AlwaysYou (7 page)

The apartment was a disaster.
Phil’s movers had left all her
belongings in a state of complete disarray.
She picked up the phone to call
Hank’s office and realized she had no dial tone.
Fucking Phil.
He’d
already had the phone turned off.

Her cell battery had only two bars left.
She arranged to
meet Hank and headed out the door.

Hank had all the papers ready for her to sign and he’d
reserved a truck to pick up her things on Friday.

“Do you know where you’re going?” he asked.

She shook her head.
“I have no idea.”

“I have a friend who needs a house sitter in a few weeks.
If
you can find someplace to crash until then you could probably move in there.”

“Thanks.
I may take you up on that.”

“Seriously, where are you going to stay?
I’d invite you to
our place but with the new baby and Sheila’s mother staying with us I don’t
feel like there’s even room for me right now.”

Shari waved her hand.
“I’ll figure something out.
Jon said I
could go to his place.”

Hank’s face brightened.
“Oh, then you’re all set.”

“Not exactly.
It’s…complicated.”

She’d known Hank for as long as she’d known Jon.
For a
lawyer he was incredibly intolerant of drama.
“What do you mean, complicated?”

“I think he offered for me to move in as in move in, like
live with him.”

Hank’s eyebrows drew together.
“As what?
Roommates?”

“No.”

“Son of a bitch.
Did he finally make his move?” Hank’s mouth
twisted into a grin.

Shari felt her face get hot.

Hank shook his head in amazement.
“I’ll be damned.
It’s
about time.
Plenty of us have always thought you two would get together.”

“What?” Shari dropped her pen on the floor and watched as it
rolled under Hank’s desk.

“Come on, Shari.
The guy’s been in love with you forever.
And you’ve always seemed happier when you’re hanging out with him than you have
with any of these dill weeds you’ve dated.
Phil being case in point.”

“Are you kidding me?
People actually talk about this?”

“Hell, yeah.” He nodded, as if she was the only person on
the planet who was unaware of this universal fact.
“You can’t tell me you’ve
never thought about it.
Honestly we all assumed you were friends with
benefits.”

Her eyes popped open wide.
“What?
No.
We never.
I mean well,
now, yeah, but…”

Hank laughed.
“So you guys had your honeymoon first.
You’ve
known each other for eight years.
I think you’re entitled to mess with the
normal order of things a little bit.”

Shari shook her head.
“I don’t know.
I just don’t want to
fuck things up.”

“Sweetie, in case you haven’t noticed, everything’s already
fucked up.
Do you love the guy?”

Her breath caught in her throat.

“Simple question.
Yes or no.”

Either answer scared her to death.

* * * * *

Shari struggled the stack of boxes into her apartment, two spools
of packing tape looped over her arm.
She decided to start in the bedroom.
One
step into the room she dropped everything on the floor.
Fucking Phil had taken
the bed.

She slumped onto the floor and put her head in her hands.
Last week her life had been completely in order.
She was going to marry Phil.
Sure, he was a jerk sometimes, but she thought he loved her.
She thought after
they got married he’d stop fooling around and they could have a life together.
Perfection was not something she’d ever hoped for, she just wanted to be happy.
To be settled.

Everything around the room reminded her of her plans.
The
new linens they’d gotten from their registry.
The antique vanity she’d bought
because it was the perfect size to fit in the alcove of their new master
bedroom.
The framed Degas print she’d bought to go over the bed.
Now all of it
reminded her of how screwed she was.
In forty-eight hours she’d be homeless.

She taped a box together and started loading it full of
stuff.
Five boxes later she finally made her way to her closet.
As she reached
up to the top shelf, she knocked over a stack of jeans and sent the box next to
them crashing to the floor.

Tons of pictures scattered across the carpet.
She knelt to
gather them.
She’d been meaning to start scrapbooking for years, but she’d
never gotten around to it.
As she picked up the photos she smiled.
The first
one she grabbed was from college graduation.
It was her with Hank, Jon and
Sheila.
She’d forgotten how much hair Hank used to have.
Jon looked younger but
just as handsome.
Her heart tugged inside her chest.
I miss him.

As she flipped through the other photos she realized just
how many Jon was in.
College.
The house they’d all rented together the summer
after graduation.
The road trip to Hank and Sheila’s wedding out in Chicago
while he was in law school.
Jon was a part of so many of her memories.
Most of
her happy ones.

There was nothing in the box that reminded her of Phil.
In
the three years they’d been a couple she couldn’t remember them being in more
than a handful of photos together.
Phil wasn’t one for sentiment.
They hadn’t
even taken pictures the few times they’d been on vacation together.

She heard her cell phone humming but couldn’t remember where
she’d left it.
By the time she found it next to her purse on the kitchen
counter, the message light was blinking.
She turned it on, noticing that the
last battery bar was flashing.
“Shit.”
Where the hell is my charger?

