All Who Dream (Letting Go) (38 page)

What a strange
feeling to walk inside my house.

Though the
place was familiar, it was unmistakably absent of that homey feeling.

Waiting
for us in the living room, Rosie rushed at me as I dropped my purse onto a side
table.

“You look
so good!” she yelled.

“You look
good, too, Rose. I missed you.” My voice cracked briefly. She pulled away from
our hug to inspect me—like I had a glob of chocolate syrup on my face.

I hadn’t
told her.

I
couldn’t tell her. Not on the phone.

Her eyes
went from being a focused beam of joy to a dismal understanding—apparently this
was my new effect on people. My lip trembled as I turned away to keep Cody from
seeing tears splash down my cheeks.

“Cody,
can you go check the trunk for your mama—make sure she got everything?” Rosie
asked.

“Si!”
Cody called.

She
laughed. “Gracias,
chico
.”

The
second he was gone, she pulled me into the bathroom.

I sat on
the side of the tub and brought my hands to my face. She shut the door behind
her quietly.

“Oh
no…no, no, no,” she murmured over and over.

I nodded,
grabbing a wad of toilet paper and blowing my nose. I’d managed to hold my
tears in all day. Evidently the holding tank had reached its limit.

“It’s not
over,” she said defiantly as she put her hand on her hip.

“It is,
Rose. He’s fighting to stay at his company; he doesn’t want me.”

“No, this
is not how the story ends.”

I rolled
my eyes, thinking if she only knew the kind of ending Jackson was capable of
writing, she would have a different opinion.

“Sorry
Rose. Not everyone gets a happy ending.”

She
pushed my shoulder back, almost knocking me off balance and into the tub.

“You do.”

I smiled
weakly as she pulled me in for another hug.

I spent the evening catching up with Cody, snuggling with
him on the couch. I finally made him go to bed when his head bobbed for the
tenth time or so. Grudgingly, he turned off his light and went to sleep. I shut
down the house and made my way back to my bedroom. Apparently, Briggs had left
my suitcases and garment bags on top of my bed.

I glanced
at the clock. It was almost eleven, which meant it felt like midnight to my
body. I knew myself too well though. I would not want to spend tomorrow
unpacking and organizing. Better just to rip the
band-aid
off now.

I
unlocked and unzipped the larger of the two suitcases and then stood
back…blinking.

There was
a wrapped, light blue box in the center of my suitcase with a card attached. I
bit my lip and shifted my weight back and forth on my feet as a thousand
questions filled my mind—the most obvious being,
who had done this?

My
options were limited at best:

1. Walt

2. An
airplane bomber with a master luggage key

3. A
magical fairy

I deduced
it was the first, although I approached the box as if it were indeed a nicely
packaged bomb that lay in wait for me and not a gift. My fingers shook as they
held the
box,
the shiny paper was miraculously without
a wrinkle as I began the process of unwrapping it. I didn’t want to read the
card first, somehow I knew whatever words awaited me there would be more
painful than the contents of this box.

“Oh
my gosh
…” I gasped. The lid held a familiar logo, one I’d
only seen in magazines or on TV.
Or in New York City.

As I
lifted the lid to peek inside the box a sob broke from my chest.

My necklace.

No, not
my old, frail, faded pendant and chain.
A
new
one—or rather, an exquisitely
expensive replica of the old.
One that hadn’t been
weathered with time or tears.

I sank
down to the floor near my bed and laid my head against the comforter, opening
the box again to stare at the most beautiful piece of jewelry I’d ever
seen—much less been given. I touched the cool silver charm of angel wings
surrounded by a heart encrusted with diamonds, and let the sobs roll out until
I was short of breath.

I stared
at the unopened note, afraid to read the message attached to such an exquisite
gift.

Several
minutes passed until I was brave enough to pick it up.
 

I opened
the envelope and pulled out a card. Jackson’s handwriting was yet another kick
to the gut. My breathing faltered as I read his words.

Angela,

I wanted to give this to you in person, but
I made Walt do it for me instead. I just couldn’t do it. I couldn’t watch you
leave…and I knew I couldn’t beg for you to stay either.

I realize I owe you more than a “five nice
things list” for not showing up to the airport to see you off properly, but
perhaps this gift can help me make a plea bargain?

I know this necklace can never replace the
one you lost—or the memories that were attached to it, but I hope it will bring
you many new ones.
Happy ones.
When your Grandpa first
gave your Granny that necklace all those years ago, I’m sure he wanted to
protect her, to give her a Guardian Angel that would watch over her when he
couldn’t be there for her…

But the angel I know is not found inside a
necklace.

She’s not a pendant made from gold or
silver. She’s as real as her name depicts. Her beauty is as matchless as her
heart.

I’m convinced she is my angel, and I miss
her something terrible.

I need you, Ang.

Jackson.

P.S. Don’t give up on me yet.

I don’t
know how long I sat on the floor thinking about Jackson, or when I finally gave
in to the pull of sleep, but I woke up with a new revelation and a warm feeling
in my chest.

When I
was a young girl I believed that romantic love had the power to save. I saw it
as the great remedy, the one cure that could fix all wounds and mend all
hearts. But I didn’t believe that anymore.

Sometimes
love was not all we needed.

Sometimes
it didn’t cure our hurts.

Sometimes
it wasn’t the eraser of our mistakes.

Love is
instead, the bridge that leads the broken to grace, hope, and redemption. Love
is the greatest amplifier that God ever gave to us. Our strengths are made
stronger with it, and our faults are shown mercy because of it.

As much
as I wanted to be with Jackson, to hold his hand, and kiss his lips…I knew
my
love could not heal him. I could no
sooner make him fly than I could reach into his soul and make him forgive
himself. He had to do it on his own. I knew all about recovery, and Jackson
needed to recover from his guilt more than I needed him to love me.

