All I Have Left (9 page)

“How the hell should I know? I don’t live around here anymore.” Josh was avoiding looking at me and I couldn’t blame him. I wouldn’t want to look in my direction right now either. God knows what kind of lunatic I looked like right now.

Regardless, I needed to know some things.

“Do you know how they met? Are they serious?”

“You’re asking the wrong guy here,” he met my gaze for a moment then looked away as he spoke. “All I know is that Kathy works for his dad. I assume that’s how they met. I couldn’t tell you how serious it is but I do know he’s
very
protective of her.” Josh gave me another look and then glanced out the window as he spoke. “When I hugged her earlier, he looked as if he was wanted to rip my head off. Ethan says he’s an asshole to her and he tries to get her to see it but she just ignores him. From what Kelly told me earlier, he’s cheating on her too.” Then Josh laughed lightly. “Anyone who would ever cheat on Evie is out of their fucking mind.”

I just ignored him
.
I knew exactly how attractive Evie was but that wasn’t the point right now. Not that in the back of my mind I wasn’t thinking about it…

Why in the world would Evie want to be with him?
Didn’t she have more respect for herself than that?

I needed answers, not that I deserved them, but I needed them damn it.

“Where’d they go?” I asked trying my best to sound inconspicuous.

“No way, man,” he knew me to well. “You need to keep your distance from that.”

“Look, Grayson,” he said slowly, turning to face me. “It’s best you just stay out of this. From what I hear, the more we try to persuade her to leave him the more she turns toward him. She needs to figure this out on her own.” He pleaded tipping his head, as if he was trying to get me to agree.

My fist came down hard on the steering wheel. “If you think for one second I’m going to sit back while she’s fucking being brain washed by Shane Lawson you’re out of your goddamn mind.”

I could feel the hole that was in my chest gaping open further. If the last three months wasn’t hell enough I was welcomed home to something a lot worse in my eyes. Evie in the arms of another man who had serious anger issues and had an unexplainable hold over what was mine.

We drove back to my house where everyone was gathered in the back yard, already drinking. I joined the fun knowing damn well that nothing was going to make this better. Why not try more alcohol?

With a beer in hand, I walked over to Ethan and Frankie who were sitting on one of the patio chairs together. The back yard at my parent’s was extravagant and way fancier than the modest house they’ve lived in for over twenty years.

Beautiful lighting, meticulous landscaping and an outrageous pool made you feel like they were made of money. And they weren’t.

Our backyard looked like something out of a
Home and Garden
magazine but with an architect for a mother, and a dad as an excavator you wouldn’t expect much else.

“So man, it’s good to have you back. You were amazing out there.” Ethan welcomed me with another warm embrace. He gets lovey when he’s drunk and insists on hugging everyone. Evie used to be the same way. Get her drunk and she’s all over you.

“Are you home for good now?” Ethan asked taking a seat in one of the many wooden chairs on the deck.

“Yeah,” I mumbled, still distracted. I sat down next to him as Josh handed me a beer.

“Did you get discharged?” Ethan asked, confused. “I thought your term was for six years.”

I didn’t want to be questioned about the real reason I was home. No one knew but my commanding officer and me. I hated to be rude toward anyone but if I kept talking, I felt I would have to tell them and I was nowhere near ready to talk about it. At this point, I didn’t know if I ever would be ready.

“Good behavior, I guess,” I lied, playing it off with a laugh.

I knew the conversation was going there. They were curious.

Josh nudged me, handing me a beer. “We used to be buddies. Why’d you leave in the first place?”

I squinted in the darkness at nothing. Maybe it was me avoiding the truth. Who wants to admit they were fucked up over a girl and bailed?

I didn’t.

But this was Josh. He’s been a big brother to me since I was eight. There was no getting this past him.

“I was scared I wouldn’t be what she needed.”

Josh shook his head. “I don’t think that’s it at all. I think you were scared she wasn’t what you needed right then.”

Well maybe.

Sometimes we do shit and at the time, it seems like a good idea. The right decision. Then days later, months, years, we look at what we did and think, “Well, that was a fucking stupid decision.”

I was a jackass. I slept with her, and then bailed.

I’d be fucking lucky if she ever talked to me again. I certainly didn’t deserve for her to. I just had to see what, if anything, was salvageable of my relationship with Evie…and get this douche Shane out of the picture before I kicked his cocky ass. Yeah, I had my work cut out for me…I thought the past three months were hell; I had a feeling that I hadn’t seen anything yet.

Frankie and these goddamn shoes.

If there was ever a point in my life when I hated her—it was right now.

After a mile I had to take them off, surely I had blisters by now. My house was still another two miles and I knew I wouldn’t make that distance with them on.

I can’t believe that asshole made me walk.
Actually, yes I can.

