Amber Flame (The Flame Series Book 4) (22 page)

He loved the sound. Maybe the bonding hadn’t happened, but he intended to make the most of their time together.

“I have an idea.” He gently rolled her onto her back next to him. “Stay right here.”

“What are you doing?” She lifted up on her elbows.

His lips quirked. “You’ll see.”

Hopping off the bed, he took her ankles in hand, then pulled her over to the side.

“Oh, my,” she murmured, her eyes wide once more.

When he dropped to his knees on the floor and spread her legs wide, her wolf’s voice uttered a howling growl.
Oh, Fergus, you do know how to please me,
slid from her mind to his.

He wasn’t about to leave Mary unsatisfied.

~ ~ ~

Mary lay on her back and gasped as Fergus’s tongue touched the sensitive folds of her sex. She groaned heavily. How did he know she needed this?

She’d felt like a failure, though she knew at the exact same time she didn’t need to feel that way.

But Fergus asking her to bond was a huge step for him and she’d felt the answering tug in her body that had told her it was possible. And she suddenly wanted it so much.

Yet, no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t complete the connection.

She just didn’t know why.

She also thought that Fergus taking their lovemaking into the bedroom was an extraordinary act of perception and kindness.

As her body began to heat up again with each lick of his tongue, as shivers chased themselves up and down the insides of her thighs, her heart warmed as well. Tears sprouted to her eyes. She felt so much in this moment. She knew she was in love with Fergus. But right now she
loved
him.

Desire began to rise again, even more intense than before He’d proven himself in a way he’d probably never understand, and she felt her heart reach for him. The deep, internal tugging sensation within her abdomen returned, and she wondered if now she could bond with him.

But her fae senses rose, and she had an insight that startled her. The bond hadn’t failed because of her, but because Fergus wasn’t ready.

This was about Fergus. Not her.

She glanced down at him, at the sensuality of his movements, of his tongue and his mouth, his long black hair dragging over her skin with each glide of his head. He was loving on her sex the way he’d been with her from the first, a perfect, attentive lover.

She reached down and stroked his hair, the ends wet from the bath. He looked up at her, his dark eyes laden with passion.

Are you enjoying my tongue, Mary?

“Yes,” she whispered. “But I want more. Take me from behind, Fergus, right now. I want your teeth on my neck again, but in real-time.”

Fergus rose and leaped at her. She was airborne before she’d finished the sentence.

As he’d been in the dreamglide, he clamped his jaws around the back of her neck, securing her before he entered her.

She howled. And with the arch of her neck, his wolf teeth moved, accommodating her, yet holding her tight at the same time. The pleasure of this act was more intense than anything she’d ever known.

She felt him take his cock in hand and position himself at her opening. He pushed inside in strong thrusts and she grunted with each one, then howled again.

When he set a strong rhythm, his wolf-jaw holding her in place, she felt the same internal bonding tug that seemed to reach toward her sex. Yet this time, she also felt the wall between them that now made sense, and it emanated from Fergus.

She wouldn’t be his alpha-mate. Not tonight.

Yet right now, it didn’t matter. She loved being with him, sharing his body and enjoying the wildness of sex with him. It was enough.

You’re mine, Mary.

I’m yours.
Love for him flowed through her, combining with a sudden wave of pure passion, driving her toward ecstasy. She loved his mind and his heart, the strength of his body, his commitment to the pack.

The feel of him holding her tight with the animal power of his jaw lit up her sex. She began to howl in long, thrilling cries.

He released her neck so he could howl as well. His hands gripped her and held her in place as he plowed into her from behind.

Ecstasy poured over her sex as he began to release into her. His howls continued to join with hers, electrifying her sex. The orgasm was like a series of tall waves that kept crashing down on her then lifting her up and taking her to the heights all over again.

She howled as she peaked repeatedly. Sweat poured from her body, and she shook all over. Fergus howled and wolf-grunted, his hips jerking as he filled her full of his seed.

