Allie's War Season Four (156 page)

The pain didn’t feel like separation. Not exactly, anyway.

“Did Yumi hurt you?” I said finally. “Did you ask her to?”

He shook his head, clicking again.

“No.” Hesitating, he shrugged with one hand, looking up at me. “Ullysa,” he said. “I asked her. Well...” He grunted a little. “...I hired her, really. She didn’t want money for it, but I insisted...” He trailed, as if feeling something off my light.

I felt him looking at me again, in the dark.

“Allie,” he said, his voice cautious that time. “She didn’t touch me.”

When I still didn’t speak, he exhaled again, his voice bordering on frustrated.

“I was totally closed down,” he said. “I could feel
you
closing down, especially after you went on that walk with Kali. I couldn’t feel you at all after that. It scared me. So I talked to Yumi, and when that didn’t help, I asked Ullysa. She’d done it for me before, back in Seattle, so I knew she could do it, without holding back...”

When I still hadn’t moved, I felt him watching me again.

“Allie,” he said, softer. He shifted to his side again, moving closer to me on the bed. “I did it for you. For us...for Lily. We can’t keep doing this...circling one another like this. It’s bad enough when I’m doing it. But you’re doing it now, too. I thought maybe this would help...that I could help you with it, if I could just open up more myself...”

He reached for my hand again.

But something about that was too much.

It finally snapped me out of wherever my mind had gone, too.

I didn’t want him to touch me.

I don’t know if I pulled away or I recoiled. Either way, I moved, and I felt him flinch. Feeling him staring at me then, his breathing coming faster in the dark even though I still couldn’t see him, I slid backwards on the bed, again moving before my mind really caught up with my light or my thoughts or anything he’d said. I don’t know if I was thinking about anything at all at that point.

That pain in my chest throbbed now. It hurt, blinding me to everything else.

I didn’t really know I’d gotten up, that I’d gotten out of bed and moved towards the door, until he was standing in front of me again, blocking my way.

I looked up at him then, and I could see his eyes again, glowing in the dark. I heard him saying words, but I couldn’t really make sense of any of them. He held my arm briefly, but I did something, pushed him maybe...I honestly don’t know.

I just know I got past him somehow, and then I was punching in the code.

I only remember for sure one thing I said to him.

At some point, in waiting for them to open the door, to let me out of there, I felt the need to warn him. I don’t know if I was worried I would hurt him, exactly...I don’t think I was thinking clearly enough to have that specific thought, not then...but some part of me apparently felt the need to warn him anyway.

So I looked at him, when I heard them opening the door from outside.

I remember him standing there, his shirt open, silent, his eyes still glowing faintly in the dark. I remember he was breathing hard, staring at me, and I could feel fear on him, maybe something more than fear, although my mind couldn’t make sense of that, either.

“You shouldn’t follow me,” I told him. “Just let me go, Revik.”

When I left the room, a few seconds later, he still hadn’t moved, hadn’t spoken.

Well, not that I could hear him speak.

I DON’T KNOW how I got upstairs. I wasn’t wearing shoes.

I remember someone grabbing my arm, pulling me into the common room. I think it was Wreg, or maybe Jon...they’d been talking to me, about Kali, about Uye maybe, too. I know at some point, I looked up and saw Jon staring at me, full-fledged worry on his face, and Wreg stood next to him. Neither one of them was speaking at that point, so maybe it was the silence that finally snapped me out of wherever my brain had gone, versus their actual words.

“Allie,” Jon said then, gripping my arm tighter. “God, Allie. What happened? What’s wrong with you?”

The room seemed to lurch back into focus from his words.

The sound came back on, somewhere in those few seconds.

I realized it was loud where we were, and I winced at the noise. I felt conspicuous suddenly, standing in a room filled with people, their words echoing hollowly inside a metal room that suddenly felt both too big and too small at the same time. I saw Jon’s hazel, light-filled eyes staring into my face.

I heard his thoughts to Wreg then, even as Wreg got closer to me on the other side.

She looks like she’s in shock,
Jon was saying.
What the fuck happened?

I don’t know brother...it’s definitely shock, though. Her light. I’ve seen this on seers before. Usually when they lose family, or friends...someone they love dies...

Is this about her parents?
Jon’s thoughts grew angry.
Those fucking seers from today? Aren’t they with Tarsi somewhere?

I’m calling Nenz...
Wreg muttered back, his thoughts holding a dense thread of worry, too.

Something about that snapped me out again though.

I looked at Wreg, meeting his obsidian black eyes.

“No.” I shook my head, once. “No. Don’t call him.”

Wreg blinked at me, his eyes holding an open surprise. I saw him look at Jon then, who gave him a nearly helpless look, holding up his hands.

Do I call him anyway?
Wreg muttered into Jon’s mind.

I called Balidor. He said they can’t let Revik out of the tank, anyway. Two hour limit. We’d have to route him up here through a comm, and I don’t see that helping much right now, do you? Not if she can’t feel his light...

