All In (2 page)

“
B
aby girl
!” he grinned, swinging her around in his arms. She couldn’t help the giggle that escaped her lips and blushed at all the eyes on her, including Phil’s glare. There had been so much turnover since Phil stepped in to the VP role that few people knew Maddox as any more than the Senior VP, now COO. The ones that did remember him just grinned and shook their heads. The boss was back.

“Put me down, asshole,” she growled through her matching smile.

“Missed you, honey. Coffee later?” he asked, setting her firmly on her feet before walking toward Phil’s office.

“Of course,” she waved him off and kept her head high as she walked back to her office, trying to remain oblivious to the way people were looking at one another.

Happy tears stung her eyes as she sat down behind her large monitor, digging her nails into her hand to keep from breaking down into sobs at the office. What was wrong with her? Of course she was happy. He was back. But she’d forgotten his musky smell, the way his voice rumbled through her down to her core. She had pushed to the back of her mind how nice it was in his arms.

She took a shuddery breath and opened up her email.

You okay?
Lo’s IM flashed on the bottom of her screen.

Fine.
She responded.

K. Let me know if you need to talk.

* * *

“
B
aby girl
, you wanna come get coffee with me?” Maddox peeked his face into her doorway.

She smiled, her nerves somersaulting in her stomach.

“Of course, Boss Man,” she grinned, grabbing her purse and following him out the door.

“You happy to be back?” she asked him as they made the walk to the coffee shop down the block. The one in the building was fine, but there were a lot of ears, and she was glad for the privacy.

His smile widened. “You have no idea.”

“The men up in San Fran trying to eat you alive?”

His laughed warmed her. “You know me. Gay men just can’t resist all this.” He waved his hand up and down himself.

Women, either, she sighed before mentally giving herself a hard slap. Not going there.

“Well, maybe they just know what you still haven’t been able to tell yourself,” she joked, the two of them falling into their typical banter. Light and easy, nothing deep or serious. Just enjoying the simplicity of each other’s company.

“Really, honey. How was San Fran?” she asked as they sat down on the couch with their hot java.

A dark look crossed his face. “Lonely.”

“Well, you never were good with making friends.”

His eyes glittered. “I missed everyone here.”

“It’s not the same here, Mad. It hasn’t been since you left,” she looked down at her coffee, picking at the seam on the side of the cup.

“Phil’s a good guy-“

“Stop, Mad. Just stop. He’s not a good guy. He’s a career climber doing everything within his power to control where things are going so he looks good. He doesn’t give a shit. He never has. I don’t know how you didn’t see it, but he’s a manipulative bastard, so I’m sure it was easy for him to hide,” she let the words tumble out, another round of tears forming a lump in her throat.

He pulled her close, trying to soothe her by running his fingers up and down her arm. “It’s all going to be okay, Cass. I promise. I’m back now.”

She leaned into him more, saying nothing. What was there to say? He was back and she was comfortably in his arms. The Big Boss and his Baby Girl. Nothing else mattered.

* * *

C
ass poured
another glass of wine and began to flip through the channels, trying to find something interesting to watch. She pursed her lips at the lack of anything truly interesting and settled on a rerun of one of her favorite home improvement shows.

Closing her eyes, she let herself drift into how she missed Maddox holding her. They had spent a half hour on that couch blanketed in a comfortable silence that said more than any words they could have spoken. He may not have been the love of her life, but he was her rock. She never felt more relaxed around a man like she did around him. Lo had been right about one thing: he did ruin her for other men. He may not have been romantically interested, and she may not have been willing to break her vow that she’d never date another man she worked with, but the power he had to make her feel completely protected, completely at ease, and how it had been so instantaneous…she wasn’t sure she’d ever find that again.

That was what she couldn’t explain to Lo, or anyone else, really.

He was her comfort food.

