All She Wanted (2) (15 page)

Charlie

I blinked a thousand times, trying to
decipher what I had just witnessed.

What did
I just witness?

In the course of what was likely no
more than ninety seconds, I had experienced a flip-book of human emotions: jealously,
anger, fear, anxiety,
insecurity
…betrayal. But as I
started to step out of the shadows to unleash my Hulk-rage on them both, I
heard Briggs turn her down.

He turned her down.

Jackie
.

That’s when a giant wave of guilt came
crashing over me, pulling me under its tide and washing my every assumption
away with it. Our eyes locked onto each other. We both turned our heads toward
the driveway a second later—the sound of squealing tires peeling down the
street, likely alerting the neighborhood to the estrogen rampage that was
occurring.

“I’m sorry.” We said in unison.

We found each other’s eyes again.

“Why are
you
sorry?” Again, we spoke at the same time.

He laughed nervously.

I walked over to the counter where he stood.

“After everything you told me this
morning, I can’t believe I was so stupid to invite her here—not when I know
what she’s like. I feel horrible-”

“Stop, Charlie…none of
that
was your fault.” He nodded toward
the front door where Jackie had exited. He stepped closer to me. My heart hammered
inside my chest.

“At first I thought—I was afraid that
you would…” I let my eyes fall away from his face, but the gentle touch on my
chin guided them back to his.

“Afraid that what?”
 

“Afraid that you would…
want
her.”

As if completely caught off guard by my
reply, he started laughing—bellowing actually—like I had just told the world’s
best joke. I could not find the humor in it though. I put my good hand on my
hip, waiting impatiently for him to finish. He calmed himself quickly once he
realized I wasn’t going to join in.

An intense look blazed in his eyes; all
amusement drained from his face.

“You’re serious?” he asked.

“Yes I’m serious! It’s
Jackie
…she’s a living, breathing Barbie
doll! What man
wouldn’t
want her?”

“Me. I don’t want her, Charlie,” His
tone was deep, almost dangerous sounding, “She’s not my type.”

I swallowed hard as I stared into his
eyes, pushing the vulnerability bubble that was building inside me away, running
instead toward the emotion I was far more comfortable with: Anger. I had all
but forgotten my feelings of guilt, which had started this whole conversation
in the first place.

“She’s
every
man’s type—even men on the reform, like you. So don’t
patronize me, Briggs.
Beautiful
is
every man’s type!”

He flinched at my words, but held his
ground all the same, a new expression taking over his face.

“Where’s this insecurity coming from,
Charlie?”

Of all
the things he could have said, really? What is wrong with him?

“Don’t try and make this about me!”

“I think it has more to do with that loser
you dated, actually.” He crossed his arms over his chest.

My mouth hung open.
How had this conversation spiraled down so
quickly?

“Let me tell you how I see it,
Shortcake. That jerk you dated must have sold you some pretty pricey lies if
you honestly believe that a girl like Jackie is
more desirable
to a man than you.”

I blinked rapidly, trying to keep up
with the direction of this conversation while the truth stabbed at my heart
like a dull knife.
I’m not that different
from her.

“You don’t even know what kind of girl
I am
, Briggs! Despite what you think,
I’m not some innocent little flower, so you can take whatever virtue and purity
notions you’ve concocted about me and squash ‘
em
. I’m
a lot closer to
a Jackie
than you might
want to believe. Alex didn’t sell me anything that I didn’t willingly offer to him
first…”

I was shocked by the bitter honesty of
my words. I’d given Alex all of me within days of meeting him. I felt sick
under that looming haze of regret.

I couldn’t stand there for one more
second. I was so tired of pretending to be someone I wasn’t anymore, and I
didn’t need to see another disappointed face staring back at me. I saw that
face everyday in the mirror.

My resolve to wait for love, prior to
meeting Alex, had failed to match the intensity of my need to be desired, wanted,
and cherished. Yet in the end, that one decision only compounded the emptiness
I had longed to fill.

Briggs

A single tear rolled down her cheek as
she turned from me. I struggled between comforting her and thinking of the ways
I could dismember
Alex
.

Her tear won me over.

“Don’t turn away from me, Charlie,
please
.”

Slowly, she faced me again. I took a
step closer, resting my hands on her shoulders. The pain in her eyes ripped
something open in my chest.

“Can I ask you something?”

She nodded.

“If you knew then what you know now…that
he would leave you, would you have been so willing?”

“No,” she said without a second’s
hesitation.

“
That’s
how you’re not the same, Charlie. Sex wasn’t a sport for you. I can point those
girls out of a crowd easily—most guys can—but those girls aren’t you,” I paused,
moving my hands to cradle her face. “But you were sold a lie, sweetheart, and
for that I’m very sorry.”

