Always A Bridesmaid (Left At the Altar) (15 page)

She laughed, as she was sure he had intended, and then sobered. "It doesn't matter now. I needed him to believe me when all he had was my word." How could she be with someone who didn't trust her? Didn't she deserve at least that much?

"I'll talk to Zach," Jonathan said. "I can make him understand."

"No please, don't do that. There's no point."

"Of course there's a point. You care for him, don't you?"

"It doesn't matter anymore. I'm hardly in Zach's league. No wonder Chantal didn't believe we were together."

"What on earth are you talking about?"

"Jonny, please. Do I have to spell it out for you? Zach is an extraordinarily handsome man. Beautiful women fall at his feet. Why would he choose someone like me over them? He'd never be happy with me."

"What are you saying? That you're not pretty enough for him? Don't be stupid."

"It's true! Pretty people stick together. It's a law of attraction, or something."

"And yet he chose you over Chantal."

"As a decoy, yes. Because there was no one else to do the job. I was simply convenient."

"Maybe, but I saw the way he kissed you. I saw you dancing together and the way he looked at you. That seemed pretty real to me."

It had felt real to her too, but in the end, it had been an illusion, a dream. She began to pace her small living room, feeling restless. She'd been feeling that way since she'd returned from Toronto.

"You don't know what it's like. I grew up with six handsome older brothers. My two best friends in the world are gorgeous. I've always felt like the ugly duckling."

Saying the words made her think of Chantal. She'd been an impossible standard of beauty to try to live up to. She'd always measured herself against Chantal's looks and had always come out on the losing end.

"Dani, you're no ugly duckling. You're a beautiful, vibrant woman, and one day some lucky man is going to walk into your life and be totally blown away by you. And he's going to love you for the same reason I do; because you're a beautiful person."

Even if someone as wonderful as Jonathan described walked into her life, would she feel the same way about him? Or would she compare every man she met for the rest of her life to Zach?

"Next you'll be telling me I have a great personality."

He clucked his tongue. "I didn't realize how shallow you are. Do you really put that much importance on how a person looks? Do you think so little of Zach that you believe he feels that way as well?"

"No! That's not what I meant."

"So you admit that maybe he could care for you, despite the fact you're not as skinny as a model?"

Was Jonathan right? Was she being shallow in thinking looks meant everything to Zach?

No, Chantal had been right. A girl as plain as she was wouldn't hold his interest for long.

"It doesn't matter anymore, Jonny. He's made his decision. He won't trust me when I tell him the truth, and I have just enough self-respect to know I can't be with someone who doesn't trust me."

"So it's over between you?"

Her throat closed. She squeezed her eyes shut to stop the useless tears. "Yes, it's over."
Before it really began.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart. I know you really cared for him."

"Yeah." She wiped away a tear from her cheek.

"Why don't you come to Toronto soon and stay with us? I've told Kevin all about you and he'd love to meet you. He's a fabulous cook and we've got an extra bedroom."

"I'd love to see you again and meet Kevin." Getting away sounded like a great idea. "When's good for you?"

"I'm off next weekend. Can you make it?"

"My social calendar is wide open. I can be there Friday night."

"Sounds great. We'll see you then."

They said their goodbyes. Dani gently set the receiver back on the cradle. Was she being truthful with Jonathan? Deep down, did she hope Zach would love her if she looked differently?

Was that why getting the breast reduction surgery was so important to her?

She'd hated her over-large breasts ever since they'd made their sudden appearance when she was fourteen. Boys had teased her relentlessly, and other girls laughed at her. As an adult, men leered at her. She had to wear extra support athletic bras, and when jogging she had to wear one bra one top of the other to keep from bouncing up and down like a kiddie castle. Finding clothes that fit properly was impossible without tailoring. Her chest was disproportionately large compared to the rest of her petite stature, giving her a lopsided appearance.

Would Zach look at her differently after the surgery? Would he think her more attractive?

She brushed the thought aside. She was doing this for herself, not for any man. Not even Zach.

