Ai of the Mountain (A Fairy Retelling #2) (6 page)

I stare at the leaves. Their change unnerves me. Some of them litter the ground. I bend to pick one up. It is the same mottled red and gold of the others, but in my hand it shimmers for an instant, reminding me of something for a brief moment, but then it is gone. I look at Kaito, and see him staring at me with that same beautiful, sad smile that I have seen on his face a thousand times. It is the look he sometimes gets when I tell him I want no one other than him, that I can be happy living with him in our dream world, even though we will never meet in the waking world.

I walk over to where he is and sit down next to him. He pulls me to his chest and I lean against him. He feels so sturdy, so real. I know this is just a dream, but everything about this place, about Kaito, is just as substantial as the world I live in during the day. I thought he was a ghost. But, how can a ghost have a heartbeat? I can hear it now, with my head pressed against his chest. No, Kaito is as real as I am. I don’t know how this is, but it has to be true.

I hold the dying maple leaf up for him to see. “I never realized until now that it has always been summer here. Though the seasons change when I’m awake, this place has never changed.”

“Until now,” Kaito says.

“Until now,” I repeat.

His voice sounds so melancholy, I have to turn to look him in the eye. They glisten with unshed tears.

“Kaito, what is wrong?”

“Nothing of importance, my little mountain girl. I am just afraid that I may not have much time left to be with you.”

“Why do you say that?” Kaito has never spoken like this before. “Why should we have such little time left together? What is happening, Kaito?” I have never before considered that we have anything other than forever to share with each other.

Kaito doesn’t answer me. Instead, a lone tear escapes from the corner of one eye and glides down his cheek.

“Kaito,” I say, putting my hands up to cup his face, “who are you?”

“I am yours. For as long as I have.”

I can still see the leaf in my hand when I wake in the morning, and for a moment I think it is truly there. I blink. It is gone. I check inside my robe to see if the coins that Grandfather Koi gave me last evening are only a figment of my overactive imagination as well. The washi crinkles in my hand, evidence that they are truly real. I pull them out and stare at them in the barely visible morning light. Even in the darkness, they shine.

Okaasan has woken, though she is confused and half of her body still does not work correctly. I help her sit in the kitchen and find a task that she can do without becoming frustrated. The first time she suffered from a stroke, we weren’t sure she would ever regain her functions again. She was so frustrated that her body that would not obey her wishes and move the way she wanted. The doctor in the village gave her some simple exercises to increase her strength and coordination. I pull those items out for her now and am glad to see that she is able to do most of the tasks without assistance. Perhaps she will get better more quickly this time.

I prepare Father’s meal and wonder if I should make one for the daimyo as well. I cannot leave my mother in her condition, so I will not be making the trek up the mountainside to the castle today. Surely, Lord Nakaguchi will understand. But, then again, will he? I doubt that compassion is among his strongest traits. I decide to prepare a lunch for him, even though I cannot bring it myself. Perhaps this will be enough to appease him today.

Father takes the bundle of obento boxes and looks at them for a moment. He says nothing, but I know he understands my thinking.

It is not until Father has long since left that I remember the gold coins still hiding in my kimono. I will need to deliver them to the daimyo. Soon. I’m not sure why I didn’t just give them to Father to take the daimyo. Explaining exactly how I came to have them would be difficult. Though Grandfather Koi did not expressly say I should not reveal his gift, this is our special secret. His and mine. I am not ready to share him with the world just yet.

I have just helped my mother back into bed for a rest after lunch when I hear a knock at the door. It is so rare for anyone to visit us here on the mountain, the noise makes me jump. Father shouldn’t be home yet, and if it were him, there would be no need for him to knock. Perhaps somehow word of Mother’s condition has gotten out to a neighbor in the village. Likely, it is an obasan of the village, come to call on her. Mother will be so disappointed to miss a visit from a friend.

The house is so dark inside that the sun blinds me for a moment when I open the door. I blink and my eyes adjust quickly. Standing at my doorstep is the daimyo, Lord Nakaguchi, holding the obento lunch I prepared for him this morning in his hands.

Chapter 5

“My lord!”

“Konnichiwa, Ai-chan.”

I do a quick survey of the yard and see two guards standing sentry next to a rickshaw and its drivers. Relief washes over me that I am not here with the daimyo alone. The relief is quick-lived as I remember that he did not curb his behavior the first time we met, and that was in front of many people, including my father. Having a few guards will not guarantee me safety from the daimyo’s lack of propriety. I need to tread carefully.

“How may I help you, Lord Nakaguchi?” I ask.

“Actually, it is I who would like to help you.” He pauses for a moment. “I was saddened and surprised to hear that you would not be able to join me at the castle today. Your father expressed your deep regret at having to stay home to take care of your mother. He said she is very ill.”

I nod. “I believe she has suffered from a stroke. My father and I are all she has to take care of her. I cannot leave her.”

“Of course. I completely understand. I sent for the village doctor to come help take care of your mother. They should be arriving sometime later today. Shall we sit next to the river together and talk a bit? Perhaps under that maple tree?”

I nod and walk beside him to the edge of the river. He sits down on the grassy bank and motions for me to join him. I’ve sat on this bank a thousand times or more talking with Grandfather Koi, and a thousand times more in my dreams next to Kaito. I never could have imagined this moment of sitting here next to Lord Nakaguchi. He doesn’t belong here in this space, and I am afraid that his presence will spoil the beauty of this spot, like a disease festering long after he is gone.

Several smaller koi swim around in the calm water of the lazy river and for a moment, I see the long, lithe body of Grandfather Koi break the surface of the river. Lord Nakaguchi notices as well, his eyes open wide and he sits forward to look more deeply into the water of the river, but Grandfather Koi has disappeared deep into the water’s depths.