She questioned me with her eyes.

“You believed it could be bought,” I
said, wiping a rogue tear from her cheek.

Her voice was a shaky whisper, “That
what
could be bought?”

“Love.”

I pulled her into my chest and wrapped
my arms around her, kissing the top of her head.

There was a very real possibility that
I’d never let her go.

.

Charlie

Infinity times infinity, that’s how
long I hoped his hug would last.
 

Time wouldn’t need to exist, the future
didn’t have to make sense, and my past wasn’t even a blip on the radar.

“Charlie, I want to-”

My pocket was vibrating.

Who
would have the audacity to be calling right now—in the middle of my infinity
moment?

Briggs dropped his arms and I was
overcome with a chill that started at my scalp and worked its way down to my
toes. I struggled to grab a hold of the phone, as the corner of it was stuck on
a seam in my pocket, but Briggs plucked it out for me in one fluid motion.

My knees felt like Jell-O.

“Hello,” I croaked out.

Get a
grip Charlie!

“Sugar! It’s so nice to hear your
voice. How are you?”

Dad, of course.
Captain of the Worst Timing Ever Club.

“Doing great, Dad. Just about to have
some lunch.”

“Oh good. Has Briggs been around much?
Or does he keep to himself in that apartment? I’m sure he’s been enjoying that extra
cable package I got for him.” He laughed.

I’d say
he’s been around…yep.

“Uh, yeah we’ve hung out a few times.”
I see Briggs smile at me from the corner of my eye as I grab my plate from the
counter with my good hand, forcing the phone to stay between my head and
shoulder as I walked to the couch. Briggs stayed in the kitchen—
to give me privacy
?

“Good. Well, I hope it’s hasn’t been
too bad for you, sugar. We miss you…and we’re excited to be home next week so
we can spend some time with you before your summer classes start. Charlie…I…”

“Yeah?” I felt my throat thicken with
emotion for the hundredth time that day.
 

“I just want you to know how much I
love you. I know you think my rules are a bit crazy, and maybe I am over-protective,
but everything I do…everything I want for you… is because I love you. I hope
you know that—even if you’re still angry with me.”

I put my plate down on the table in
front of me. I had heard those words countless times before, and I did believe him…but
they meant something more today.

“I know, Dad. I love you too…and I’m
sorry.” I couldn’t finish my statement. But he knew.

“I am too baby, and I’m sorry he broke
your heart.”

I swallowed hard, “And I’m sorry I
didn’t listen.”

Silence.

“I love you, sugar. We’ll fix this when
we get home. I’m glad you’ve had this time to think, and take a break from
school. Your mom just sent you another email with pictures. She picked you up a
little something today at an outdoor market, too. We’ll see you next week. Take
care of yourself, and tell Briggs we say hello, ok?”

“Okay. Tell mom I love her, too.”

“Will do. Bye, Charlie.”

“Bye, Dad.”

I laid the phone onto the sofa next to
me, pulling my plate onto my lap.

“They’re doing well?” Briggs asked.

“Yeah…he sounds really happy. I’m glad
they went,” I said, still deep in thought.

“They miss you.”
 
It wasn’t a question.

“I miss them, too. I just wish…” I
shook my head.

“What?” he asked.

I looked up at him, sitting across from
me on the loveseat.

I smiled, “Ya know, what? I think we’ve
met our quota on heavy conversations today…don’t you?”

He stared at me as if deciding if he
would let it go, ultimately he did.

“Well, then, what do you have in mind
for today, Uno?” he asked.

Uno
?

I laughed as he pointed to my arm.

“Nice,” I laughed, “Maybe something that
doesn’t take a lot of skill or energy—or two hands.”

We each took some bites of our
sandwiches, thinking.

“Well, since you already did laundry,”
he baited, scowling at me with mock-frustration, “I think that just leaves lazy
activities: TV, reading, one-handed charades?”

I laughed. “Perfect.”

“Sounds like an excellent Sunday
afternoon to me, too.”

Briggs

I’d never put a lot of stock into the
word
happy,
until recently.

It had seemed so fleeting, so
temporary, so overused.

But this week had changed that; this
week had given me a regard for all things
happy
.

Happy
was in every minute I spent with Charlie, no matter if we
were driving to work, laughing over Chinese food, or telling scary stories by
the fire pit in her back yard.
Happy
was in her looks, in her texts, in her voice and in her laugh.

Happy,
I discovered, was simply doing life with Charlie.

