Always For You (Books 1-3) (13 page)

“
Fine,”
I nodded. “I'm fine.”

For once my lie was convincing. I
wasn't fine. I was far from it.

September
2
^nd
2013

Cain

I looked ridiculous.

I stood there looking in the mirror at
myself, a person staring back who I barely recognized. For the first
time in my life, I was wearing a suit. Yes, a suit. It felt so
constrictive, like I was being suffocated by a python.

“
Cain,
you look gorgeous. Seriously, it really suits you, excuse the pun.”
Emily giggled as she rearranged my tie. “You look like a model. I'm
being serious.”

A model. Why would I want to look like
a model. A bunch of preening pussies.

“
I'll
thank you for doing this later,” she continued. I knew what she was
talking about, it was the deal we had come to to get me into this
thing.

Things had been getting a little more
serious with Emily in the last couple of weeks, and I was taking yet
another step into foreign territory – meeting her mother. This
bloody woman was a therapist, God knows she'd have a field day with
me.

I wasn't nervous. I never got nervous.
But there was a building feeling inside me that I wasn't used to, an
apprehension about meeting this woman. I suppose I wanted to make a
good impression. For all my bravado, I was actually starting to quite
like Emily. I didn't want her mother to disapprove of me, I wanted
her to like me, to look at me and say “yes, you're good enough for
my daughter.” I knew I wasn't, of course, but I could at least
pretend to be for one dinner? Hence the suit.

I'd taken Emily to my flat by now. The
look in her eye when she saw it said it all really. I'd done my best
to clean it up, to make it presentable, but there was nothing I could
do about the building: the stained ceilings, the graffiti on the
walls, the loud music booming out from the flats below. It was a far
cry from the world Emily lived in.

She never seemed to complain though.
She'd wiped that look off her face straightaway and started lying
through her teeth. “Cain, it's nice. No seriously. I like it.”
She was sweet to say so, but I knew she wouldn't want to come back
there much.

We
were there now though, getting me suited up. We were going to look
ridiculous on my bike the way we were dressed.
I
hope no one in the building sees me like this.

Half an hour later we were cruising up
to Emily's house, my bike disturbing the quiet street as we zipped up
the road. “Do you wanna park a little down the street?” Emily
shouted in my ear as we approached. I don't think she wanted her mom
to see her pulling up on a motorbike.

“
What
about the helmets?” I asked as we stepped off.

“
Um...”
she thought for a second. “We'll just leave them outside the house.
Is that OK? They'll be safe, don't worry,” she said, seeing the
look on my face. The places I had lived, if you left anything
unguarded for more than five minutes you could kiss it goodbye.

Despite
the fact that she lived there, Emily rang the doorbell, just to make
our entrance a little more official.
God
I was keen to get out of this jacket and roll up my sleeves.
The door opened and a stern looking woman appeared. She looked every
bit the therapist, an academic who always had her nose in a book, or
somebody else's business.

“
Emily
darling,” she said, dragging her in for a kiss and a hug. It seemed
like it was all for show. They lived together after all, so I can't
imagine that they greeted each other like that everyday.
Probably
for my benefit I suppose.

“
Mum,
this is Cain, my boyfriend.” It was the first time she'd called me
that, the first time anyone had ever called me that. It sounded
weird.

“
Hello
Cain, lovely to meet you, Emily's told me so much.” I really hoped
that wasn't the case.

“
Hi
Mrs Dunlop, likewise.” I didn't know quite what to say, so just
returned the sentiments. “Well come on in you two, I've got a
lovely lunch waiting for us.”

My first impression of Mrs Dunlop, or
Penny as she'd asked me to call her, was way off at the door. On
initial glance she'd appeared stern, as if she'd question everything
about me, look for my flaws. But she wasn't like that at all. She
made me feel quite at ease, actually, and was a lot more lighthearted
than I'd have thought a therapist would be.

I
tried my best to put my life in it's best light.
I'm
a barman with a shady past of alcohol, sex with random woman, and
violence
.
That was the God's honest truth but, of course, I didn't paint the
picture like that. I guess it was her job to be understanding, to see
the best in people, so she never seemed to question me too hard.

Until it got to the subject of my
upbringing that is. She wasn't forceful, but I opened up more than I
usually would, more than I ever had, I suppose. She had a way of
asking questions that led me to keep speaking, keep revealing things
that I rarely spoke of. I felt like I was on the couch. I probably
needed to be there more often.

“
So
tell me about your childhood Cain. Do you have any brothers and
sisters?” I thought that Emily would have already told her about my
past, but she seemed keen to hear it from me.

My initial reaction was to, as always,
close up, give as little away as possible. “No siblings no. I never
knew my parents, actually.”

“
Oh?”
She stopped, waiting for me to reveal more.

“
My
mom died when I was just a baby. I never knew my father.”

“
Oh,
how terrible, I'm sorry to hear that Cain. So were you fostered?”
Her tone was soft, understanding.

I nodded, not wanting to say any more,
but feeling compelled to do so. “Yes, I had a few foster parents. I
don't remember them all.”

“
It
must have been difficult for you, being passed from family to
family?”

“
It
was. I guess I never felt settled anywhere, never felt like I fit in.
I'm ashamed to say it, but I would get in a bit of trouble at school.
It made it hard on my foster parents, some of them couldn't handle
it.”
Shit,
shut up Cain.

