All He Wants (25 page)

Again, Maxi laughed.

Out of the corner of her eye she tried to see if Billy was listening. She crossed her fingers and toes—metaphorically—that he wasn’t hearing this conversation. They hadn’t had any kind of relationship talk, but she knew what this was. He wasn’t the kind of guy that settled down. She’d gone into this with her eyes wide open. And oddly enough, she didn’t regret any of it. The first two times they’d had sex she’d suffered post coital freak out, but since then she’d been fine. Her mind had categorized it as they were being forced to live together and were enjoying each other while they did.

End of story. This wasn’t a fairy tale and he wasn’t her prince, no matter what her imagination chose to believe. Her common sense overrode any fantasies that had played out in her head. This was temporary, no matter how permanent it felt.

“Hey, turn that up,” her dad instructed, pointing at the television.

Maxi grabbed the remote and had her finger on the volume button before she glanced up at the screen. When she looked up the remote fell from her hand.

On the top left hand corner of the television was a picture of Damien “The Smasher” Samuels sitting in a room with a reporter. “This Saturday our own Brian Thomas will be bringing you an exclusive sit down interview with Damien ‘The Smasher’ Samuels who is currently incarcerated after being found guilty on manslaughter charges in the death of Miles Hale. We’ll talk to ‘The Smasher’ about the barroom brawl that ended in death, his alleged ties to the mob, his upcoming parole hearing and more. You don’t want to miss the shocking…”

The announcer’s voice trailed off, replaced by a loud buzzing sound in her head. She tried to ignore it but the room suddenly felt like it was spinning. Closing her eyes she took a deep breath, in through her nose and out through her mouth. She knew her physical reaction was really a psychological one and she tried to anchor herself to that fact. All of these symptoms were just a response to seeing Damien’s face again after all these years.

That was all. The important thing was, he was still behind bars. For now.

*     *     *

As much as Billy enjoyed talking with the Colonel, he had to admit that he was only half listening. They’d discussed his resignation from Elite Security, which he’d given to Seth four days ago. The assignment with Maxi would be his last. His boss had wished him well and told him he’d always have a place at Elite. They talked about him transitioning to a coach after so many years of being the one that was trained.

The Colonel was dropping wisdom on him left and right but still his attention kept being pulled back to Maxi. Since she’d heard that Charlie was most likely going to be released tomorrow she’d seemed on edge. He hadn’t been able to get a moment alone with her to check in with her. Being so close to her without being able to talk to her, to kiss her, to hug her, to touch her was driving him crazy.

After spending the past week with her, he was more certain than ever that they belonged together. Of course he knew that it hadn’t been a representation of what real life was like. But they’d fallen into an easy routine of getting up, going on a run, having breakfast, showering, coming to the hospital, going home, having dinner, sometimes watching TV, and sometimes just going straight to bed. Every day they’d made love at least twice. Every morning when they woke up and then again before they went to sleep. But they’d also shared a few afternoon and evening delights. They’d enjoyed themselves in the shower, at the dinner table, on the couch, and once in his truck before they made it inside his house.

Not that all they had was physical, it wasn’t. That wasn’t why he was already dreading walking back into his house and her not being there. Sure, he’d miss the sex and since they’d christened practically every room in his house he’d have constant reminders of the time they’d shared.

But more than that, he’d just miss her. He’d miss the way she stretched out on the couch and tucked her feet under his legs because they were always cold. He’d miss her singing in the shower, even though it was criminally off key. The way she always leaned back in her chair and stretched after a big meal like she’d just ran a marathon. The way she snuggled against him when she slept, like she couldn’t get close enough to him.

There were a million little things that he’d miss, but most of all he’d miss waking up to her smile. Her smile wasn’t just an expression. It wasn’t just lips turning up to show a perfect line of white teeth. It was more. When she smiled time suspended, everything slowed around him; his life was a movie that paused. Her smile owned him.

He heard something drop and turned to see Stephanie picking the remote up from the floor. Maxi was staring at the TV. Her face was white and her eyes wide. He glanced up at the flat screen and saw that there was a story about a boxer that had been at the gym when he started working and training there. The few interactions that Billy had had with him had not been good. Growing up, his mom had a steady stream of boyfriends coming in and out of their lives. At a young age he’d gotten really good at distinguishing regular assholes from dangerous assholes and Damien “The Smasher” Samuels was a dangerous asshole. He remembered feeling relieved when he got arrested.

He listened as the sportscaster announced a prison interview that was going to air this weekend.

“I never liked that kid,” Charlie said to the room at large. “Maxi didn’t either. Did you, pumpkin?”

Maxi didn’t answer her dad, she just continued staring up at the television screen. He recognized the look on her face. It was the same one that he’d seen when she’d taken the call right before her date. Like she’d seen a ghost.

The hairs on the back of Billy’s neck stood up. His senses were at full alert. Something was wrong and this time he planned on getting to the bottom of it.

“Maxi, do you remember that you didn’t like him?” Charlie asked again.

“What?” She blinked.

He motioned to the TV. “Samuels, you never liked him.”

“No.” Her voice was barely audible.

