All for Hope (5 page)

Though she was no longer in high school, she still attended Mass more often than not. Most of her Catholic friends had ceased their goings-on with the church the moment they became old enough that their parents couldn’t force them, but Hope was different. Her feelings about church dogma had changed with adolescence, but the comfort she got from attending the mass couldn’t be underestimated. She attributed it to her mother who had planted a strong faith within her heart.

Beside her was Brennan, nervously tapping the kneeler with his foot and staring out into space. He seemed lost, out of place in the big church, and Hope found that odd. Shouldn't everyone belong in a church? Brennan was Catholic, had been raised that way, but the only reason he had come today was because she had asked it of him.

Hope's baby sister was sick with leukemia, and her parents were at the hospital with her. Not wanting to attend mass alone, she had asked Bren for his company. It had taken a bit of convincing to get him to go, but eventually he’d relented. She knew it was because he was well aware that she would do the same for him, without even a request.

The service began, and Hope stood immediately. Brennan looked a bit confused so she reached down and grabbed his hand to pull him up. “How long has it been since you've been to mass?” she asked.

Bren shrugged. “Years—”

Hope smiled and tried to release his hand, but he held tight. It was an unusual gesture. Since they had ended their dating relationship years ago, Brennan seldom showed Hope outward affection. They both knew the reason; Hope was very much in love with Brennan. A little distance saved her from heartache and him from embarrassment. They had remained close friends, still seeing each other on a regular basis, but only in a platonic sense.

Hope knew him well, however, and the reason he was holding her hand was because of his discomfort. It gave him something to do that he did not have time to twiddle his thumb. She smiled again.

The mass proceeded, and so did Brennan's boredom. When, still holding her hand, he began to play with her thumbs, she tried to remain still and not give in to the urge to act in return. She supposed she needed the release, too, because in the end she succumbed and they were playing “thumb wars”. Hope comforted herself that the Lord would probably understand.

Hope's memories churned within her mind as the mass ended and the people filtered out of the church. She sat down and began gathering her own and Michelle's things. She still hadn’t spoken to Brennan. Feeling almost shy now, she averted her eyes from his and lifted the baby carrier with a little heave.

“
So, where are we going?” he asked and took the diaper bag from her.

“
We? You mean you really think you’re coming along?”

“
Yes,” he said, his tone emphatic as they started for the church’s exit.

“
No, Bren, you aren't.”

He turned, giving her a confused frown. “You need—”

“
You
don't have any idea what you're saying. Do you know what kind of trouble I'm in?”

“
Yes, I have a pretty damn good idea. The better question is, do you know what kind of trouble you’re in?” He sighed when he saw a spark of fear come into her eyes. “You need me.”

“
No, I don't.”

“
Mark thinks you do.”

Her eyes widened. “You went to Mark? Why?”

“
I wanted to find out exactly what was going on, and I knew he was the only one who would tell me.”

“
You could have implicated him in all of this. He has a wife and children to protect.”

“
He's worried about you.”

“
I don't need him to worry about me. I'm fine, Bren. Go home and tell Mark that I'm fine, and just don't worry about me.”

He approached her, dropping the bag off of his shoulder. “Do you think I'll be able to forget that you're running from the law, trying to support yourself and a child? I wouldn't be able to sleep at night.”

She rested the baby carrier on the floor at her feet and faced him. “I'm not your problem or your responsibility.”

“
Was I yours all those times you took care of me?”

“
It's not the same—”

“
It is,” he insisted, and she could see that he was not going to surrender.

Her expression softened as she gave in and took the carrier, Michelle still sleeping soundly, and started out of the church.

“
Where's your truck?” she asked, squinting when sunlight bombarded her face.

“
I left it with Jim. It belongs to the company anyway.”

Hope turned in exasperation and cocked her head. “And does Jim know what the hell’s going on, too?”

“
I hinted that I was gonna buy a convertible and drive Route 66.”

She rolled her eyes and proceeded to her car, fastening the baby into the middle back seat. As she crawled out, she noticed a dark blue bag on the floor and looked up to glare suspiciously at Bren.

“
Is that yours?” she asked. He ignored her as he opened the passenger door. “How did that get in here?”

He shrugged, and she felt rage build within her. “I cannot believe you broke into my car!” she cried, and little Michelle whimpered, stretching her arms out but not waking.

“
I can't believe you
actually
broke into my car!” she hissed this time, but with more vehemence.

