Alana (5 page)

“It was then that I had to face the truth. I had been betrayed,” Rafe stated, his eyes never leaving Alana. “James Branch had been the man who had signed my original contracts to supply the army. He could not have learned of my execution, for it had never happened. I realized he must have had advance knowledge of my fate. Obviously, there had been some kind of advance arrangement. That was when I accepted the fact that someone had arranged for my capture and death.”

“But why?” Alana asked.

“That is what I have to learn,” Rafe said.

Alana shivered when she saw the determination within his eyes. “When will you leave for California?” For some reason, she was afraid to hear the answer to her question.

“Ironic, isn’t it?” Jason asked before Rafe could answer her.

Both Alana and Rafe looked at him and saw that he had returned from wherever his mind had wandered.

“That I should be befriended by a Yankee sympathizer,” he explained.

“I would call that luck, not irony,” Alana whispered.

Jason shrugged his shoulders eloquently but said nothing more.

Once again, silence reigned. Alana watched both Rafe and Jason savor their food. Although it wasn’t a large meal, it was a good one, and she could tell by their faces that it had been too long since they’d eaten properly.

“Coffee and brandy are set in the salon,” Lorelei announced after the meal had ended.

The moment Lorelei said it, Alana realized the mistake. “Have it brought in here,” she said.

Then she gazed at Jason. “Are you comfortable?” she asked.

He didn’t answer immediately. Instead, he continued to gaze at her, his face immobile. “As comfortable as I’ll ever be.” A dark cloud seemed to spread across Jason’s face. A nerve twitched at the corner of his mouth, and he turned away for a moment.

“Jason…” she began, but faltered.

“Rafe,” Jason said suddenly, ignoring Alana’s call, “tell her she’s about to make a terrible mistake.”

Angry, Alana stood, her hands grasping the edge of the table for support. “Damn you, Jason Landow, I’m not sixteen anymore! I have a mind of my own, and I know how to use it. I will not listen to any more of your self-pitying words. We will be married, and soon! This is not Mr. Montgomery’s problem, it’s our own. Don’t drag him into it.”

“He already has been!” Jason spat. “I love you, Alana. I have for many years. Because I do, I have offered you your release. Think about having to care for a helpless man, unable to walk with you in the gardens, unable to share–”

Alana fiercely cut off his words. “And who was it who cared for me when I was helpless, when I was about to lose everything? No, you won’t chase me away.”

Jason exhaled slowly. “As you wish, Alana, but remember: You will regret this. ”

“I will regret nothing!” Alana knew that it was true. She might have many regrets in her life, but marrying Jason would not be one of them.

“Tell me that tomorrow.”

“My answer will still be the same. Tomorrow I will send word to Reverend Latham that we would like him to marry us as soon as possible.”

She turned to Rafe, and found his face unreadable. With a sudden insight, Alana intuitively knew that she needed Rafe Montgomery to be nearby, to be a buffer between them, until she married Jason. She realized that there was danger in this, but she accepted the fact that she needed the strength that Rafe exuded with every breath he took.

“You will stay for the wedding?”

Rafe drank in the subtle lines of her face as if he were savoring a rare wine. Desire rose within him, and he made himself wait before he answered. He looked at Alana and then at Jason.

Concealing his thoughts, Rafe forced his voice to remain emotionless. “I must return to California.”

Jason stiffened; his eyes turned wild. “Stay with me until the wedding. You are my friend, and I would have you stand up for me.”

Rafe slowly shook his head, but Alana would not let him speak. She had watched him and had seen the brief slippage of his mask.

His face was a study of smooth lines and determined angles. It was a face she did not want gone in the morning. “Please, Rafael,” she whispered, using his full name for the first time, “do this for Jason.”

Rafe looked at her. The need burning in his chest threatened to tear him apart. Slowly, carefully, he moistened his lips. He knew he had to refuse. He must leave in the morning and never look back. But the plaintive look on Alana’s face and the moist blue depths of her eyes cut through his protests. In that instant

Rafe knew that he would never be able to refuse her anything she asked.

“All right,” he said in a low voice, looking at Jason, not Alana.

Lorelei entered the dining room with a tray and started toward the table. Before she reached it, Jason, wincing, shook his head. “I must take my medication.”

Alana started to rise, but Rafe waved her back. “I will see to it,” Going to Jason’s chair, he pulled Jason away from the table. “I’ll be back shortly,” he promised as his eyes locked with hers.

As he wheeled Jason from the dining room, he heard Alana tell Lorelei to return the coffee and brandy to the salon.

