All The Little Moments (38 page)

Anna was confused about the last one. “I thought you said Lane wouldn’t be questioned, due to
the allegations?”

“At first I thought that would be best, but she would most likely be called by the other side anyway, so I thought it would be a
good idea.”

“What
about Kym?”

“She will be called as well, to testify that there is no relationship between the two of you beyond friendship.” He shifted in his seat, hand rubbing at the back of his neck. “And I have to ask again, I’m sorry, there definitely isn’t,
is there?”

Anna gave a small laugh. “No, there’s not. Kym is just
a friend.”

“Okay.
Sorry again.”

Scott let her know how the trial would run. It would be in more of an office setting, he said. The case was working as almost a “State versus Anna” situation, as it wasn’t Cathy personally prosecuting her, but the state’s child services following up on complaints. Nevertheless, Cathy would
be there.

Anna clenched
her jaw.

There would only be a judge, but no jury and no media or people able to sit in. Witnesses would sit out in the hall until called. Anna breathed easier at this. It sounded a lot less scary than the TV courtroom drama she had
been imagining.

“Will Ella be called?” It was something that had been nagging at her; she didn’t want Ella to go
through that.

Scott shook his head. “No. We try and avoid putting kids out there like that. The school counsellor will speak, and hopefully the testimonies will be enough. Under certain circumstances, the judge will ask to have the child be called, but hopefully not in
this case.”

He said he’d have her in again tomorrow to go over the questions he’d ask, and then, all of a sudden, Anna was back outside, blinking in the daylight. She called her mother, keeping the
conversation brief.

The most important thing she said was, “Tell them I’m doing everything I can to be with them. And I think about them all the time. And I’m—tell Ella I’m looking forward
to pancakes.”

Then she went back to work, to finish up
her day.

Anna didn’t see Lane again, and Kym was in some kind of psych emergency on the fourth floor, meaning Anna couldn’t rant at her. On the plus side, it meant she couldn’t give Anna the stink eye every time she
walked past.

Because, damn, Kym could give a good
stink eye.

Sandra called just after six with an update on Ella
and Toby.

“They’re…they’re
okay, Anna.”

Anna sucked in a breath. “Why the
hesitation, Mum?”

Sandra sighed. “Ella is quiet. Toby was ecstatic to see me, but then very clingy. He cried when they took him back. Ella clung to my pants leg so tight I thought they wouldn’t be able to take
her away.”

Leaning against the wall, Anna closed her eyes and dropped her head back against it. “But they’re safe? Did you meet the
foster parents?”

“They’re safe, and well, and they’re looked after. There’s some policy, I didn’t meet them. Ella said they were ‘okay’, though. I told them what you told me to, that you’re doing everything you can to have them back
with you.”

“Did Ella
believe you?”

“Of course.” Her mother’s voice
was high.

“Mum?”

“She
believed it.”

Anna balled her hand into a
fist. “Mum.”

Her mother sighed. “She…she asked why you didn’t have your own kids before this, if you’d ever wanted them. I think she’s been thinking
too much.”

Anna felt ill. “What did
you say?!”

“I’m not new to childhood questions. I told her you didn’t have kids yet because you didn’t know you wanted any until you
had them.”

Anna let a breath out. “Did she believe that, at least? Mum—” Anna’s voice cracked. “I need Ella to know how much I want
them back.”

“She believed
that, honey.”

“What else did
you do?”

Toby had been incredibly attached, and even Ella had spent the entire time leaning against Sandra’s side. They’d read books, and Sandra had made sure to cuddle them nonstop and to ask, without scaring Ella, as much as she could about how they were being looked after. Anna soaked in every word, closing her eyes and trying to picture the kids. When she got off the phone with her mother, she
felt hollow.

At least they
were okay.

As she was leaving for the day, come eight o’clock, she again went to turn down the hallway to the day care—out of habit—never mind the late hour, and never mind that the kids weren’t
with her.

