Amongst The Flames: A Contemporary Christian Romance (Embers and Ashes Book 1) (14 page)

T
he morning after finding out about my wife’s greatest betrayal, I sat on the edge of the bed of my hotel and wept. All the training and the burning buildings I had run into to save this person or that person. None of it could prepare me for the greatest rescue of my life, my own marriage.

My wife had committed the ultimate sin, and Biblically, I had every right to divorce her. I could toss her out like the leftover greasy fast food burger that I hadn’t finished from last night at dinner that was sitting on my nightstand. That burger—much like how I viewed my wife in that moment— was cheap, useless and of little nutritional value. Is that what I want? I wondered as I eyeballed the grease ball over on my nightstand. Do I want to toss her out?

My boys began to press on my mind. Then I picked up the glass coaster on the nightstand and chucked it against the wall, shattering it instantly. I felt trapped. They were just innocent kids caught in the crossfire. They needed me as a dad and a leader in their life. There wasn’t any possible way to do that if they lived in Seattle with their mother and aunt.

Sitting down on the bed, I ran my fingers through my hair and sighed heavily. Spotting the corner of my Bible in my duffle bag across the room, I felt drawn to the Scriptures. I needed God to be my God. I began reading James chapter one over again.

2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

Joy? I paused my reading to reflect inwardly. Was I joyful over my trials? My father-in-law was dead and I had just learned of my wife’s infidelity in our marriage. I picked up my cell phone from the nightstand and powered it back on. I had shut it off the night before after Megan attempted to call me over twenty times. It came back on and I phoned the one man I knew who could help.

“Hey Brother,” Micah answered.

“I’m struggling with a passage…”

“Which one?”

“James-”

He interrupted me. “Happiness is not the same as joy.”

“Wait. I didn’t even tell you where I was talking about.”

“I know. But I know the exact passage you’re struggling with. James one verse two.”

I glanced down at my scriptures and smiled. “Yep.”

“Yeah… That’s a tough one to wrap your mind around. Especially in a time like you are in right now.”

“I know… so how is joy and happiness different? I always thought they kind of went together.”

“Nope. Different.”

“How?”

“Happiness is always fleeting, never permanent. Joy abides deep within your soul and remains.”

“Okay…”

“Are you looking at the passage right now?” Micah asked.

“Yeah.”

“Read the next two verses, three and four.”

“Because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”

Micah replied, “You get the joy when you remain steadfast in your faith. God is with you and working through trials… that brings you the joy that doesn’t go away like happiness can.”

“I’m still kind of lost.”

“That’s fine. It’s a little confusing. Think of it this way, Brother. Joy relies on your faith, while happiness relies on your circumstances."

I nodded as it began to click. “So, basically I’m not supposed to be thrilled about the trials and difficulties, but instead I’ll find joy as I move through them with God.”

“Yes. But hey, I got to go. I just walked into the hardware store and need to ask a worker here a question.”

“Oh, okay. I’ll talk to you later.”

I hung up and bowed my head to pray. I asked God for joy to fill my soul. Raising my eyes from prayer, I saw a ray of sunshine beaming through the edge of the curtain of my hotel window. It drew me from the bed. I walked into the light and let the sunshine warm my skin. God is with me, I thought as a smile broke across my face and a supernatural peace and quietness came over me. This peace that was inside me was nothing short of a miracle. It was nothing that the world could provide. It was a divine intervention to help me in my moment of need.

Peering out the curtain of the hotel room, I spotted an elderly couple across the street at a local diner. They were laughing, talking and enjoying a pleasant conversation. The strangest part to me was they were so old. My wife and I were at least forty years younger, but never had that much laughter and excitement over a simple meal. I felt inclined to go meet this couple. I grabbed my coat, slipped on my shoes and headed out of my room.

In the attempts to not disrupt the patrons of the establishment, I took a table near the couple and ordered a coffee. I listened in on their conversation for ten or so minutes. The conversation was random and about their kids, the pier and the sunset they saw last night. Becoming weary of the idle chit-chat, I got up and went over to their table.

“What’s your secret?” I asked.

The man’s gray and wild eyebrows shot up. “Secret about what young man?”

The woman on the other side of the table said, “The boy is asking about our marriage, Ralph!” Her voice was elevated, but she wasn’t angry, just smiling.

Ralph looked over at her and grinned as he nodded. “The secret is, you accept her no matter how much she irritates you!”

“Oh shut it you ol’ geezer!” The woman laughed.

“Just keep smiling and loving God, that’s all you can do. I will admit it was harder when we were younger, but it got better with age. Like a fine wine.”

“Thank you,” I said smiling. “I needed to hear that.” Their waitress returned to their table and began clearing plates, and I returned to my seat.

Sipping my coffee at my table, I retrieved my phone from my pocket and went into my voicemail to listen to Megan’s messages from last night.