It took Rafe ten minutes to get Jason settled in bed and to measure out the laudanum. While he worked, he explained everything he was doing to Gabriel, who would be acting as Jason’s personal manservant. When he was finished, he stepped away from the bed and turned to Gabriel. “That will be all, thank you.”

Gabriel silently left the library and Rafe fixed Jason with a probing stare. “Why?”

“Why what?” Jason asked sourly, his features pinched from pain.

“Don’t play games with me. Why are you acting like a self-pitying jackass? Why are you trying to hurt her?”

“Perhaps I enjoy the part,” Jason replied sarcastically. Then his eyes changed. “Or perhaps after four years of waiting, I’m scared to death of the future.”

“It will be whatever you make it. Jason, you still have your wealth–something that few southern gentlemen have. You have a beautiful woman who has been faithful to you and has waited for your return. You have land, and years of life ahead of you.”

“You speak so eloquently, Rafe. I wonder if you could do the same without legs?”

“We’ll never know, will we?” Rafe shot back, angry not at the question but at the inability of the man to see the good parts of life that awaited him.

“Rafe,” Jason said, the lines of tension in his face easing as the laudanum took effect, “I don’t want to force her into having a cripple for a husband.”

“You’re not forcing her into this. She’s a grown woman with her own mind. It’s her choice to make–don’t try to make it for her. She’s a strong woman, Jason.”

“I know,” Jason replied, his voice faltering, his eyes closing. Rafe stayed at his side until he heard the familiar rhythm of Jason’s drug-induced sleep. Before he left the room, he placed his hand over Jason’s. “You are a fortunate man, for she is a special woman.”

Turning, Rafe started from the room, knowing that he must speak with Alana and make her understand that he could not stay for the wedding. He could not watch the woman he loved go into a life of caring for a man who cared not for himself.

Alana
sat on the salon’s faded brocade settee, her back to the large window that faced the Ashley River. A silver tray sat on the serving table; the aroma of coffee floated in the air. However, Alana did not notice the rising rich scent, nor did she see anything else in the room, for she was waging a battle with her confused thoughts.

Ever since Rafe Montgomery had appeared, the world had seemed to be speeding by and her life careening madly along with it. The man she had known all her life had returned from the war a stranger, filled with bitterness and self-loathing. And the stranger she had met today seemed like someone she had known all her life.

Although she had just met Rafe Montgomery, she instinctively accepted his strength. Something about Rafe that called out to her and drew her to him in a way she had never imagined possible. The very intensity of her emotions frightened her in a way that nothing had ever been able to do before.

When he looked at her, she grew weak. When he touched her, her skin blossomed with new and exciting sensations. His voice sent a resonance through her, and whenever his eyes lingered on her face, it was like all the caresses she had never felt. It was exquisite, but it was alarming.

For many years, Alana had been in total control of her life. She’d had to learn how to push aside her own emotional needs in order to do the things that were necessary. From the age of twelve, Alana had known she had a destiny to fulfill, a destiny that included Riverbend and, in time, Jason Landow. This destiny precluded Rafe Montgomery. There was no room in her life for anything other than Riverbend and the duties she had accepted–and especially no room for a weakness for a man.