“
You
should never feel like it's your fault Cain. These situations are
common in cases like yours. You're not to blame.”

“
I
guess so,” I said, my words dropping.

It seemed to me that this was the part
of my life that interested Penny the most. It was like she wanted to
know where I'd come from, what my life had been life, so she could
determine whether I was safe for her daughter. She'd probably dealt
with cases like mine, so probably knew that I may have had a history
of violence. I understood – protecting her daughter would be her
only concern.

“
And,
are you still in touch with your latest foster parents?”

“
Not
really, no. I moved away when I was just 16, I've been living on my
own since then.” I stopped, thinking back. “I miss them sometimes
though. They were good people, always good to me. The closest thing I
had to a family.”

“
That's
good. And Cain, please forgive me if I'm prying. Hazard of the trade
I'm afraid. You don't have to speak about any of this if it makes you
uncomfortable.”

To the contrary, she had a way of
making things feel comfortable, despite the sensitive topic of
conversation.

“
It's
OK, really. I just don't talk about it that often.”

“
Well
thank you for sharing. I know it must be difficult.”

I nodded as we began talking about
other subjects, my head still wrapped around my childhood. I hadn't
exactly talked in depth about it, but just scratching at those old
wounds would often send me straight out to the nearest bar or into
the bed of a random woman. Those were the ways I'd usually deal with
things, but not anymore.

It was roughly 4 pm when a sudden knock
at the door broke us out of our latest topic of conversation –
something about a war in God-knows-where that I knew next to nothing
about. “That'll be Trevor,” Sally said as she stood and walked
out of the dining room.

Emily turned to me as she left. “Look,
I'm sorry about mom asking you all those questions earlier. She does
it with all of my boyfriends, you don't have to talk about it all if
you don't want.”

“
It's
fine.” I wanted to dismiss the topic, forget about it. “So, who's
Trevor?”

“
Oh,
that's my moms new partner. They've been together for, I dunno, like
5 months now I think. She met him through therapy.”

She
was interrupted as Penny walked back into the room, a middle aged man
behind her.
What
the fuck? I know that face.

“
Cain,
this is Trevor. Trevor, this is Emily's new boyfriend, Cain.”

The man stepped towards me as I stood,
his face coming into clearer view. He reached out his hand and took
mine, my eyes still exploring his face. It was one that I'd spent so
long looking at I could draw it from memory. It was older now, aged
and covered in lines, but the eyes, the nose, the mouth; they were
all the same.

“
It's
a lovely afternoon, let's get some sun outside,” said Penny as she
turned and led Trevor out of the room. I was still fixed to the
floor. “Come on you two, outside,” she called after us.

I checked my watch. “Em, I've gotta
go. I'm really sorry. I just realized I've got to work later on.”

“
Oh
really, you didn't say?”

“
No,
sorry, I just realized now. Stupid of me. I've really gotta rush
now.” My words were frantic. “Hey, will you tell your mom I had a
great time. Thank her will you. I've gotta go.”

With that I shot straight towards the
front door, grabbing the helmets from round the corner outside the
house and rushing down the road to my bike. I jumped on, kicked the
engine to life, and sped off down the street.

September
7
^th
2013

Grace

I heard from John Avery a few days
after the dinner where I met him. He called me on a private number, a
number I didn't recognize. I picked it up not knowing who it was. As
soon as I heard the voice, I hung up.

That had gone on day after day for
almost a week, always with a different number. After the first
couple, I knew it would be him, and I never picked up. All I got were
voicemails, his slimy words oozing down the phone and into my ear. He
was relentless in his hunt for me, his desire to finish the job.

“
I
will never stop, Grace. I will get you eventually. You can never hide
from me, never avoid me. I'll always find you. I need to have you. I
will have you. It's what I want, and I always get what I want.”

After this voicemail, I stopped
listening to them.

I'd been avoiding Chase recently,
unable to look him in the eye with this burden on my back. He'd
called and told me he needed to see me, so I did. When I met him for
dinner, he was glum, his usual enthusiasm stunted, his face showing
his stress.

“
I'm
not gonna get that promotion Grace. It looks like John's going to
give it to someone else. I wanted it soooo bad, I've worked so hard
for it. I really thought he'd give it to me, but I haven't spoken to
him since that dinner. I just got a note saying sorry, that he was
probably going for someone else.”

I could see the stress etched all over
Chase's face, all over his body. He ordered a whiskey, and sucked it
down. It looked like he was beginning to slide.

I heard from John again later that
night, this time listening to his voicemail. I needed to hear what he
had to say.

“
It's
started Grace. You've already started ruining Chase's life. This is
only the beginning – it won't stop. You can change all of it, you
can make everything better. As you can see Grace, I'm not bluffing. I
never bluff. Just one night, that's all I want. One evening with me,
and everything goes back to normal.”

I
slammed my phone on the bed.
What
the hell should I do?
I can't see Chase like this. He'd lose everything, turn back to the
alcohol, to the drugs. I couldn't do that to him, not after what he'd
done for me. And John was right, I loved him. I knew what I had to
do.

I picked up the phone and dialed. It
rang, clicking to life.

“
Grace,”
came the sleazy voice on the other end, “I thought I'd get your
attention sooner or later. Have you changed your mind yet?” He was
loving this, loving the cat and mouse game.