The first voicemail was a few moments of sniffling and crying.

The second one was Megan trying to talk while at the same time crying. “Cole… I don’t know what I was doing or why I was doing it… And I’m sorry you didn’t hear it from me. I’m so lost and broken right now… Please call me.”

The third one was a few words of vulgarity.

The fourth one, she wasn’t crying at all. She was recalling one of our first dates. “Remember when I snuck out of my parents’ house and met you in the back alley? I thought my dad was going to shoot you in the head when you brought me back home that night and he was sitting on the back porch with his shotgun in hand…” She laughed and then began crying. “I miss him so much… babe…. I mean, oops, sorry. I can’t call you that. Goodbye.” She hung up.

The fifth and final voicemail was Megan in shambles. With broken words and a hurting heart, she said, “I love you, Cole, and I need you. I’m sorry I was so scared to tell you… and more importantly, I’m sorry it happened.”

Hanging up my cell phone, I set it down on the table and took another drink of my coffee. I needed to be there for my wife, not because she deserved it, not because of the boys, but because I made a vow to God on our wedding day to be there through thick and thin. It was just like Tom was trying to say to me at dinner that one night. And I knew right then with God providing me the peace and strength I needed, I was equipped to stay with my wife.

Buzz. My phone vibrated with a text message from Megan.

I’m going to travel with Amanda and Mike to Spokane. FYI… The funeral is in two days, on Tuesday.

I called her.

“What?” she answered, her tone was cold and distant.

“Umm… Bad time?”

“No. What is it?”

“I heard your messages… I want to make this work Megan.”

“Well, I need to be here for Amanda.”

My waitress came over to my table and set the check down for the coffee. “Did you want a refill?” she asked.

I shook my head and slid out of the seat. “I’m going to get going, keep the change,” I said. I grabbed my wallet from my back pocket and dropped a five dollar bill on the table. Then I made my way out of the diner.

“Sorry, you still there?” I said into the phone as I began walking across the street back towards my hotel.

“Yeah, I’m here.”

“Okay. I understand you want to be there for Amanda… but your messages sounded like—”

“I know what they said. I’m just confused right now, Cole. Okay?”

“I can’t be there for you if you don’t let me be.”

“Just stop, Cole. Just be there for me… from a distance. I know I’m sending mixed messages… but I don’t know what else to say.”

I paused for a moment as I searched my mind for words. “Are you at least not seeing the guy anymore?”

“Heavens no, Cole. It was a one-time thing… It’s over.”

Her answer created another hundred questions, but I had to refrain from asking more. “Okay…” I let out a sigh. “So you’re going to travel with Amanda back to Spokane?”

“Yeah.”

“Alright. I’ll come by and kiss the boys on my way to the airport tonight.”

“Okay…” she went quiet for a moment before continuing, “Cole?”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you,” she said softly.

“For what?”

“Everything… It’s so hard to process all that’s going on inside of me right now… and I just want to say thanks.”

“You’re welcome.”

Hanging up the call with Megan, I didn’t feel good. My mind constantly jumped back to this mysterious guy that she had been involved with. Who was he? What was his name? What’d they do? The questions were never-ending, but I knew I might never know. I prayed for God to quiet my mind and help me.

That evening I boarded my flight back to Spokane and took a window seat near the back of the plane. As I got settled into my seat, I saw a mother with two toddlers coming down the aisle. One boy and one girl latched onto each one of the woman’s hands. They were grabbing at magazines and fighting all the way to their seat. I felt instantly bad for the woman and offered to put her carry-on bag in the overhead compartment for her.

“Thanks,” she said with a relieved sigh. “Do you have kids?”

“I do,” I replied. “Two boys, two and three years old.”

She nodded as she glanced over at the boy and girl. “Mine are the same age… They can be so difficult!” She laughed.

I nodded. Seeing her reach over and put her son back into his seat, I noticed she didn’t have a ring on her left hand. “You’re not married?”

“No,” she replied. “I’ve been a single Mom for a year now.”

“How’s that going?”

She sighed. “Honestly? It’s hard…” Glancing over at her kids, she continued, “But I am happier now.”

More people came down the aisle wanting to get to their seats. “I’ll see ya around,” I said to her and returned to my own seat.

As I watched the people come down the aisle, I thought of Megan. She loaded our boys up on a plane and took off across the state to leave me behind in Spokane. She had planned the whole thing and was determined. She even cheated on me. And now, after her dad passed away she might want me back? I bowed my head and prayed. I prayed to God to help guide my steps forward. If I were to keep Megan as my wife and make it work, I’d need God to help me move past the mountain of issues between us.

