Allie's War Season Four (46 page)

Jon opened his mouth to speak, but before he could, Balidor interrupted him.

“He’s right,” the Adhipan leader said.

Jon swiveled his gaze, staring at Balidor in disbelief when he saw anger in his eyes, too.

“This needs to stop, Jon. Now,” Balidor advised, his voice an open warning. He gave Revik an equally hard look. “We’ve indulged both of you long enough. It wasn’t your fault, either of you.” His eyes swiveled back to Jon’s. “And you, Jon. You need to stop hiding behind this self-blame to avoid feeling any of it.”

“Hiding?” Jon burst out, incredulous.

“Yeah,” Yumi snapped. “Hiding!”

Jon turned to look at her.

He froze once he had, shocked to see tears in her eyes, too.

She wiped them angrily off her tattooed face, clenching her jaw before she glared at him. “Wreg’s right. None of us blame you, Jon,” Yumi said, her voice hoarse. “And you might
think
you’re taking it out on yourself...but you’re taking it out on all of
us,
too.”

Jon looked around at the row of faces, feeling suddenly surrounded.

He jumped violently when fingers touched his from behind and turned.

Allie stood there.

She’d released Aunt Carol, and now she stood there, smiling at him almost shyly.

Staring at her, Jon felt a pain hit his chest so hard it buckled his knees.

“Gods. Allie.”

He didn’t move as she took his hand in hers, and suddenly, he could feel wisps of her light, all around him. He felt more than he’d let himself feel the whole time they’d been in San Francisco...more than he’d let in, even after the four of them had been tied together. He felt Maygar there, too, and Revik...but he felt Allie’s light almost stronger than the other three. She was still there. She hadn’t left, as much as it felt like she had.

“Allie...gods.” He choked on the words. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m so sorry...”

He fought to say more, unable to see her as he clenched her hand in both of his. She gripped him back, but he couldn’t see her face anymore.

He couldn’t see anything.

“I’m so sorry, Al. I’m so fucking sorry...”

He just stood there, and for a long moment, no one spoke.

The whole lobby seemed to have fallen into the same hush, and Jon wanted to scream past it, to scream past all of them maybe, anything to break that quiet...but he couldn’t do that, either. He stood there, halfway between Revik and Jaden, holding Allie’s fingers in his, feeling all of those eyes on him, and he felt trapped. It was as if they’d shone a high-powered flashlight on him, and he could only stand there, being weighed by all of them.

The next thing he knew, Revik stood beside him, too.

Before Jon could say anything, or even back away, the Elaerian’s arms wrapped around Jon, so strong they cut his breath. Then Revik was crushing Jon against his chest, nearly hurting him, even as he rocked him against his longer body. Words entered Jon’s mind, but it took Jon a few seconds to realize those came from Revik, too. The seer spoke quietly into his mind, sending warmth, what felt like an apology. The words penetrated more slowly, and when they did, they pulled at him, a low, lulling thread, almost a song.

They’re right, brother. They’re right. Listen to them...they’re all right. I’ve been wrong in this. You’ve been wrong, too. But they’re right.

I’m sorry...
Jon began.

There’s no reason to be sorry,
Revik assured him, gripping him tighter in his arms.
I love you, Jon. You’re my family and I love you...and I’m sorry I let you take the blame for this. It wasn’t your fault. It was never your fault.

Jon couldn’t think, couldn’t speak.

He felt himself fighting their words still, wanting to hold onto the other for some reason, maybe because it at least made sense to him.

Blaming himself, swearing to himself he would never do anything like that again, that he’d never let it happen again, at least gave him
something
to hold on to, something that he could wrap his mind around.

Something he could control...or pretend to control, at least.

Instead, Jon just stood there, shaking his head.

Even as he did, the warmth from Revik’s light penetrated his, inexorable, inescapable. Jon felt Allie in that, too, and squeezed his eyes shut. A sob left his throat, before he could stop it. He gripped Revik with his free hand, not letting go of Allie’s with his other. He cried into the other man’s chest, feeling suddenly like he was about ten years old. Feeling seventeen again, when they told him his father was dying. Feeling lost like that, like he had nothing to hold on to ever again, like his whole world had fallen silently apart at his feet.

Like they’d left him. Like he’d been left, over and over, time without end.

We’ll never let them near you again,
Revik promised him softly, still sending that heat into his light.
We’ll never let them near you again, Jon. I promise I won’t.

Jon could only nod, feeling that pain in his chest worsen as he fought out another breath. He gripped Revik tighter, clenching a fist in the other man’s shirt, even as he felt hands on his back and shoulders, and realized in a kind of shock it was the others. Yumi put her hand on him, and Jorag. Wreg held him, too, and when Jon looked at him, he saw tears in the man’s dark eyes, but something that looked almost like relief, too.

Even Balidor stood there, his light wrapped into the light of the other seers who huddled around Jon in a protective circle, shielding him from the rest of the room.

For a long moment, no one standing around him moved, or spoke a word.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, Jon found himself aware that Allie still held his hand.

