Ahead of the Darkness (16 page)

"Afternoon, Drew." He seems uncharacteristically chipper.

"Jules called in sick, and no one else can work, so it's just ye and me tonight." Ah, damn ... wait.

"Why are you okay with this? Shouldn't you be more ... pissed?"

"Aye, but it'll be fun with just the two of us." He winked at me.

"I ... guess. Did you already put the tills in?"

"Nae, I'll bring them out in a minute."

What was with Drew? He shouldn’t be pleased with everyone callin in sick, something was, off. I was staring aimlessly into my locker, trying to put my finger on it when my skin started to prickle, and I turned to see Drew standing in the doorway, his arms above his head, holding onto the frame.

"I cannae stop thinking about ye as it is, and seeing ye, like this." What? In a dress? Oh, that is weird. He looked me up and down to make his point. I swallowed hard and my heart kick-started into over drive. "Ye look good enough to eat."

He stalked towards me, like an animal on the prowl and I felt like his prey. That thought alone should have terrified me but I was humming with electricity. In three strides he was towering over me.

"Mia ..." My name rolled off his tongue like a carress.

"Y ... yes?" I said breathlessly.

"I just need a taste ... just one. No one will ever have to know." Oh God! I nodded. He smiled the biggest Cheshire grin, and I trembled with anticipation as he cupped my cheek, lifting my face up to his. He slowly leaned down and crushed his lips to mine ...

––––––––

O
h God
! I’d jolted awake, my heart beating erratically, and my body humming with need.
This was not good, this was not good
, I kept repeating, over and over as the image of the two of us lingered. My eyelids closed as I got sucked back in.

I snapped them open and jumped out of bed, throwing myself into the shower. I tried frantically to replace the feeling of Drew’s hands on my skin with the steaming-hot water spray. It wasn’t helping. My skin felt too sensitive, and I was getting more and more flustered by the minute.
Damn it!
I needed ...
Drew, no!
I only wanted Drew because I couldn’t have him. He was off-limits, and that made him all the more ... I just needed someone else to take the edge off, but that would be impossible.

The only place to drink and pick up men was at Cascade’s. That would be like shitting where you slept and Drew, Drew would be there. He was always there. When he was in a room, he was all I saw, so that wouldn’t even work.

Jules?
I couldn’t even begin to try and rationalise that to myself. We’d just found a friendly balance, too. I’m sure he would—hell, he slept with anything, except Mac. I hadn’t worked out why that was. Probably because she was a bitch.

Would Drew even care?
I didn’t want to think about that.
Did the no-fraternising policy really apply to all staff, or was that just his rule?

What was I doing? I couldn’t be seriously entertaining the idea? I was a little more desperate than I’d thought. I came to my senses and fled to the kitchen.
Food!

I pulled out everything I owned on my shelf and started making ... things. Marmite and cheese on toast, celery with peanut butter, strawberries, blueberries and Greek yogurt. Individually they were a few of my favourite things, but eating them at the same time, not so much. I felt like I might puke.
Damn it.

“The gym!” I'd run till I was numb.
Fuckety-fuck, fuck. Drew ...

I checked the time on the microwave: 6:44am. It seemed to be one of our an unwritten rules that on Thursdays I ‘ran’ into Drew at Maria's around eight am but luckily, the gym opened at seven. I might just be able to sneak in and out before he showed up. I hastily packed my duffel and left out the back door. The brisk walk had me there in less than twelve minutes, just as they opened the doors.

"You're early, and, alone?"
Great, it's Jenny working.

"Yep."

"No Drew today?"
Jesus!

"Nope."

"Oh, okay." She seemed all too pleased as she handed me the sign-up sheet. "Well it's just us for a bit, then. I'll turn the music up, yeah?" I frowned wondering why she sounded so sweet, she normally saved that voice for Drew.
Oh God, does she thinks we broke up?

"I have headphones, but knock yourself out." I passed her back the sheet and headed off for the change room.

I couldn't handle her on a good day. Today, was not one of those days. I didn't want to think about Drew McKinley and how I didn’t have him. I stripped out of my sweats, threw them in a locker, shoved my MP3 player in my arm band and slammed the locker closed. It rang out loudly through the empty change room and I cringed at the sharp sound.

