Amish Circle Letters II: The Second Circle of Letters (2 page)

With that, the wedding ceremony was over. Steve looked at Mimi, a smile on his lips and sparkle in his eyes. After years alone and having given up on love, Steve Fisher had become a husband. As he looked at his wife, he realized that God’s plans were not always clear at first. But today, Steve realized that he would not have changed one thing. For today, he had married Mimi Hostetler, the only woman who had ever touched his heart.

“
Katie Fisher!” Melvin said, smiling as he greeted his friend-cousin. “I saw you fidgeting during the ceremony!”

“Did not!” she quickly retorted, although she knew that he probably was telling the truth. Two wedding ceremonies in two weeks was an awful lot of sitting, especially since they had church service last Sunday in between. And she wasn
’t looking forward to John David’s the following week. After all, those hard wooden benches were not comfortable by any stretch of the imagination and sitting there for three hours was hard.

Not wanting to upset her, Melvin quickly changed the subject. “I heard that Butterscotch might be returning to your farm,
ja
?”

She nodded, her eyes suddenly sparkling and his teasing immediately forgotten. “
Oh ja! Next weekend,
Daed
said that Eleanor is coming to bring the pony to our farm for the rest of the winter. I sure can’t wait! Just think,” she said, gushing and clasping her hands together before her chest. “I’ll get to see her every day!”

At those words, Melvin felt his heart fall. He didn
’t want to remind her that, with Butterscotch leaving the Miller farm, she would probably be seeing him less. “Guess that’s lucky for Butterscotch,” he mumbled. “But not for me.”

“Oh,” Katie said softly, almost as if it was a gentle intake of air. “I hadn
’t thought of it that way.” She reached out and placed her hand on his arm. “I bet Mary Ruth will bring you to visit us. And we can always write during the week. It’s always right gut fun to get a letter in the mailbox…like pen pals.”

That idea didn
’t sound enticing at all.
Pen pals?
“That sounds great,” he said with absolutely no enthusiasm in his voice.

When she realized that Melvin was being sarcastic, Katie put her hand on his hip and stared at him. “Melvin Yoder!”

He looked at her sheepishly.

But she wasn
’t finished scolding him. “You should be happy for me, instead of feeling sorry for yourself. And I can always ride out to visit with you when Steve comes to fetch his wife on Fridays and bring her home on Sundays!” She glanced over her shoulder in the direction of her newly-married uncle who was sitting in the corner table with his bride, enjoying their wedding meal. “Why, I bet he wouldn’t mind at all!”

“You think?”

Katie nodded her head, determined that she could resolve that situation if Steve permitted her to accompany him. “And I heard whisper that Grossmammi is having a quilting bee for Mary Ruth. She didn’t have time to make a proper wedding quilt.” Katie gave a smug smile, pleased with herself for having solved the problem of how to visit with Melvin. “If Mary Ruth comes over, she’ll bring the
kinner
, for sure and certain.”

“If
Daed
doesn’t need my help,” Melvin added, a hint of doubt in his voice. “Although he sure does seem to spend an awful lot of time in the barn doing work by himself.”

That caught Katie
’s attention. “What’s he doing out there? Sure ain’t much work to do in the winter,” she said. “That’s why weddings are held in November!”

“Married people sure do confuse me,” Melvin ventured. This, he thought, is my chance to ask her. “Everything was
wunderbaar
gut
before they got married. Now they barely talk to each other. Is that how it is at your house? I didn’t pay much attention when my mamm was alive.”

Katie made a face. “That doesn
’t sound like Mary Ruth at all. She’s always been a talker. In fact, my mamm says I take after her.”

“Oh she talks,” Melvin corrected. “Just not to my
daed
and he not to her. I wonder why.”

Katie shrugged, quickly losing interest in the topic of their conversation. “Courtships over, I reckon. Not much to talk about then.” She jumped up from her seat. “Come on, Melvin. Let
’s sneak outside and see if we can find any cats in the barn. Mayhaps there’s some kittens out there that we can play with!”