With a heavy sigh, Anna hooked her bag back onto her shoulder and headed home, the car ride a blur as she turned up the music to try to drown out the silence. In spite of herself, her eyes kept flickering from the road to Toby’s car seat in the
rear-view mirror.

Anna suddenly took a U-turn, back to
the hospital.

She couldn’t do it. She couldn’t go home and sit in an empty house, to eventually cave and have a cigarette. The rooms were suffocating as she passed the time waiting until she was tired enough to try to sleep. Coiled tension filled her body. Anna didn’t know what to do about anything, and the painful truth was there wasn’t anything she could do. She was completely hopeless, dependent on a system that had caused the problem in the
first place.

She gritted her teeth, fingers gripping the steering wheel hard enough to turn her
knuckles white.

She needed to work out what to say
to Lane.

Back at the hospital, Anna walked through the entrance, itching to enter an operating room and do something constructive, to put her brain to use and to not have time to think about Ella and Toby or Lane. She was walking down towards the elevator, eyes on the ground, lost in thought. When she looked up, she saw Lane and Tess a few metres ahead, with their backs to her, about to walk into the
same elevator.

Anna’s stomach clenched. Tess, biting into an apple, was walking just
behind Lane.

Kym suddenly stepped into Anna’s field of vision, making it impossible to see Lane’s face as she walked into the elevator, until Kym grabbed Tess by the back of the shirt, pulling her backwards and out of the elevator. Tess let out a muffled “Hey!” around the apple in
her mouth.

With her other hand, Kym reached forward, wrapped her fingers around Anna’s wrist and yanked her forward, letting go as Anna’s momentum carried her towards the door. Finally, Kym gave the small of her back a shove, hissing “Fix this!” as
she passed.

Anna suddenly found herself standing in the elevator, wide eyed, as Lane turned to look at her
in surprise.

Glancing out the door, Anna saw Kym still gripping a pissed-off-looking Tess’s uniform top as the doors started to close. With an overly cheerful wave,
Kym grinned.

Terrified, Anna turned back to Lane and they stared at
each other.

“Hey.” Anna finally
said, lamely.

“Hey.”

Anna licked her lips, which were suddenly dry, opening her mouth to say something, then closing
it again.

Lane gave her a small smile that did not reach her eyes. “It’s okay, Anna. Kym gets excited. You don’t have to
say anything.”

Anna took in a heavy breath and hit the emergency stop button, heart hammering in her chest. She barely knew what
to say.

Confusion etched over
Lane’s features.

“I-I am so,
sorry, Lane.”

“Don’t, Anna, you don’t need to be.
I understand.”

A foot of space was all that was between them as Anna took another small step. “I am. I’m so sorry. I…” She flicked her eyes up to the ceiling before looking back to Lane.
“I panicked.”

Crossing her arms in front of her, Lane nodded. She took a small step backwards. “I know. I get it. I would have done the
same thing.”

Anna matched Lane’s backward step with one going forward, trying to sort out her
words. “I—”

“Actually, no.” Lane’s tone was still soft. “I wouldn’t have. It’s not what I would
have done.”

Dread settled over her. Lane wouldn’t forgive her. Maybe she did see it as Anna abandoning her, rather than Anna desperately clutching at something that would help her keep the kids, even if it was the
wrong thing.

Voice hoarse, Lane continued, “
I
 
wouldn’t have done it. But,” she sighed, “I understand why
 
you
 
did, Anna.” As if trying to protect herself, Lane’s arms tightened around
her middle.

Anna cursed herself, and Cathy, for Lane’s protective stance. What if she’d broken what they had between
them permanently?

“I…I panicked. I’ve had it pointed out to me that I call things wrong, sometimes.”

Questioning eyes met her own as Lane finally looked up from
the floor.

“I…Lane…” Her voice cracked. “Can you forgive that? I was…God, I’m still so scared I’m not going to get
them back.”

“You…you want me to
forgive that?”