I wasn't sure why I was so mad but I was fuming. I didn't even bother to warm up. My blood was already pumping.

I changed the playlist to something edgy with faster beats and turned the treadmill up high. I wanted to run until I couldn't feel, turning the. It fuelled my aggravation that it was taking too long. All the weeks of unofficial training with Drew had built up my tolerance again. I could run faster, harder and for a lot longer than I ever could before, and it was all Drew's fault. I turned the volume up even louder, and ran even faster in a vain attempt to drown out my thoughts.
Get out of my head!

My headphones were all of a sudden ripped out, and a big hand pushed the stop button. I had to grab onto the handles to stop my momentum, and quickly put my feet on the side.

"What the fu—"
Damn it, Drew!
"What was that for?" I huffed and puffed out, not realising just how out of breath I was.

"What do ye think ye’re doin?"

"Running?"

"Ye about done? I've been watching ye for the last twenty minutes. I cannae stand it any longer."

"What?"
Twenty?
I looked at my phone and realised I had been on the treadmill for more than forty-five minutes ...
oops.

"Ye trying to kill yerself?"

I tried to step off, but my legs gave out and Drew had to catch me.

"Mia? What're ye doing?"

"I'm fine, just jelly legs, no big deal."

"Nae, why are ye here, by yerself, running like the devil is after ye? How long have ye been at it?"

"Not that long ..."

His hand came went to tilt my chin up to look at him, but the contact instantly reminded me of the dream and I needed his hands off me, jerking my face out of his grasp.

"I couldn't sleep, so I thought I might as well come in. I'm done now, so I'll see you at work later."

"Ye cannae be working like dis. Ye’re barely standing, and shaking all over the place. What's up with ye? Ye’re not acting like yerself, ye’re being ... barmy.”

“Jesus, Drew, I'm fine but if you don't want me at work then I won't be there. I'll see you tomorrow night.” He looked like he had more to say, but closed his mouth without comment.

I wanted to hit him. I also wanted to grab him and kiss him furiously. Instead, I walked off, not as fast as I would have liked. I could barely move my legs, and I felt Drew watching me until I was out of view.

I didn't even bother to shower, just struggled into my sweats so I could leave. I saw Drew as soon as I opened the change room door, my eyes trained to find him. He paused his warm up and stared at me with a frown on his face. I kept mine as blank as I could, but I struggled to look at him. My chest was too tight as I tried to breathe in. I turned and left, without looking back.

The return trip to Anne's took me almost thirty minutes. I all but crawled my way back. It was a struggle to even open the door and I slid down it as soon as I closed it behind me with a thud.

“Oh, I thought I heard the ...” Anne poked her head in from the sitting room, the worry evident around her eyes. “Are you alright, dear?”

“I'm sorry, Anne, I pushed a little too hard at the gym. It was a long walk home.” I smiled weakly.

“Here, let me help you into the parlour and we’ll get you some tea.”

With some effort on both our parts, and some moaning and groaning on my part, we had me in the living room. A few minutes later, Anne was back with tea and biscuits, the English's cure for everything.

“Now, dear, how about you tell me all about it?”

“What do you mean?” She smiled an all-knowing smile, and I frowned.

“Well, dear. The few times I have seen you recently, you seem to be smiling to yourself or frowning in contemplation. Today, you seem ... spent, and not just physically. Was there a reason you pushed yourself so hard today?”
Wow ...

“I ...” Didn't know what to say, so I shrugged. I wasn't used to being around people so observant.

We sipped our tea in a strange silence until I broke.

“There's a guy.” I shook my head.

“Ah, I thought as much. Go on.”

“And I, I like him.” I didn't want to tell Anne it was just sexual ...
mostly
. Somehow, I didn't think she would appreciate that.

“But?”

“It’s Drew, my boss.”

“Of course it is, dear. That is a but, if ever there was one. Does he fancy you, too?” There was a sparkle in her eyes. I smiled at Anne's enjoyment.