She pressed the button to dial voicemail and hoped she’d
make it through the whole message before she lost the charge.
The sound of
Jon’s voice made her hold her breath.
“Hey, it’s me.
Just checking to make sure
you’re all right.
I know you said you’d call and I know you’re busy so I don’t
want to be a pain in the ass, I just want you to know I’m here if you need me,
okay?
I mean I hope you know that.
No matter what else is going on I’m always
here as your friend.
I’m worried about you.
And I know it complicates things,
but I love you.
Okay, well, that’s it.
Call me.”

Her eyes filled with tears.
She wanted to listen to it again
but when she pressed four to replay it the battery flashed twice and went dead.
Shit.
Now she couldn’t call him back either.
She searched all over until
she finally found the power cord but when she plugged it in she still had no
signal.
She curled up on the couch with the phone charging beside her, waiting
until it had enough bars to be usable.
She closed her eyes for just a moment.

* * * * *

The sound of banging startled her awake.
For a second she
wasn’t sure where she was.
She sat up too fast, sending her cell phone crashing
to the floor.
Dammit.
She squinted in the bright morning sunlight.
The
banging resumed and she realized someone was knocking on her door.
Jon.
She rushed to answer it, flinging it open, shocked to find Phil standing in
front of her, a bouquet of flowers in his hand.

Chapter Six

Jon awoke, his neck stiff and achy.
He’d fallen asleep
watching TV, the phone in his lap in case Shari called him back.
She hadn’t.
His chest hurt.
He massaged his temples and rubbed his eyes.
It was only seven
a.m.

He dialed her cell phone again but it went straight to
voicemail.
She was probably asleep.
No matter what she planned on doing today
she was likely still at the apartment.
He walked into the bathroom and turned
on the shower.
All he knew was he had to see her.

Within ten minutes he was dressed and out the door.
He
stopped at her favorite bakery and picked up muffins and coffee, certain she
wouldn’t have stopped to eat the night before.
His mind raced as he tried to
figure out what to say to her.
He wanted to tell her how much he loved her, to
make love to her, but he knew that wasn’t what she needed.
She needed her
friend Jon back, so that’s what he was going to give her.
No strings attached.

He found a parking spot a block from her building and walked
down the street, trying not to drop the coffees as he shoved his keys in his
pocket.
As he approached the main door his heart stopped.
Phil’s car was parked
right in front of the building.
He felt as though he’d been sucker punched.

It’s seven o’clock in the morning.
She never called back
last night because she’s been with Phil.
The thought turned his stomach.
He
considered going up to her apartment anyway.
Having a showdown.
Fighting for
her.
I’m better for her than that asshole.
But he stopped himself.
He’d
told her he loved her and she hadn’t said it back.
She hadn’t said anything.
He
turned back toward his car, dumping the coffee and muffins in a trash can on
his way.

When Shari saw Phil standing in her doorway her heart sank.

“We need to talk.” He handed her the flowers and strode past
her into the apartment.

She raked her fingers through her hair and closed the door.
“So talk.”

Phil’s jaw set.
“Can you come sit down so we can do this
like grown-ups?”

“Fine.” She tossed the bouquet onto the coffee table.

He took a seat on the couch and she perched on the far end,
facing him.
He appeared flawless, his dark hair neatly combed into place, his
shirt ironed, tie in a perfect knot.
The consummate professional.
The ideal businessman.
The guy she was going to marry.
She didn’t even want to look at him.

His gray-green eyes met hers and he took a deep breath.
“I’m
sorry.”

Those were not words she’d heard from him very often over
the years.
Her eyebrow rose.
“About what?
The fact that I have no place to
live?
Or the fact that you were cheating on me?
Or maybe it’s guilt about the
lawsuit I’ll have pending if I don’t hock half my belongings to cover the lease
agreement fees.”

“I’m sorry about all of it.
I’ve already talked to my lawyer.
The fees are taken care of.
In fact, if we still want to we can get back in on
the lease.
I’ve left Tina.”

She stared at him, dumbfounded.

“I’ve been fooling myself.
I wanted to have my cake and eat
it too so I could never let her go, but these past few days with her I realized
I don’t really want her.
I never did.
There’s only one woman I ever wanted to
spend the rest of my life with, only one woman I ever proposed to, and it’s not
Tina.
It’s you.
I promise things are over with her, for good.
You’re the one I
want.”

That bordered on being the most romantic thing Phil had ever
said to her.

He scooted closer, his hand on her leg, his thumb rubbing
her knee.
“We’re good together.
We can make this work, I know it.
What do you
say we give it another try?” He pulled her onto his lap, his hands circling
behind her, his lips on hers.
She let him kiss her, shocked by the fact that
she felt nothing.
His fingers worked across her back, his tongue circled hers.
It was the same way he’d kissed her for three years, yet it felt as if he were
a stranger.
All she could think of was Jon.

She pushed herself up off Phil’s lap.
“No.” She stepped away
from him, shaking her head.

Phil took a deep breath and blew it out.
“Come on, baby.
You
know we can work this out, you know I love you.”

“No, I don’t know that.
I know you’ve hurt me.
I know you’ve
betrayed me.”

“It’ll be different now.
I promise.”