If
Jackson needed distance, then I could give him that.

After
all, I’d already given him my heart.

I opened
my phone and sent him a text:

Thank you for the necklace. It’s the most
stunning gift I’ve ever been given.

P.S. I won’t give up on you, Jackson.

“
You ready babe?” I called out.

“Yep!
Uncle B’s coming tonight, too!” Cody yelled back from
his room. I filled his water bottle as he put his cleats on. He was so excited
about tonight’s game. And I was happy to watch him play.

 
I’d just finished my book revisions for Sally
last night. She would be proud of my efforts. During the last two weeks, I’d
stayed up late in order to get them finished since my hours at the flower shop
had picked up. Editing had served as a great way to cope with my now quiet
evenings. Crazy to think I’d been more than fine with the quiet prior to
NYC—prior to Jackson Ross.

I hadn’t
heard from him in several days. We’d texted brief exchanges back and forth
almost daily since I’d been home, but I was careful not to initiate. I wanted
him to take the lead. He knew where I stood. I’d already poured out my heart to
him in the middle of Central Park.

If there
was a next move for us, it would be in
his
timing, and knowing Jackson the way I did…it could be a very, very long wait.

 
“I’ll be in the car, mom!” Cody called as he
ran out the door, leaving me with all the soccer loot.

Nice. Thanks.

I
followed Cody out the door, trying to balance a duffle bag, mini-cooler, and
water bottle and purse, all while locking the deadbolt behind me.

 
“I need to ask Santa for octopus arms for
Christmas!” I yelled out to no one.

I heard a
deep, familiar chuckle come from somewhere behind me. I froze in place.

I closed
my eyes.

 
“I only have two arms to offer—but they’re
yours if you want them.”

I turned
around slowly, tears already blurring my vision.

 
“Jackson.” The word was like a sweet prayer on
my lips.

In that
instant, while watching him take my porch steps two at a time and unburdening
my arms, my life came full-circle. The man of my dreams had finally replaced
the man of my nightmares.

He
wrapped his arms around me and nuzzled his face into the crook of my neck as
Cody whooped and hollered somewhere nearby.

 
“You surprised, Mom? I told you I could keep a
secret, Jackson!” Cody yelled.

My laugh
was giddy, elated even. Jackson’s smile was huge as he waved Cody over to the
steps. He hugged my son close.

 
“You did a great job, buddy. Remind me to tell
your Uncle B thanks, too, okay?”

Cody gave
Jackson a high-five. “You bet…but we should get going so I don’t have to run
laps.” He ran to Jackson’s black, shiny rental car.

 
“You’re staying for his game?” I asked,
hopeful.

 
“I’m staying,” he said, his eyes intense with
meaning.

My heart
soared at the infinite possibilities hidden within those two words. He leaned
down and scooped up my son’s soccer paraphernalia as I followed after him.

I leaned
into Jackson’s shoulder as Cody ran toward his teammates, my heart racing with
unbelief. I inhaled, taking in a whiff of his aftershave and cologne—the one
that smelled of mint and ocean and cedar.

Jackson
laughed. “Did you just smell me?”

I looked
up at him. “Sorry, I’m still not sure you’re really here.”

He
glanced over at the field where the practice drills had begun and pulled me toward
a large oak tree. As he put his hands on my face his gaze dropped to the necklace
I was wearing for the first time. His fingers trailed over my collarbone and
lifted the pendant, staring at it for several seconds before fixing his gaze on
my eyes once more.

 
“I’m in love with you, Angela Flores.”

A tiny
laugh escaped me at the bluntness of his confession. But as he put a finger to
my lips I no longer felt like laughing. I stared at his face, his eyes, his
lips…

 
“I thought about something you said at the
lake—it was like an anthem in my head every day that I wasn’t with you. You know
what it was?”

I shook
my head, my lips desiring his kiss more and more with each passing second.

 
“You said
,
you didn’t
have time to grow bitter, not when you had someone to love. Remember that?”

I nodded
again, dumbfounded at his memory.

 
“And I remember so much more than that, Ang.”

He moved
his finger across my lips and dipped his head, claiming my mouth with his own.
Even when I tasted the salt of my tears mingling with our lips he was not
deterred.

“How long
are you here?” I whispered, finding my footing as he laced our fingers
together.

 
“I told you, Ang. I’m staying—as long as
you’ll let me that
is
.”

 
“That might be a really long time,” I said
smiling.

 
“Deal.”

 
“You’re so beautiful, Angie,” he said,
watching me walk across the living room after tucking Cody into bed.

A slow
blush crept into my cheeks as he reached his hand out for mine. His mouth
curved into a slow smile, and I debated with myself when the last time was that
I had felt such infectious joy.

His eyes
held steady as he spoke. “I took your advice.”

 
“What advice was that?” I asked.

Jackson
lifted my hand to his lips and kissed it. “When the board meeting came down to
my vote…I realized I’d been fighting for the wrong thing for far too long. I
resigned that day. I’m choosing to move on, and I told Stewart that before I
voted him in.” He shifted in his seat. “I don’t want to be the man I’ve been
anymore, Ang.”

My heart
pounded in response to him. “Then who do you want to be?”

 
“The guy who gets the girl
in the end.”

I squished
closer to him on the sofa, wrapping my arms around his neck. “You already have
her.”

He
nuzzled his lips into the sensitive spot beneath my ear. “But I don’t deserve
her.”

 
“If we based God’s goodness
to us on what we deserved, then how would any of us ever know happiness, or
love?”

His lips
found mine, kissing me with such tender passion, my scalp tingled.

Pulling
away gently, his breath fluttered across my mouth. “I don’t plan on being
anywhere that you’re not. I hope that works for you and Cody.”