All He Wants (18 page)

Just when she thought that there was no way she could ever feel more connected to another person he covered her mouth with his and took their intimacy to a whole new level. She instantly parted her lips as his tongue slipped between them and swept inside, claiming her. After all they’d done, this was the first time that they’d kissed. It was blissfully urgent and exploratory. His firm kiss was demanding and she gave herself over to the passion as he ravished her.

Her hands roamed up and down the muscular planes of his back, now covered with a thin sheen of sweat. Their bodies moved together in a sensual dance, over and over as he thrust in and out in punishing strokes pushing her body closer and closer to release.

Unlike the first two orgasms she’d had that were slow to build, this one hit her suddenly in a chain of shuddering spasms. Almost intolerable pleasure rocked her as she came with soul-shattering explosiveness. Her back arched at the intensity and she cried out as she felt him press into her once more and stiffen with his own release.

She was still gasping for breath when his body relaxed and he collapsed on top of her. His own breaths were shallow as he buried his face into her neck. As she was recovering from the most transcending, mind altering sex she’d ever had, ever even knew existed, emotion began welling up in her and tears pricked at the back of her eyes.

What happened didn’t just feel like two people coming together for mutual satisfaction, it felt like two people becoming one. Billy was still inside of her and she wasn’t sure where she ended and he began. How was she ever going to go on with her life knowing that she could feel like this? Knowing that this was possible? She had to remember it wasn’t. This wasn’t real. They weren’t in a relationship.

Suddenly, the reality of what they’d—of what
she’d
—just done, crashed down on her. Her hands moved to Billy’s shoulders and pushed as she writhed beneath him, needing to get up and away from the man that she was afraid would be the greatest heartbreak of her life.

Billy gently slid out of her and rose up so that he was balancing a good portion of his weight on his forearms. “Are you okay? Am I hurting you?”

“No.” She shook her head and blinked, hoping that he wouldn’t notice the moisture pooling in her bottom lids. “I just…need to get up. I need to go to the bathroom.”

I need to go to the bathroom?
If her arms weren’t pinned beneath Billy she would’ve given herself a face palm. Apparently mornings after weren’t the only time her awkwardness shined, she could now add post coital to the list.

In one fluid movement, Billy pushed off of the bed and pulled them both up so that they were standing. Naked. He seemed totally comfortable in their state of undress. But unlike her earlier confidence, she felt exposed. Without saying a word, she rushed past him and made her escape to the bathroom.

When she shut the door she had a moment of relief that she was alone. But it was gone as fast as it had come when she realized that she was going to have to face him. He was living with her for… who knew how long.

Shit!

This was exactly why she’d been so adamant in Jessie’s office that she didn’t want Billy to do this. This is exactly what she’d been successfully able to avoid for years. To Billy this was probably just another Friday night, to her, to her this was the culmination of a decade-long crush that may or may not have morphed into a slight case of infatuation.

Frustration, panic, and embarrassment battled for the gold medal in her emotional Olympics. Panic won the race.

What was she going to do?

How was she going to face him?

What was she going to say?

Through the door she could hear his muffled voice. Leaning forward she pressed her ear to the wood and tried to make out what he was saying. She couldn’t. More questions filled her mind.

Was he on the phone?

Who would he be talking to at this hour?

What was he saying?

She didn’t have any answers to the questions swirling in her head like a tornado, but she did know she wouldn’t get them by staying in here. Although…sleeping in the tub sounded a lot better than what was on the other side of that door.

But he’ll still be here in the morning
, a small voice in the back of her head reminded her.

Knowing that it was right, she grabbed her robe off the hook and wrapped it around herself as she stepped up to the sink. When she caught a look at her reflection in the mirror she almost didn’t recognize herself. The woman staring back at her looked…looked
wild
. Her hair was a crazy mess. Her skin was flushed a deep shade of pink and her lips were so swollen it looked like she’d had injections.

Using little finesse, she grabbed a ponytail holder off of the countertop and pulled her hair up in a messy bun, splashed some water on her face, and tightened the belt around her robe. Time to act like the adult she was and stop hiding in the bathroom.

Before opening the door she formed a mental game plan. If Billy was still standing there in the room in all his naked glory, she’d do her best to keep her eyes above his shoulders, casually mention that she was tired after her long week and say that she was going to grab some water before she went to bed. Hopefully he’d take the hint, wish her a good night, and go to bed himself. If he wasn’t there she’d shut and lock her bedroom door, crawl into bed, pull the covers over her head and hide there.

She was really hoping that the second scenario would be the one that played out.

After inhaling deeply she opened the door and didn’t find either of the things she’d planned for. Billy was dressed in jeans and a T-shirt, bent over the side of her bed putting his shoes on.

When he heard the door he looked up and the second she saw his face she knew something was wrong. Had someone been caught? Were the police here?

She froze in the doorway.

“You need to get dressed.”

“What’s wrong?” her strained voice was barely audible.

His expression was blank and void of emotion. “I just got off the phone with the Colonel. Charlie was staying with him before he headed back home tomorrow. About an hour ago he woke up complaining of chest pains and collapsed in the hallway and was unresponsive. The Colonel did CPR until the paramedics came. He’s at the hospital now, that’s all I know.”

Her entire world came to a screeching halt. She was having sex, with Billy, while her dad was…

“No, no, no,” she repeated as her head shook back and forth. She lifted her hands to her mouth and felt tears falling down her face. This couldn’t be happening.

