting like that?

I drive around for about an hour and a half just listening to music and trying to straighten out all the thoughts going through my head this morning. I didn’t have time to make coffee before I left. I wanted to get out of the house as fast as possible and didn’t want to take any chances of running into Nathan.

At about five A.M. I pull into the Starbucks parking lot. As I sit in the car sipping my coffee I realize that I still have two hours to kill before I can even think about going to school. Two hours with absolutely nothing to do. This is ridiculous. I can’t even be at my own house when I want to be because I’m afraid of running into him. I had to stay in my room all night last night. And if anyone was concerned with me missing dinner they sure didn’t show it. Instead, they left me all alone.

I start my car and pull my GPS out of my glove compartment. Once I’m out on the main road I plug it into my car charger so it’s ready when I need it.

There’s a game my mom and I used to play when I was little. When she had a really bad day at work she would come home, pick me up, and we would get in the car and just drive. No idea where we were going or when we were coming back. We would get completely and totally lost and forget about everything that was wrong for a while.

We’d turn the music up so loud that it would drown out any thoughts in our heads.

Before the GPS it would sometimes take us hours to get home. We would have to stop at like twenty different places to ask for directions, each person more and more shocked about how we could have possibly gotten so far off-track. We bought maps, but I always sucked at reading them. And sometimes I would get us even more lost by looking at them. My mom never got mad at me though. Instead she would just laugh and pull into the next gas station we saw. It was a simple game but it always managed to make us feel better.

As I got older the trips with my Mom became less frequent and more far in between. But sometimes I’d come home from school and slump down at the dining room table defeated about one thing or another and my mom would notice this. She wouldn’t say anything though. She would just turn the coffee pot on, take a couple of to-go mugs out of the cabinet and slide the keys across the counter. When the GPS came out it was much easier for us to get back home, but it didn’t take away from the feeling that came over me when I was out there driving with her. That feeling of knowing everything was going to be okay.

I haven’t gotten in my car with the intention of getting lost since my mom’s death, but today feels like the perfect morning for it. The perfect morning to remind myself that somehow everything is going to be okay.

***

“I can’t believe he already had Amber Collins over your house,” Angelina says to me later in the day.

We’re in lunch, sitting at a table by ourselves in the corner. This is how it’s been for as long as I can remember, Angelina and I set off in the back of the café in our own little world. We sit here and study all the different cliques as they divide to their various tables. It feels so nice to have something normal to do, even if it is something so simple.

I shrug. “Why is that so hard to believe? He’s clearly a player.”

“Still. Amber’s pretty popular. Not to mention she’s a senior.” I try to pretend the whole situation doesn’t faze me.

I glance at Angelina’s lunch and notice she’s eating a chicken salad with garlic bread. Her mom absolutely loves to cook and always packs her these really good lunches. I can’t remember the last time I brought a lunch from home. Or ate lunch period, for that matter.

“Yeah, popular for the wrong reasons,” I tell her resting my head in my hands.

I’m majorly tired today. Usually my lack of sleep doesn’t bother me this much, but today it’s like every time I turn around I’m yawning.

“Um, so you haven’t talked to Nathan since you yelled at him then?” Angelina asks me with what I swear is a nervous tone in her voice.

“Nope,” I say running my fingers against my temple and trying to keep my eyes open when they keep slowly creeping shut.

“Well, “ she says calmly, “brace yourself. Because he’s heading this way.”

I snap my head up and lock eyes with Nathan’s intense gaze as he makes his way across the café toward my table. He’s wearing basketball shorts and a dark red sleeveless shirt that shows off his toned arms. Half of the cafeteria literally stops what they’re doing to watch him as he walks.

I start to panic inside. Why is he coming over here? I don’t want to talk to him, especially not at school. And especially not in front of an audience. What is he trying to do, cause a scene or something? He’s not even in this lunch, is he? At least I didn’t see him in here yesterday.

The closer he gets to our table the more panicked I become. I turn my attention to Angelina for some type of support but she’s just as mesmerized by Nathan as everyone else in the room.