When at last his hips began to slow, she found it hard to catch her breath. She felt so much in this moment, the breadth of her love for him, how much she admired him, and how thoroughly his wolfness satisfied her. She’d never known a man like Fergus before and until he’d seduced her in the dreamglide, she would never have believed she could feel this way about a wolf.

~ ~ ~

Fergus held Mary tight against him. His cock was still buried inside her, and his heart thundered in his ears. Despite the failed bonding effort, he felt satisfied beyond words. His soul was full as he held her and slowly rocked her. “Have I thanked you for you all that you’ve done for me?”

“It’s been one of the greatest pleasures of my life to be with you and to help you stay alive.” She gasped for air, still struggling to catch her breath.

Slowly he lowered her to the bed, while supporting his weight with his forearms so he didn’t crush her. “I want to say the words anyway. Thank you, Mary. You’ve done so much for me these last few weeks, and especially over the past two days. I’m overwhelmed by how much you’ve changed my life.”

“Same here, Fergus. And I mean that with all my heart.”

He kissed her neck several times, then drew out of her. He reached for the box of tissues on the nightstand, grabbing a handful. She’d need them; he’d left a lot of himself behind.

She took them and as she rolled onto her side, she tucked them between her legs.

He turned to face her and stretched out on his side as well. She was so beautiful. Her blond hair was damp, which emphasized her strong cheekbones, her perfect straight nose, and her lips still plump from sex. Her rose-and-yarrow scent was rich in the air, swirling around her and keeping him in a partially aroused state.

His time with her had meant so much to him, but he had to address the difficulty. “We didn’t bond.”

She reached for him and rubbed the back of her hand down his cheek. “I wanted to.”

His new fae senses told him she spoke the truth. “I know you did.” In order for Mary to be accepted as an alpha-mate in his pack, she would have to release a special scent that the entire pack could recognize. It would be similar to the flowery scent he could smell right now, but it would carry his wolf musk as well. Unfortunately, she smelled the same to him, delicious and wonderful, but unbonded.

On some level, he wasn’t surprised. Not even the powerful female wolves who’d tried to bond with him in the past had been able to do it. What chance was there that Mary could?

He leaned close and kissed her cheek. “I need you to understand how impossible this might be for us.”

“Actually, I do understand. But there’s something I feel I should tell you, about why we didn’t bond just now.”

He felt her hesitation and for some reason it made him uneasy. “Tell me. Whatever it is you need to say to me, I’m here to listen.”

She released a rough, wolfish sigh. “First, I need you to know something else. Your wife’s been here. She’s been talking to me, telling me things. At first, I thought she meant only to give me a push here and there, to help me have the courage to press on. Right now, however, I’m not so sure.”

“Sharon? As in her ghost? She’s appeared to you and spoken with you?”

Mary nodded slowly. “Several times.”

Fergus was stunned. Ghosts often made themselves known to
alter
species, but his wife addressing his current lover felt weird by any standard.

“I don’t get it. What has she been saying about me?” His uneasiness returned.

“She knew I was needed in Savage to help keep you safe, for one thing. But she really hasn’t talked a lot about you. Mostly, she’s said things about herself, her frustrations, and her guilt.”

Fergus rose from his reclining position to sit on the side of the bed, his back to Mary. He planted his hands on either side of his thighs. His heart started beating hard. He could feel a terrible truth emerging, something he didn’t want to face, but which his fae senses could feel swirling around him like a swarm of wasps, ready to strike.

“I don’t want to talk about my deceased wife.” To say the least. “Maybe we should drop this.”

He felt the mattress rock as Mary left the bed. From his peripheral, he watched her head to the bathroom. “I understand,” she said quietly.

He’d never really figured Sharon out, not even before they went through the
alter
transformation. Her temperament had always been so different from his. He’d been a typical, work-focused man, ambitious, intent on building their resort and later marketing it nationwide. He’d even been considering running for state office, then the wolf
alter
serum had ended all his plans.