Together, they wove their way through the throngs of people and slipped out the back door to head to the small barn shared between the Hostetlers
’ and their neighbor in order to keep their family’s horse and buggy.

“Mary Ruth, what
’s wrong with you?”

Rachel had noticed something was wrong with her youngest sister right away. She hadn
’t seen Mary Ruth since the previous week when she had married Menno. Gone was the sparkly, sassy sister and, in her place, was a sullen, downcast woman. Her face was drawn and pale, her eyes had dark circles, and she appeared to have lost weight. Clearly, she was not well. And, with Rachel’s husband sick with cancer, anyone who was sick concerned her.

Immediately after the wedding service, Rachel had found reason to take Mary Ruth aside to speak to her privately. Grabbing her youngest sister
’s hand, she had led her away from the gathering. They had slipped into the washroom and Rachel had shut the door so that no one would overhear their conversation.

“I
’d prefer not to speak about it,” Mary Ruth whispered, clearly fighting tears. She stood there with her arms crossed over her chest, refusing to meet Rachel’s worried eyes.

“What
’s the matter?” Rachel demanded. This was not the Mary Ruth that she had grown up with. Indeed, a moment of panic washed over Rachel and she placed her hands on her sister’s shoulders. “Are you ill?”

For a moment, Mary Ruth lifted her eyes, staring at the ceiling in the washroom. If only it was that simple, she thought. But she didn
’t say that. Instead, she blinked her eyes and fought the sob that threatened to escape from her throat. Her cheeks flushed red and she shook her head. She was simply unable to talk.

“Tell me, Mary Ruth. Is it the
kinner
? Is it Menno? Has something happened?”

Mary Ruth shook her head, squeezing her eyes shut. But it was too late. The tears began to fall. “That
’s just it,” she managed to say. “Nothing has happened!”

Rachel frowned and looked at her sister, confused by Mary Ruth
’s admission. “I don’t understand,” Rachel confessed. “What do you mean ‘nothing has happened’? Clearly something has happened to have you so upset. This just isn’t like you.”

Mary Ruth wiped at her eyes, a frustrated sigh escaping her lips. Shaking her head, she repeated what she had previously said. “
Nothing h
as happened, Rachel.
Nothing
.” For the first time, she looked at her sister, a harsh look on her face. “Don’t you get it?”

Pursing her lips, Rachel shook her head. She had no idea what Mary Ruth was saying. She just wasn
’t making sense. If nothing had happened, why was she crying? “
Nee
, Sister. I don’t get it.”

“Do I really have to spell this out?” Mary Ruth almost laughed through her tears. “It
’s humiliating enough as it is.”

“Spell out what?”

Her eyes narrowed and a fierce look crossed her face as Mary Ruth’s tears suddenly stopped and she glared at nothing. Her chest rose and fell as she took long, deep breaths, trying to calm herself before she spoke. “I’m not his true wife, Rachel. We are married in name only!”

At this revelation, Rachel took a short little intake of air and her hand fluttered to her throat. “Oh.”

“That’s right. ‘
Oh
.’” Mary Ruth said bitterly. “I don’t know what I have done wrong or why he doesn’t want me as his wife in that way. I can only surmise that he doesn’t love me, that it was all a ploy to get someone there to take care of the children.” She lifted her hand to her forehead as if fighting a headache. “Our wedding night…he could barely look at me. He went to bed and when I finally went to him, he was sleeping! In the morning, I tried to help him with the cows and he wouldn’t speak to me. Ever since then, at night, he goes to bed after supper and is sleeping when I go to the room. I’m living in a world of silence, Rachel. And, let me tell you, it’s too loud!”