Anna closed her eyes. She’d pushed Lane too far. Despite knowing it was wrong, she had really hoped Lane would understand where she was coming from enough to forgive what she’d done. Gentle hands cupped her cheeks. Anna’s eyes opened, swallowing heavily when she saw Lane’s face inches from
her own.

“Are you asking, because you want this back? Or…” Lane bit her lip. “or because, you want forgiveness so you don’t
feel guilty?”

Resting her hands over Lane’s, Anna shook her head. “I want this back, Lane. I can’t…I can’t breathe without you. Everything’s been
so hard.”

“I thought you were
just apologising.”

“I was, but also…I don’t want to do this without you.” Anna leant forward, hesitating a second with her lips hovering over Lane’s before pressing a kiss to her lips. She melted into it, relishing the feel of Lane under her after days of turmoil. Slowly, she pulled back and rested her forehead against Lane’s. “I need to have them back. I can’t be without them. But, God, Lane, I can’t be without
you, either.”

“Are you saying what I think you’re saying? Because if you aren’t, and I’m wrong, I need to know now, because I can’t take you walking away from
me again.”

“I am. Saying what you think I’m saying,
I mean.”

The smile that could always make Anna melt slowly spread over
Lane’s lips.

“Good,” Lane murmured. “Just…don’t panic
again, okay?”

There was a fragility to her tone that made guilt flare up in Anna’s chest. She shook her head.
“I won’t.”

Meeting Anna halfway in a kiss this time, Lane tightened her grip. Their lips moved slowly, Anna’s tense muscles relaxing slightly. Their movements were soft, gentle, not at all the frenzied kissing Anna had imagined this could lead to; it was better. When they parted, both gripped each other, fingers digging
into skin.

Foreheads pressed together, Anna’s voice was a whisper. “I’m so scared they’re going to take them
for good.”

“I know. But we aren’t going to let
that happen.”

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

“You’re thinking.”

The words came out of nowhere, surprising Anna. She blinked rapidly and turned, looking over her shoulder at Lane. “How do you know that? You’re being
big spoon.”

Warm skin enveloped Anna as she rolled over in Lane’s arms, laying face to face with her on
the pillow.

Lane pushed Anna’s hair back behind her ears. “You’re the loudest thinker
I know.”

“Sorry.”

“You don’t need to
be sorry.”

“Then why do you look
so worried?”

Lane’s brow furrowed, and she shook her head, burying her face in Anna’s neck.
“I don’t.”

This time, Anna wrapped her arms around Lane, feeling Lane’s lips graze
her neck.

“You do. And now
you’re hiding.”

A sigh was
Lane’s answer.

“Please don’t feel like you can’t talk
to me.”

Soft, tight curls brushed Anna’s chin as Lane shook
her head.

Anna couldn’t even really blame her. The decision she’d felt obliged to make was going to take some time to make up for. Wanting to be able to see Lane, Anna rolled over so Lane was on top of her. Black eyes met her gaze as she stared seriously at Lane, waiting for her
to speak.

“It’s not that I feel like I
 
can’t
. I just…” She buried her face deeper against Anna’s neck. “You disappeared. And I get why, I do. But you started to shut down in the morning, and then when you paged me, I…I honestly didn’t even expect you to do it.” Voice a whisper, Lane looked back at her. “It was such a shock. And now you’re thinking. Loudly. And
what if…”

The sentence didn’t need to be finished for Anna to understand it. Kicking herself, she ran her fingers through Lane’s hair, even as she felt tears on her neck. Finally, Lane drew in a quiet, shuddering breath. “And then, in the elevator, I thought you were just, I don’t know, making peace. Even though part of me was kind of waiting for you. To come back. I…I kind of expected it to be when you had the kids back and things
had settled.”

Anna gently cupped Lane’s cheeks and tilted her head up, Lane’s tear-filled eyes meeting her own. “You mean more to me
than that.”

A tear fell down
Lane’s cheek.