I roll my eyes and push my chair a little bit away from him as he sits down next to me. I don’t make eye contact with him as he slides a large cup of coffee across the table toward me.

“What’s that?” I ask, interested in spite of myself. Did I mention how completely and totally tired I am?

“That,” he says, “is a peace offering.”

“A coffee?” I ask him with a blank expression on my face. “That’s your peace offering?”

He has the nerve to look amused. “It’s the start of my peace offering.”

I look away from him as he turns his attention to Angelina. “Hey, I’m Nathan.”

“I know,” Angelina says practically drooling all over him. “I’m Angelina.

Everyone’s so excited you’re here. You’re supposed to like totally turn our basketball season around. They say you’re the best high school player in the state.”

I shoot Angelina an annoyed look but she doesn’t seem to notice. She’s too busy turning into Nathan’s number one fan.

“If we turn the season around it will be a team effort, not just a one man job,”

Nathan says shooting her a smile.

Oh, he picks this time to be all modest. Really?

I catch his eyes on me. It’s as if he’s reading my thoughts. Then, he pushes the cup of coffee closer to me. I shrug and slowly pull it toward me, taking a small sip.

“Are you sitting over here yet?” Matthew Russo asks as he plops himself down across from me and sticks a piece of gum in his mouth.

“I’m not sure,” Nathan says not taking his eyes off of me. “I think she’s still pissed at me.”

I can’t help the butterflies that drift into my stomach at the sight of Matt. He’s pretty much been the boy that I could never get for as long as I can remember. I used to do the stupidest things to try to get his attention. Things that I know now would never work in a million years on a guy like him.

Matt has blonde hair and blue eyes and a smile that can make you melt. He’s easily the most popular boy in our grade, although it seems like Nathan is giving him a run for his money. It only makes sense that they’re hanging out.

“Well of course she is,” Matt says shrugging. “You were totally unsympathetic.”

I can’t take my eyes off of Matt’s lips as he talks, his mouth moving up and down as he chews his gum. “Don’t be too hard on him Victoria. He’s not used to being a brother yet. Me, on the other hand, I have two little sisters. I know all about bringing girls home.”

I can’t believe Matthew Russo is talking to me right now. And I can’t believe he actually knows my name. I didn’t think he even knew I existed.

“Yeah,” Nathan says happily, “I’m not used to being a brother.”

Matt’s eyes are still on me. “But he totally made us skip English so we could go get you that coffee. And I don’t think he’s going to use you to drive his booty calls around anymore. Right Nathan?”

“Right,” Nathan nods. “Absolutely not.”

I feel the butterflies in my stomach start to fly all around as Matt grins at me.

“Well,” I say, “I guess I can cut him a little bit of slack. Just this once.”

“Perfect,” Matt says jumping up from his seat. “Come on Nate, we better get back.”

Nathan slowly gets up and looks at me for a second too long. There’s a confused expression on his face, which he quickly shakes off. “I’ll see you at home Shell.”

“Yeah,” I say. “And Matt?” He turns to look at me. “Thanks.”

A grin comes across his face. “No problem.”

Then, Nathan and him are gone and I turn my attention to Angelina who’s sitting there with a stunned expression on her face.

“That did not just happen,” she says, shaking her head.

I bury my head in my hands and let out a happy squeal.

***

“So clearly,” Nathan says swinging his legs over the couch, “you’re in love with him.”

It’s later in the afternoon and I’m sitting in my living room watching T.V. when Nathan comes in and sits down next to me. He’s supposed to be at basketball practice, but apparently has “time to kill” before it starts. This sounds shady to me, but whatever.

“In love with who?” I ask not taking my eyes off of the T.V.

“One Tree Hill?” he asks laughing at me. “This show’s still on? What are they like forty now?”

“How would you know how old they are?” I say, amused.

He picks up one of the throw pillows off the couch and playfully tosses it at me.

“Watch it, Shell.”

I laugh and straighten my hair out. “So clearly I’m in love with who?”