Alana bent her head, absently massaging her forehead with her fingers. But she could not erase the image of Rafe, with his powerful body, his handsome face, and those endlessly deep green eyes, from her mind. Tendrils of heat spread through her body, a heat she had never experienced in all her twenty-two years of life, a slow burn she was helpless to control.

~~~~~~

Rafe stood absolutely still within the doorway of the salon, watching Alana. While he had this chance to watch her unobserved, he took it greedily.

He retraced the path of her form. Her raven hair was pulled back in a severe bun that, on anyone else, might have detracted but on Alana it only served to emphasize the regal beauty of her face. A vein beating slowly beneath the tanned surface of her graceful neck. His eyes followed the skin of her shoulders until it disappeared under the puffed sleeves of her dress.

Then he retraced his path until his eyes rested on the swelling tops of her breasts, which the dress’s bodice could barely contain. He knew she wore no pretentious hoops and only a minimum of petticoats beneath the dress. That there was no corset he was positive, for he had been able to see the smallness of her waist without the telltale lines of braces.

Her hips flared enticingly, and without being able to see her legs, he knew they would be slender, yet strong.

Rafe stepped back from the doorway until his iron control over his thoughts and emotions was firmly in place. Only then did he move toward Alana. As he did, Alana lifted her head, and their eyes met.

Rafe stopped five feet from her.

Alana rose slowly, her mouth was dry, the palms of her hands suddenly moist. The tip of her tongue traced her lips and, in the candlelight, moisture glinted invitingly.

“Thank you,” she said at last, “for helping with Jason.”

“I’m used to it,” Rafe replied, stepping closer to her. “Alana,” he whispered in a voice deep and husky.

Alana stared at him, unable to break the spell. But as he whispered her name again and his hand lifted toward her, she could no longer trust herself to look at him. Turning, she faced the window, her arms crossed beneath her breasts.

Rafe accurately read her conflict and held himself back when she turned away. He studied the set of her shoulders and the soft curving lines of her body until his desire became a relentlessly crushing force.

Then he stepped close to her, and as he did, he smelled the heady perfume of her own scent, mixed with the lingering fragrance of her rain-washed hair.

His hands went to her shoulders and, as he grasped her skin lightly, he breathed deeply of the woman.

“I can’t stay, Alana, and we both know why.”

Alana heard his words, but they came from a thousand miles away. Her skin was afire where his hands rested. Everything she had ever believed herself to be was falling apart, and a new reality was fast overcoming her.

Turning slowly to face him, she looked beseechingly into his eyes. “You can’t leave me–us now,” she pleaded.

A muscle trembled in his jaw. “I have to. God in heaven, Alana, I can’t stay near you.”

Her eyes widened as she lost herself within his burning gaze.

“Damn you,” he whispered, pulling her to him. His mouth covered hers, his lips fitting perfectly over hers. His arms went around her, one hand high on her back, the other low.

Fire exploded inside Alana with the kiss. Her lips parted, and his tongue gained entry to dance with her own. Sparks of fire sped through her blood. Then her arms went around him, her fingers digging into his broad back and powerful muscles. Her breath exploded with a cry, and the heat she had been fighting broke free to ravage her body with need and desire, desire she had not known herself capable of. Her entire length pressed to him, and she luxuriated in the feel of his hard, lean body.

Her hips pressed instinctively to him, and deep within her throat, a low moan was born, rising upward with an abandon that shook her to her very core. Her head grew dizzy, and she thought she would fall if not for the support of his arms.

Yet even as she surrendered to Rafe, her mind fought to reassert control. Shame flooded her senses, and as suddenly as her passion had been freed, her shame turned it cold again. She pulled from Rafe’s embrace and, back stepping, held her hands protectively before her.

“No more,” she pleaded, her voice shaky. “This is wrong.”

Rafe, his chest rising and falling with the passions that he fought to contain, finally said, “I must go.”

Senseless terror gripped Alana. “You can’t! I need you!” she cried.

“Can we be together and deny what we feel?”

Alana’s eyes raced across his face. Her confusion was insurmountable, yet her strength was undeniable. “You can’t leave Jason.”

“Damn it, Alana, I can and will. You know what’s happening to us. You can’t close your eyes to it.” His words were forceful, yet as he spoke again, his voice was low. “I made a mistake in coming here.”

“No,” Alana whispered, shaking her head in denial. “Jason needed you to bring him home.”

“Jason needed me?” Rafe asked, his voice self-mocking. “No, Alana, I needed to see you!  I had to see in the flesh the woman I’ve dreamed of for two years. Now that I have, I can’t stay here and watch you throw your life away by marrying a man out of the mistaken belief that you owe him yourself.”

“I do,” Alana stated, knowing that she spoke both the truth and a lie at the same time. “He saved–”

“Riverbend. He loaned you the money to pay your debts. He taught you how to run the plantation and to be its mistress. But, that was years ago. It was a different world then, and you were both different people.”

“I gave him my word!” Alana stated defiantly, refusing to accept what Rafe said as the truth.

“Your word? Will your word keep you warm on cold nights? Will your word fill your womb and give you children? Will your word satisfy your desires?” Rafe’s voice was coarse, his tone unyielding, and his eyes filled with longing.

