All In (The Blackstone Affair, Part 2) (14 page)

I thought of my mum. I’d wanted her all my
life and now more than ever. I wasn’t brave. I was afraid to die.
What would happen to Brynne? Who would protect her from them once I
was gone?

Oh, God…

“
No video. No video. No video. No video,”
was all I could utter. And if the sound was no longer an utterance
capable via my mouth then it would be the last thing in my mind
along with, “I’m so sorry, Dad. Hannah. Brynne…I’m so fucking
sorry…”

“Ethan! Baby, wake up. You’re having a
dream.” The sweetest voice met my ears and the softest hands
touched me.

I bolted up gasping, consciousness cranking
me into a state of hyper-alertness. Her hands fell away as I
slammed into the headboard and sucked in oxygen. Poor Brynne, eyes
wide, looked horrified as she sat up with me in bed.

“Oh, fuck!” I panted, accepting the reality
of where I was.

Breathe, motherfucker!

I’d done this many times. It was only in my
head. Not real. But here I sat, losing my shit royally in front of
my girl. It had to be scary for her and I regretted that deeply. I
felt like I might be sick.

She reached out again, the cool touch of her
hand on my chest grounding me, bringing me back to the here and
now. Brynne was right here next to me in the bed, not in that
fucked up dream again. I kept bringing her into my nightmares. Why
in the hell was I doing that?

She scooted closer and I clutched at her
hand on my chest, needing her touch like a lifeline.

“What was that about, Ethan? You were
shouting stuff and thrashing all over the place in the bed. I
couldn’t wake you—”

“What did I say?” I cut her off.

“Ethan,” she said soothingly, reaching for
my face, her fingers grazing my jaw.

“What did I say?” I yelled, grabbing her
hand and holding it out from my body, feeling the urge to retch at
the thought of what might have come out of my mouth. She flinched
back and my heart broke for frightening her, but I had to know. I
stared at her in the dark and tried to take in enough oxygen to
fill my lungs. A nearly pointless exercise though. There wasn’t
enough air in all of London to satisfy me right now.

“You were saying
no video
over and
over. What does
that
mean, Ethan?”

The sheet had fallen down to her waist,
baring her lovely naked breasts in the glow of the moon peeking
through the skylights. I saw a wariness in her eyes as she tugged
her hand out of my grip and I hated it. I let her go.

“I’m sorry. I—I have dreams sometimes. Sorry
for shouting at you.” I lurched out of bed and into the bathroom. I
hung over the sink and let the water flow over my head, rinsed my
mouth and drank from the faucet. Fuck, I needed to get my shit
together—this was so not right. I had to be strong for her. All
that stuff was ancient history and buried in the hell of my past.
It was not welcome in my present and sure as hell not in my future
with Brynne.

Her arms wrapped around me from behind. I
could feel her naked against my back and it woke my cock up. She
pressed her lips to my scars and kissed. “Talk to me. Tell me what
that was back there.” Her soft voice carried the strength of steely
determination but there was no way I could bring her into that
tortured mess.

No fucking way she’s going there with
me
.
Not her innocent self.

“No. I don’t want to.” I looked into the
mirror over the sink and saw myself, water dripping off my hair,
Brynne’s arms wrapped from around my sides to rest her hands on my
chest where my heart was pounding mercilessly from an immense
nightmare of all kinds of fucked up. Yet she was holding me,
holding my heart in her beautiful hands. She’d followed me in here
to comfort me.

“What video, Ethan? You kept screaming about
a video.”

“I’m not talking about it!” I closed my eyes
at the sound of my voice against hers, hating the anger in it,
hating she had to see me like this.

“Was it because of me? The video of me?” She
took her hands away and backed off me. “You said you never saw it.”
I could hear the hurt in her voice and imagine where her mind was
going with this scenario. She couldn’t be more off the mark.

I lost it then, totally and completely,
fearful she might not trust me, terrified she would leave again. I
spun around and pulled her against me hard. “No, baby. Not that.
Please. It’s not that. It’s me—from the past—a bad time for me in
the war.”

