AMANI: Reveal (9 page)

Amya Priam

My heart beating hard against the wood and the wind blowing in my hair were the only hints telling me I was still alive. My eyelids seemed forever glued to each other, or at least until we arrived at our destination. I hated roller-coasters and I now presumed I was seasick as well, so lying on this sham of a boat, driven by fish, provided an overview of what the combination of both would be like. And it was far from enjoyable.
              After what seemed like hours of praying and cursing in my head, I heard my name spoken by a man. Was it Mr. Jensen? Xander? I couldn’t be certain with the wind howling painfully in my ears.
              “Amya,” the low voice repeated to my right.
              Without opening my eyes in the slightest, I simply relied, “What is it?” on a sharp, terrified tone.
              “Hush, you’ll wake everybody up,” Xander—I could now recognize his warm, reassuring voice—said through a laugh. I noticed he was speaking only loud enough so that I could hear him. “Amya, you can open your eyes.”
              “No. I’m too scared.”
              Xander’s smile was almost palpable when he spoke. “Trust me, there is nothing to be afraid of. Open your eyes and you’ll see for yourself.”
              I was just about to answer that
he
had nothing to fear since Rascals—as much as we knew about them anyway—couldn’t die, when something warm brushed my hand. My head jerked backward and my eyes expanded wide open, making sure we weren’t under the attack of some kind of sea monster trying to drag us to the depth of the ocean. But we weren’t. Xander’s fingers reached mine and I noticed that my knuckles had turned white. My heart beating in my ears, I stared at Xander’s hand, too afraid to look around or close my eyes again. I was frozen in place.
              “Xander, my eyes are open,” I said, the words a trembling murmur. Water spattered on my arms and the wind was so strong—like ice against my skin—that I had to slowly lower my head again. But I kept fixing my eyes on the view ahead. Swiftly, Xander lifted my ring finger and slid his index underneath it. I gasped, feeling like a high-wire walker trying to balance my feet on a rope. The wrong movement could make me fall.
              At the same time, the warmth coming out of Xander’s skin made me shiver. I thought of the way he’d kissed me at HQ. I could still feel his rough facial hair, a contrast to the smoothness of his lips. Smell his minty breath. And see the concern and love in his eyes… But I pushed the memory away. It had been a mistake. I knew of his feelings for me and since I still wasn’t certain how I felt about him, I had no right to lead him on. “What are you doing? Are you mad?”
              “Hold onto me. The rope is hurting you, Amya.” There was concern in his voice again, but I was too petrified to move.
              An idea came to my mind. “You fed on my fear earlier in the Cave,” I said, recalling the dread I’d felt looking at Jeffrey’s knife. “Can you do it again?”
              This time, Xander did not laugh. Instead, he nuzzled the top of my finger with his thumb. “I didn’t. I lied to you.”
              “What?” A chill ran up my back. “What do you mean?”
              “I did not take away your fear of knives, Amya. I simply embedded a bigger dose of confidence into you, which can be done on your own.” His hand drifted under my index finger and squeezed. “Let go of the rope.”
              Was it all that was missing? Confidence? I could hardly believe it, but again, I hadn’t minded Jeffrey using his knife on my ankle. I had ceased focusing on the fear and anticipation of the pain that would result from it. Sure, it had hurt, but I’d survived and the ache from the wound hadn’t been half as bad as I’d first imagined. Could the same apply to my dread of boats and water?
              Yet I
had
almost drowned when Samera, Xander, and I had escaped from the hospital last month, which for me was a good enough reason to remain fearful of the sea. But today… the circumstance wasn’t the same. I was healthy now, not at all on the verge of fainting, and my waist was safely tied to the boat. A quick peek out the corner of my eye at Samera indicated that she was asleep, her body relaxed, her arms on either sides of her, and yet she lay there on the boat, just like me, nowhere near getting hurt in any way. If she could afford to fall asleep, I could at least make an effort to enjoy the trip.
              “Xander,” I finally said. “Will you grab my hand if I let go?”