Anna wanted to fix it all. She knew there wasn’t a lot she could say, but it wasn’t going to stop her from trying. “I know why you would feel like that. And I don’t blame you if you don’t believe everything I’m saying. But just…I just hope you know that what I did had absolutely nothing to do with you, or us, and everything to do with the kids, and
my panic.”

When Lane nodded, still looking uncertain, Anna was gripped with guilt. Tangling her fingers in Lane’s hair, Anna kissed her, tongue running over her lip. The taste of salt mingled with her guilt, and Anna only pulled back when she couldn’t taste
it anymore.

Lane leant her head on her hand, elbow digging into the mattress near Anna’s head. She splayed the other hand over Anna’s shoulder, fingers brushing her skin, gaze intense. She was looking at her as if she was a puzzle
to solve.

“It was so frustrating, because I knew why you were doing what you were doing. But I didn’t know how to fight for you in those circumstances. All I could think to do was to honour what you wanted, even though not being with you felt
so wrong.”

The skin of Lane’s hand was soft under Anna’s fingertips as she stroked it. “If it helps at all…I was a mess. I just…it tore me apart. And then my mother and Kym not so kindly pointed out to me that I’m
an idiot.”

“So I should call your mum and
say ‘thanks’?”

“The last voicemail from her ended with, ‘Are you back with Lane yet? You better be,
young lady!’”

A chuckle from Lane made
Anna smile.

“So you found me because of threats from Kym
and Sandra?”

Anna could hear genuine concern behind the playful tone; she bit her lip at the insecurity Lane was feeling, especially since she knew the effect Alex had had with her lies and her
distant behaviour.

With one smooth motion, Anna rolled them over, settling between Lane’s legs. She looked at Lane, head cocked, expression serious. “Yes, Kym pushed me into that elevator. And yes, I needed Mum and Kym to snap me out of the haze I was in. But I said it all because I meant it. Because I was a mess without you. Because I need you with me, by my side, if I’m going to get through this. I turned around on my drive home to get you.” One firm kiss, and Anna looked at Lane
intently. “Okay?”

Lane gave a
nod. “Okay.”

Despite her words, Anna knew that it was going to be a while before Lane trusted that she wouldn’t run again; Anna
could wait.

Lane suddenly grinned, cheeky, relaxing slightly. “And you missed the sex,
didn’t you?”

“That was about eighty per cent of
the reason.”

Anna ran her lips slowly over Lane’s collarbone, between her breasts and against her stomach, taking her time. Slowly, she worked Lane into a frenzy and showed her as best she could what she couldn’t put
into words.

Just having her back, Anna felt
so lucky.

And she’d make sure Lane felt that, every day if she
had to.

They woke up slowly. Anna had the day off to prepare for the trial and Lane called in sick despite the loud protests of
her coordinator.

A small laugh escaped Lane as she hung up, and she looked up as Anna carried in two steaming mugs of coffee. The sheets were warm as she slipped back in and handed a coffee over
to Lane.

“What’s funny?”

“He sighed and said, ‘I suppose you need tomorrow
off, too?’”

Anna smirked. “What did
you say?”

“I said, ‘Yeah, or I could just call in sick again.’ The entire hospital is
behind you.”

Anna sipped her coffee, looking at Lane over the rim.
“Thank you.”

Blowing on her cup, Lane gave her a questioning look.
“What for?”

“For being here, for coming. For spending the day with me so I don’t
go crazy.”

“Thank you for
letting me.”

They smiled tentatively at
each other.

“McDermott made me have today off,
you know.”

“He did?”

Anna nodded. “I told him I’d need the afternoon to see the lawyer, and he told me to have the whole day. It’s nice and all, but at the time I was freaking out, because it meant too much time not
doing anything.”

“Now?”

“Now, I have you to keep
me calm.”

The kiss Lane gave her was soft, reassuring, and she settled back against the headboard with a warm glow in her chest. “So what’s your plan
for today?”

Anna gave a small shrug. “Scott’s this afternoon. Maybe see my mum beforehand. Try not to think too much. And…” Anna looked up almost shyly from her coffee, “hang
with you.”