“You won’t tell though. Why can’t you say
what happened to you—your scars. Ethan?”

She tried to pull away, to make distance
between us, but hell if I would allow it. “No, Brynne, I need you.
Don’t pull away from me.”

“I’m not—”

I cut her words off with my mouth crushed
against hers, owning her with my tongue so deep all she could do
was take it. I picked her up and stumbled to the bed with her. I
had to be inside her, in every way. I needed the validation that
she was here, that I was alive, that she was safe in my care, that
I was alive…that she was safe…that I was alive…

“Baby, you’re so beautiful and good for me.
You’re fucking everything to me, okay? Tell me that you want me.” I
was babbling as I pushed her legs apart with my knees and got two
fingers inside her wet heat. I started stroking, working all that
spunk from before all around and over her clit how she liked.

“I want you, Ethan,” she answered breathily,
her sex heating up for me, ready to take me in. God, I battled the
razor’s edge of control when she got all submissive with me—the
ultimate turn-on even though she was really the first woman where
it worked like that.

“Tell me you’ll let me have all of you.
Every part. I want it all, Brynne!”

“I’ll let you!” she cried out. “I’m right
here.”

I speared into her mouth again, deep and
thorough with my tongue, my fingers moving inside her pussy,
getting her wetter still. “Your mouth is mine when you wrap those
raspberry lips around my cock and suck me off.”

She moved underneath me. I dragged away from
her lips to latch onto a nipple. I bit down enough to get the moan
out of her then sucked deep to plump it back up before doing the
same to the other breast. “Your beautiful tits belong to me too.
When I bite on them and suck and drive you mad.”

“Oh, God…”

I moved down her body, my fingers still up
in her, sliding along her nub, getting her closer to climax. “This
sweet honey cunt is always mine when I cram it full of my cock and
blow a load of cum up into it.” I whispered more filthy talk and
felt sure it got her hotter.

She writhed and rolled her head around and I
loved that I was making her wild.

I flicked my tongue over her clit and even
put my teeth on it, nipping her flesh until I heard her cry and
switched to soothing, ever so gently with a soft touch, stringing
her out further and further.

“I need more! Fuck me, Ethan!”

Oh yeah, she was hotter
.

Holy hell, I finally had my girl right where
I wanted her
.
I went mad with the taste of her all over my
tongue, my taste, her scent, her warmth, the soaking wet,
octane-fueled sex!

“I can give you more, baby. I want to give
you more.” I pulled my fingers out of her quim, sliding them back
to her other hole, and rimmed the opening with my drenched index
finger. She gasped in a breath and stilled. I lifted my head and
moved up her body, one arm propping me, the other hand free to
explore. I slipped just my fingertip inside and met her gaze. She
looked wild, her eyes flaring. “I want in here, Brynne. Will you
let me fuck your beautiful ass?” I spoke up against her quivering
lips and bit on the bottom one, my fingertip still teasing her
entrance, waiting for her answer.

“Yes!” It came out a harsh whisper but
definitely agreement.

I pulled away and flipped her onto her
stomach. I gripped her hips up in the air and split her legs wide
so I could get to her from on my knees. She was stunning. Totally
spread for me, anticipating and accepting and off-the-charts
perfect.

My hand on my shaft, I slid the head around
her drenched sex, working it over her clit again and again, getting
her closer to coming and my cock well lubed.

“Mmm hmm,” I groaned, centering the bell end
against her tight hole. “You are something so fucking perfect…” I
pushed and penetrated just the tip of my cock, trying to open her
up a bit, and thought I could easily lose it. As in ejaculating
before I ever got inside her.

She tensed and arched from my invasion so I
eased up immediately, putting my palm on her lower back to steady
her. “Easy…relax for me, baby.” She stilled and breathed heavy,
waiting on me, submitting to my desires; so perfectly takeable and
gloriously tight with her muscle gripping around the head of my
ready-to-blow cock. I didn’t want to hurt her, but my God, what a
spectacular turn-on to be poised like I was, about to claim that
final place where I could meld into her.