He could almost feel her smiling.

He didn’t turn his head to look.

14

TALK

“I NEED TO talk to you.”

The voice seemed to come out of nowhere, for the third time that day.

Jon stiffened, recognizing it before the actual words reached his mind. He turned, feeling his skin flush all the way from his ears to his toes, pretty much the instant he met the other man’s gaze.

“Now?” Jon said, nearly muttering the words.

Shoving his hands in his pockets, he glanced around at the crowded conference room. Even though only a handful of them had moved upstairs after the big meet and greet downstairs, it still felt like wall-to-wall people, especially in front of the giant monitors which blared the feeds.

Jon had managed to step away from the rush of welcoming seers long enough to grab a shower and change out of the combat gear and into jeans and a long shirt, but none of them had really
stopped
since they’d arrived at the hotel, what must be three hours ago now.

To say it had been strange to go back into his old room, the one he’d shared with Dorje once upon a time, and rummage through his old street clothes, would be an understatement in the extreme. Still, ever since they’d done that ‘intervention’ or whatever in the lobby, Jon hadn’t been letting his mind or his light go there really.

He couldn’t even decide if he felt better, exactly.

Mostly, he still felt confused.

Up here, in this room with all of the high-ranked seers and humans from the hotel and San Francisco, Jon still couldn’t decide if the gathering was some kind of pow-wow, meeting type thing or a big party for everyone who had returned from San Francisco.

So far, it felt like some combination of both.

He’d tried to take the opportunity to talk to a few of the humans at least, starting with Dante, who’d changed so much in the intervening months Jon barely recognized her. She’d shorn her hair down into uneven, dark chunks, dropped what looked like twenty pounds in weight, and seemed to both understand and speak seer sign language now...as well as curse in both Prexci and Mandarin. She fit right in with all the hacker-type tech seers, too, so much so, Jon found it almost eerie, and felt more like an outsider than any of them. Her clothes practically hung off her and she still had a teenager’s slouch, but Jon saw her throwing taunts back and forth with Anale and Vikram, who she continually called ‘the Vik-man,’ and even saw her punch Deklan affectionately in the arm when the seer teased her about some private joke.

All in all, she seemed so well assimilated that Jon felt pretty superfluous.

Still, he could tell Dante had been pleased to see him. She’d even given him an awkward, one-armed hug, turning bright red the instant she released him.

She’d definitely done the best out of the humans, in terms of learning to fit in.

Jon spent some time talking to his Aunt Carol and Uncle James, who came upstairs, too. Both of them still hovered protectively over Allie, at least until Revik disappeared with her, about an hour earlier. Jon’s aunt and uncle left, too, not long after, but not before Uncle James shook Jon’s hand and Aunt Carol squeezed him in another tight bear hug.

Jon talked to Frankie, too, along with Angeline, Sasquatch, a few of Allie’s artist friends from school and his cousins Kara, Michelle and Marco. Jon even approached Jaden a second time, although he hadn’t managed to get much out of him apart from a few angry glares and mutters. Jaden disappeared shortly after Allie and Revik did, as well, Jon noticed, but not before he’d lapsed into kind of a sullen silence, sitting on a chair at one edge of the room and staring fixedly at Allie.

Jon didn’t read him to confirm it, but he distinctly got the impression that Jaden saw Allie as drugged and somehow under Revik’s control, maybe even brainwashed.

Jon hadn’t noticed Tina hanging around in any of the groupings that took place since their arrival, either. Tina, Jaden’s girlfriend––at least, the last Jon knew, she’d been Jaden’s girlfriend––had been conspicuously absent since they arrived at the hotel. Jon hadn’t wanted to probe too deeply into whatever
that
situation might be, but he couldn’t help wondering. If Jaden was back on some kick with Allie again, it was only going to cause problems all around.

Well, assuming it didn’t get him killed outright.

Given how sensitive Revik seemed to be around Allie right now, even more so than the last time they’d been here (which was saying a
lot
, really), Jon didn’t like Jaden’s chances if he tried to go all stalker on Allie anytime soon.

That being said, Jon knew Revik was embarrassed that he’d lost his cool in front of Aunt Carol and Uncle James. Jon highly suspected that he was mortified, in fact, and not only because both of them looked pretty shocked, whatever they might think of Jaden himself.

“Brother?”

Jon turned, realizing he’d let his mind and eyes wander again. Reddening a second time, he shoved his hands deeper into his pockets, clearing his throat.

“Sorry,” he said. “I was just thinking I’m not sure I should leave.”

“Why?”

Jon shrugged, but still couldn’t hold that dark stare. “You know.” He gestured lamely around the room. “...That whole ‘command’ thing.”

Wreg’s hands went to his hips, gripping them with a little more force than usual. He stared at Jon for a moment, as if thinking. Long enough for Jon to shift his weight on his feet, even as he let his eyes once more scan faces around the room. A few of the seers looked away from him quickly after catching his gaze, and Jon found himself thinking that they all knew Wreg stood next to him, even if they didn’t look directly at the tattooed seer’s face or body.