Always (Wesson Rebel M.C. Series) (17 page)

I sigh. “I’m sorry I left—
”

She cov
ers my mouth with her hand. “No, you did right. The connection we have, the time we spent together, it’s a blessing. Sharing that love is the ultimate act of freedom. I won’t let our bond become prison bars.”

“It’s not a cage
. I love you.”

“
And I love you. But I’ve seen how south that can go. Love shouldn’t mean sacrifice, not everything. I can’t be that ugly obsession that steals away joy and free will. I see it every day with the men and their women.”

Her words ring true. “But that’s not us.”

“Isn’t it? You guys have been programmed to protect me. Hell, my name is
Baby Girl
. You feel slightly responsible for me and I get that. You’re older and we’ve been best friends for so long, it’s second nature.” She sighs. “Thing is, I’m twenty-six now and I’ve made my choices in life. In the future, I’ll be making more. Some, you may not agree with.”

“What does that mean, Cora?”

“I can’t tell you what I don’t know. I’m still getting my head together and figuring shit out. I need to know you’ll back me no matter what.”

I did
n’t like the sound of this, but I don’t want to alienate her. “Of course, Cora.”

She studies me carefully and nods her head. She doesn’t believe me one-hundred percent, but it’s a start.

Danny

I’m fucking up. I see it in the eyes of some of the members. They think I don’t know what I’m doing. They’re right, but I can’t let them see that. I don’t know how to unite the two halves of this group. My father always made it look so easy. My hand trembles. I can’t show weakness. I walk over to
the bar. “Crystal.”

The petite dark haired girl with la
rge brown eyes looks up at me. “Yeah, P?”

“I need a shot of whiskey on the rocks.”

“Whatever you need, P.” 

I don’t miss the suggestion in her eyes and her voice
, I simply choose to ignore it. I have all the woman I need in Rowan and Cora.
Cora.
I feel like I haven’t seen her the entire month I’ve been here. Every day, a different problem arises that needs to be fixed and another argument over the direction of this club pops off. Fuck, I’m just trying to let us heal before we run off halfcocked and end up with more dead. None of us could handle that. Our families need to feel secure again, before we go charging into something dangerous. Tempers need to cool and plans need to be made. They know this. I think it’s just easier to direct their anger, concerns and fears on to me.

Crystal sets down the drink and I throw it back. It burns
its way down my throat and settles in my belly. “Refill,” I growl.

She hits me again and I gulp it down. Warmth spreads in my belly. It’s not enough. I haven’t smoked weed in years, but I’m seriously considering it. Anything to take this edge off.

“You okay, P?”

Brains voice
interrupts my self-hate session. “Yeah, I’m good.”

He arches a salt and pepper brow and pull
s on his mostly grey beard. “I can’t say that I believe you son. You want to talk?”

I mull it over. It’s the last thing I
would do and the first thing a good P would do. Your VP is your lifeline. He keeps your head on straight, knows your demons and does the work you would only give to the person you trust most. “Yeah, I think that’s a good idea.”

“Come on. L
et’s go play a game of pool.” Brain gestures to the back and pats my back.

I move from my stool an
d follow him like a baby duck. He’s been guiding me for so long, it’s practically second nature.

“Clear the room fuckers.
P and I are going to have some down time,” Brain barks.

The prospects scramble all over themselves to get out of the way.

I snicker.

A few minu
tes later, we’re starting a game and the partition between the game room and the main room is closed.

“What’s on your
mind, son.”

“No one is
happy, Brain.”

“Well
,
duh.
They’ve taken a huge hit and shit’s changing. Truth be told, we’re creatures of habit. We don’t like change, or being forced into doing things we don’t want to.” He shrugs.

“Yeah, but I know they think I’m fucking this up.”

“Do you?”

I sigh. “Well, yeah.”

“Listen boy. You got thrown into this blind. I know you’re fighting to swim, instead of sink. You’re not doing bad. They’re just projecting their bullshit onto you. It’s why the crown is a heavy ass item to wear. You keep showing them you’re in control and they’ll fall down. There’s a reason we got rules. Blood for blood and punishments for stepping out of line. You need to throw your weight around, then you do it.”

I shake my head. “We were never like that.”