She quivered beneath me. “You’re about to
make me come, baby. I want to so badly, but you first. I’m gonna
make you feel so good!”

“Ethan, please make me come!” She squirmed
against my just tipped cock ready to take me all the way. I
realized she would allow me in even if it was painful because she
was such a generous lover.

Saints help me!

It took everything I had not to sink into
that stretched, mysterious part of her I had yet to claim. I wanted
to. I needed to. But I wanted and needed to cherish her more. I
knew I would hurt her and she was nowhere near ready. We’d have to
work up to it—something to look forward to. Like any new thing we
did together. I was out of my fucking mind right now and this was
not the moment to push her into anal for the first time with
me.

“Brynne…I love you so much,” I whispered
against her back, notching my cock down to find her pussy. The
flesh was so hot it burned when we touched. I heard my own shout
when I slammed deep inside her and started to fuck. My hands on her
hips gripped tight, knocking her back hard onto my shaft, again and
again and again, the sounds of our bodies slapping amid grunts of
pure pleasure took over from there.

We were at it for a long time. I needed that
terrorized dream out of my system and fucking was a way for me to
make that happen. If you can fuck then you are alive—the brutal
logic was fairly hard to dispute there.

It was pretty rough shagging too, even for
us. And Brynne could take it rough from me. She had before and she
would again because I’d never let her go. Never. I couldn’t imagine
doing the things I’d just done to her with anyone else. I knew I
wouldn’t be able to.

I understood later in the dark, after the
crazed sex trip I’d dragged her on, and after she fell into a deep
sleep beside me. She’d come so many times she just passed out from
exhaustion once I could finally bring myself to stop. She never
asked me to stop though. My girl gave herself to me and didn’t
press for answers. And I was glad because I didn’t want to talk
about any of it yet. My insides were far too raw after my
nightmare.

I wanted to light up but denied myself. It
felt wrong in regards to her. It was wrong to subject her to my
unhealthful smoking and I wouldn’t do it around her anymore.

Watching her sleeping after that session,
her methodical breathing, her long lashes resting above her
cheekbones, her hair swirling wildly over the pillow, completely
took my breath away. I knew I had found my angel at last and I
would hold onto her with everything I had.

No more yielding but a dream…

She saved me from the utter madness of my
torment. She made me want things I’d never wanted before. I would
kill if I had to in order to keep her safe. It would kill me if
anything ever happened to her.

Eventually I was able to fall asleep again
and it was only because she was right there with me.

I woke up
to an
empty bed and an empty flat, and an authentic nightmare. After what
happened in the night, the last thing I expected was for Brynne to
be AWOL on me.

My first clue that something wasn’t right
came when I rolled in the bed and kept going. No soft, warm body
smelling of flowers and the decadent shagging from last night to
press against and wrap myself around. Just sheets and pillows. She
wasn’t in my bed. I called out her name and got only ominous
silence back. I began to feel sickening dread.

Last night too much for her?

I checked the bathroom first. I could see
she’d used the shower. Her cosmetics and brush were out on the
vanity but she was definitely absent. Not in the kitchen making
coffee, not in my office checking her emails, not working out in
the gym, not
anywhere
inside the flat.

I pulled up the security camera video on a
monitor that recorded the front door and hallway. Anyone coming or
going would be on it. My heart pounded so hard my chest had to be
visibly moving. I rewound the last hour and there she was, dressed
in joggers and trainers heading for the lifts, headphones stuck in
her ears.

“Fuck!” I screamed, slamming my hand down on
my desktop. Out for a morning run? Un-fucking-believable. I blinked
at what I was seeing and scrubbed a hand over my beard.

“Tell me you’re on her right now!” I shouted
into the direct line to Neil.

“What?” He sounded like he was still laid up
in bed and I felt more ill than before.

“Wrong answer, mate. Brynne’s left the flat.
On a run!”

“I was sleeping, E,” he said. “Why would I
be tagging her if she’s in the flat with you—”

I hung up on Neil and called Brynne on her
mobile. It went to voicemail of course. I almost threw mine at the
wall but I managed to text her with:
WTF
RU?