She'd decided to have the surgery a long time ago. She'd been saving money for months, had researched the procedure for years. Before she'd made her final decision to have the breast reduction, she'd interviewed several surgeons in both Ottawa and Toronto. The date of the surgery had been finalized for February 14, weeks before she'd gone to Fiona's wedding last October and met Zach again.

The irony of the date almost made her laugh.

Even if Zach found her more attractive after the surgery, it was pointless. He'd already made it quite clear he was disappointed in her. And nothing could fix that.

Dani arrived at Union Station in Toronto around seven the following Friday evening. She'd had plenty of time during the four and a half hour train ride from Ottawa to think about her life and where she went from here. Nothing had really changed since her weekend with Zach. She was still the same person, with the same goals, and the same problems and strengths. Yet it felt as if everything was off kilter, as if the world had slid on its axis. She wouldn't be surprised if Ottawa suddenly experienced balmy tropical weather, even though it was late November.

After stepping off the train, she walked into the massive station. A moment later she spotted Jonathan and lifted her hand to wave. He smiled and came towards her, enveloping her in a hug when they met.

"It's so good to see you!" She rose onto tiptoes to kiss his cheek and instantly felt better, just seeing him again. His calming personality somehow made her believe everything was going to be okay. She imagined calmness was handy in his line of work.

He grabbed her bag. "My car's nearby. Kevin's waiting for us at the condo. He's really looking forward to meeting you. He's been cooking all week."

"I hope he hasn't gone to too much trouble."

Jonathan grinned. "Are you kidding? He's in his element. There's nothing Kevin likes better than feeding people. He loves having guests over."

"He sounds like fun."

"He is. If it were up to me I'd probably be a hermit on my days off, but Kevin makes sure I have a social life and actually interact with people."

She studied his smile. An aura of contentment surrounded him, a sense of peace that hadn't been there when she'd first met him. "He makes you happy. I like him already."

A wistful smile formed on his lips. "Yeah, he makes me very happy. Everything I went through with my parents was totally worth it to have him in my life."

She put her arm around his waist and hugged. "I'm so glad for you, Jonny."

He dropped a kiss on the top of her head. "Now all we have to do is find the perfect man for you."

"Good luck with that," she said and rolled her eyes.

He laughed. "Come on, let's go home."

Kevin greeted them at the door of the condo. He was dark where Jonathan was fair, slightly built where Jonathan was heavily muscled, ying to his yang. In contrast to Jonathan's extreme good looks, Kevin appeared ordinary. Only his striking brown eyes, fringed by thick, dark lashes, saved him from plainness.

He took Dani's hands. "I've heard so much about you, I feel I know you already."

"So do I. I'm happy to finally meet you."

"It's our absolute pleasure. Come on in, kick your shoes off and make yourself comfortable. The wine is chilling and hot hors d'oeuvres will be ready in about two minutes."

"Sounds wonderful." Dani felt the stress of the last few weeks seep from her body. Coming here had definitely been a good idea.

She took a seat on the leather sofa, slipping off her shoes and tucking her feet beneath her. Jonathan handed her a glass of white wine.

"Comfortable?"

Dani leaned her head against the buttery leather. "Very."

Kevin arrived with a plate of hors d'oeuvres and held them out to her. "These are all made with low-fat cheese and grilled vegetables instead of meat or other high fat ingredients." He gave her a rueful grin. "I've had issues with weight, too, so I've learned a few food tricks over the years."

"Really? You've had a weight problem?" Dani took the napkin Kevin handed to her and reached for an appetizer, a mushroom cap with an
au gratin
topping. "You don't look like you've been overweight a day in your life."

"Then looks are deceiving," he said with a laugh. "I've got the pictures to prove it." He sat next to Jonathan on the love seat opposite the sofa. "I was heavy as a kid and consequently I was bullied a lot. It was bad enough being fat, but being fat and gay made me a huge target. No pun intended."

She couldn't help but grin at Kevin's joke, even as she was horrified by what he'd been through. "I'm so sorry. I know what it's like to be teased mercilessly because of being fat, but I can't imagine how it must have been for you to be bullied because you liked boys instead of girls."

