Almost Mine (23 page)

I was stunned; appalled, actually. Instantly I felt nauseous again. He was not only suggesting that I was being abused by my gentle giant of a husband, but he was trying to honey coat it as if he and I were comrades against a monster. And to hear him saying such
unentitled things such as that, as if he had any right to feel the need to “protect me fiercely”. Had he taken it upon himself to play the role of the town saviour to all damsels? How
dare
he?

It took me a moment to formulate a dignified, ladylike response that didn’t include profanity or my throwing my hot tea in his face.

‘That’s very slanderous and incredibly bold of you to say in my kitchen, Blake, and I think that this is definitely an issue that deserves Nick’s input. I think that he’d be very interested to know that one of his employees thinks that he beats his wife. In fact,’ I slid from the tall stool and walked to the kitchen window that faced the main road, ‘I think that’s his Jeep I can see coming up the driveway. Maybe we should all have breakfast together and we can hash this out.’

He gave me a wink before he stepped out. ‘If that’s how you want to play it, Mrs Mathieson. You should let him know that if he puts his hands on you again, I will be putting my hands on him.’ He closed the door before I could respond.

‘Are you ok?’ Nick asked. He seemed bothered as he kicked his Colorados off at the door.

I was finally enjoying my tea and toast now that I had been left in peace by too-big-for-his-boots Blake. ‘Of course. Why?’

He kissed the crown of my head as he came around the counter. ‘Just making sure.’

‘So, how was your morning?’ I asked after I’d given Nick my second piece of toast.

He sat upon the stool beside me. ‘All of the papers are signed with Taylor’s so the ball will start rolling ASAP.’

I reached my hand out to him and wiped a stray crumb from his smiling mouth. ‘You’re pretty excited about this aren’t you?’

‘Aren’t you?’

‘Absolutely.’

‘I’m finally building a future for us, from start to finish. I can’t think of anything better than creating a livelihood that protects the wellbeing and security of the only person that I have ever loved.’

A demure grin teased the corner of my mouth. ‘Are you sweet-talking me, Mr Mathieson?’

Without making any attempt to move toward me he took a bite of his toast. ‘Sweet-talking you? No. It is my life’s ambition to give you everything that you have never had, but that you have always wanted.’

The long intense look he gave me stole my voice.

‘But if its sweet-talking that you want,’ he said as he reached for the lapel of my robe as it had fallen open slightly, ‘I’ll say anything to get but a peek of what is hidden under this.’

‘You need only to ask.’

He pulled my stool across the timber floor so that we were face to face. His warm hands pressed against my bare chest as he opened my robe further, brushing them over my clavicle and around the nape of my neck. Hypnotised by the way he seductively lowered his mouth toward mine, my eyes lolled in anticipation of his heavenly, imminent kiss.

‘Perhaps later I will ask you to do all sorts of things,’ he murmured. His hot breath did things to me that I thought I would never have the pleasure of experiencing. It’s remarkable what you can feel once you just let everything go. It’s remarkable what another
person is capable of once you give them a chance. How could one person have such a profound, tangible effect on another? Nick and his ability to love me would never cease to amaze me.

But the kiss never came and I was left sitting impotent on my stool as he stood and rinsed his plate as if he had not just flicked a switch of craving in my head. I needed him here and now.

‘Ah, Nick,’ I said to get him to turn to me. ‘I think we need to go upstairs.’

Hiding a grin he consulted his watch. ‘I don’t have the time.’

Not this again. He was not going to pretend that he didn’t have time for me like he did yesterday morning. It wasn’t funny this time.

I stepped up to him and allowed my robe to fall open. ‘That excuse will never fly with me anymore. You’ll need to be a little more creative than that.’

He revised. ‘Would you believe that I’m just not turned on at the moment?’

I opened the button on his jeans and he allowed me to investigate for myself. I kissed his neck, along his jawline and the corner of his mouth as I made sure that my conclusion was accurate. ‘Not for a second.’

I kissed him because he was still busy playing hard to get to just give in. ‘After all of these years that you’ve been thinking only of me, perhaps the time has come for me to worship you.’

At last he kissed me, albeit slowly, and his arms around me pulled me close. The kiss turned from teasingly playful to if-we-don’t-get-to-the-bedroom-in-one-second-flat-the-kitchen-counter-will-get-an-arse-polish, and just as he succumbed to my persuasive, seductive tongue, my stomach churned and bile burned under my diaphragm. My hand, that was still tucked into his jeans as the mid-morning delight intensified, suddenly found his chest and pushed him back. I raced to the sink and retched, and thanks to the nausea that threatened to overcome my body again, the moment that had me weak at my knees a second ago vanished as if it had never happened.

I eyed Nick who was leaning on the back on the counter looking pretty impressed with himself. ‘Why are you laughing?!’

He shrugged as his smile grew wider, lighting up his entire handsome face.

‘I wouldn’t be so impressed with yourself if I were you,’ I smirked. ‘I was feeling ok until I kissed you.’ I sashayed out of the kitchen and up the stairs.