T
he funeral procession down Division Street from the funeral home to the cemetery was the largest one I had ever seen in my life. Firefighters from across Spokane and even across the state came to pay their respects to Tom. Police motorcycles led the procession, followed by a marching band, which included drums and bagpipes. Fire trucks, police cars and the hearse behind them. Friends and family were in vehicles at the very back, followed by more police.

At the reception that followed the services, one firefighter made his way over to our family’s table. I hadn’t seen him before, but I suspected he was just there like the other firefighters that came to pay his respects for Tom. As he whispered into Megan’s ear, I surveyed the room with my eyes and saw a ghostly expression on Mike’s face as he sat at our table next to Amanda.

“What?” I mouthed to Mike.

His eyes widened as he nodded the direction of Megan and the firefighter.

Turning, I looked at Megan and the guy as anger crept its way into my heart. I zeroed in on the conversation he and Megan were having and listened in the best I could from across the table.

“I told you not to come here!” Megan snapped at the man.

“I said I couldn’t get the day off, but I did, and I came straight here after leaving the station.”

“I don’t care! I never asked you to come. Get out of here and go home!” she insisted. The man stormed out of the reception.

“What was that about?” I asked as I turned and looked at the door he left through. “Are you guys dating?” I asked Megan with my eyebrows lifted.

“No…” Megan replied.

“I need more punch,” I said. Standing up I headed over to the table where the punch bowl was and Megan came up behind me. She grabbed my arm and pulled me around to her.

“I don’t know why he came here. He called yesterday, and I tried to tell him to leave me alone, but I guess he didn’t fully understand what that meant.”

I shrugged. “Okay…” I didn’t like him showing up, but there wasn’t much I could do. We walked back over to the table and overheard Amanda talking to Mike.

“Cole had his chance… it’s time for her to move on that’s why I invited him,” Amanda said.

Megan grabbed Amanda’s shoulder and yanked her in her seat to face her. “Really?” Megan asked. “After all we’ve went through, and all the help I’ve provided around your house… You know how much I love Cole. Why would you tell Chase to come here?”

Amanda glared up at me and said, “Yep. I think Cole had his chance with you already. Plus, I don’t want you leaving Seattle, Sis… I like the help.”

“I can’t believe you!” Megan snapped at her and darted out of the reception hall crying.

I ran out of the double doors of the church after her and found her in the parking lot. She was sitting on the curb crying into her arms as they were folded over her knees.

Sitting down next to her, I put my arm around her shoulders and rubbed softly. She began crying harder.

“I’m sorry for what Amanda did to you…”

“It’s not your fault,” she said, raising her head. “She’s just being selfish…”

I nodded.

Megan looked over at me and the tears stopped for a moment. “You’re so good to me… and I don’t deserve it.”

“I love you, Megan.”

She looked back out into the parking lot and I began rubbing her shoulder again. “I know I haven’t done a good job of showing you that love…” I started to say. Then I softly lifted her fallen chin and brought her face towards mine as I continued, “But it’s really here to stay. And I’m going to spend the rest of my life proving that to you.”

She smiled through the tears streaming down her cheek and leaned her head against my shoulder. I wrapped my arms around her and held her close to my chest. Comforting her, easing the pain. “I can’t believe my dad’s really gone…” she said with a soft and broken voice. “I don’t know what I would have done without you by my side today…”

“There’s nowhere I’d rather have been,” I replied, tightening my hold.

We came back inside and to our table. Rick, Kane and Brian came over to where we were sitting.

“We’re going to play a round of golf in remembrance of the Captain tomorrow,” Kane said.

Shaking my head, I said, “Not this time.” I picked up my chair and brought it around the table closer to Megan and set it down next to her. Wrapping an arm around her shoulders, I said, “We’re going to take some time as a family.”

Kane nodded and said, “Maybe next time.”

“Maybe,” I replied with a respectful nod. They walked away from the table and Megan rested her head against my shoulder.

“You could have gone… I wouldn’t have minded,” she said softly.

Shaking my head, I turned my sights from the guys and looked her in the eyes. “I don’t want to golf, I want to be home. With you. With the boys.”

“I love you,” she said.

Kissing the side of her head, I said, “I love you, too.”

After arriving home that afternoon we put the boys down for a nap and collapsed from the exhaustion of the day onto the couch. Looking over at me, she said, “I’m glad to be back at home.”

Looking over at her, I asked with a humorous tone, “You don’t miss Amanda’s?”

She laughed. “You know her kids are nuts. They were bouncing off the walls the entire time I was there… I hated it.” Her words were soft and delicate.

“Shouldn’t have left in the first place, I guess?” I laughed.

She didn’t return the laugh this time. Instead, she got up off the couch and proceeded into the laundry room. I followed after her and grabbed her arm gently and turned her to me. “What’d I do?” I asked.

“I’m sorry… I’m being too sensitive. I just want to move on past the whole Seattle thing.”