How can I get away from him? I began wondering if maybe I could just help my mom look for another job. That won’t work—she loves her job with Lawson Landscaping. It would be hard for her to find something she loved more than landscaping, and really in a small town there wasn’t much to offer her. Then I wondered if I could just tell him to leave me alone and let the chips fall where they may but that probably won’t work either. I doubt he would leave me alone even if I did say fuck it and fire my mom. I seriously began to wonder whether he would try to kill me. I wouldn’t put it past him with how controlling he is.

Then without warning, my fucked up mind began to drift back to Grayson.

God I’ve missed him
.

I wondered if he missed me as much.

Please, oh please, don’t let him have a girlfriend.

I should be upset that he never called or anything and left with just a “Dear Jane” letter after taking—no stealing—my virginity. I should be really upset about that. But I knew why he left. I saw the warning signs. I couldn’t be mad at him. I didn’t want to be, I wanted my friend back. After he left, nothing was the same, I wasn’t the same, and I just wanted Grayson back.

I missed the warmth of his smile and the nights where we would just lay in my bed and talk about everything and anything. It never mattered what. I missed the smell of him, and how he always tripped climbing in my window and the curse that followed. I missed watching his baseball games and throwing Cracker Jacks at him from the stands with Frankie. The smell of the dirt from the field after it would rain. I missed watching him play the piano for me late at night. I missed the impromptu serenades he would do for me with each new song he would write and the way his eyes would light up as he sang.

I missed being at a party, wondering where he was and then him appear out of nowhere to put his arm around me, the warm feeling I got
—feeling like I belonged to him if only for a moment in time
. I missed our families hanging out together every weekend, the barbeques, the parties, our arrest records. Nothing was the same. It had been three years since he left
. That’s three years
since I’d felt the gentle way his arms wrapped around me and the way his warm touch felt against my skin.

The pain of him leaving me with no explanation still hurt, even after all this time. For a while, it seemed my life was over and for the most part, I was able to move on, but now I was reminded of that time in my life.

I always assumed Grayson and I would be together eventually. Growing up it just felt natural and just when I thought that time had come, he left.

For a while, I thought maybe it was in my head that Grayson would have ever felt the same but things didn’t add up.

Grayson dated Courtney Johnson on and off throughout high school so when Chris asked me to prom I settled thinking Grayson would be going with Courtney. Eventually he did but only after she hounded him for two months straight.

Two weeks before we graduated, one night we had a couple drinks from his parents liquor cabinet we were in no way drunk. And then it happened as we were in his room watching a movie. Hands wandered, kisses heated and before we knew it, Grayson had taken my virginity. I thought for sure things would change after that but they didn’t. I was with Chris at the time, technically I cheated on him with Grayson.

I’m not sure if it was because I didn’t tell Chris right away, but something else changed in Grayson after we slept together.

Jesus how long have I been walking down this road? I really need to sit down.

It felt like there was no end in sight. Pinckard was a safe town, safe enough for a twenty-one-year-old girl to be walking down a dark street, no civilization in sight, an illegal skimpy black dress, and at least another mile to go—not to mention it being almost two A.M.

Pinckard was the type of town that still left their doors unlocked at night. Everybody knew everyone, including all their business, which why it wasn’t hard to figure out that Shane was messing around with Courtney. I never understood what guys saw in her. Sure she was pretty if you like the cheerleader type but underneath the beauty was nothing if you asked me. She acted as if the world revolved around her. No brains at all just a serious lack of personality and a shit load of red hair.

Just as I was really starting to curse Frankie for this attire, headlights came shining around the bend, approaching me slowly.

Please don’t be my brother, or worse Grayson.

Sheriff Hicks pulled up beside me, rolling down his window. He scrutinized me for a moment trying to decipher who I was.

“Evie?” he looked confused. “Darlin’, it’s a little late for you to be out here don’t you think?”

Don’t you think I know that old man? I’m not doing this for exercise.

I smiled saying none of that.

Sheriff Kevin Hicks was one of two sheriff’s in our small town. We didn’t have that great of a relationship, partly because of Josh and Grayson, though I never did anything terribly wrong; it’s one of those things where I was guilty by association. The sheriff’s department actually threw a party when Josh left for college. Mayor Thompson even provided the keg.

“Well, howdy there, sheriff. Just taking a little midnight stroll,” I said with a smile dangling my heels at him. “You know to clear my head. Great night for it.”

He smirked at my sarcasm. He always did. “Get in, sweetie. I don’t want you out here this late.”

Oh, to hell with it, I am freezing right now not to mention my feet are killing me.

I smiled at him. “Thanks, Sheriff.”

Although this wasn’t my first time in the back of Sheriff Hicks’ cruiser, it still felt awkward.

We started our run-ins with Hick’s when we were about seven and got in trouble for cow tipping, and, yes, in Pinckard, they take cow tipping serious. We also let out a herd of them into the city just for fun. Our punishment for that one was picking up all the cow shit they left behind. We never let those damn cows out again.