Agony (8 page)

When I turned to look at him, he pressed his lips gently against mine. My heart was beating wildly but the trembling stopped as I felt him part my mouth slightly with his tongue. It honestly felt like time had come to a standstill. My hand slipped out of his and pulled him closer to me as we probed each other’s mouths; our tongues dancing together in perfect harmony.

Arsen was the one that pulled away. I could have sat there and kissed him forever if he’d let me.

“Just as sweet as I thought it would be,” he said with a small grin.

I desperately wanted another kiss, but I wasn’t going to make any moves for it. If Arsen wanted me to kiss him, I’d let him initiate it.

“Thanks for taking tonight. I really needed it. Addie had fun too and that’s important to me,” I said softly.

“I can tell you guys really love each other,” he said, leaning back in his chair.

“Yeah, we don’t have any brothers or sisters so we’ve been really tight since we were kids.”

He nodded but didn’t say anything.

I sat there for a moment silently contemplating where the night could potentially take us.

Addie had always told me that losing your virginity was a big deal. She said it should be with someone you loved and wanted to be with for a long time; possibly forever. I didn’t know if that’s what this was because I had never fallen in love before, but I knew in my heart that it wouldn’t be a bad idea if it happened with Arsen.

He leaned over again suddenly and I took a sharp breath, when I felt him kiss the side of my neck. It gave me a sensation that I had never felt before.

Yeah, he’ll give me anything I want,
I thought euphorically to myself as he gently reached his hands over and squeezed my breasts.

I reached my hands up and ran my fingers through his hair as his hands explored my body.

“We need to get inside. Now,” he whispered, his breath labored.

He stood up and scooped me out of the chair; cradling me in his arms. He used his foot to push the bedroom door open and carried me to the bed.

We fell onto it, tangled in each other. We kissed a yearning kiss, as if though we would never have the chance to be together again.

Arsen pulled away long enough to pull his black t-shirt over his head and toss it to the side. My hands went to his muscular chest almost immediately. I wanted to feel his body with every sense that I could possibly use. He picked me up and laid me down on my back, letting his body weight drop onto me.

“Do you really want to do this?” he asked.

“Yes,” I replied without hesitation.

“I just needed to be sure. And so you know, until the moment I’m inside of you, I’m going to keep asking,” he replied before he moved his lips to my neck again.

I wiggled under his kisses. Every time that Arsen asked me if I wanted him, from this point on the answer would always be yes.

The moon had risen enough that slivers of light were coming through the window. I watched as he pulled himself off of me and unzipped his jeans.

“Take your clothes off, Neve,” he said softly as he pulled his pants off.

I did as he asked. He sat there for a moment looking at my body with hungry eyes. I let my eyes wander down his body, taking in the ripples on his taut stomach. I took a shaky breath as I noticed that rock hard erection in his boxer briefs.

There was no question about the fact that Arsen wanted me.

As he began to lower himself down on me again, I pushed him back. He looked at me in confusion until I began to run my hands over his desire. He sat back on the bed and sighed softly.

“Neve,” he whispered.

Before he could ask me the question, I boldly reached a hand into the opening of his underwear and wrapped my hands around it.

Since I had never had sex, only seen it multiple times happen in front of me, I knew that Arsen was ‘porn star’ size. It was long, smooth, and thick.

I began to run my hands slowly up and down it as he leaned his head back and closed his eyes. I leaned my body forward and kissed his neck causing his body to start quivering.

I tightened my grip on his now throbbing member and began to move my hand a little faster. Arsen moaned and I felt myself starting to pool in my dark blue, lace boy shorts.

I took my hand out of his underwear and reached for the sides, pulling them down and off of them. I let them fall to the carpet next to the bed as he watched me with labored breaths.

“You’re so beautiful, baby doll,” he whispered.

I smiled at him as he ran a hand down the side of my face.

I moved my hand away and ran it up the length of his body, allowing a teasing sensation to ripple through him.

“Oh God, Neve,” he moaned.