Maxi watched, unable to move as Billy stood and grabbed clothes out of her dresser. He pulled off her robe and helped her into her underwear, jeans and a sweatshirt before grabbing flip flops from her closet and slipping them on her feet.

“We have to go.” His arm snaked around her waist as he led her to the front door, grabbing her purse on the way. Once they were on the elevator, he pulled her tighter to him and whispered against her ear, “He’s going to be okay.”

But this time his words didn’t calm her or make her feel better. It was an empty, hollow promise. Still, she tried to cling to it. To grasp the lifeline that he’d offered, even as she felt the harshness of life crashing over her and dragging her under.

“He’s going to be okay,” Billy repeated.

This time she nodded. Her dad had to be okay. He was her everything. It was the two of them, always. They were a team. He was all she had.

“W
e’re almost there,” Billy noted as they passed the Harper’s Crossing city limit sign.

The hospital was just a few miles away.

Glancing to his right he saw Maxi staring straight ahead. Her face was briefly illuminated by headlights from a vehicle in the opposite lane. He searched to find any sign of recognition that she’d heard him, but her expression remained blank. They’d been on the road for almost an hour and Maxi hadn’t said a word to him.

When they’d got on the highway he’d called the hospital and she was able to speak to Jamie Sloan, Jessie’s cousin-in-law and a nurse at Harper’s Crossing Community Hospital. Jamie had the same information they did but promised to call as soon as she heard anything.

Since she hung up the phone she’d been totally silent. He wasn’t sure if she was in shock or just scared. Maybe both. He wished he knew the right thing to say, the right thing to do, but he had no fucking clue.

Turning his attention back to the road he silently cursed the overwhelming sense of helplessness and guilt that felt like it was suffocating him. Powerlessness was not an emotion that he dealt with particularly well. Anytime he was faced with a problem or an obstacle, he didn’t sit on his ass crossing his fingers waiting for the issue to magically resolve itself. He was proactive, not reactive. He came up with solutions. He took action. He fixed things.

But this week he had not been able to do that. This week he’d been rendered completely helpless. This week he felt like he was in the ring with a blindfold on and his hands tied behind his back. Hits were coming from all sides, knocking him on his ass and all he could do was get up and try to stay on his feet.

And this last blow felt like the knockout punch. When he’d left boxing a year and a half ago, he’d left Charlie and the job that Charlie had offered him. Maxi had been saying all week that her dad looked tired, and he’d noticed it, too. But he hadn’t done anything about it. Maybe if he’d stayed on as a coach, like Charlie had proposed, he could’ve taken some of the strain off of him. Made sure he wasn’t overdoing it. Instead he’d walked away from the sport that was his life and the man that he owed his life to.

Lifting his left hand he rubbed the back of his neck before returning it to the steering wheel, which he gripped tightly. Tension thrummed through him like a live electrical wire as he stopped at the light.

He wanted to scream. He wanted to punch his steering wheel. He wanted to smash the glass beside him.

Nothing about this was right.

There was a very short list of people in his life that he would do
anything
for and Charlie and Maxi held the top two spots. They were his people. His family. The only real family he’d had since he lost his grandma. But he couldn’t fix this. It was shredding him.

His mind was trying to reconcile how one night could be both the best and worst night of his life? Being with Maxi was better and just
more
than anything he ever knew was possible. It wasn’t just about the sex, which was incredibly hot, it was so much more than that. He’d never felt so in tune, so connected to another person before. Being with her felt more right, more pure, and more real than anything he’d ever experienced in his life.

When she’d gone into the bathroom, it was obvious to him that she was freaking out. He knew that she’d most likely try to push him away and minimize what they’d just shared. And he didn’t blame her. It was scary as hell. But he was ready to face…whatever it was between them, and his plan had been to convince her of the same with a little charm and maybe a little humor.

Then, his phone rang and everything changed.

As he pulled into the parking lot the empty feeling in the pit of his stomach expanded. He had no idea what they were walking into. Since hanging up the phone with the Colonel, he’d fought his natural instinct to imagine the worst-case scenario. He couldn’t let himself go there. Whatever happened, he had to be strong for Maxi. That was all that mattered. Not what he was feeling. Not how this affected him.

When he pulled into a spot close to the Emergency Room’s glass doors, Maxi opened the passenger door and was out of the SUV before he’d even come to a full stop. Cutting the engine he jumped out and ran to catch up with her.

The first person he saw when they walked through the automatic doors was Seth, who was on his cell phone by the entrance. Sitting across the small waiting area sat the Colonel who stood and walked towards them.

Before the glass doors closed behind them Seth was off the call. “Jamie is going in now to try to get a status update.”

“Can I see him? I need to see him.” Maxi’s words were shaky and it shattered Billy’s heart.

Hearing the quiver in her voice, he wrapped his arm around her waist. He’d been trying to give her space. The entire ride he’d resisted holding her hand, rubbing her knee, just touching her so that she knew she wasn’t alone. But hearing her fear and vulnerability was too much. She stiffened at his touch, but he left it in place. She needed support whether she knew it or not.

“Well now, sweetheart,” the Colonel spoke calmly as he joined them. “They’ll let us know when you can go back and I’m sure Jamie will fill us in as soon as she can.

“No. I need to see him.” She stepped forward just as Jamie came through a door with a sign posted on it stating only hospital personnel were allowed beyond that point.

Maxi rushed towards her and Billy rushed to stay at her side. “Is he okay? Can I see him?”

Jamie lifted her hands as she explained, “He’s stable and responsive.”

Oh thank God,
relief hit him so hard he had to lock his knees to remain standing.