Alpha Girl (10 page)

‘But I want to live
here
, in this town,’ I said tapping my finger on the tabletop. ‘I have a part-time job, and friends at school-’

‘We understand that it’s inconvenient,’ said my mother. ‘But as you know your … condition has put a lot of strain on our marriage, and we feel it’s for the best.’

‘So it’s
my
fault?’ I asked.

‘No, sweetheart. It’s not your fault. You know that.’

‘If I could get better, I would,’ I said angrily. ‘You think I like this? You think I … I like what I become?’

‘No, of course not,’ my mother said quickly. ‘But maybe it will be easier for us to handle your condition if your father and I take it in turns to-’

‘No!’ I said, standing up, tears stinging my eyes. ‘I want to stay
here
!’

I didn’t give my parents a chance to respond. I stormed from the room and marched down the hallway towards my bedroom where I slammed the door angrily several times. Tears now streaming down my face, I flopped face-first into my pillow and sobbed for a good half-an-hour.

I wasn’t crying because my family was being torn apart, I was crying because I was going to be uprooted from my hometown, just when things seemed to be getting better.

I cried for several hours, until my eyes were red and puffy.  Eventually, I fell asleep.

Saturday – 11 days to go

When I awoke in the early hours of Saturday morning I was confused as to why I was still wearing shoes, and clo
thes. It took several minutes for the previous evening to return to my memory.

Bleary eyed, I dug around in my pockets for my cell-phone, to check the time. Instead my hand closed around the piece of paper Mr. Stone had given me the previous evening. I unfolded it and stared at the digits.

I didn’t hesitate. I found my phone and instantly saved his number to my contact list under ‘S’ for Stone.

Would he mind if I called him? After all, he’d said I could if I needed to talk. But was it too soon?

I stared at his name on my phone for several minutes before deciding against it.

It was nine o’clock in the morning, so I got up and poured myself some cereal in the kitchen. My father’s car was gone, which meant my mother was still home, as they rarely went anywhere together anymore. 

I was right; I heard the toilet flush and my mother emerged wearing only her silk dressing gown.

‘Morning sweetheart,’ she said, running a hand through her disheveled hair.

I ignored her and stuffed a spoonful of cereal into my mouth, leaning against the kitchen counter.

‘I’m sorry about last night,’ she continued, standing a few feet away from me.

I paused halfway through another mouthful. ‘You’re sorry?’ I asked, disbelievingly.

‘Yes, of course.’

‘That’s all you have to say to me?’ I said with raised eyebrows.

‘What do you want me to say, Rose? You know we haven’t been happy for a long while.’

‘Since my attack,’ I interrupted.

My mother pursed her lips. ‘Don’t make this about you,’ she said.

‘I didn’t,’ I said. ‘
You
did.’

‘Rose, your father and I wish to go our separate ways.
Lots of couples get divorced. It’s not uncommon. These things happen.’

‘I don’t want to leave Halfway,’ I said. ‘It’s safe here. It’s
quiet
.’

‘You’ll be safe in the city with me,’ said my mother. ‘I’ll take care of your condition.’

‘Like you took care of me when I was twelve? That day you and dad stayed out the whole night and forgot that I was sick?’

She didn’t like it when I talked about that. They’d apologized countless times for their carelessness. But I couldn’t forget.

I’d woken up in the woods, only twelve years old, completely naked with no recollection of the night before. My fever had taken me during the night.

‘I’ll never let that happen again,’ my mother said.

‘You can’t promise that,’ I said. ‘All you think about is yourself.’

‘One time!’ she yelled angrily. ‘I wasn’t there
one time
!’

‘That’s all it takes,’ I said, my nostrils flaring angrily. ‘One mistake. I will not move to the city. There are too many people. Too much going on-’

‘Fine,’ my mother snapped. ‘Stay here then. See if I care.’ And with that she stormed from the room.

‘Oh, really mature!’ I yelled after her. ‘Just walk away.’

It was Saturday, and as usual I had no plans. No one ever asked to see me. I was surprised, however, when Estelle sent me a text-message that morning.

Party tonight, kiddo. I’ll pick you up at eight.

Estelle was probably the only person I could tolerate, but I still couldn’t imagine myself hanging out with her away from work, let alone at a party. I sent a polite message back.

Uh, not really my thing, Estelle. Thanks, though.

After that, I went for a quick shower, got dressed, and plaited my hair. Checking my phone, I found that Estelle had left me another text

I wasn’t asking. See you at eight.