              A gentle pressure was felt over my fingers. “I’m ready when you are,” he replied.
              Without thinking any further, I released my hold on the rope, my sight blurred for a second, and I was relieved to immediately feel my friend’s firm grip, keeping me steady and safe. My heart pulsed like a drum, but then, after a moment, my entire core relaxed and I was genuinely proud of myself. I kept staring at Xander’s hands turning red by the second.
              “Am I hurting you?” I said without loosening my grip.
              “Not at all.”
              “I wouldn’t want to break your hand.”
              He chuckled. “No offense, but I don’t believe you could have hurt me even when I was human.” The last word was spoken with hidden nostalgia.
              Still squeezing his hand, I freed my thumb and started poking his knuckles. “We never got to talk about it,” I said. “I never really said thank you for what you did at the hospital, because it doesn’t feel right. You are who you are because of me. I feel very responsible—”
              “Don’t.” His thumb circled mine. “What happened isn’t your fault. It’s Wyatt’s,” he said bitterly. “It’s always been Wyatt’s.”
              I wanted to ask him how he felt and how he planned on telling his dad that he’d transformed into a Rascal, but his tone revealed that he wished to drop the subject. “So, er, I don’t know if I asked this question before, but why is it we’re not using a convy to go to Canada? I’m not saying it’s my favorite means of transportation, but it’s much faster and safer than this.”
              “The magnetic underground you took with Jeffrey?” I sometimes forgot Xander hadn’t been with us during the trip to England. I sometimes forgot Samera, Gareth, and I had made a deal with Jeffrey in order to save Xander from the Rascals. It seemed like such a long time ago. “I guess the Protectors would find us more easily. They know Michelle’s connection to Jeff.”
              “I see.”
              We fell silent, listening to the waves crashing against the moving boat. Our conversation, however short it’d been, had put me more at ease. I was in no way close to enjoying myself, but at least I didn’t feel in constant danger.
             
Our Blue-selves use the sailfish as a means of transportation all the time, so it ought to be safe
, I tried to convince myself.
              When wind ceased to bother me, I dared a glance above our interlaced fingers. It was difficult to differentiate the sky from the turquoise sea. Only a few islands here and there reminded me of what solid ground looked like. The stiffness in my neck slowly melted and soon enough, I was able to take a peek at Blue and Mr. Jensen to my left, both sound asleep, their heads facing us. I could not hear any sound, but the way Karl’s mouth was open made me wonder if he was snoring.
              Then my thoughts went to Gareth and how much he would have enjoyed this trip. He would have asked hundreds of questions about everything: what sort of fish could pull a boat, how one could build a strong enough boat made entirely of wood and rope to support five adults, what other types of fish lived under the surface of the ocean in Blue, and so much more! Though I hadn’t known Gareth very long, I missed his enthusiasm and inquiries, his cleverness and thirst for adventure…
              In an abrupt motion, Samera stirred beside me and opened her drowsy eyes, startling my thoughts. “Hey,” she said, though I had to read the word on her lips. She passed a hand in front of her face as if to wake herself up and added on a louder note, “Glad to see you’re still alive. Thought you might have a heart attack when we left the shore.”
              “Why, thanks for looking after me,” I replied, raising an eyebrow.
              The corner of her mouth lifted. “I knew you’d get used to it. Eventually.” Her gaze fell on Xander’s and my handgrip. “I see you’ve found a way to distract yourselves.”
              Embarrassed, I let go of Xander’s reassuring hand and returned to my life-saving rope. I was surprised at how relaxed I felt in doing so. I was indeed getting used to the sensation of flying; my shoulders and back adjusted to this new awareness and my body eased. In an attempt to change the subject, I told Samera I’d just been thinking about how Gareth would have loved to ride this boat. Unfortunately, her reaction wasn’t what I’d expected. Her eyes instantly filled with tears and she looked straight ahead, muttering something to herself too low to make any sense to me.
              “What is it?” I asked.