But while Lo thought he was the reason she wasn’t out there dating, she knew better. She’d tried dating. She’d tried sex without strings. She didn’t like any of it. She’d dated Blaine for 6 years—all the while watching her self-esteem plummet. They got along fine. The sex was fine. It was easy to pretend the relationship mattered, that it was important, but by the end, it was just pretend. It wasn’t real, and they both knew it. By the end, they didn’t really even like each other all that much. He wanted companionship and someone to get him off and she wanted to be able to say she was in a relationship with they hot guy from work. That wasn’t a real connection, and when they broke up, they realized they didn’t really want to be around each other, either.

People tried to blame Blaine for her lack of interest now, but it wasn’t him. It had always been her. When she tried to fill the void with a couple of other guys, she still felt empty. Kisses and touches, even a few orgasms here and there, had been nice, but none of it did anything for her. Relationships required effort, and she was exhausting herself. So she gave up.

Giving up was the easy part, she realized. Sure, there were days when her hormones raged, where her shower head helped her take the edge off. There were plenty of nights when she sobbed into her pillow, longing for strong arms to hold her, touch her, take her.

Take her. That was really the problem, wasn’t it? She joked that there wasn’t a man in the city that could handle her, but maybe that was the truth. Blaine had tried. She had to give him credit for that. On the rare occasions she told him about something she needed, the man put in some effort, but he was trying too hard to be something he wasn’t, and that takes its toll on a person. No matter how hard he worked at it, he’d never be enough, and she’d be too much. She wanted pounding sex, the calling out her name when he tumbled over the edge. She wanted to feel wanted, desired, possessed—and putting on an act was boring and forced. No man had made her feel that way, not event Maddox—thought there was a strong hint of it.

Cass suspected that Maddox was someone who knew how to take a woman unapologetically, and that was appealing. However, she also knew he ran completely hot and cold with no warning. It was obvious when his interest in a woman changed. He went from parading them around, hand on their back, intense stares, and possessive stroking to emotional distance, a foot of personal space, and a vacant stare when they spoke.

Not that he ever told her any of this. He wasn’t the type that sat you down and opened his heart up for all to see. No, she pulled every ounce of his information out of the man. She picked away at him little by little, and he had no idea she did it until she revealed some miraculous insight into his mind. He’d called her psychic more than once. When it came to him, she wasn’t psychic, she just paid attention.

You had to pay attention with someone like Maddox Paul. He’d eat you alive if you didn’t. He was so sharp, quick witted, and had an impeccable bullshit-o-meter. In all the time they’d known each other, the only thing he’d never called her out on was when she slipped up with him—when she couldn’t hide the gasp when he touched her or the involuntary shudder when he kissed the top of her head.

She knew she should push him away. It just wasn’t appropriate for two coworkers who weren’t sleeping with one another to act the way they did. She took another deep sip of her wine as her mind picked apart the rumors from people who thought she was throwing herself at the boss to others who thought they were hiding a torrid love affair. Most just thought she had a massive crush on him. They weren’t wrong, but she’d never admit it out loud. If she did, she’d have to give into the idea, and she was fighting it every chance she got.

Cassidy pulled out her e-reader, determined to get her mind off of Mad’s return, just as her phone buzzed.

Whatcha doing?
The message read.

Maddox.

Damn.

Reading.
She sent back.

M: Whatcha reading? A hot, tawdry romance, I hope.

C: Hahaha. No. Don’t want to read about what I can’t have. Depressing. Reading about a she-wolf who tears out the hearts of her lovers. A fuzzy praying mantis.

M: A praying mantis bites off her lovers’ heads.

C: Same difference.

M: But lots of sex?

She rolled her eyes. Of course. This was the part of the relationship no one, not even Lo, knew existed. The part where they were far too crude for anyone else to hear. If HR only knew…

C: Yes. Heart stopping sex, and then heart stopping violence. Keeps it real.

M: Hahaha. Maybe I need to read that.

C: What’re you doing?

She changed the subject. She didn’t want to talk about sex. Not right then. She was hormonal and bordering on seriously horny. It was her hardest time of the month, the middle part of her monthly cycle. This was normally when loneliness and longing took hold, and she didn’t need him setting that off.

M: Bored. Tired of unpacking, and there’s nothing on TV.

C: You have Netflix. Not even a movie?

M: Suggestion?