She didn’t believe him.
It occurred to her that she’d never
completely trusted him.
Once again Jon popped into her mind.
Jon she trusted.
Completely.
Oh my God.
I’m such a fool.
She looked Phil straight in the
eyes.
“The only thing that’s going to be different is that you’re not going to
be in my life anymore.”

“You’re being irrational.” Phil’s voice had a harder edge to
it.
One she knew all too well.
“You don’t even have anywhere to go.
What are
you going to do when they toss you out on the street tomorrow morning?”

“I’m going to Jon’s.” Saying the words out loud empowered
her.

“Jon’s?
Won’t that put a crimp in his Casanova lifestyle?”

She glared at him.
“For your information, he asked me to
move in with him.”

Phil narrowed his eyes.
“Oh don’t tell me.
Did you fuck
him?”

Her nostrils flared.

Phil let out an ugly laugh.
“Tell me you’re not that stupid.
So what, you’re going to be his flavor of the month?
Has he already fucked
every other woman in the tri-state area?
Or is this pity-fuck month and you’re
the lucky winner?”

“Get out.” She’d never had the nerve to stand up to Phil
before but now she felt unstoppable.

“No.”

“I mean it, get out.
Now.”

“So you can pack to run away to Jon’s house?
How long do you
think it’ll be before he gets tired of you?
A month?
A week?
I don’t see him
here.
Maybe he’s already moved on.”

Shari flashed through all the things Jon had said to her
about his feelings, about their history, about Phil being an ass.
“Jon loves
me.” Saying the words out loud gave them more meaning.
They filled her with
hope, with confidence.
She finally let herself believe them.

“He does not.” Phil’s tone was snotty and condescending.
She
stared at him, seeing what Jon must have seen every time he looked at him—a
conniving, controlling man who didn’t care for her at all.

“Yeah, he really does.
You just can’t understand because
you’ve never loved anyone other than yourself.
Now I mean it, get out.”

She stepped back and he grabbed her arm, hard, jerking her
toward him.
“This is your last chance, I’m not coming back again.”

“Good.” She wrenched away from him and held the door open.
She wanted nothing more than for him to leave so she could go see Jon.

* * * * *

When the doorbell rang Jon considered not getting it.
He was
in no mood to make small talk with the mailman or sign for a neighbor’s
package.
It rang a second time, then a third.
Jesus Christ.

He yanked the door open and felt his jaw drop.
Shari stood
before him, her eyes wide and bright.
He’d missed her so much he wanted to
scoop her into his arms, but he realized she was probably there to tell him she
was back with Phil.
He felt his gut tighten.
“Hey,” was all he could manage.

“Can we talk?” she asked, looking anxious.
She bit her lip.

“Sure.”
I don’t want to hear this.
He stepped aside
to let her in.

“I just wanted to tell you—”

He couldn’t take it.
“I know.
You’re back with Phil.”

Her eyes bugged.
“What?”

He felt like an idiot.
“I drove to your apartment this
morning.
I saw his car.
It’s okay.”

“Are you crazy?”

“Look, you were planning to marry the guy, I get it.
Don’t
worry about it.”

She shook her head, letting out an exasperated gasp.
“Would
you just listen to me for a minute?”

He shoved his hands into his pockets, not sure he could look
her in the eye, but she moved closer, making it impossible for him to avoid
her.
She looked so beautiful it tore at him.
Just say it and get it over
with.

“Yes, Phil stopped by this morning.
He came over to offer me
another chance with him.”

I knew it.

“But I threw him out.”

Jon’s interest piqued.
“You did?”

Shari nodded.
“He tried to convince me.
He says he broke it
off with Tina.
He promised things would be different.
And then he kissed me.”

Jon cringed.

“And all I could think of was you.”

He looked into her dark, sparkling eyes.

“I’m such an idiot, Jon.
I don’t know why it’s taken me so
long to see this.
You’re the best friend I’ve ever had.
You’re the best lover
I’ve ever had.
I can’t even imagine not having you in my life.
I love you.”

Jon’s heart was beating in his ears.
“Would you mind
repeating that last part one more time?”

Shari smiled, her eyes filling with tears.
“I love you.”

He swept her into his arms and kissed her.
She sank her
fingers into his hair, pulling him closer, her tears wetting his cheeks.
“You
have no idea how long I’ve wanted to hear you say those words.
I love you.” He
smoothed her hair back behind her ears, kissing her eyelids, her cheeks, then
coming back to her mouth.

Shari leaned into him, dragging him toward her.
“So, do you
still want a roommate?”

“I want you.
Period.”

She stroked his cheek.
Her warmth passed through him,
stirring him from head to toe.
“I don’t have a bed.
Phil took it.”

Jon chuckled.
“I’m thinking we can just use mine.”

Her eyes twinkled at him.
“Whatever happened to those
condoms you were supposed to buy?”

A smile spread across his face.
“They’re in my suitcase.”

“What size box did you get?”

“The twelve-pack.”

She frowned.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

“Nothing.” She went up on tiptoe and kissed him, her hips
grazing against him.
“I just think we’re going to have to start buying in
bulk.”

He scooped her up, striding toward the staircase.
“Okay, but
I think a dozen ought to hold us for today.”