“I appreciate you coming to see me today,” I say. Seeing the daimyo so focused on Grandfather Koi makes me nervous. I do not want the daimyo to have anything to do with my old friend.

The daimyo’s face softens and he takes my hand. “It is good to see that your love runs deep for your family. But, I worry for you. Your mother and father are very old. What will happen to you when they finally pass away?”

The question is not new to me. My parents are elderly and when my mother had her first stroke, I began to question the security of my future. Unfortunately, there is no easy answer. As long as my father can manage to bring home a meager living, and I can help out in the village, I will be fine. Once both my parents are gone, however, it will be much more difficult to survive on my own. Life is not kind to poor, unwedded women in the rural countryside of Japan. I will need a husband. For prosperity, and for protection.

Lord Nakaguchi knows this answer as surely as I do. I can see by the smug set of his smile, he has come to the same conclusion.

“I could help you, Ai-chan,” he says. “If you would allow me. You would be quite the jewel to keep in my castle.”

He draws my hand up to his lips and kisses the back of it. My stomach churns. The daimyo may be charming to some, but I see through his words to their deeper meaning. I would not be a jewel, I would be a prisoner. I can see it in his eyes. Lord Nakaguchi does not care about loving me, only possessing me.

“Thank you, my lord, for your generous offer,” I answer. “But, my parents are not dead yet. I cannot abandon them to a life of hardship, just so that I can live a pampered life in a castle as the wife of a daimyo.”

Lord Nakaguchi takes my hand away from his lips, the smile spreading further across his face. “I must apologize. I think you may have misunderstood me, Ai-chan. I was not making an offer of marriage.”

My breath catches in my throat. “Oh? But my father said you asked to court me. I thought that he meant, that you meant…marriage.”

“I’m sure you can understand that someone of my rank and position cannot marry a girl in your…situation…no matter how much I would like to. No, I did not mean marriage.” He turns my hand over in his, and brings the palm of my hand up to lips this time and kisses it. His lips travel down the length of my hand, resting against the pulse beating wildly under the skin of my wrist. “No, Ai-chan, I cannot marry you. But, that does not mean you cannot serve your lord and master well and enjoy all the luxuries I am willing to give you, if you will just give yourself to me.” He places one final, possessive kiss against my wrist and releases my hand.

A courtesan. That is what he wants of me. My hands betray me with their trembling. I do not want to show my fear in front of this man. I will my limbs to stay still, but they do not obey me any more than I intend to obey the daimyo. He may be my lord, but he will never be master.

“There are other benefits of placing yourself in my care,” he continues. “I am willing to exempt your family from the recent taxes, in exchange for your cooperation. I know this would help your family a great deal.”

Here, at least, I can avoid the daimyo’s attempt to blackmail me into submission. “Actually, my lord, I have something for you. Please give me a moment.” I walk back to the house and close the door enough behind me to give myself some privacy as I pull the washi-wrapped coins out of the recesses of my kimono. They gleam in my hands. I have never felt so grateful to Grandfather Koi in all my life. His gift will be my redemption. I take a deep breath and open the door.

Lord Nakaguchi is waiting for me just outside. I thought I had hidden my anger and disgust from him, but I can tell by his face that I did not do a good enough job. I can see he is also trying to hide his true feelings, but just beneath the surface of his skin his muscles clench and release. He knows I do not want him. He knows I am going to refuse him.

“This is for you,” I say, holding out the gold coins, “as payment for the recent tax increases you have imposed on our region. I am certain this will be enough to pay our debt to you.”

I drop the coins in his hands and they chime together delicately as they hit each other. They catch the light as Lord Nakaguchi turns them over, and for a glimmering moment they look just like golden fish scales. I blink, and they are the same rose-stamped coins once again. He turns them over and over again, holds them up to the light, and inspects them.

“Where did you come by these?” he asks.

“That’s not any of your concern.” The words leave my mouth before I know what I’ve said. I regret them instantly. The daimyo’s reaction is immediate. His face contorts into an angry scowl. His eyes blaze as he stuffs the coins inside his robes and holds up his fist. For a moment I think he is going to strike me. I refuse to look down. I want him to know without a doubt that I will not consent to belong to him in any way. He cannot buy me.

“I don’t know how an impoverished mountain girl came to possess coins like these, and I don’t care. You may think my offer is crass and beneath you, but I’m sure you’ll change your mind when the reality of your situation sets in. You may be beautiful, but beauty will not set food on the table, once your family is gone.”

The daimyo turns and walks towards his rickshaw and drivers. He pauses by the river a moment and I wonder if he sees Grandfather Koi swimming in the waters. Lord Nakaguchi throws me a look of contempt as he boards the rickshaw and his drivers lead him away.

When Father returns home that night, the doctor is still attending to my mother. He arrived not long after the daimyo made his hasty, and angry, exit up the mountainside. The doctor has confirmed my fears; my mother has had another stroke. He is optimistic that she can heal, though he warns us that she may not survive another one. A feeling of helplessness pervades over my spirit and I find myself doing anything and everything I can to keep myself busy. I may not be able to help my mother stay well, but I can make her life as easy and comfortable as possible while she is here.

“Thank you for your help,” I say later as the doctor leaves. “I will look for you again in the morning.”

I am glad the doctor will return tomorrow. With Mother ill, I am confined to spending most of my time indoors to be near her. I have not even been able to sit outside and speak with Grandfather Koi today.

I don’t usually feel lonely, although most of my time is usually spent by myself. But, as I watch my father sit on the tatami mat next to my mother and take her hand in his, I am struck by a sudden emptiness. I wonder if I will ever have the privilege of living my life out with another person who loves me just for being me.