C: Whatcha in the mood for?

M: Not a movie.

Damn, he really wasn’t ever going to let go of sex, was he?

C: 56th Street has some interesting options
.

She laughed, bringing it back to something safer—tranny prostitutes. She shook her head at the thought that tranny prostitution was a better topic of discussion than his sex life.

M: Funny lady. Though, at the rate I’m going, that may be my only option.

C: Go to McCallan’s. Plenty of fodder for your insatiable taste there.

M: Been there, done all of that.

C: Slut.

M: You’re not helping.

C: Neither are you. Scarlett was just about to rip off the well-endowed Wyvern’s head.

M: Which head?

She snorted.

C: Not the good one.

M: That still doesn’t clear it up.

C: Keeps it interesting.

M: Okay, I’m going to let you read about the loss of ‘head.’ Try not to revel in it too much.

C: Frigid Bitch Queen here. I revel in all pain.

M: Shut up and go back to your book. I’ll see you in the am.

C: XO

Well, that was that. She logged into Netflix and did the best thing she could to cool down.
Lord of the Rings
, it was. Nothing like a few little Hobbits and slimy orcs to take that desperate edge off.

“
C
ass
, meet my friend Toph,” Lo’s grin spread from ear to ear as Cass shook the tall man’s hand. He was sweet looking—quiet and intelligent with light-brown hair to silver, wire-rimmed glasses. He reminded her of a Steampunk professor who spent his days hovering over bunsen burners and boiling concoctions, steam curling up the ends of that floppy hair. He was kind of adorable, really.

“Toph is a math professor at Central State. His specialties are…Toph, what the fuck do you teach again?”

He laughed, a deep, soft chuckle. “Experiential Trigonometry and Geometric Theory.”

“Well, that’s not intimidating,” Cass joked.

“It’s really simple if you break it down-“

“No, no. No shop talk, kids. Tonight we are going to dance, drink, and make merry. Speaking of merry, where is Delicious Dan?” Lo’s eyes scoured the room.

“Parking. You did pick a ridiculously busy pub, Lo,” a silken voice wafted over them as thick, brown arms wrapped around her tiny friend’s waist. Cass didn’t miss Lo’s contented sigh.

“Keeping my options open, idiot!” Lo’s lips curled up at the corners as she turned and placed a soft kiss on Dan’s upturned lips.

“Don’t you dare, sugar. I have plans for tonight,” he murmured against her mouth, and Cass looked away, blushing. Cass was used to Lo’s public displays of affection, but she was sitting here with a strange man—a new, very sweet man, and it made her cringe.

“Guys, it’s not porn night at Bixby’s. Let’s just try to keep it clean?”

“Father Toph strikes again, yeah?” Dan laughed, tearing himself away from Lo and patting his friend on the back.

“Ladies, what’s your poison?” Dan asked, turning toward the bar.

When the men walked away, Cass turned to Lo. “What the fuck, Lo? You didn’t tell me things with Dan were getting serious?”

The woman’s already dark cheeks grew darker. “I didn’t…it just…I don’t know what it is,” the normally composed woman stammered. Good Lord, this must be serious. Cass took a page out of Mad’s book and stayed silent, only lifting an eyebrow at her friend.

“It started off as casual. You know that. You were there.”

“Well, not for the, um, mind-blowing part of the night. But you told me, yes.”

“And then we just started talking.”

Cass threw an arm over her forehead like a damsel in distress, “Oh, my, what shall a lady do. There was conversatin’!” Cass teased, putting on her worst Southern drawl

“Shut up!” Lo punched her in the arm, a little less distressed. “We just clicked. The sex is still… damn, girl, it’s still amazing, but so is the time in between.”

Cass grinned. That was always Lo’s problem, that time in between. It was hard for Lo to find someone comfortable with her. She exuded raw sexuality, but there was an incredibly talented woman behind that sensual look. Too often men were drawn to her sexually, but they just didn’t get it when she opened her mouth for more than their dick to fill. She was witty and sharp as a tack, and she had no tolerance for dumb shits and idiots.

