All or Nothing (9 page)

 My stomach is full of nerves as I make my
way there on Friday. I am dressed in my black pencil skirt, red heels and red
blouse I refrained from using my red lipstick opting for some gloss and pull my
hair into a tight bun. 

I notice Grant immediately, he has
obviously come straight from the office and is in a charcoal grey suit and
white shirt he looks delicious.  He appears tense his eyes wary as he stands as
I approach him, I avoid his glorious green eyes and sit opposite placing my bag
on the chair beside me.

‘Hi’ he murmurs.

‘Hi’ I croak, pull yourself together Abi I
warn myself.

‘I ordered wine, I could certainly do with
one’ he pours a glass and places it in front of me.

‘So...’ I lift it to my lips risking a
glance up at him.

‘Straight to the point?’ his eyes spark
with what I presume to be anger.

‘What did you expect Grant?  You had sex
with me whilst your fiancé was in the building!  I need closure Grant, this is
becoming harmful to Bella and Mike’s relationship’

‘I realize that but you have to keep an
open mind Abi’ he regards me cautiously ‘Amber is an ex…..lover’ he expresses.

‘Right’ I nod as pain sears through my
insides at the images rolling through my head.

‘We slept together a couple of times
nothing serious’ he continues and I raise an eyebrow, scoff and begin to shake
my head.

‘What?’ he frowns unaware of how his words
have promoted such a reaction.

‘Nothing, continue please’ I urge and he
suddenly comprehends.

‘No!’ he fumes ‘nothing like us’

‘Well exactly like us but continue’ I gulp
a mouthful of wine.

He sighs and runs a hand through his hair
‘she informed me some time ago that she is pregnant’ he raises his eyes to mine
and I take a deep breath to contain the stab that has just pierced my heart.

‘I thought you always used protection’ I
croak.

‘I do and did’ he informs me before adding
‘except with you’

I shake my head, I have been played big
style, ‘should I get tested for disease?’ I fume my voice wobbling slightly.

‘No!’ he frowns ‘for fuck sake Abi I meant
it I never went without protection until you’

‘And yet your ex…whatever, is pregnant how
exactly did that happen?’

‘I have no idea but until the child is born
and I can get a paternity test I can do nothing about it’ he growls.  We are
silent for a while as I absorb this painful information ‘I had every intention
of tracking you down as soon as we came home from Vegas Abi, I realized we shared
something special.  It was one of the hardest thing I have ever witnessed watching
you walk away from me at the airport’ his eyes search mine, ‘I just needed to
get this mess sorted first,  she is not my fiancé Abi I promise you and I
haven’t slept with her since meeting you’

‘Why would she suggest that she is then?’  I
glare into his eyes mistrusting.

‘Because she insists that once the
paternity test is done and she proves that the baby is mine we will marry and
become a family’ he shakes his head ‘that is a fantasy it will never happen’

‘And if the baby is yours?’

‘Then I will take full parental
responsibility but I will never be with Amber despite what she believes’

‘You may wish to inform her of that instead
of leading her on’ I laugh stiffly.

‘I have but I need to keep her near until I
can be sure the baby isn’t mine’ he expresses ‘she is Italian and has notified
me that if I reject her now she will disappear to Italy where she has family
and I will have no contact with the child.  Despite my reluctance to become a
dad at this stage in my life, if the child is in fact mine I wish to play my
part’

I sit back ‘what a mess’ I sigh and gulp another
mouthful of wine ‘what a fucked up mess’

‘Please Abi give me the benefit of the
doubt, I would never intentionally hurt you.  That night in the club I had no
intention of having sex with you it just happened!  I was so surprised to see
you….’

‘We should have left things at the airport,
the sweet memories of Vegas’ I express quietly.

‘No! I want more Abi’ he states stubbornly.

‘But you aren’t in a position to make
demands Grant’ I remind him ‘because if the baby is yours your life is going to
be pretty full from hereon in….. There will certainly not be any time for a new
relationship’

‘I am not prepared to let you go Abi, the
thought of you with another man…’ he whispers I take a breath my insides
responding to his words.