I nodded as I watched the water pour into the top of the washer. I wasn’t over Seattle, but I knew that she was at home, with me and with our family. The look in her eyes throughout the day, the broken words she was speaking that dripped with regret over what she had done. I brought my hands up to her face and lifted her cheeks up to make eye contact with her. “It’s going to be hard, love, but we’ll get through this, together. I’m sorry about the offhanded comment… I didn’t mean to hurt you with it. I wasn’t thinking, and that was wrong of me.”

“I have no right to be upset…”

“Just because you made a mistake doesn’t mean I don’t need to treat you with respect and love. And I especially need to quit bringing it up, even offhandedly… that way we can get past this and move forward.”

Later that evening, while we were eating dinner at the table as a family, Megan asked, “When are you going back to work?”

“Probably sometime next week,” I said.

“Oh…” she replied, pushing her corn around on her plate with the tip of her fork.

“Why? What’s on your mind?” I asked.

Megan began crying.

“What’s wrong, love?” I asked, setting my fork down and placing my hand on top of hers.

She wiped her tears and said, “I don’t want you to get hurt, Cole.”

I came around to her, squeezing by Bradley’s high chair. Putting my arm around her shoulders, I kissed her cheek and lifted her chin. “I’ll be safe, I promise.”

She nodded. “I just can’t help but worry…”

“It’ll be okay,” I said, returning to my chair.

She erupted in tears again.

“What?”

She shook her head as she put her hands against her temples. “I just still can’t believe he’s really gone, Cole. My dad… he’s just… gone.”

Justin and Bradley were staring at her. I made eye contact with Justin and he asked, “Mommy hurt?”

“She’s sad Grandpa went to heaven.”

“Grandpa… heaven?” Justin asked.

Megan broke out in a smile through the tears and wiped her cheeks as she nodded to Justin. “Yep, he’s in heaven with all the angels and Jesus now and Grandpa James —Daddy’s dad.”

Wanting to shift the subject, I asked, “Did Mike and Amanda make amends? I saw they were glued at the hip pretty much all day.”

“No… Mike just came to support his kids and ex-wife through the painful process. He’s done with her.”

I nodded.

“Why are you nodding your head yeah?” Megan asked.

I shrugged. “Just acknowledging what you said.”

“You weren’t agreeing? Like he’s doing the right thing?”

“No… I just was acknowledging what you said.”

“Okay. Do you think Amanda’s stupid for what she did? Getting a divorce and all that?”

“It’s not my place…” I began to say.

“Don’t act like you don’t judge people,” Megan snapped as she stood up and quickly made her way to the sink in the kitchen.

Getting up, I came over to her as she was rinsing her plate in the sink. When I got to her, I noticed she was crying more and I wrapped my arms around her to comfort her, not saying a word. She immediately pushed her way out of my hold.

“Stop it, Cole!”

I took a step back. “I’m just trying to comfort you.”

She shook her head. “Well, I don’t want it right now… Okay?”

I nodded. The atmosphere between us felt awkward, and I returned to my seat. “I’m only trying to be helpful here.”

Bradley started yelling from his high chair. “I done. I done!”

Justin flipped his plate over and his chicken and rice went all over the edge of the table and onto the floor. Megan looked over at me for only a moment as I chewed a piece of chicken. She sighed heavily before rushing over to clean up the kids. “Of course, you’re not going to help,” she said, sighing heavily as she began getting Bradley down from the high chair.

“What is going on with you, Megan? You didn’t even ask.”

“It’s all on me, isn’t it? Just like always… I’m so sick of it, Cole!” She took Bradley in one arm and Justin in the other, stomping her way through the house and upstairs to go bathe the boys.

Hearing each foot stomp on her way up the stairs caused me to flinch. I looked up to the ceiling. Why did I want this woman back in my house? She’s walking around on edge and treating me like trash when she was the one who stepped out. I don’t deserve this. There’s got to be something I’m missing here. I bowed my head and prayed for help.

Finishing my plate of food, I put the plate in the sink and made my way upstairs to the bathroom. “I can help,” I said at the doorway looking in.

Megan was bent over the edge of the tub and scrubbing Bradley down with a sponge. “Really?” she asked, her eyebrows shot up.

“Yeah,” I said, stepping into the bathroom. Bending down, I grabbed the sponge from her hand and said, “Go kick your feet up on the coffee table and relax.”

“Okay,” she replied, letting go of the sponge. She sounded a bit skeptical as she stood up and began walking out of the bathroom. She stopped and looked back at me and said, “Be sure to clean Bradley’s hair really good; he likes to run anything that’s not a solid through it.”

I laughed. “Will do.”

She left downstairs and I turned to my two boys who had devilish grins on their face. “Now you two are going to behave for Daddy, right?”

Justin began rocking back and forth in the tub, swooshing the water.