Two hour limit?
Wreg stared at Jon.
He’s been back here for fucking hours. Did he leave again?

I guess so,
Jon sent, sounding confused.
Balidor didn’t say where he was...he just said he had the full two hours again. Do you think this is about him? Revik?

Wreg frowned.

Then he looked back over one of his muscular shoulders, giving a swift but somehow slow-feeling look at one of the metal and plastic booths bolted to the deck floor against the far bulkhead. Following his gaze, almost without knowing I did it, I saw a group of seers sitting there. Only one of them was watching the three of us.

Green eyes, pale with violet rings around the edges of his irises.

I glimpsed his face, the long, dark hair where he sat on the far side of Jorag, across from Jax and Neela and Mika, some of whom I realized had only just returned with Loki’s group. I saw Neela look at me, too. Maybe she felt my stare after another second or so ticked by. I winced at the concern I saw bloom on her oval face as she did a double-take, her eyes widening.

When Wreg looked back at me, what must have been only a second or two later, I saw him wince as he realized I’d followed the direction of his stare. He caught hold of my arm then in his thick, muscular fingers. I followed mutely, letting him and Jon lead me further away from that booth, until I stood on the other side of the mess hall with the two of them.

Mess hall.

My brain found things to hold onto in that understanding.

Like the fact that we now stood next to an espresso maker someone had installed after we left Canada, supposedly for me and Jon. It was meant to be a joke of sorts, but yeah, Jon and I both used it, just about every day. A lot of the other seers used it, too.

My mind restructured around that, too, finding my own location in the map I carried around in my light, of the basic layout of the ship. Officer’s areas. Not far from the CIC. We were in the smaller cafeteria, the one for the infiltrators, mainly the senior ones, and those who actually ran things here. So Adhipan. Wreg. Me and Revik...

I flinched again, closing my eyes.

Wreg gripped me tighter in his hand.

“Princess,” he said. He pulled me closer to him, so that his mouth was by my ear. “I’ll call Yumi,” he murmured to me. “Is that all right? Can I call her?”

I tried to think about that, too.

But I couldn’t imagine talking to anyone right then. I really just wanted to go to sleep.

I thought about asking Jon and Wreg if I could crash in their room, then remembered they’d only just come out of their honeymoon with one another...they were newlyweds. They didn’t want someone crashing in their bed.

“Allie, it’s okay,” Jon said. “It’s fine...”

He was holding my other arm now, and worry leaked into his voice, making me flinch again.

“...You can sleep in our room,” Jon added, looking at Wreg. “It’s fine. Isn’t it? We’re both totally good with that, Allie...”

“Of course, princess,” Wreg said, stroking my hair back from my face. “You can stay with us. For as long as you want. It is no trouble at all...”

I shook my head, though, trying to extricate myself from both of them.

I could feel their light around me, suffocating me now.

They wanted to help, I could feel that they wanted to help, but I felt the rest of it, too, the wanting to put me somewhere, to manage me, to call Revik and Yumi and whoever else. I could feel them calling Balidor in the background, talking to Yumi, to Chandre, to Tarsi...

I felt Kali in that somewhere, and winced again, grimacing that time.

“No,” I said. My voice came out forceful, loud, even to my own ears. “No,” I said again, shaking my head. “Please. Just leave me alone...I’ll go up on the deck.”

“Allie,” Jon said, at a loss. “No. You can’t go up there. You’ll freeze...”

She can’t sleep right now, either,
Wreg murmured to him.
It’s not a good idea, brother. Balidor says she could go into the stasis, and we can’t afford that right now...if she goes somewhere where we can’t find her and falls asleep...

I understand...we can try and keep her here.
Jon sent, frowning at me, his hazel eyes shining in the oddly green organic lights.
Where the hell is Balidor? Is he bringing that seer with him? Kali? Or the other one?

I don’t know. They’re coming though...him and Tarsi and Yumi at least...

I shook my head, shutting my eyes against the voices swirling around me.

Jon caught hold of me with both of his hands. He gripped me, harder when I closed my eyes. When I refused to open them, he shook me a little, making my stomach lurch more, my head go loose on my neck.

“Allie!” he said, his voice sharp. “Allie! You need to stay here. Don’t go to sleep, okay? Wreg says you can’t go unconscious right now...it’s not good for you...”

I hadn’t realized I’d been trying to leave until he stopped me. I fought to get free of him, to get free of both of them, but Jon only tightened his hold on me.

“Allie,” he said. “We need you to stay here, okay?”

“No,” I said, shaking my head. I pushed at him. I wanted to go up on the deck. I wanted to look at the water, get away from all of the voices, but I knew they’d only follow me.

“Yes,” Jon said, his voice firm. “Stay here, okay? Please, Al. Please.”

He sounded nearly in tears.

I tried to pull away a third time, and he yanked me closer to him, away from the door.