‘How far gone is she?’ I ignore him.

‘Five months although she hardly shows’ he
frowns ‘I have a private detective investigating her, I don’t trust her’ he
mutters ‘I used protection Abi’ he reiterates.

‘Why didn’t you use protection with me?’

‘I told you this, I wanted to feel all of you….
I have never felt the way I do with you Abi please believe me’

‘Ok, I believe that she isn’t your fiancé
Grant but the relevance of this meeting is to ensure that we refrain from
harming our mutual friend’s relationship in its early stages.  No more
questioning Mike in regards to me whatsoever’ I raise my eyes to his and for a
moment we lock gazes my insides warm as his green eyes penetrate my soul
‘Grant’ I croak.

‘Ok, on one condition’ he leans his head to
one side.

‘Go on’ I sigh.

‘That you talk to me’

‘What do you mean?’

‘Well if I cannot ask Mike about you then I
can question you’ he smiles slightly.

‘Well you can ask’ I shrug ‘I cannot
guarantee that I will answer’

‘Fine’ he leans over and holds his hand out
for me to shake, I regard him for a moment before placing my hand inside his removing
it immediately as I feel tingling against my fingers at the contact but not
before I notice amusement in his gaze.

‘So, this guy you were drinking with the
other night’ he tilts his eyebrow in question.

‘As I said I cannot guarantee I will
answer’ I smile sarcastically towards him.

‘You seeing him again?’ he continues.

‘Maybe’ I shrug my eyes moving to the glass
I am twirling in front of me.

‘Abi’ he whispers and I glance up ‘does he
make you moan when he kisses you?’ his eyes darken and I take a sharp intake of
breath ‘no, I don’t think he does that is our thing isn’t it Abi?’

‘Grant’ I warn ‘I am not going to sleep
with you again’ I am angry at the breathlessness that is apparent in my voice.

‘What never or for now Abi?’ he probes
cockily.

‘Pretty sure of yourself Grant aren’t you?’
I throw over to him.

‘Of myself no, of us absolutely’

‘And Amber what does she think about this?’
I remind him.

‘I couldn’t care less about Amber, it is
the baby that I need to be sure of before I upset Amber’

I finish my wine before reaching for my
things, ‘I need to go’ I murmur.

‘Why?’ he probes.

‘I just do Grant’ I inform him sternly
‘this isn’t a date’

‘Do you have a date?’ he murmurs so quietly
I regard him and notice he appears anxious.

‘With a bath and an early night maybe, remember
Grant no bothering Mike and Bella they are the cutest couple just let them be,
no more questioning’ I plead genuinely.

‘Ok Abi I have already agreed’ he nods
‘want help scrubbing your back?’ he teases ‘we had some fun in the tub in Vegas
as I remember’ the images of us surrounded by bubbles as I straddled Grant
filled my mind and I stand abruptly. 

Grant stands with me ‘Can I give you a
lift?’

‘No!’ I need to get away from him and his
green eyes.

‘I will walk you to the station’ he
insists.

‘Its fine’ I assure him but he follows me regardless.
When we reach the station I turn to Grant who has been quietly at my side since
we left the bar, ‘thank you for the escort and the drink Grant’ I hold out my
hand to him ‘good luck with everything’ 

He stares at me frowning before he grabs my
hand and tugs pulling me into him as his arms circle me, ‘this isn’t goodbye
Abi, I have agreed to leave Mike out of it but I haven’t relented, I am just
getting warmed up’  he whispers into my hair before releasing me suddenly. I
almost topple over as the sensations of his body against mine remain despite
his departure from me. I stand gaping up at him as he smiles that slow sexy
smile and drops a kiss on my lips, ‘I will see you very soon Abi’ and he
saunters away with his sexy confident walk.