‘Rest up, baby,’ Nick followed me out and called from the bottom of the stairs. ‘Round two million will be a marathon. I think that we have some celebrating to do.’

I leaned over the railing at the landing. ‘You’re not coming up?’

‘I would love to, but I have a rogue employee to deal with.’

‘Oh, Nick. He’s harmless.’

‘Right now he’s harmless enough but—’

‘I’m ok. You don’t have to worry about me all of the time.’

He rolled his eyes in exasperation.

‘Alright, worry about me, but at least do it when it’s warranted. I let him know how it is, so we shouldn’t have any unannounced visits again.’

‘He’d better hope not.’

‘Now that that’s settled, so, coming up then?’

‘I’ve already missed most of the morning. But tonight, I’m all yours.’

‘I think I’m going to be sick again, anyway.’

He beamed up at me. ‘Good.’

‘Get out of here,’ I huffed, but I didn’t have a chance to say anything more than that because bile crept up my throat again and I had to run.

I snuggled back into our bed and pulled the covers to my chin. I agreed that maybe there really was some celebrating to be done, but, for the first time, I didn’t know who was more excited about the possible pregnancy, me or Nick. I was beginning to understand what Ma Lily had said to me at the cemetery that morning: the love you want is not the love that you need. To see him this morning, breaking ever so slightly before my eyes, tore at my heart; I’d never felt so…engulfed. I didn’t know what this feeling was deep inside my core was, even though I’d felt it since the night of my panic attack when it had rushed over me like a tidal wave. It was as if my entire body needed to save him, to prevent the fall. Did I love him that much; was I capable of that? Of course I did; every ounce of me had one sole purpose, and it had nothing to do with
wanting
a baby. I remembered when he’d described to me why he loved me, and finally I understood it. I smiled when he smiled, and when he was down I wanted to bring hell down on whatever had caused it. His happiness overtook my need to fulfil my own. I wanted a family; I needed Nick.

Did I even really want a baby that badly? I lay thinking that perhaps I never really did. What I wanted more than anything was to make up for my cowardly actions. I wanted to undo the consequences that possessed me in my past. Redemption. I didn’t know if I would ever have it, and as I thought about it Ma Lily’s words circled around me.

It wasn’t until this morning that I’d recognised the requisite need in Nick’s eyes for me to be pregnant, to affirm his masculinity, to resurrect his manhood, to keep me by his side…perhaps. I knew the look, the desperation, but I finally understood that there was a huge difference between the two expressions that I’d watched in the mirror month after month, and that I’d witnessed earlier on my husband; I knew that I’d be loved either way. His love for me was dependant on nothing; whereas, I was sure that Nick believed that our marriage hinged on whether or not he could give me what I’d signed up for.

My body shuddered with sadness and fear despite the fact that I was cocooned in a cosy feathery quilt that smelled of my husband. Nick Mathieson was my entire world, and as I tried to sleep in an effort to subdue the need to throw up again, I decided that I’d make it my life’s mission to assure him beyond doubt that he was enough for me, family or not. But I also knew that if he was in a mindset that paralleled my lowly stupor of the past couple of years, I would have to fight a hard fight to pull him out.

I woke at one o’clock and rushed down stairs to get lunch started, but as I went into the kitchen I saw that lunch had already been prepared, and eaten, judging by the stacked plates in the sink and the rinsed glasses that stood like soldiers on the drying rack. What a gem my husband was.

I plucked Nick’s cord jacket from the coat stand next to the side door and shrugged into it. I needed some fresh air, and I’d realised that I hadn’t seen my dad for a few days. It was time for a visit.

I found Nick in the cellar conversing with Kevin about what still needed to be done for the rest of the overcast afternoon.

‘Feeling better?’ he asked as I approached them.

‘Nothing a little fresh air won’t fix.’ Kevin seemed to be uncomfortable in my presence as he shifted from foot to foot. ‘Are you alright?’ I asked him.

‘I’m sorry about this morning,’ he said.

I was confused. ‘What about this morning?’

‘I need to keep a closer eye on things while Nick’s not here.’

‘Oh, please. Is this about Blake? I’m not as fragile as you’re led to believe.’ I knocked Nick with my shoulder. ‘There’s no need for such an overreaction.’

‘I’m still sorry.’

I rolled my eyes. ‘Anyway, I’m going to go for a walk. I thought that I’d give Dad a visit.’

Nick’s hand went to my belly before he could stop himself and I eyed Kevin who courteously looked away. I knew that he’d witnessed the intimate moment. ‘That’s quite far. Please be careful. And don’t overdo it.’

On my toes I kissed his cheek. ‘One of these days you’re going to learn to relax.’

‘Not as long as my job is to protect you.’

‘Bye Kevin.’

He nodded once. ‘Mrs Mathieson.’

Dad was sitting on the back porch as a sliver of sun that the clouds had generously let through shone down on him. He held a cigarette in one hand and a bottle of beer in the other. Without a word from either of us I sat next to him and leaned my head on his shoulder. I closed my eyes and allowed my face to soak up the warmth from the sun.

Finally he spoke.