“Wait a minute, I remember that story.” The Colonel returned to the chair he’d vacated when Stephanie had come in. “Did he train with you?”

Charlie filled his friend in on how Samuels had trained with Lloyd Gianni about fifteen years ago, but a month before his fight he just disappeared. No goodbye. No explanation. Nothing. They found out later that he went back up to New York, where he was from. He dropped out of the boxing scene completely. Then a few years later he showed back up, Lloyd agreed to work with him because the kid had raw talent. But two weeks before his title fight, he got arrested for aggravated assault. The victim, Miles Hale, was in a coma for three days before dying. That’s when the assault charge turned into a murder rap.

Billy’s jaw tensed as he stared across the room at Maxi. Not being able to walk over and pull her into his arms was torture. But he knew he couldn’t do that. He didn’t even trust himself to go sit beside her. If he did he’d probably do something that he wasn’t supposed to. She might be fine with what they were doing behind closed doors, but he knew that she didn’t want anyone knowing what was going on between them. She’d told him that in no uncertain terms.

Logically, he understood. Especially since they hadn’t even discussed what they were. But emotionally it stung like the time he’d accidently stepped in a beehive and ended up looking like the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man.

“Sorry to break up the party.” Stephanie announced as she returned. “But I need to take Mr. I’m Fine down to radiology, Dr. Shaw wants a few more tests before he signs your walking papers tomorrow.”

Charlie grumbled about him being fine and not needing any more tests. Then he complained about the fact that he had to ride in a wheel chair down to the tests.

“I have two perfectly good legs I can use,” he insisted as she pushed him out of the room.

Maxi stood and Billy assumed that she was going to go with her dad. Which meant he was going to go with both of them. He didn’t care if they were in Harper’s Crossing and not Chicago, she wasn’t going anywhere without him. Not until they caught the sick fuck that was doing this.

She didn’t acknowledge him when she brushed past him, but when he stepped behind her she stopped and turned her head, looking over her shoulder. “I’m just going to the bathroom.” She gestured at the private bathroom in the far corner of the room.

The look in her eyes was distant and removed. He wasn’t looking at the same girl that he’d held in his arms as she slept every night this week.

“Are you okay?” He reached out and touched her arm.

“I’m fine.” She shrugged away from him and spun her head back.

He watched the door shut behind her and he thought that it was a perfect example of what was happening between them. She was shutting him out.

The Colonel slapped his hand on Billy’s shoulder as he stepped next to him. “So son, when do you plan on telling her?”

Billy tried to rewind the conversation that they’d been having before the story about Damien Samuels had come on. Since he’d only been half listening he came up with nothing. Had he said he would tell her something?

Hoping that he didn’t offend a man he’d come to truly respect, he asked, “Telling her what?”

“That you love her.”

Billy stared blankly. He wasn’t sure what to say. The Colonel and Charlie were good friends, and Charlie was more than just a father figure to him. He was the man he owed his life to. He didn’t want to admit to something that could get back to him before he had a chance to tell him. Or her, for that matter.

“Come on, I was born but I wasn’t born yesterday. You’re a goner. It’s game over for you. And I like you. You’re a good man, so I don’t want you to screw this up. You need to tell her, because as obvious as it is to me, that girl in there has blinders on when it comes to you. I don’t think she has any idea.”

Figuring there was no point in denying it, and actually feeling a little bit relieved that someone else knew what was going on, Billy stared at the closed door and promised, “I’m going to tell her.”

“When?”

When her life isn’t imploding
.

“It’s just not a good time now.”

“And when is this
good time
gonna happen?”

“Someday.” Soon he hoped.

“Son, I know all the days of the week, and someday isn’t one of them.” He squeezed the hand that was resting on Billy’s shoulder. “The thing about life is, you can’t always wait for it to put all of your ducks in a row for you, sometimes, you’ve just gotta line those suckers up yourself.” With that he dropped his hand and announced, “I’m going to get a coffee, you want anything?”

“No, thanks.”

Billy didn’t know why he even asked since it didn’t matter that he always said no, the Colonel would still come back with something for him and Maxi. But one thing he did know, it was time to put some ducks in a row.

“I
f you don’t want me to go, you can just drop me off at my dad’s.”

When her suggestion was met with total silence, Maxi shifted in the passenger seat of Billy’s SUV and adjusted the air vents so they were facing right at her in an attempt to hold the sweat that was forming on her brow, behind her neck, on her chest, her underarms, basically everywhere at bay. For once, over the past couple of months, her nervous perspiration and the butterflies fluttering low in her belly had nothing to do with her.

She tried again. “Lloyd’s there and I know I would be perfectly safe.”

“I don’t know that.” Billy continued staring straight ahead at the road in front of him. His hands were gripping the steering wheel so tight, his knuckles were white.

After her dad was released from the hospital this morning, they’d tried to convince him to stay at Billy’s house for a few days. He didn’t go for it. He wanted to be home, in his own bed. Which Maxi understood, it’s just she would’ve felt better if she could keep an eye on him for the first few days he was home.

Lloyd was waiting for them when they got there. While they were getting her dad settled, making sure he had everything he needed and was straight on what medications he needed to take when, Billy’s phone started blowing up.