I lowered my hands back down and began to rub him again, but he pushed my hands away.

“You have to stop or I’m going to blow right now,” he said with a soft laugh.

I looked up at him and grinned.

“I’m an old pro by association,” I replied making a face.

Arsen laughed and stood up. I was sitting on the bed, almost eye level with his spit covered desire. When I reached for it again, he moved my hand away.

He looked at me for a moment and took a deep, steadying breath before he got back onto his bed and laid down next to me. He pushed my legs open and started to rub me over my panties.  I could feel the small pool becoming larger as he ran my fingers over my labia. I leaned my head back against the board and moaned softly when he moved my fingers up to my clit and began to circle it slowly with his finger.

I squeezed my one of my breasts as he continued to fondle me.

“How does that feel, Neve?” he asked.

“Am...a...zing,” I stammered.

“I’m going to stop now. Take off your bra and your panties. Lay flat on your back and keep your legs open,” he instructed.

With trembling hands, I again did as he said. There were only two options left. Either he was going to use his mouth on my wet sex or he was going to put his dick inside of me.

Arsen moved on the bed and looked at me before he moved his face down and began to suck on my nipples. First one, then the other, while he gently used his teeth to nibble them in between suckling.

I closed my eyes and moaned loudly. It was an amazing feeling and I loved every nibble, every suck.

I felt him position himself on the bed and move himself so that he would be between my open legs. I felt the head of his dick as he rubbed it gently against my wet pussy lips. He leaned up and kissed me while he teased me.

“Last chance to back out,” he whispered into my ear.

I opened my eyes for a moment and ran my hands through is hair as he continued to tease me.

I want this so bad right now.

But before I could tell him that, I caught of flash of his latest movie go through my mind. Even if I had never seen his “work, all I could see was him on top of some blonde girl, ramming her like no tomorrow.

“No. I... I can’t do this. Please get off of me,” I whispered.

He didn’t hesitate. He pulled his naked body off of mine and sat on the bed next to me. I turned my back to him and wiped tears away from my eyes.

I couldn’t believe that, despite my feelings for him, I almost gave a porn actor my virginity. It wasn’t right. He had more than enough pussy to fuck on a daily basis.

He took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

“Is it because, you know?” he asked quietly.

I sniffled and nodded.

“I’m sorry that I never told you. I just ... I’m not ashamed of what I do, Neve. I want you to know that. But I also want you to know that I didn’t tell you because of your reaction to the industry when I first asked you what you did at Devil’s Den. God, I felt like I got struck by  a lightning bolt when I saw you sleeping in New York and I never felt that before. I knew you were special and I...kind of fell for you right then and there. I didn’t want you to think any less of me because of what I do; that’s why I didn’t tell you. A lot of it is fake anyway,” he said.

“Which part? The part where you fuck three girls or the part where you cum all over them?” I asked bitterly through fresh tears.

“Yeah, I guess that’s all you
would
see. But because of what you said, I know you didn’t even watch it,” he replied unhappily as he got off of the bed. 

“Why would I want to watch it?” I asked incredulously, sitting up. I reached down for my blanket and pulled it up over my naked body.

Arsen put his hands on his hips and looked at me before he answered.

“Do you still have it? The movie?” he asked.

“Unfortunately. Adesynne made me keep it since she paid eighty bucks for it.”

“Get dressed and meet me at outside please,” he said as he walked out of the bedroom.

I rolled my eyes and went to out to his car where he was waiting for me. We drove in silence all the way back to my place and when we got there, I went straight to my dresser that the television was sitting on. I grabbed a fresh pair of panties and threw a tank top on. I moved the rest of my underwear to the side and grabbed the movie.

Addie told me to hold on to it and “use” it one day along with the vibrator she gave me with it. She thought it was funny until she saw the crushed look on my face when I saw Arsen on the cover with a beautiful brunette.

I cringed at the name of the movie.
Snow White and the Cuntsman.
It was so damn cheesy but Addie told me that porn companies usually took big name movies and remade them.