So she knew Dan was special if Lo tolerated the in between times they spent together.

She knew better than to push Lo, though, so she smiled, and hugged her friend. “I’m glad, Lo. Don’t know much about him yet, but I’ll sit and enjoy the pretty from over here. Just, um, stop making me all jealous, okay?”

“Girl, tonight I have given you a man with a pretty little bow,” she waved her hand toward the professor, who grinned back at them.

Cass laughed. She’d see. Her ability to hope had been crushed beyond repair a long time ago.

* * *

T
he conversation
between the four of them was easy. She’d grown up painfully shy, and realized that, if she could keep a surface conversation going, that was easier on her than awkward silence. So she’d mastered the art of small talk a long time ago. Still, Toph was pretty easy to chat with, and they found common ground on some geeky movies and social issues. It was nice to just have simple conversation, even if there were a few times that they had to leave the groping couple to themselves for a bit.

“They’re really into one another,” Cass laughed at another awkward moment. She and Toph stood at the bar watching the dance floor. It was getting late into the night, and alcohol was emptying out the dancers inhibitions. Somehow the strangers’ bump and grind didn’t seem as invasive as watching their friends climb all over one another in the dark booth.

“Do you wanna dance?” Toph asked, taking her hand in his. His fingers were long and calloused. She ran her fingers along the rough edges.

“Cars. I have a thing for old cars, and I do a lot of work on them,” he explained, as if ashamed for the roughness in his grasp.

She laughed, giving him a squeeze. “Professor, there is nothing like a calloused hand to make a man.”

Where had that come from? Sheesh. She was heading into flirting territory.

“There is so much more that makes a man,” he pulled her into his embrace as the music slowed down, and she couldn’t stop her stomach from tightening at his proximity.

He wasn’t brawny by any means, but he was fit. His arms were long and defined. As he pressed his chest against hers, she found he was thin, but the man definitely worked out. His grasp was strong and confident.

She dared a glance up at him, and he looked down at her with heavy lidded eyes.

“Cass,” he whispered as his lips met hers in a soft kiss that was cautious and simple. His hand traveled from her waist as he stroked her backside.

She let him explore her mouth, as she ran her fingers along his neck.

“Let’s get out of here,” he whispered in her ear.

She stiffened. “I-“

“C’mon Cass. You want it, I want it. Dan and Lo are already halfway gone. Let’s go have our own fun,” he whispered, nibbling on her earlobe. Tempting. He was so tempting.

But no.

“I can’t, Toph. Not yet. Let’s, um, go get some food and, um, talk?” she pulled him off the dance floor.

“I don’t want to talk. I want to get laid,” he pulled his hand out of hers.

An angry heat burned inside her, and her jaw clenched. Of course he did. And since Lo was easy, why wouldn’t her best friend be that way, too?

“Well, you’ve got a whole bar to choose from, don’t you?” she spat.

“C’mon. You’re already all turned on, and I don’t want to start over-“

“Fuck off, Toph,” she cursed and walked back to the table, grabbing her purse.

Lo broke away from Dan’s lips long enough to ask, “Where’re you going?”

“Home,” she dug into the bag for her phone to call a taxi.

“With Toph?” Lo waggled her eyebrows, but paled when Cass glared.

“No,” Cass told her, leaning down and whispering, “I’ll call you tomorrow. Explain everything. Have fun, be safe. Revel in it, Lo.”

Toph may be an ass, but Lo deserved her happiness, and Cass wasn’t a selfish bitch. She knew this was a big deal for her friend. “You sure?” Lo questioned.

“Absolutely. Nice meeting you, Dan,” she grinned and waved as she started toward the door. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Toph leaning into some perky blonde at the bar, rubbing his stupid calloused hands along her arm. She shook her head as her eyes settled on another sight.

Her breath caught.

Maddox.

With a woman.

A tall, leggy, redheaded woman who was wrapping herself around him, lust wafting off of her, and he was laughing. Really laughing.

Tears threatened, but she stifled them as his eyes met hers.

“Cass!” he shouted across the bar, waving her over.