"There were times I thought about ending it all," he said quietly. Jonathan took his hand and he smiled at him. "Finally, when I was sixteen, my mother took me to a dietician who got me hooked on healthy eating and I started to lose weight. I joined Weight Watchers and a gym, and by the time I was nineteen, I was about the weight I am now. But that was only part of my battle."

"What do you mean?"

"I had to accept who I was and learn to love myself exactly the way I was. Once I did that, everything else fell into place."

Jonathan brought their entwined hands to his lips for a kiss. He smiled tenderly. "You're the one who taught me to accept myself. I've never been happier than I have these last few weeks with you."

Dani swallowed back tears. What they'd overcome to get to their happily ever after was truly remarkable. Seeing them together, she wondered if she could ever get to a place where she completely accepted the way she looked. If she did, would it bring her the kind of happiness and peace her friends now experienced, or would she forever be searching for the kind of fulfillment they had?

* * * *

Dani hadn't been home from Toronto an hour when she got a phone call from her brother Tony, Olivia's husband. She should have known Liv would eventually tell Tony about Zach.

He didn't bother to say hello. "Just tell me where this Zach character lives and me and the boys will have a little discussion with him about how he's treated our baby sister."

"Oh please. Don't go all Italian mucho-big-brother on me. I can take care of myself."

"Liv said you were crying. That doesn't sound like you're taking care of yourself."

"I got my heart broken, Tony. I had a little cry and I'm much better now. You don't have to fight my battles for me. I'm a big girl now."

"Dammit, Dani. I want to help. That's what big brothers are supposed to do. I want to make it all better."

"I know you do, and I love you for it. But there's nothing you can do."

She heard him sigh. "You're sure we can't rough up this Zach just a little? Make him see the error of his ways?"

"Absolutely not."

He sighed again. "Fine. But if he gives you any more trouble, call me."

"He's not going to give me any trouble."

"I mean it, Dani. If he bothers you, you call me. Or I'm telling Mom and Dad on you."

She couldn't help but laugh. "Very mature, Tony. What are you going to tell them?"

"Do you really want me to tell Mom you have a broken heart? She'll be on you like white on rice."

He had a point there. "True enough. I honestly don't expect to ever hear from Zach again, but I promise, if he bothers me in any way, I'll call you."

"Good." Tony sounded satisfied. "I've got to go. I love you."

"I love you, too."

"You're beautiful, you know that, don't you?"

Her throat closed. She squeezed her eyes shut to stop the tears. "Sure."

"Good. I'll see you."

"Bye."

Tony had always been over-protective where she was concerned. But she knew that whatever he did he did out of love.
The big lug.

But his phone call had illustrated one thing very clearly to her. She needed to stop moping and get back to her life.

Without Zach.

* * * *

Zach tapped his pen against his desk. "If you need any more information, don't hesitate to phone me again, Todd."

"I will. Right now I think I have everything I need to get started."

"Good." He'd hired Todd to design a new computer system for one of his clients. He had every confidence his friend could get the system up and running on time and on budget. "How's Fee?"

"She's great. She's totally occupied with renovations to our kitchen right now. I figure it should be done in six to eight weeks. If we're lucky, we'll have it paid for by our silver anniversary."

Zach chuckled. When Fiona started a job, she was totally absorbed until it was done. "Going all out, is she?"

"That's for sure. She wants a slick, modern kitchen like the one Jonny has in his condo. Of course, that was built new, whereas we'll have to retrofit a modern kitchen into a hundred year old house. Not an easy job. Oh hey, speaking of Jonny, did Dani tell you she came to visit him here in Toronto a couple of weeks ago?"

For a moment he couldn't breathe. Todd's casual comment had sucker punched right in the solar plexis, robbing him of breath and speech. He squeezed his eyes shut. His worst fears had come true. Dani and Jonny were together now.

"Zach, are you still there?"

He cleared his throat. "Yeah, I'm here. No, I didn't know Dani visited Jonny. We haven't spoken."