“I will do what I must,” Alana said in a tight voice.

“What you must?” he echoed sarcastically. His voice turned sharp and cutting. “Must you be his caretaker, as you were to your father?”

Alana’s gasp was loud in the room. She stared at him, shocked by his words. “How–?”

“I know you, Alana. I know everything about you. For two years you were all that Jason spoke of.” Rafe paused, determined to find a thread of self-control. As he challenged her with his stare, the muscle in his jaw began to jump again.

Turning away from Alana, he looked at the empty fireplace. He was silent for a long moment, his eyes tracing the joining of stone and marble until he had composed himself. This time, when he spoke, his voice was so low Alana had to force herself to hear him.

“When we were released, Jason invited me to come home with him. I think I was already half in love with you then. The stories he told about you, the descriptions of you and of what you have done with your life....At night, before I fell asleep, I would stare out the window, look at the stars, and picture you above me, smiling down. It was almost an obsession, but it was an obsession I willingly embraced. I was fascinated by you, but I was also afraid to meet you.”

“Afraid?” Alana asked. Unconsciously, she reached out toward him. When she realized what she was doing, she recoiled.

“Because I can’t fall in love with you. You belong to someone else.”

“I belong to myself,” she stated, her words louder than she’d intended. But Rafe went on as if he hadn’t heard.

“And I have people to find–the people who put me in that prison. It’s a debt I must repay before I can rebuild my life. I can’t be in love with you, Alana.”

Alana closed her eyes to block the vision of this wonderful man who was the first to spark her desire–a man who, under other circumstances, she would have given herself to willingly.

“Please, Rafe, you can’t leave, not yet,” she whispered.

Rafe turned suddenly. His eyes locked with hers; his mouth was a tightly drawn line. “If I remain, I will not be able to stay away from you.”

Alana shuddered at his words but refused to heed his warning. “Then we must deal with that when the time comes. I need you here. I need your strength.”

Rafe gazed deeply at her. “You’re asking for too much.”

“I know too well just how much I ask. But I also know I will be married soon, and I will never see you again.” Her voice caught as she spoke, and the truth of her words was like a death knell ringing in her mind. Sadness washed through her, and the loss of something she was never to have. She closed her eyes to ward off the sensation, but its heaviness stayed with her.

“God help us, Rafe, I don’t know what’s going to happen. I only know I can’t let you leave yet.”

Rafe closed the distance between them. Alana’s eyes opened, and their blue depths caressed him. Once again, he was lost to her.

“I love you, Alana, and because I do, you must let me go.” Slowly Alana raised her hand. She cupped his cheek gently and then traced his face with her fingers, impressing onto them every line of his face. It was as if she were trying to capture him for all eternity.

A single tear spilled from the corner of one sparkling eye, and her throat seemed to be closing. Her fingers trembled as they explored his face, and her heart was breaking.

When her trembling fingers left his face, she slowly backed away. Stopping at the doorway, she stared at him. The terrible realization of what she must do broke through.

“I’ve never known a man like you, Rafael Montgomery. You bring out things within me that I never knew existed. I don’t know what’s happening to me: I only know that I must marry Jason. Please, Rafe,” she whispered, “don’t leave me yet.”

Then she was gone.

Rafe stared at the empty doorway. Slowly he turned and went to the serving table and filled a snifter with brandy. Lifting the glass, he drained half its contents. As the fiery liquid burned at the back of his throat and traced a scorching path to his stomach, he released his breath.

Turning, he walked out of the salon and went to the library. He opened the door quietly and stepped inside. Moonlight filtered through the window, and he saw Jason sleeping peacefully. He walked over to him and covered the man’s hand with his.

“Good-bye, old friend.”

He looked at Jason Landow for several minutes. Two years of memories lay before him, and the bond that those memories had created resurfaced.

Jason owed his life to Rafe, but Rafe knew he owed Jason a great deal as well. Even as he had nursed Jason back to health, it had given him something to do besides rail at fate. It had also given him a way to hold back his anger and rage before they could drive him insane.

“Good-bye,” he whispered again.

As quietly as he had entered, Rafe left, closing the door behind him. Five minutes later he was in the guest bedroom, his possessions already packed.

He went to the window and looked out. The sky was clear, as if the storm that had recently battered them all had never happened. Stars dotted the sky in a profusion of diamond-like sparkles. The three-quarter moon shone silver in the night. A traveling moon, Rafe thought, a good moon to ride beneath.

Turning back to the bed, Rafe crossed the room and picked up his bag. Just as he started for the door, there was a soft knock.

Pausing, he stared at the door, wondering if it was Alana coming to stop him from leaving.

“Come in,” he called.

~~~~~

Lorelei had been watching Rafe and Alana all evening. She had seen the way Alana and Rafe had looked at each other, and she sensed that changes were happening at Riverbend. The tension in the air was unbearable. Master Jason’s injury was a terrible blow, but something else seemed to have been born this day: the heady scent of desire that she felt surrounding both Alana and the tall, handsome stranger who had brought Master Jason home—a presence she had never expected to feel again in this house.