“Don’t play dumb. With Matt.”

Shit, was it that obvious? No, no way. I had totally played it cool at lunch. I had barely even looked at him. Nathan must be trying to mess with me as usual. I know I was cool as a cucumber.

I let out a loud laugh like the thought of me liking Matt is clearly crazy.

“Oh please,” Nathan says grabbing the remote out of my hand, “you practically jumped across the table ready to rip his clothes off.”

“I did not!” I say a little too defensively.

Nathan shakes his head and starts flipping through the channels. “Well, I don’t like it.”

“Why not?”

“Because it’s a bad idea. Matt’s a player.”

I laugh and shove him in the shoulder. “Really? Coming from you? Mr. three hook ups and they’re gone?”

Nathan looks surprised and I realize a second too late that I slipped up. I’m not supposed to know that rule. I only do because I overheard Nathan’s conversation with his friend that night in the gym after his game. Luckily for me Nathan saves me from himself.

“Ugh, so what’s her name?”

“Whose name?” I ask.

“Whatever bitter girl you know that I never called back.”

Might as well go along with it.

I shrug. “Does it matter? Not like you pay attention to their names anyway.”

Nathan’s on top of me in a matter of seconds. “Tell me,” he says working his hands up and down the sides of my stomach as he tickles me. I try to push him off, but it’s no use, he’s much stronger than me. Plus, it doesn’t really help that I’m laughing so hard.

“Please,” I beg him under his grip and in between my laughs.

“Tell me,” he says not letting up even a little bit.

“Nathan,” I say swatting at his arms, which even through my laughing fit I notice are more toned than I previously thought.

“Tell me then,” he says moving his hands to the middle of my stomach.

“Mary,” I tell him, yelling out the first name that pops into my head.

Nathan stops and pulls his perfect body up off of mine. And for a split second I have a feeling like I should pull him back on top of me. But I quickly push the thought out of my mind because it’s crazy. I don’t even like him.

“Mary,” he says laughing. “That had nothing to do with the three times rule.

That had to do with the never bring back a crazy rule.”

“Still doesn’t make it right,” I point out.

“They know why they’re hanging out with me Shell. It’s not about emotion. It’s about sex. Simple as that.”

I kind of understand this, as horrible as it is. It’s kind of like who I am lately.

There was a time when I did everything with emotion, when I took everything personally and let way too much affect me. Not anymore though. These days, things seem a whole lot better when they don’t involve emotions at all.

I don’t answer. Instead, I reach over and grab the remote back from him.

“But back to this Matt thing,” Nathan says choosing to let me have the remote for the time being, “you know it would never work right?”

I roll my eyes. “I don’t even like him, so don’t worry.”

He nods. “Okay, good. Just looking out for you.”

I pause. “Why wouldn’t it work? Just out of curiosity, I mean.”

Nathan sighs. “Ugh, you have it worse than I thought. Look, Shell, Matt knows what he’s doing with girls. The whole hooking up aspect is important to him. So even if you could get him to somehow settle down, or whatever it is you fucking girls think you want, you’ll never be able to get into even the starting point with that.”

“Why not?” I ask him not taking my eyes off of the T.V.

“Because Matt needs someone who knows what they’re doing. You know, sexually. And you have no clue about that stuff.”

I feel my body stiffen. Jeez, is it that obvious I’ve never had sex before? What does he have some type of radar that tells him if a girl has or hasn’t? What a jackass.

“Sorry, I’m not a slut,” I say.

Nathan reaches out and touches my arm. “It’s not about being a slut Shell. Have you ever even kissed a boy before?”

I pull out of his grasp and shoot him an annoyed look. “I’ve kissed boys!”

And I have. I’ve kissed a lot of boys. Or kind of a lot. Okay, three. Actually, two, but whatever. It’s none of his business!

“Of course you have,” he says moving a little closer to me on the couch, “but you don’t have enough experience to get a guy like Matt. Not even a little bit.”

I feel my heart start to drop in my chest.

“Maybe he cares about personality more,” I say.