********

I place my bag in the hall and hang my coat
as I hear voices, ‘hi’ I call just in case Bella and Mike are in a compromising
position on the sofa.

‘Hi’ Bella calls casually.

I enter the living room and stop
immediately, Bella, Mike and Grant are sitting chatting with glasses of wine in
their hands.  I glare at Grant who is grinning innocently at me, ‘what are you
doing here Grant?’ I mumble moodily.

‘Well hello to you Miss Sunshine, you
really should have shared my car much quicker’ he insists as Bella stifles a giggle. 

‘I am going for a bath’ I call out as I
turn and enter my room.  I kick off my shoes and undo my bun rubbing my head at
the tightness of the hairband releasing my hair.  What the hell is he up to
now, there I was just assuming things were going to settle down and he just
turns up?  I pull my clothes off and wrap my robe around me before storming out
of the room into the bathroom opposite. 

I gawk at the scene before me, the bath has
been run with tons of glorious bubbles and a solitary glass of wine sits on the
ledge of the bath.  Ensuring the door is locked I disrobe and sink into the
magnificent bath sighing on impact.  Now I feel bad for being so mean to him, I
am confused with the emotions of the situation.  Grant and I are a perfect fit
in so many ways but a baby does not fit into the equation, I couldn’t be with a
man who was answerable to another woman because they shared bodily fluids on a
couple of occasions. 

Grant insists that he has no wish to play a
part in Amber’s life regardless but will that be the case when they share a
human being, that in itself has to connect them on some level.  I can just walk
away eventually Grant will get the hint but it makes things difficult that Mike
and Grant are friends and work colleagues, whilst I live here I will never be
free of Grant.  I reach for my glass and sip the iced cold wine, ‘mmmm’ I moan
quietly and grin at the thought of Grant listening at the door.

I lay in the bath for what seems hours
before I begin to shrivel and decide to get out.  I dry off and moisturize
before wrapping myself back in the robe and release my hair from the top of my
head leaving it curly cascading around me.  As I exit the bathroom Grant is
standing in the hall, ‘nice soak?’ he murmurs his hands in his trousers as he leans
against the wall.

‘Yes thank you’ I murmur my insides
fluttering as he moves slowly towards me, I take a step back, ‘Grant’ I warn
and he stops in front of me.

‘What?’ he holds his hands up ‘I am merely
using the bathroom as you have monopolized it for the past hour’

I stand aside for him to enter and rush
into my room locking the door, I grab my sweatpants and t-shirt pulling them on
rapidly, relaxing as I am finally clothed.  I unlock my door and walk into the
kitchen to switch on the kettle.  I call out, ‘tea anyone?’ and hear nothing
back, I check in the living room and it is empty!

I exhale a breath ignoring the slight
disappointment that I feel at the prospect that Grant has left, what did you
expect Abi?

I open and close the fridge debating food
before taking my tea and moving into the living room where I flop distractedly
on the sofa switching the television on.  The front door slams and I glance up
expecting Bella only to find Grant standing with take-out bags in his hand.

‘Hungry?’ he murmurs casually as if it is
an everyday occurrence.

‘What do you have a key now?’ I glare open
mouthed at him.

He grins, ‘I hope you like Chinese’ he
ignores me moving into the Kitchen placing the bags on the counter top.  I
follow him in and regard him as he makes himself at home in my Kitchen.

‘Grant what are you doing?’ I fold my arms
across my chest ignoring my stomach growling at the aromas now filling the
small area.

‘Attempting to find plates Abi, some help
would be good here’ he murmurs as he lifts the cartons from the bags.  I stand
for a moment before sighing and reaching up to the cupboard retrieving two
plates ‘thank you’ he spoons rice onto the plate treating me to one of his
grins. ‘Chicken or beef?’ he enquires ‘or a bit of both?’

I sit as far away from Grant as humanly
possible on the sofa as we enjoy our Chinese, Grant has poured us some more
wine and the television is blaring in the background. 

‘Why are you here Grant?’ I query quietly.