Would she really show up without warning? Not only that but Estelle was a lot older than me, and was sure to attend a party full of adults, with alcohol.

I bit down on my lip and thought carefully about it. After the argument with my mother I was feeling rebellious; she’d never allow me to go to an adult’s party with alcohol, but at that moment I didn’t care.

Fuck it
, I thought.
I’m going.
Perhaps the worry would snap my parents to their senses.

See you at eight
, I sent back to Estelle.

Dress older
, Estelle replied.

I was a ball of nerves by seven thirty. I did not do well in crowds, and had a tendency to be rude, or dislike almost everyone I met. I was not a social person. I was a different species.

My parents weren’t aware that I was going out; I’d been hiding in my room for the last hour while I got ready.

What did girls wear to parties?

I never wore makeup; I didn’t see the point, but I knew people liked to dress up when they attended these things.

Being a bit of a tomboy, my wardrobe was limited to t-shirts and jeans. However, I was a similar size to my mother so I decided to scour her wardrobe while she was in the living room.

I rifled through her dresses, which were plenty, until I came across one that wasn’t too revealing. It was red and stopped just above the knees. The neckline wasn’t too low-cut, and the sleeves came to the elbows. I refused point-blank to show my legs so I thieved a pair of black stockings and stuffed them into my pocket.

I didn’t own any cosmetics, so I also stole some foundation, mascara, and eyeliner. Feeling bold, I also took a stick of red lipstick. 

By eight o’clock I was ready, and extremely self-conscious. I felt ridiculous wearing the red dress and red lipstick. I’d attempted to do my hair, but it was so unruly, I left it as a wavy, disheveled mess.

At five past eight a horn sounded in the street, and I knew it was Estelle waiting for me. I took a deep breath and left my bedroom, clutching a tiny handbag my mother had bought me on a previous birthday.

I slipped out of my bedroom, and could hear the television blaring in the sitting room. I crept down the hallway with my shoes in my hand; they had a slight heel, and I didn’t want to be heard as I walked across the floorboards. To my surprise I reached the front door successfully and was able to pry it open without any noise.

Once outside I ran down the garden path to meet Estelle in her violently purple car.

‘Woah!’ Estelle looked me up and down as I jumped into the passenger seat.

‘What?’ I said a little defensively as put on the shoes I’d been carrying.

‘You look
hot
,’ she said approvingly. ‘Red suits you.’

‘Uh … thanks,’ I said, tucking my hair behind my ears. ‘Do I look older?’ I asked.

‘At least eighteen,’ she said with a wink.

‘So, um, where is this party?’

‘It’s at a friends house,’ said Estelle, putting her car into gear and pulling away from my house.

I was extremely nervous. ‘I’ve never been to a party before.’

‘Never?’ Estelle asked, raising one of her penciled eyebrows.

‘Well, once when I was ten, I went to a party at chuck-e-cheese because my mother made me. It didn’t go so well.’

‘Hon, that’s not a real party.’

I shrugged. ‘It’s something.’

Estelle laughed. ‘I can tell you don’t go out much. That’s why I decided to bring you along.’

‘Are you sure it’s okay that I attend?’

‘Yeah! There will be heaps of cool people there.’

‘I’ll be younger than everyone,’ I said. Estelle was twenty-five, so I assumed her friends would be a similar age.

Estelle laughed. ‘Maybe in physical years, but not mentality.’

‘What’s that supposed to mean?’ I asked.

‘You don’t act like a normal seventeen year old girl,’ she said, glancing sideways at me. ‘And my friends certainly don’t act their age.’

‘Don’t leave me alone, okay? I won’t know anyone.’

Estelle gave me a knowing look. ‘I’ll introduce you to everyone.’

‘You won’t be drinking, right? I’ll be able to get home, won’t I?’

Estelle nodded. ‘I don’t drink and drive, sweetheart.’

Relieved, I leaned back in the passenger seat and allowed myself to be taken to the party.

When we arrived I knew at once that it was a bad idea. The music was loud, and many people were on the front porch, drinking and smoking. The smell of marijuana reached my nostrils; I recognized the smell from the girl’s bathroom at school. Sadie had been caught smoking it before.

‘Maybe this isn’t a good idea,’ I said, clutching my handbag and staring at the house.

Estelle squeezed my knee comfortingly. ‘Trust me, kiddo. Okay? You’re going to have a great time.’