She wanted to run out the door, pretend she never saw him, but he wouldn’t understand. She didn’t want to see this. First Lo, now him.

But she sucked it up, pushed her heart back down from her throat into her chest and willed herself to walk toward him like she wasn’t a ball of emotion.

“What are you doing here?” he asked, breaking away from the redhead to give her a hug. The redhead eyed her, relaxing as she obviously decided Cass wasn’t a threat—though the realization didn’t stop the woman from giving her an exasperated stare.

“Hanging with Lo, of course,” she pointed over her shoulder to the dark corner where Lo was continuing her tonsil hockey game with Dan.

“Hmmm. Wouldn’t let you join in?”

“Ew. Shut up, you ass. Ew,” she slapped his arm. “Who’s your friend?”

The redhead grinned, not seeing the panicked look on Mad’s face. Cass’ lips curled up. Of course. Just getting laid. That seemed to be the male theme of the night. “Tammy,” she put out her hand. Cass took the limp handshake. Why did women think that was okay? Did they think it made them more feminine? It was more like shaking a cooked noodle.

Judgmental much? Yeah. Did she care? No.

“Nice to meet you, Tammy. I’m Cassidy. I work with Maddox,” she grinned at the woman, who seemed impatient for Cass to leave, and judging by the fact that Toph had taken notice of her again, she deemed it prudent to call for her taxi. “Mad, I’ll see you on Monday. You guys have, um, fun,” she patted Maddox’s arm and turned toward the door before Toph could make his way over.

“Be right back,” Mad said to the redhead and grabbed her arm.

“You okay?” he asked as they stepped outside. Cass allowed the cool, fresh air to free her from the confines of the crowded bar.

“Yeah, just a long night,” she smiled. “Go back in. You have a date. A hot date. I think, sir, your dry spell may be over.”

“You’re deflecting,” he reprimanded, pulling her jacket tight around her.

“Of course I am. And you’re going to let me. I just want to go home, put on my sweats and fuzzy socks, and immerse myself in a good book.”

“Praying mantis sex?”

She laughed. “No. Too close to reality tonight. More like an escape from a Russian prison night.”

He shook his head. “Sobering.”

As she got in the cab she met his eyes. “You have no idea.”

* * *

“
T
oph
?” Lo asked over bottomless mimosa brunch the next morning. Her skin shimmered from her post-coitus glow, only setting off the contrast between her orange sweater and her ebony skin. Lo had the best skin. Even Cass sometimes felt a need to reach out and stroke her arm in a perfectly non-sexual, curious kind of way that made Lo cackle and crack a hundred lesbian jokes.

“Decent, but no,” Cass answered, cutting into her pancakes.

“Cass…”

“No, Lo. He freaked me out,” she stuffed the bite in her mouth and moaned. Elsie’s made the best buttermilk pancakes in the world. Soft, fluffy, and melted on her tongue.

“He was perfectly nice, and you guys seemed to get along so well.”

“Until he said he wanted a fuck. And that was it.”

Lo’s fork stopped mid air and she stared at Cass open-mouthed.

“Toph? Said that?” Lo leaned forward.

“He was just out for a piece of ass, and I was handed to him on a platter.”

Lo’s face turned serious. “I did not hand you to him on a platter!”

“No, you didn’t,” Cass reassured her friend, placing her hand on Lo’s. “But he saw it that way. You and Dan were so…together. I guess he didn’t realize that wasn’t where we were, and he wasn’t willing to take it slow.”

And Cass needed slow. If she was going to get what she wanted, she needed to know him first. Sure, she could have screwed him. She might have even gotten something out of it, but it wouldn’t be enough. She wasn’t in a place where she wanted to struggle with her doubts and her fears afterward. She knew the wave of guilt and pain was inevitable. After all, those emotions had been part of every first experience with a man, and it would be no different with Toph. She wasn’t willing to put herself through that wringer again until she knew it would be worth it.

Toph didn’t strike her as worth much of anything.

“Honey, you need to relax and let yourself have fun.” Lo leaned back in her chair, motioning for the waitress to bring her another mimosa.

Didn’t she know it.