“Cause Rule let us all know right away he wasn’t’ to be trifled with. It’s just growing pains.”

“Fuck. How can you be so sure? I’m not cut out for this. I’m a patch and we both know it.”

“You can do it. You just happen to not want to.”

“Bullshit.”

“Hmm.”

His noncommittal response sticks in my craw. I grit my teeth to keep from fl
ying off the handle. He doesn’t deserve this. He’s only trying to help me.

“Listen. You want to step down any time soon
. I suggest you start pressing on your brother. He’s had enough time to do whatever the fuck he needed to do. Things are fraying here for him. He leaves it too much longer, he’s not going to like what he comes home to.”

“Yeah.” I hear what Brain is saying, but I
balk at the thought of rushing Dallas. Seeing him like this is hard and I owe him. He spent his whole life looking after me and bearing the brunt of our father’s surliness and obsession with creating the perfect rider. If he needs time, that’s what he’s going to get. “It can hold for a while longer.”

Brain shakes his head. “Stubborn ass
Wessons. Now, are we gonna actually play or just keep flapping our gums?”

I smirk. The talk is over
and I’m feeling better about things. If Dallas could shoulder the weight for all these years, I can do it for a few more months. Brain and I began to play and I let the rest linger in the back of my head. I made a few halfhearted attempts to contact Dallas when he left, but now it’s been nothing but quiet between us. It’s time I fix that.

We end
the game, twenty minutes later and I walk out of the club. Rowan is off doing something girly with Cora and R. I smile. I’m glad they got things patched up between them. Incredible sex aside, Baby Girl would always have a special place in our hearts. Thinking about the bond we all share makes me feel guilty. Dallas would expect me to be taking care of Cora. I’ve barley seen her. I pull my phone out of my pocket, find out their location and head toward them.

Old Man

Dallas

I look in the mirror and I don’t recognize the face in front of me. I’ve grown out a beard. My eyes are dull and glossy from the binge the night before. The dark crescents and bags under my eyes are a badge. I’m wrecking myself.
I finally found something I’m good at dad… Self destruction.
My stomach growls like an angry beast. I don’t want to eat, but the hollow of my cheeks convinces me I need to. I splash water on my face and wet my hair, slicking it back from my face. Everything aches and my head is still just as fucked as it was when I left. My father’s voice is a stain I can’t wash out. He follows me every mile, only growing silent when I drink. I know I can’t keep on like this, but going back doesn’t feel right either.

My hands shake.
I push away from the sink and walk into the room. Same beige walls, tacky bedspread with tiny table and chairs as the last place. I walk over to the plastic bag and dig out a clean t-shirt. I’ve acquired a few things during my trip. A few pairs of jeans, some shirts and boxers. I’m hunting down laundromats every couple of days and I’ve never missed Cora more.

I took a
lot of shit for granted. We fell into a pattern and I got comfortable. I’m missing her like mad. There’s nothing else to do but think out here, and I’m seeing how badly I’ve treated her over the past few months. It’s a bitter ass pill to swallow.

Past

We’ve been on the road for a week, barely stopping to eat or sleep. My eyes are burning and my bones ache. I open the door and sigh as the smell of cleaning products and one of Cora’s wax melts. I inhale deep and welcome the sense of peace that always comes with home. I lock the door behind me and walk into the living room.

“Nice of you to finally join us.”
Cora’s voice is sleep worn and ice cold. There are dark circles under her eyes, and she’s thinner than I remember her being.

“You okay,
Baby Girl?”

“Do I look okay to you?” She crossed her arms beneath her chest, making the t-shirt she’s wearing ride up around her thighs.

“No, you look like you need a good fuck and some sleep.”

“A good fuck?” s
he scoffs. “Are you delusional?”

“What the fuck? I co
me home to hear you bitching?” I scowl. “I don’t need this shit.”

“You don’t need this?” She shakes her head. “Since
R hit three months, you’ve been gone more times than not. Are you doing it on purpose? Were you just wearing me down with the intention of bailing, once I agreed?”

“What are you talking about?”
I run my hands through my hair. “You’re not making any fucking sense.” I stalk toward her.

“Yes
, I am! You told me this shit would get better. That we’d work through it and you’d never leave me again. Do you remember that?”

