Alien in the House (51 page)

“Uncles Peter and Victor, you know how you're the experts in your field?”

“Yes,” the Dingo said tersely.

“Well, I'm the expert in mine. Please put your guns down.”

“What?” Surly Vic sounded shocked.

“Guns. Down. Now. So Raul doesn't shoot you as soon as he arrives.”

“Do it,” Irving said, waving his gun at them. Really hoped he didn't pull the trigger by accident.

“Put yours down, too,” Clarence said, as the assassins dropped their guns down.

“Maybe. Clarence, may I introduce you to Princesses Rahmi and Rhee? Girls, this is Clarence Valentino, Traitor at Large. Do you see him?”

“Yes,” Rhee said.

“For the past few minutes,” Rahmi added.

“Just making sure. Rahmi, Rhee—kill Clarence Valentino.”

T
HINGS HAPPENED VERY QUICKLY.
Rahmi and Rhee leaped toward Clarence as Doreen and Irving flung themselves down and to the sides. White grabbed the assassin's guns at hyperspeed, and Raj shoved Gower down.

Clarence, however, was slow to react, presumably because this turn of events had really caught him by surprise. Which was fine with me, because the princesses caught him with their battle staffs.

I'd grown up with relatively easygoing cats and dogs. But occasionally a cat would come into our yard and attempt the feline form of Mob Protection. My cats never stood for that. So I'd seen more than a few catfights where the cats were boiling around each other, so busy fighting and flipping, clawing, screaming, and biting, that it was hard to tell where one cat started and another began.

This fight was like that.

Clarence had speed, size, and strength. But he'd never been Field trained, as Doreen had so nicely reminded me.

The princesses, on the other hand, weren't exactly tiny to begin with, and they were the top fighters on a planet that pretty much lived for fighting. Plus they had the battle staffs, and memory reminded me that those things hurt like hell when they connected with you. When activated, as they were now, they also glowed at one end, and that one end was more “lightsaber” than “piece of wood.”

White shoved the guns at Raj and Paul, then ran and grabbed Irving just before the fighters trampled him. Doreen, seeing that Irving was safe, got to us on her own.

“Doreen Coleman Weisman,
you
, my young lady, are an impressive liar.”

She grinned. “Thanks. I've been working at it for years. I still don't think I can fool anyone for too long, but it's an important trait to have in the Embassy.”

“You were obvious, and your husband was worse,” the Dingo said. “Which is the only reason we dropped our weapons, because it was clear our ‘niece' would not risk us shooting the two of you.”

“Not obvious to Clarence, which was all that mattered.”

Speaking of whom, he was still hanging in there. However, he wasn't fighting with any skill, and the same couldn't be said for Rahmi and Rhee. Clarence was doing a lot of flipping and jumping, while trying to grab the girls and slam them into things.

The operative word was “trying.” The battle staffs gave the girls more reach and while he might have had a shot at running away from one of them, with there being two, any time he went away from one warrior princess, the other was right there, waiting for him.

Rhee gave a war cry and swept his legs while Rahmi gave an answering cry and slammed her staff against his chest. Clarence was down, flat on his back, each one of the girls with a foot on his chest, glowing ends of two battle staffs less than an inch from his head.

“Who has the right of the kill?” Rahmi shouted.

“Do you really want him dead?” Doreen asked. “He still has information.”

“We'll have to torture him to get it, and we won't be able to trust it anyway. No, we got all we could, and you were awesome with that, I must say. It's time to end Clarence's personal family vendetta. Besides, I think Rahmi and Rhee's Earth Vacation would be considered a total downer if they didn't get to kill one bad guy. Though if it looks like Clarence is going to get away, I'm all for just shooting him, as long as the girls aren't hurt.”

“Are you sure we got everything?” Doreen sounded doubtful.

“I agree with my ‘niece,'” Surly Vic said. Wow, I'd moved up to official family for him, too. This Operation was just chock-full of surprises. “Anything he says now will be suspect, and he could waste much of your time or cause unrest.”