He showed indifference to her anger. “I did not break into your car. Do you see any broken glass? Anything?” He answered his own question with a shake of his head. “I had to put my things somewhere, didn't I? Now, where are we're heading?”

Brennan’s smile was smug. He was obviously pleased with himself, and Hope had the urge to punch him. She thought a moment, then did just that, smacking him hard in the shoulder. Instead of showing pain, he laughed aloud.

“
I can't believe you're laughing.
Why
are you laughing?”

“
Because.” He grinned. “For a moment I
actually
made you forget to be afraid.”

“
I'm not afraid,” she murmured.

“
Your eyes darted all around the church for the entire mass. You checked each person's face for a sign of recognition, and when you got to the last one you started all over again.”

“
I have to be careful, Bren. I can't take any chances.”

“
I know,” he said. “But too much fear can be just as dangerous as not enough. People will notice a person who's too suspicious.”

She didn’t say anything to that. She knew he was right, and she hated it when she realized she might really need him to come along. Then a new fear replaced the other. What if she came to depend on Brennan Rawley, and he left her just as he had so many times before?

Hope held Michelle in the crook of her arm, walking and rocking the baby, lulling her into slumber. She peered at the innocent face, the trusting way one tiny hand clutched at her shirt as if the little one needed to be sure someone was there.

Her fingers lightly brushed the feathery golden hair on the perfect head, and the baby reached out searching, disturbed by the touch.

Carefully Hope placed Michelle on the bed, looking up when Brennan burst through the door. A quivering sigh of relief escaped her lips and she turned her eyes down, covering the baby with a blanket.

“
Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you,” he murmured as he dropped two bags of food and some Cokes on the table.

“
You didn't,” she lied and grabbed some clothes from one of her bags. “You go ahead and eat. I'm going to take a shower.”

“
Sure.”

Hope twisted her long hair up on top of her head then stripped off her clothes. The little room filled with steam as she stepped into the hot shower. A moaning sigh escaped her as the water enveloped her body and she reached up, diverting the hot stream to flood over her face.

Slowly all of the day's tension drained from her, just like the water that drizzled down her body. Each day she felt closer and closer to breaking, her mind overwhelmed by all that she had to worry about. She wondered how long it would be before she could relax completely.
Probably never
, she admitted to herself, accepting that fact with a curt nod.

When she emerged from the bathroom, she found Brennan curled up in a chair, a blanket around him, and his feet propped up. He watched her closely as she placed her clothes in a bag.

She grabbed her drink and took a large swallow without looking at him. “You should sleep in the bed. You're driving tomorrow and will need more sleep.”

He ignored her, slipping his hands from under his blanket and folding them behind his head as he watching her. “Your hair. When did you do that to it?”

Absently she tugged at a red clump of the locks. “The night I left.”

“
Hmmm. Did you do it at your apartment?”

Hope didn’t want to look at him and felt waves of heat course through her veins. “Why are you asking?”

When she looked at him, she saw him shrug. “Just seems like they’d be able to find a trace of it. Where did you get the Camry? Is it yours?”

She chewed her food a few moments before answering. “No, I bought it about a month ago.”

“
Cash, I presume?”

“
Of course.” She took another swig of cola, scolding herself for the caffeine that would keep her up all night. “No papers. It runs fine and should get me wherever I’m going.” She had even done a search online of the “least distinctive” cars on the market. The Camry was common, and she figured it would be most easily blend in.

“
What if you get pulled over? Do you have fake id?”

She didn’t. It was the one thing she wasn’t able to get her hands on.

Discomfort churned in her stomach as he scrutinized her actions. She’d thought she had covered all her based. She’d left her car in Louisiana the day before she left town with Michelle. In the yacht, she’d left maps indicating her plans to hug the coast until she reached Louisiana.

Faking her death hadn’t been her first plan. She knew enough about marine navigation that she was confident she could make her way to the next state, throw off authorities and give her a head start. Then one morning, she had overheard another boater talking about the insurance claim on his boat a few years back. The moorings came loose during a storm and carried the little vessel out to sea.

That was when Hope began to research and ponder a new plan. It might have taken months for a good tropical storm to hit the Texas gulf coast, but as luck would have it, just a few weeks later, a weather system came near. By then, she didn’t have time to make arrangements for identification.

Forcing her thoughts aside, she shook her head and glared back at her new companion. “The bed, Bren. You just made my point for me. I should drive as little as possible, so you need to sleep so you can take the wheel in the morning.”