But he hadn’t been completely blind about Sharon, either. In the back of his head, he’d known she would have hated political life. Living in Five Bridges as the wife of a border patrol officer had been equally as unfulfilling for her. The trouble was, he’d suggested dozens of alternatives through the years, before and after their exile to the province. His only conclusion had been that her chronic discontentment combined with his tunneled focus on the Gordion Pack had led her to stray. As a result, his marriage had fallen apart long before she died.

But he’d never stopped blaming himself for her death, not really. Yet, when he looked back, he didn’t see how he could have made a difference in her life. Still, it was a terrible failure and he was partly to blame.

Mary called from the bathroom. “I can’t resist trying on at least one of these negligees.”

He hardly knew what to say to that. What did he care about lacy sleeping garments when he was so full of guilt? “They were meant for you,” he said at last.

He heard the hair-blower going and vaguely wondered why Mary was drying her hair.

He sat staring through the French glass doors at the well-lit, private garden right outside the guest room. The compound had several like this. Sharon had designed them to be spots of beauty in their world. She had a gift for decor; he’d give her that. The Sedona resort had reflected her careful eye.

“This is Sharon’s work, isn’t it?” Mary’s voice sounded from the bathroom doorway. “The patio, I mean.”

He turned and the air in his lungs refused to leave his body for a long, difficult moment. She now wore the black lace gown and was so beautiful to his wolf eyes that he fell speechless. Her pale skin showed through the lace, and she’d dried and brushed out her long blond hair so that it floated around her shoulders and down her back.

She moved to stand in front of the garden. “The purple lantana is always beautiful this time of year. Even the lighting in this space is gorgeous. Sharon created this, didn’t she?”

Fergus rose to stand beside her. His throat hurt. “She did. I remember how excited she was. I’d recently become alpha and one of my first projects was building a proper home for Sharon and me that would be a small adjunct to what later became the Gordion Compound.”

“So you built all of this?” She waved a hand to encompass the entire complex.

“I did. We needed massive, belowground, soundproof rooms where our wolves could let loose at will. I also wanted similar communal areas, like the dining hall. But Sharon had insisted on small gardens outside our private living areas. I fought her on them.”

“Why?” Mary asked. “I have gardens like this in Revel.”

He literally turned his back to the space. He wasn’t sure if it was guilt he was experiencing or what. “We fought constantly the first year I led the Gordion Pack.” He was frowning so hard, his whole face felt like it was being punched. “But you have to understand, I was trying to keep everyone alive. I couldn’t worry about plants and trees. Oh, God.” He pivoted to angle himself toward Mary.

She in turn shifted toward him, though her arms were crossed over her chest. “What? Say it, Fergus. It’s important.”

“She said I cared more about the pack than her.”

“Did you?”

“No.” The idea appalled him. “Of course not.”

Yet, with an astounding amount of pain he realized he felt the same way about Mary right now as he had about Sharon. “And yet … Oh, shit. It was me. I did care more about the pack.” He hit his chest hard with his fist. “Fuck, it was me. I was the reason, the cause. I’d never seen it before. But the faeness now living inside me won’t let me ignore the truth. My wolf … My wolf was happy to blame Sharon. How many times did I call her ‘needy’ when I knew she was just expressing normal wants and desires?”

He moved to the side of the bed and sat down again. He rubbed his forehead. Another truth hit him hard as he lifted his gaze to Mary once more. Earlier, she’d tried to tell him something else when she’d first mentioned Sharon, but he said he didn’t want to talk about any of it. “The bond failed because of me, didn’t it? That’s what you wanted to tell me earlier when I shut you down? I thought it was you, but now I know the truth. You couldn’t join with me, because I wouldn’t let you. I couldn’t. Just like I couldn’t let any of my female wolves mate with me after Sharon died.”

Mary nodded slowly, her expression solemn. “That’s what I believe as well.”

He rose once more, crossed to her, then took her arms gently in his hands. “I’m trying to understand, but you’re feeling it as well, aren’t you? That I’m not here with you, not as I should be for a wolf asking you to bond with him?”

She nodded. “I’m not blaming you, Fergus. You don’t have to be anything to me. And I think I understand. You have the pack to think about now, and I know your wolves take precedence above everything else.”