“He needs to be dealt with,” the Dingo added. “Permanently.”

“Oh, I agree.”

The princesses were arguing about who should kill Clarence. Which meant they weren't paying attention to him. Not good. Clarence used their distraction to flip and twist his lower body in such a way that he knocked them off his upper body as he flipped back to his feet.

Which was fine. I'd already aimed and I emptied the clip into him. Clarence fell back again, and this time he didn't get up. “Clarence, curiosity
did
kill the cat. But satisfaction brought her back.” Dropped the clip, dug around in my purse, got out a new clip, put in it. Rahmi and Rhee stared at me, openmouthed.

“Princesses, that's how we do things across the galactic railroad tracks in the dirty downtown that is Earth. In the future, the ‘honor' of the kill isn't nearly as important as ensuring that your very dangerous opponent is really most sincerely dead.”

“I am so proud,” the Dingo said. It was clear that he meant it.

“Is Raul truly on his way?” White asked as Raj gave the assassins back their guns.

“I hope not,” Doreen said. “Lorraine texted me when they were rolling. I couldn't tell her I was with Clarence because that would have blown my cover. But I could warn her. She and I have a password thing where if one of us says one word, we're in trouble, and if we say the other word, it's the other person in trouble. I gave her the word.”

“Good, so they were ready.”

“Hope so. Clarence called Raul and told him what was going on. Raul said he'd handle it and meet us back here, in time to kill all of you himself.”

“Who did Raul think he was going after at Georgetown?”

She shrugged. “A couple of uppity girls. I had to tell him Lorraine and Claudia both were going, Clarence knows us well enough to know that if one was there, the other would be, too. I didn't share that the ‘we' Lorraine was talking about probably included Airborne, too.”

“Actually, the ‘we' includes Mossad as well. Let's hope Raul's toast.”

“We don't want him dead,” Gower said, patience clearly forced. “He's the only one with the answers.”

“Well, our team knows that. Doreen, you weren't with Clarence when he hit the Pentagon, were you?”

“No. We were with him here, setting up the automatic guns, when he got that call from Raul. He told us he had to do something, took off, and was back in about fifteen minutes. Which, considering how fast he could move fit for what he just told you he did.”

“He didn't tell us where he'd been until he was back,” Irving added. “So we couldn't warn anyone until it was too late.”

“Though I'd assume he wasn't thinking that, just making sure he didn't miss Mom's arrival.”

“Yeah, I think so,” Doreen agreed. “We waited for you quite a ways away. He set off the guns remotely.”

“And we didn't have blanks,” Irving said. “We would have switched the bullets otherwise, but neither one of us knew where to go to get blanks. I'm sorry.”

“Is anyone on our side of things bleeding? No? Then no need to apologize. You did great.”

Irving looked shyly proud. Considering he was a total math and science nerd, aka Dazzler Bait of the Highest Order, this kind of action wasn't his normal gig. Doreen looked proud, too. Like Lorraine and Claudia before her, though, I got the impression Doreen had just officially become an Adrenaline Junkie. Chalked another one up to my bad influence.

“Thanks, Kitty,” Doreen said. “I didn't have time to tell you what we were planning. I'm glad you caught on.”

“You did great. I'll even brag about you to Camilla the next time I see her. Okay, I don't want to leave Clarence's body here, there, or anywhere. Princesses, you need to carry him back to the Embassy, we'll dispose of him there. Doreen, you take Irving and get back, too.” Received a look of relief and grateful thanks from Irving for this. “Tell them what you did, so no one there is surprised and so everyone there is ready in case Mom, Jeff, James, or Tim call for help of some kind.”

“You sure you don't want the Poofs to eat him?” Doreen asked. “It's a lot easier to explain and then we wouldn't have to leave you.” Irving's expression went to resignation.

“No, not in this case. I'm cool with Tito and Dulce doing medical experiments on him, and they may want to.” Doreen didn't look convinced, but she didn't argue. Besides, had no idea where my Poofs actually were. No sooner thought than Harlie and Poofikins appeared. On Doreen's shoulders. Her Poof and Irving's were on his shoulders. “Hey, have they been with you this whole time?”