“We can definitely
do that.”

Anna drained the last of her mug, putting it on the bedside table and settling down on her back, head in
Lane’s lap.

Silence fell over them as Lane sipped at her coffee, her fingertips running gently over Anna’s stomach and hips. Anna stared up at the ceiling, comfortable, though her thoughts were starting to wander to the
trial tomorrow.

“Lane,” Anna’s voice was low. “what if I don’t get them
back tomorrow?”

Soft fingers ran over Anna’s stomach as Lane kissed her cheek. “Then we fight our asses off to have them back to you at
the trial.”

“It’s been so long since I’ve seen them. I just, I hadn’t even realised, in a way, just how much I need them—just how much they’re a part of my
life now.”

Lane brushed Anna’s hair off her forehead, her hand soothing as it stroked along the strands.
“I know.”

“I spent the first few weeks on the verge of calling Mum every night to come over so I could
just run.”

Without judgment, Lane
watched her.

“What if I’d caved one of those nights and done that? They could use it
against me.”

“I don’t think your mum would have told them. God, my cousin did that once with her two kids. I think that’s something a lot of people have done. It’s okay that you wanted to run sometimes,
you know.”

“I miss them.
So much.”

Lane leant forward and kissed her forehead.
“Me too.”

Their hands linked over
Anna’s stomach.

“Plus side?”

“Mm?”

“You look hot as all hell lying on the bed with no shirt on
like that.”

Anna
even laughed.

They took their time that morning, mostly chatting idly, taking a long shower, and slowly trying to be at ease with each other again. The slight barrier between them had unsettled them both and it just made Anna even more resolved to break
it down.

Lane went with Anna to her mother’s. Sandra wrapped Lane in a hug but said nothing else when she answered the door to find them both standing there. Unable to stop the grin that overtook her face, she cupped Lane’s cheeks a moment and then dragged them in to sit down for tea
and coffee.

Anna was almost unable to hold it together when Sandra, lips pressed tight together, handed her art from Ella. There were four paintings in all, showing Anna, Ella, and Toby doing different things. Sandra was in a few of them, and so were Jake and Sally, on a cloud. Quickly, Anna handed them over to Lane. The last painting caused a lump in
her throat.

As Lane looked at the picture, her own eyes glittered. Painted sitting around a very odd looking table were Ella and Toby eating dinner, with who could only be Kym, Lane, and Anna all
around them.

“She wanted me to give you all of these. The teacher asked the kids in her class to paint their family.” Sandra held out one more. “And this one is
from Toby.”

A bitter feeling of sadness rushed through her as she took the paper. It was a bright orange smear, and Anna could only imagine how much paint had ended up
covering him.

“Thanks, Mum.”

“They really are okay, Anna. I know how you feel, though. I wouldn’t have felt better hearing you say it. It was seeing them
that helped.”

Anna grasped Lane’s fingers where they were squeezing her knee. This ordeal had left her exhausted. Having Lane back, even though it had only been a few days that they were apart, was making a huge difference. But the only thing that was really going to quell this ache in her chest, this constant stress, was having Ella and Toby back under
her roof.

Just before two, Lane and Anna went out for a late lunch before the meeting with Scott, mostly in need of a distraction. Feeling slightly bad that their reunion was tainted with all of their focus on the next day’s trial, Anna pressed in close to Lane at the booth, seeking contact. They ate quietly, sharing the odd exchange of words and
soft looks.

“Nervous?” Lane peered at Anna over her
coffee cup.

“I don’t want to be. Scott’s trying to prepare me for what to
expect tomorrow.”

“That’s what this afternoon’s meeting
is for?”

“Yeah.”

Lane put her cup down and gently lifted Anna’s chin up with her hand. Instead of resisting, Anna met her
soft look.

“It’s going to go fine.” Anna wanted to believe her. “Anyone with a brain can see you are what is best for those kids. It
 
sucks
 that
this had to happen, but we are going to get them back
to you.”