By Friday afternoon, my thoughts were
consumed with telling her how I felt. With this being my last weekend staying at
her house, I knew I couldn’t wait one more day. By next week things would be
different. There would be distractions, schedule changes, responsibilities, but
I hoped none of those things would change
us
once she knew how I felt about her.

“Dude…you know you’re walking around here
like a smitten puppy, right?” Kai asked, dragging a soapy sponge across the
front of the fire engine.

I shrugged and smiled. Denial was
pointless.

“So what’s your plan?” he asked.

“What do you mean?”

“What are you going to do about it?”

I looked at him, “You mean like…how am
I going to tell her?”

He stopped washing and stood upright.

“No, not how you’re going to tell
her
…how are you going to tell
him
? What’s your plan with Chief?”

It wasn’t like I had forgotten about
that tiny detail exactly, but Charlie’s dad had not been at the forefront of my
mind as of late. He was not present in my head for the conversation that had
been on repeat since being struck with Cupid’s arrow.

Kai’s question had just thrown cold
water in my face.
 

I frowned, “I suppose you have a
thought or two about it.”

“Listen, I can tell you really like
her—I like her, too. She seems really great Briggs, and I’ve never known you
to…feel this way about any woman-”

“’Cause she’s not just
any
woman, Kai…” I snapped.

He smiled, putting his hand on my
shoulder. “Hey, I know that, and I also know you, remember? I get what it means
for you to want to take this next step.”

I felt the tension in my shoulders
relax. Kai moved to stand directly in front of me.

“I think that you need to sit down with
Chief and talk to him first, before you make any commitments to Charlie.”

“Kai…it’s not like I’m going to propose
to her tonight!” I said louder than I needed to. I looked over my shoulder to
make sure no one had overheard me—particularly a strawberry-blonde who was just
on the other side of the wall we stood in front of.

“No, but if you want to pursue
something with her…you better feel pretty darn sure that’s where it’s headed.
Chief’s not going to let his only daughter get hurt again by any man—not even you.”

I stared at Kai. He had a point.

“How did you know…about Alex?” I hated
that he had a name. I hoped I’d never have to see the face that went with it.
He’d hate it even more though if I did.

“Mrs. Julie talked to Tori about it a
couple of months ago.”

“Oh.” I nodded.

“So, you’re suggesting I ask him if I
can date her?” I clarified.

“I’m suggesting you tell him how you
feel about her and make your intentions clear to him,” Kai said.

I felt sick.

In just a matter of seconds, my
excitement about asking Charlie to dinner so I could tell her how I felt had
just become much more complicated. The chief knew me—he’d seen the changes in
my life as much as Kai had over this last year, but Charlie was
his
daughter,
his
only child.

“When is he back again?” Kai asked.

“Tuesday.”

Kai nodded, going back to the sudsy
bucket of water.

“Tuesday it is then,” he said.

I swallowed hard, “Tuesday it is.”

**********

At five, I met Charlie in Chief’s
office. She had just finished the last of the filing. I looked around the
room,
it was impressive what she had accomplished. We always
worked to keep the station clean, but there was something extra that Charlie
had brought to this space. Besides her fruity candles and her disposable coffee
cups (I didn’t understand why she was so set on those), she just made the
place…better.

Just
like she makes me.

I smiled as I watched her turn and grab
her purse.

“How’s day two of no ace wrap?” I
asked.

“Fantastic! That thing was really
getting hard to accessorize. Not much goes with stretchy brown bandage material—who
knew?” She bent her wrist back and forth slowly.

I reached out and took it in my hand.

It’s so teeny.

Charlie was petite, no doubt. But the
fragility of her wrist in my hand sent a shiver down my spine. I rubbed my
thumb over the bone lightly, assessing it. An unexpected thought flashed
through my mind then.

I
couldn’t live with myself if I ever hurt this woman
.

She was talking, but I didn’t catch it.

“What?”

She gently pulled her arm back, “I said
I’m excited to play the piano later today. I can’t believe it’s been a week. A
whole week! The longest I’ve ever gone without playing was three days, and that
was because I had to get my appendix out.”

We walked out to my truck together,
passing several guys in the dining hall.

“Do you two want to stay for the Thai
food delivery? It should be here in about ten minutes!” Andy called out to us.

I glanced at Charlie, she shook her
head.

“Nah, we’re good. Thanks!” I yelled
back.

With that, we were on our way.

The anticipation of an evening spent
with Charlie grew rapidly with each second that passed. I thought about my
conversation with Kai again on the drive home. Though he was most likely right
about how I should handle it with Chief, I would still say
something
to her tonight. I wouldn’t make any promises or
commitments yet, but one thing was for certain: This night would not pass
without Charlie hearing what she meant to me.