              Shaking her head, she replied, “Nothing. Nothing at all.”
              But it was obvious something was bothering her. I hadn’t predicted she would cry over Gareth’s conviction to have his memory erased and be sent to another country. And now this? She was too upset for someone who hadn’t known him for more than a month and hadn’t even seemed to like him in the first place. And why keep her feelings to herself? That was against her character.
              “Seriously, Sam, what’s bothering you?”
              “You wouldn’t understand,” she answered, straightening her back. Her red hair danced around her face, dissimulating her growing sadness, though no tear crossed the edge of her eyelashes.
                “We could try,” Xander said.
              Samera’s head spun to face him. “Not you too? Come on. Won’t you guys leave me to suffer on my own?” She threw one hand in the air in a dramatic gesture.
              Xander’s eyes locked with mine. Somehow we knew we were in agreement with each other. “Nope,” we replied in unison. “Never,” I continued.
              Her forehead moved forward and slightly hit the wood as she exhaled sharply. Then Sam muttered something like “All right,” and looked straight ahead. “I’m scared.”
              Xander and I looked at each other again and frowned, expecting an explanation. “Scared of what?” I asked.
              Annoyed, she groaned. But then I noticed she had a deadpan expression on her face, as if trying to conceal her thoughts. As though she thought I would Sojourn…
              Seconds passed and her features sagged into a frown and, lastly, into sorrow and agony. She wiped her hand across her face in an angry gesture. “I’m scared I won’t ever be as good as my mother!” she exploded. “She is the head of the Protectors, you know. As was my grandfather and his father before that. Being an only child, I will be expected to at least try out for the job. But how could I? How could I run such an important organization when I’m unable to keep my own friends safe?”
              “What are you talking about? You’re not—” Xander voiced.
              “You can’t deny it, you of all people,” Samera interrupted, her face a mix between scarlet and purple. Sam had never cried in front of me, and concealing her emotions right now seemed the hardest thing she’d ever done. “First Amya was in a coma for
six months
in total. Then you were turned into a Rascal… A Rascal! Under my surveillance! Then Gareth, even after my testimony at his trial, was sent to God knows where and stripped of his memories. And there’s Delilah, who’s now missing! It’s like I can’t help it.
              “I was trained to think of others before myself,” Sam continued. “My mother taught me the importance of being a good ruler and keeping the people I love safe from harm. She said that when I replace her as the leader in New York, I will have many responsibilities, like a mother responsible for her children. But in that case, my children will be the entire populace of the United States! How will I ever be ready for such a burden? I can’t!” She shook her head and fastened her hands to her eyes, pressing hard. “I can never be up to the task, not when I’m incapable of keeping my own friends safe.” Her fingers rested on her closed eyelids. “And that is
so dang frustrating!
” She leaned her head on her hands.
              We were silent for a moment; neither Xander nor I could find the proper reassuring words. “Oh!” Samera suddenly exclaimed. “And what a great idea it was to leave my family with you and Gareth and fly off to England to save Xander! Because of me, Danny, one of our best bodyguards, will never walk or speak again and my father was almost killed.
Killed!
Just because I was too stubborn to follow simple instructions.
Stay at HQ, Samera
, my mother warned. But nooo…”
              “It was my idea to leave, Sam,” I said. “I’m the one who suggested that—”
              “But you were my responsibility!” she snapped, looking directly into my eyes. Her nose was a dark shade of red. Moments later, the realization of her outburst hit her and she shook her head. “I’m sorry. This is not on you. I should have never told you how I feel. It is my responsibility to be obedient and to do as I’m told, not yours.”
              “Stop saying the word
responsibility
,” I said, more sharply than I had intended. I had never seen Samera so depressed. “Xander and I aren’t your responsibilities. You just turned nineteen last summer—and I wasn’t even there to celebrate!” I realized her birthday was last August, when I’d still been in a coma. Too preoccupied by my ability, the possible Third World War, and Xander’s trial, I had completely forgotten to buy her a late present.