I closed the dresser drawer and went into the living room where he was sitting on the couch, waiting in his boxer briefs.

“Put the movie in, Neve,” he said seriously.

I tossed it on the couch, “
You
put the movie in.”

He shook his head and grabbed it. I stood next to the couch with my arms crossed over my chest while he unwrapped it and turned the TV and the game system I used. He put it in and scrolled over until the disc icon was ready and he pressed the button to activate it.

“Come sit next to me please,” he said quietly.

“I’d rather not. I don’t want to watch this Arsen. I don’t even care anymore,” I replied stubbornly.

“Yes you do. I can tell you care, because you’re hurt. If it didn’t hurt, you wouldn’t care,” he replied softly. “Please Neve.”

I let out a long suffering sigh and sat down as far away from him as I could while the title screen came on. He pressed the button on the controller again then set it on the coffee table.

For the next two hours, I sat there watching
Snow White and The Cuntsman.
Arsen pointed out which parts were “fake” and which parts were “real”. Since he was the male lead, I missed most of it. I refused to watch him having sex with anyone and I could tell he was becoming frustrated.

When the movie was over he looked at me.

“Do you understand now Neve? Yes, I have sex with women for a living, but it’s really only ten minutes of actual work and the rest is looped. I need you to understand,” he pleaded.

“And I need you to leave,” I replied coldly. “I can’t believe I almost gave you my virginity. I can’t believe that I fell ...” my voice trailed off as I caught myself.

“You fell what?” he prompted.

“It doesn’t matter,” I said quietly shaking my head.

“It matters to
me
,” he said.

“For
you
. It must be obvious, Arsen. If I didn’t feel strongly for you, I never would’ve let this get this far. You know what? I have a great idea! Why don’t I get into porn too and then we can both be happy,” I suggested sarcastically.

“No way. I wouldn’t share you with anybody,” he said shaking his head.

“Likewise,” I replied through grit teeth.

Maybe now he would understand where my feelings were with his “job.”

He looked at me with hurt eyes. I knew that essentially I was asking him to quit his job for me, but I couldn’t be involved physically and emotionally with an adult movie star.

“So where do we go from here?” he asked quietly.

“You go home. And I will too,” I replied with a heavy sigh.

“What do you mean?” he asked curiously.

“I mean, I’m moving back east. I can’t do this anymore. California is beautiful, but I miss New York. I’ve been wanting to go home for a while now.”

“Neve, you can’t just leave!” he exclaimed.

I turned my head slowly to look at him.

“Why not?” I asked quietly.

Arsen moved to sit next to me, closing the wide gap that I had left during the movie. He took my hands and intertwined his fingers in mine.

“Because we just officially got together. It wouldn’t be fair to either of us not to see where this could go,” he repeated looking into my eyes.

My heart was screaming
I’ll stay with you
but my mind was also screaming at me. It was saying
can you really stay with a man that has sex with other women?

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes for a moment.

I had never had a man tell me that he loved me before and for some reason he sent shock waves through me.

I opened my eyes again and looked at Arsen. He looked completely hopeless and somewhat broken.

“I need time to think about this. I need to know if this is something I can live with.”

“I’ll give you all the time you need so long as you promise that you won’t leave without telling me what you decide,” he said.

I nodded and he pulled me into a tight embrace. I put my head on his shoulder and a tear escaped down my face and onto his bare chest. He reached up a hand and lifted my chin to look at him.

“Can I stay tonight? I promise not to try anything sexual. I just want to be able to hold you in my arms and watch you fall asleep.”

I sniffled and nodded again. He leaned down and kissed me softly on my lips. Arsen pulled me off of the couch and we went into the bedroom again. I laid down on the side of the bed closest to the window and he laid down behind me. He pulled the blankets up over us and pulled me close to him. I wrapped an arm around his waist and closed my eyes.

I fell asleep to Arsen’s soft lips against my forehead and his hands gently caressing my back.