If Rachel suspected something was wrong with her sister, she never would have suspected this was the root of the problem. She wasn
’t certain how to formulate a response. Such intimate details of a married couple’s lives stayed behind closed doors and were never discussed…at least not in Rachel’s experience. “You need to speak to him,” Rachel offered as a meek solution. “You need to ask what is bothering him.”

“
Ask him?” Mary Ruth gasped at the thought. “Ask him what?”

“
Well,” Rachel tried to answer, feeling increasingly uncomfortable with the conversation. “Ask him why he has not been a true husband yet.”

Mary Ruth stared at her sister, the color rising to her cheeks and her mouth hanging open in disbelief. “I could never!” she whispered, shocked at the suggestion. “He
’d think me brazen and forward for certain!”

Rachel thought for a moment. She had never heard of such a situation. Of course, people wouldn
’t talk about the behind-the-doors moments in a marriage, certainly not outside of a sister-friendship. But none of their other sisters had ever had reason to share such details. Rachel wasn’t certain what type of advice to give to her sister. She could sense her sister’s stress and understood how such a situation could completely deconstruct an individual. Rachel felt her heart break for her sister, wishing she knew what to say or how to help.

Turn to God,
she thought. It was the only advice that she could consider sharing with Mary Ruth.

Rachel reached out for her sister
’s hand and held it in her own. She waited until Mary Ruth looked at her. “You need to pray, Sister. Pray to God for guidance. Only God knows what is going on inside of your husband’s heart and head. God will answer your prayers, I know it.” She tried to smile but knew that it was forced. “And I’ll pray for you, Mary Ruth.”

“Pray?” Mary Ruth stared at her sister, hopeful that Rachel had a solution.

Rachel nodded as she admitted, “It’s all that I can think to do.”

When they returned to the main room, Menno was looking for his wife. As he approached her, Mary Ruth stiffened and immediately looked away. An awkward silence fell between the two of them as Menno watched his wife and Mary Ruth avoided his gaze.

Feeling uncomfortable and sensing the need for the two of them to be alone, Rachel quietly excused herself. She couldn’t even look at Menno, not after what Mary Ruth had just confided to her. Menno glanced at Rachel when she hurried off to find her own children, mumbling that they needed to return home to check on Elijah who had not been well enough to attend.

After they were alone, Menno continued to stare down at his wife. He searched her face as if wanting to say something to her. Mary Ruth knew that he noticed her red eyes and blotchy cheeks. The shame of having cried to her sister forced her to look away, her shoulders hunched over in self-depreciation.

“We should be going soon,” he said at last. “Need to get evening chores done.”

She nodded her head.

“Guess you can get the
kinner
then,
ja
?”

Once again, she nodded. She feared that she would burst into tears if she tried to speak. She felt humiliated and embarrassed for having shared that dreadful secret with her sister.

Menno stood there for a moment, hesitating as if he wanted to say something. Mary Ruth looked at him, surprised that he hadn’t walked away. His eyes didn’t look angry, not today. Instead, there was worry on his face. He seemed to study her, his eyes taking in her expression. She wondered what he saw. She wished he saw her frustration, her desire to be a good wife to him in all ways. She hoped that he saw that she had fallen in love with him but it had taken a sharp U-turn with his silence and broodiness.

“Menno?” she asked.

He shook his head. “Nothing,” was his clipped response. “Best go harness the buggy.” With that, he turned and walked away.

Great,
she thought.
Just great
. Her heart was heavy as she watched him find his hat and say a quick goodbye to Steve who was standing among his parents and Mimi’s family near the main door to the Hostetler’s house. She wondered what she could have done to prevent him from turning against her. His apparent disdain seemed to appear out of nowhere.

Ignoring the pain inside of her chest, she started walking over to where the
kinner
were seated. Suzanna looked up as Mary Ruth approached and smiled. She had lost a tooth earlier in the week and the gaping hole in her smile brought a moment of joy to Mary Ruth’s heart. If nothing else, she had the love of the
kinner
and that, alone, was worth the sacrifice.