“Yes, well, they showed up in the afternoon, when we met up with Clarence. I think they were protecting us and making sure we weren't being bad.” She petted both Poofs, who purred at her. “And it's always nice to have the extra Poof backup.”

My actual guess was that Harlie and Poofikins had followed Clarence after he'd killed Brewer, discovered he was with Doreen and Irving, and stuck around to ensure all was well. Which begged a question. “Poofies, did you all see Raul the Assassin?”

Much Poof mewling. Harlie and Poofikins rubbed up against Doreen and then bounded over to me. Doreen's Poof went back to her. “Huh. Um, okay.”

“What did they say?” White asked.

“That Raul was for sure with Clarence when they killed Brewer. However, our Field agents were killed by those two prior to when we all went over for brunch, because the Poofs never saw it happen. And Raul is a scary person, but the Poofs felt that it was more vital to be sure that Doreen and Irving were being good than to follow the scary person.” I didn't add that they hadn't felt the need because Bruno was on the case there. Why have the two assassins with us decide I was more insane than they probably thought I was by now?

“So, now what?” Irving asked.

“Now you all get back to the Embassy and stay there.”

“You sure you're okay here?” Doreen asked.

“Have gun, A-Cs, and the two best assassins in the world, will travel.” Surly Vic snorted a laugh. Everyone else gave me a “huh?” look. Oh, well, at least someone here found me amusing. “Yes, we'll be fine.”

The four of them took off, Doreen looking uncertain about leaving us, Irving back to happy relief about going home, the princesses carrying the dead body like proud hunters returning from a very successful day out in the wild, and Clarence looking like the only part he'd be playing anymore was in the dinner theater revival of
Weekend at Bernie's
. Could only hope that he was going to stay dead this time.

“Now what?” Gower asked.

“If Raul is at the University, then we should go there,” the Dingo said.

“Actually, no, you shouldn't. Because I wasn't joking—Mossad is there along with our people. And they want you two dead, too.” My phone chose this moment to ring. Pulled it out. “Mom, are you guys okay?”

“Yes. Are you?”

“Yes. Clarence is dead but we got some intel from him. Is Cantu alive or dead?”

“Very dead, how did you know to ask?”

“Long story. Are you guys okay? My impression was that you were framed for Cantu's death.”

“We were, and we're fine now, but only because Charles convinced the idiot on duty to call Cliff and Cliff called the President. Apparently my word wasn't enough for people here.” Mom sounded furious.

“Cantu was poisoned, right?”

“Right. Arsenic. And yes, I understand why that looked suspect.”

“Yeah. And someone there is in the Mastermind's pocket, or vying to be an Apprentice, because Clarence got in by piggybacking on you guys, and Raul knew to send him because he was advised the moment you made the call to clear your team to enter.”

“Really? Interesting.” Mom was quiet for a few seconds. “Variety of options. I'm going to need to investigate, right now.”

“Okay, oh, and Mom? Be sure to announce to anyone and everyone that the killer was the Dingo. Do
not
give either Clarence or Raul the credit.”

“Why?”

“Another long story. Just trust me on that. The Dingo and his partner did the deed, no one else. And please keep Kevin with you, and the other guys, too. I don't want anything to happen to you.”

“Your husband is not willing to stay.”

“Christopher probably isn't, either, is he?”

“Well, he's actually reading all the security video, so he's here for the duration. Which could make what you want me to say an issue.”

“No, they can have an inside man. But they're the ones who did it. Promise me.”

Mom heaved a sigh. “Oh, of course.”

“It's for the greater good.”

“Sure it is. Jeff wants to talk to you.” The phone was handed off. “Baby, are you okay?”

“Yes, why aren't you staying to help Mom?”

“Because unless we strip search every single person here, I can't be sure that I'm reading them right. Cantu died in front of us and he never gave off a reading other than suspicious and smug.”

“Crap. Okay, have you guys heard from James or Tim?”

“No. We just got our phones back and you were the first call.”