“I really don't know.”
OK, maybe I do
. “I've never been in a situation like this before. There are moments when I think maybe, but we are sort of friends, I think, so I might be wrong. I’m not really sure of anything.” It was the longest and most honest sentence I'd ever spoken to Anne. I actually felt bad about that.

Her lips curled up at the sides. “Well, dear, there's only one thing to do about that.”

“Move ... on?” I added the latter quickly.

“Oh no, don't give up yet. Where would the fun in that be?”
Fun?
None of this was fun, I frowned in thought and Anne laughed.

“Then what are you thinking?”

“You need to make him jealous.”

“Jealous?”

“Oh, yes. A man’s true feelings always come out when they are jealous.” He did get a little stroppy with Jules from time to time and there was that time with Jimmy.

“How?”

“Oh, it's easy, but this requires more tea.” She hurried off with a big smile on her face while I thought about the few times Drew had gotten snappy at Jules. So maybe he’d gotten a little jealous, but nothing had ever come of it.

"Now, how to go about this? Men are easy creatures. I would almost guarantee that if you were to be ‘friendly’ with someone else, his true feelings would come out."

"He is always at work, and I don't have anyone else to be ‘friendly’ with." I didn’t want to backtrack with Jules.

"Well, you will just have to make a new friend. One night when you are not working, get all dressed up and flirt with all the other men right underneath his nose. He will go crazy." I wasn't sure how I would pull that off, but the thought was highly entertaining.

"I'm not working tonight, but I don't think I have anything ...
sexy
to wear." I didn’t even know what Drew liked.

Anne's whole face lit up. "There is only one solution. We’re taking you shopping. I will drive us to the next town. There is a nice little shopping strip where I am sure we will find just the right thing."

"Really?"

"Most definitely!"

"I don't ... know what to say."

"Nonsense, there’s nothing to say. This will be fun."

“Okay.”

“Now, dear, how are you feeling?”

“Better. Just a little stiff.”
And nervous
.

“Shall we go now or later?”

“Now is fine. I mean, if you have the time. I might have a nap later.”

“Okay, dear. Get your things, and we can be off.”

––––––––

I
fidgeted the whole twenty minutes in the car as we drove to the next town over, which was ridiculous. I’d been in this car more times than I could count, but always with Drew ...

“Don’t fret, dear. I used to be young once, and had quite the way with the boys.”

I laughed despite myself. “I’m glad one of us does.”

It wasn’t long until we had arrived at a little boutique outside of Seaford, and Anne rushed off on her mission. It was almost impossible to keep up with her.

“What size are you, dear?”

“I’m an eight or a ten, I think. It’s been a while since I bought any new clothes.”

“We definitely need to change that. I think a shopping date on a regular basis is in order.”

It wasn’t really my thing, but I found myself smiling in agreement. For some reason, I found I didn’t want to say no.

Anne looked like she was having too much fun as she went through rack after rack, pulling out different items of clothing. After about ten minutes, Anne had more clothes than she could carry.

“Here, dear, try these on first, and I will look for more.”

“More?” I couldn’t imagine how there could be more. I was likely to be trying these on for hours, but she laughed and shooed me off to the change rooms.

I tried outfit after outfit on, for what felt like eternity. Anne made me show her every one and
um
ed and
ah
ed over each, sending me back to change this or that. After the umpteenth change, we seemed to have gotten it right.

“Oh, yes! That’s it. It’s not too revealing, but hugs your stunning figure perfectly. He won’t be able to take his eyes off you.” I blushed at the thought.

“Okay.”

“Here, give me them while you change.”

I changed back into my regular clothes and handed Anne the outfit while I bundled up all the other clothes. I emerged a few minutes later to find Anne paying for my new outfit.

“Now don’t even bother kicking up a fuss, it’s already done, and there’s nothing to say about it.”

“Thank you.”

“It’s been my pleasure.” I handed the checkout girl the unwanted pile of clothes with an apologetic smile. “Now, dear, what makeup do you own?”

“Umm ...” She laughed, and shook her head at me.

“Let’s do something about that too.” She linked arms with me and we headed off to do “something about that”.