“Yes
, I fucking remember. But this is work. You think I have a choice?”

“Yes. You’re the fucking
VP if you don’t want to go on every run happening, you can say something.”

“And risk having my father give me shit for not being dedicated to Wesson?”

“Oh, my God! It always comes back to him, with you! When are you going to realize, you have a family of your own to worry about now? We should be your number one priority, not fucking Rule.”

I rush forward and back her against the wall. “Watch your fucking mouth, he’s the President.”

“He’s your Pres, not mine and you know damn well, that’s got jack shit to do with it.”

“You’re a part of this club. Did you forget that?” I say.

“No, but I don’t live or die for this. I live and die for you and R. Maybe I shouldn’t.”

Her words are a trigger.
I punch the wall millimeters from her head.

She whimpers and her eyes go wide.

“Watch how the fuck you talk to me.”

“Or you’ll what? Hit me?
Are we going to add that to your list of sins against me? How long do you think I’m going to put up with this?”

I grab her forearms. “Stop.”

“Keep pushing me and I’m going to break, Dallas. I’m going to crack and nothing you say is going to fix it.”

I shove her away.
Typical female bullshit.
The time away gets tough to deal with and it comes out in all different manners. “I’m going to take a shower.”

She doesn’t say a word
, as I walk down the hall.

Present

I can’t help but remember that moment. I didn’t stop. I kept pushing and now she’s not talking to me. Has the one person who’s always been on my side, finally given up on me? It’s a reality I can’t even fathom. The girl is more than my heart, she’s my savior. Always has been.

Past

“What I tell you?” Dad pulls the big buxom, blonde bimbo close to his side. “He’s fucking worthless.” My dad sneers and glances down at me.

She giggles. “Oh, he’s just a kid,
Rule.”

“A dumbass one,” Dad says
while shaking his head. “Now Danny.” He gestures toward my little brother with his bottle. “He’s bright.”

The words are a punch to the face. I take care of the house when he’s gone. I
make sure Danny is fed, bathed and doing what he’s supposed to. I know the alcohol is making him say more than he normally would, but it doesn’t hurt any less. There’s a small party going on tonight. Reaper, Brain and the girls are here. Danny is sitting beside Rowan on the couch and Cora is across from them, looking slightly bored.

“What boy, you don’t have nothing to say? You aren’t even going to try to defend yourself?” He frowns.

Unsure what he wants from me, I remain still.

“Cut the boy some slack, Rule. Let him breath
e,” Brain says, patting my back.

“You keep encouraging
him to act like a little pussy and you’ll ruin what I’m trying to do here.”

“And what is that exactly?” Brain asks.

“Keep him from fucking up. Stop him from being like his soft hearted ass Mama. Shit makes me sick, looking at him and seeing her face.”

I gasp. Suddenly
, my lungs refuse to work properly. Images of my mother have become murky. I remember bright blonde hair, a wicked smile, a soft voice, sweet smell and welcoming arms.
This is why he hates me. I remind him of everything he lost. How the hell can I fix something like that?

“Why don’t you take a breather out
side, son?” Brain urges.

I turn and sprint for the door, blocking out the words
falling from my father’s mouth. I don’t want to hear anymore. I can’t take any more damage when I’m already on the floor gushing blood. All I ever wanted to do was please him, make him proud. Now, I know I never will, simply because of who I am and whom I remind him of. It’s swift kick to the chest. I stumble down the stairs and rush over to sit beneath my favorite tree. I rest my head against the knobby wood and let the tears go. I’m obliterated, beaten down with nothing left. It’s a loop I’ll never escape. We’ll continue to do this dance forever, because there’s no way in hell I’m leaving Danny behind and this is all I know.

Footsteps have me dashing my eyes with my sleeve. I lift my gaze and see Cora.

At twelve, she’s all gangly limbs, pig tails and huge brown eyes full of compassion.

“What are you doing out here, Baby
Girl?” I ask gruffly.

She sinks down and lea
ns against the tree beside me. “I think you’re the most amazing person I ever—met.” Her voice wavers.

I
turn to look at her.

She keeps
her gaze trained on the hands in her lap, fiddling with her ruffled skirt. “I don’t know what I’d do without you. You’re my best friend and the person I love most in the entire world. Well, next to my Daddy. And I’m sorry that you’re sad, but I want you to know, you’re not alone. You’ll never be alone as long as I’m around.”

Her words burrow deep, cutting through the pain I’m experiencing. She lifts her head and I swear I see nothing but love and acceptance.
I lost a part of myself to her that night and I knew in that moment, one day she’s going to be my entire world.

Present

The memory rushes back and rocks me to the core. I rush into the bathroom and empty my stomach. I lost sight of her in all this.  As I keep heaving—the shame hits. I’ve turned into my old man, pushing away the people I should hold closest.

What are you going to do about it?

The question mocks me, because I have no answer.

Cora

“Hey Daddy,” I grin at my father as he steps into the house with his biggest fan in tow. I love that my son adores his grandfather. I look down at R. “Did you have a good time?”

“Uh,
Granpa took me to da park.” He grins.

“
And I fed him, so he should be ready to lay down for awhile.”

The look on his face tells me he
wants to talk. I groan mentally. That’s the last thing I want to do. “Oh, I don’t know. He doesn’t look sleepy to me.”

R
rubs his eyes.

My father smirks. “You were saying?”

“I’ll put him down.”

“No, I’ll put him down. You sit you ass down on that couch and get ready to have this overdue conversation.”

I sigh and do as he says. I know by now, there’s no use arguing with him and since the coma, I worry. It changed my entire relationship with him. I took it for granted that he’d always be there. Almost losing him, had me cherishing every moment and thinking about my life. The good the bad, the unfulfilled dreams and promises. There was a lot I didn’t like. That’s a problem. Life is too short to live in unhappiness. You think you’ll have forever until it’s thrust in your face that life is a flash in the pan. There are so many times I should’ve walked away from Dallas, but I always held tight to the belief that our love was stronger than the hold his father had on him. Now, I know differently. What I’m trying to figure out is what I’m going to do about it. I refuse to play second fiddle to a ghost.

I hear d
ad’s boots on the wood and turn around to face him. His face is grim and my stomach is bubbling.

Despite the weight loss that came from his coma
, he’s still intimidating. The physical therapy has him nearly back to where he was.

“Daddy—”

“No. I don’t want to hear anything out of your mouth, Baby Girl. You’re going to sit and listen to me. I don’t say much to you. You’re grown with a child and a man of your own and I respect your life decisions, even when I don’t like them.” He narrows his eyes at me.

I sink down o
nto the couch. He never wanted me with Dallas. He made that clear from the beginning.

He
sits down beside me. “When I see what you’re doing is fucking with the club. I gotta step in.”

“I’m not—
?”

He glares
at me.

I clamp my mouth shut. “We both know the sun rises and sets with you for Dallas. I don’t give a fuck what kind of Daddy’s issu
es he has. Rule never did right by that boy. Every time he looked at his son, he saw a ghost. Shit made him mean and unreasonable. We all tried to talk to him about it, but he never listened to shit. Kind of like another man I know.” He sneers.

“You’re wrong. He didn’t give a shit.”

“No, he cared too much.”

“
I don’t understand. Why are you defending him? You don’t even like him.”

“Maybe not, but I know he’s the best thing for Wesson. You don’t come up like he did intact
, without being strong. We need that right now.”

I shake my head. “So
, call him.”

“I’m not the one he wants to hear from.”

“And you think I am? He left me.”

“No,
he went to clear his head.”

“For over a month?
” I hop up from the couch. “This is bullshit, Dad! All you ever wanted was for me to get away from Dallas. You gave us hell. Wouldn’t even let him make me an Old Lady, and now you’re all on his team for the good of the club. What about me?  Do I even matter? Did I ever?”

“
I don’t think I’m the one you want to be asking those questions.”

“No,
you aren’t.” I pace the length of the room. “What do you want, Dad? You want me to call him and ask him to come home? I can do it, but I can’t guarantee he will. I don’t know where the hell his head is right now, and really I don’t want him here. I don’t know what I want.” I tug at my hair. “This is my life, Dad. Do you understand that?”

“You think the club doesn’t matter?”

“I’m saying he’s not the only one who needs time and space. I need this.”